Insatiable Curiosity!?...

Looking back at my life I realize I've always had what could be considered an obsession to finding out the answers. I used to think that was just a normal curiosity that everyone had so I never gave it a second thought, but the older I get I can now consider it more like an insatiable curiosity, if I want to know something I search for the answers non stop, that has led me to trust my intuition more and more, although it has also led me to have more questions that invariably arise from the answers.

Curiosity to what you ask? to anything and everything, to life, to death, to all the mysteries that arise from being a sentient thinker living in this realm experiencing life in the Broadest Possible Spectrum that exists in all of Creation.

I've always been a sceptic and never really a scholar, so I've had to rely on hours, weeks, months, years of research just to vaguely understand who we are, why we're here, what's our purpose, is there anything else, do we come back, who are the others, friends or foes, duality, dimensions, spirituality, religion, science, collective consciousness, quantum physics, sets of beliefs, the shadow and so many other things and the more answers I find that make sense to me and my intuition tells me I should pay attention to the more the questions arise.

So what do you do when you have some answers but still have so many questions, I guess if that was a question I had to answer to win a contest that at the same time would satisfy all that part of my life I've spent trying to get all the answers, I would have to say "I Trust Life!" and that alone satiates my "Insatiable Curiosity!"

Hugs xoxo

@nit@

I Learned it All from Soccer...

I was born in the early 1950s in Mexico City. Back in those days and especially in my country of birth sports were not as popular with girls as they were with boys. I was never really interested in sports, I used to take ballet and piano lessons and always loved doing crafts of any kind, but that's a whole other story.

The only sports I've always loved watching are those where art prevails, like figure skating or gymnastics, I did try both of those when I was young but I was never very good at them, not sure why, perhaps I thought of myself as more fragile than I really was. I remember feeling afraid to try anything that went outside of my abilities. I tried many times to break that fear by attempting to learn sports like water or snow skiing, swimming, biking, running, even walking, but anytime I get into the habit of them something comes along to distract me from the consistent practice of a physical activity and every time I drop it, it takes me forever to get back.

The one sport that I really couldn't care less about because I've been inundated with it all my life is Soccer. That was the preferred sport where I grew up and lived the first 25 yrs., then when I became a mom my two kids became soccer players from the age of 3 and I was at every single practice and game for the next 10+ years.

Back in my childhood I had two brothers, my older brother was always focused on business and my younger brother David had Soccer in his heart. He had muscular dystrophy and by the age of 9 he was on a wheelchair so he never had a chance to play the sport he loved to watch, dream and talk about. "Gol del America!!!!" I remember him screaming when his favorite team scored. He might not have been on the field with his physical body, but he was in his heart and soul. He had created this simple quad notebook where he would cut 3 of the 4 sides of the little squares all over two pages side by side. They were cut in strategic areas and then he lifted as if it was a player standing up. Then he would roll a tiny little paper ball, make a goalie on each side and let the games begin.

He would make up his own games and became the player, announcer, referee even the team owner. He kept track of his games and his favorite team wasn't always the winner.

At the time I remember watching him and being in awe of what a great soccer announcer he was and now looking back I can see that he wasn't only living the game he was playing in it. I know that if he had lived longer he could have been a Soccer Announcer and become very loved and admired because of his strength of heart, passion for what he loved and the kindness and patience of an angel. I don't ever remember him complaining about his lot in life.

My uncles and cousins were also fans and players, I believe to this day some still play and so do their sons. Soccer was played at school and at the park, all you really need to play soccer is a flat field a black and while ball and a bunch of people of any age, race, social status, ability, gender, who want to run around kicking the ball and try to get it to hit that net that's being carefully guarded.

The years went on and I got remarried to an Italo/Argentinian. Are there any two groups of people who love soccer more? It turns out my husband feels the same way I do about soccer, but his son and now mine, who happens to live with us, LOVES!!!! and has been playing Soccer his whole life.

So these are just a few of the many things I've learned from Soccer.

1. LIFE IS A TEAM EFFORT, WE SHOULD ALL ROOT FOR AND HELP EACH OTHER.
No matter how good you are at it, how much money you make from it, how many people admire your skills, or how many goals you've scored, you still need a team who helps you along, who's not competing against you but rather giving you their gifts and talents so that you can score. And when you score they feel the same joy that you do because this is a team effort, just like family.

2. JOY IS WITHIN EVERYONES REACH. IT COMES FROM DOING WHAT YOU LOVE.
I'm convinced that even though David never got to play soccer, he felt as if he did, it gave him a reason to dream and not focus so much on his pain, it allowed him to feel passionate about something and it brought him many hours of entertainment, focus and excitement!

3.  YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOVE THE SAME THINGS OTHERS DO AND STILL FEEL JOY THROUGH THEIR JOY.
Even though I still don't care for soccer and wouldn't sit to watch a game by myself including the World Cup Finals, I have enjoyed every second that I've watched my brother, children, uncles, cousins, classmates, friends, neighbors play or get excited watching their team win. I get emotional when one of the countries where I have lived and felt at home wins a game. I have a foster son from Croatia that I haven't seen for years but I know how much he loves Soccer, so every time I hear the Croatian team won a game I think of him with love and joy.

Life is a simple game we play at every moment that doesn't require much, especially when we can play it together as a team.

"I Learned it All from Soccer"

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

"By George I think I Got It!"...

We've all had one of those "I Got It! moments when something so simple that was there all along was the answer to all your questions.

A few months ago I stumbled into a YouTube channel called Mindalia Television that I recommend to anyone who understands Spanish well enough to listen to all the different perceptions and views there are out there and the many levels of understanding or even Enlightenment which is growing every day.

You can spend months listening to all the different information and might even become confused with it all, the best part for me is that it's all free access to anyone who wants to know, those of us who are in search of answers to Mysteries of Life and beyond; it's not because of the cost as much as that fact alone gives it more credibility to me because nobody is trying to sell you an idea, they are just expressing or sharing on their views and you make the decision of what clicks with yours.

What I do is I pay attention to the similarities they have, the things they all have in common and I make my own conclusions combining what they say with what makes sense to me according to my own life Adventure as I've always chosen to call it which now I understand is actually wherever I'm at in my own level of Consciousness.

If I go back to what I've written here over the years before I knew any of this information existed, I realize I always knew what my heart was telling me was right, that life is simple, that everything is LOVE, that we are all one creating our own individual experience in order to reconnect back to "Oneness" as it's called and that the talents and dreams that we come with are there for a reason and just have to focus on doing what we LOVE which is what we ARE and let life flow as it comes, just like the River does, instead of living in FEAR which is not what we ARE.

This last month I've been focusing on this one man's perception of LIFE as we know it and it all clicked for me.

He goes into every aspect of LIFE and much more than that with as much detail and uses metaphors that we can all relate to. Like for example he says we are not our bodies or minds or even emotions, all those are "bodies" individual from each other. So we have our physical body, our emotional body and our mind body and then there's us, pure consciousness, pure energy, pure LOVE.

He puts the example of the physical body as the car we ride in for this life Adventure we chose. We don't identify with it or any of the other bodies that drive us through this Adventure, we just take care of them and use them for the purpose they were created for, the mind is to read a book, learn a subject, you don't identify with it either, you are the observer, not the thinker.

I won't go into all of the rest, everyone has to make their own interpretation to suit their level of consciousness, the point here is that when something comes to my life that makes sense to me and that something resonates with every cell in my body I feel a total sense of relief, as if I was carrying a heavy load and all of a sudden I feel like skipping in the park like I did when I was a little girl. That's the best description I can give it.

I may not "like" every thought that comes into my "Mind Body" every emotion in my "Emotional Body" or everything in my "Physical Body" but since I don't identify with them and they are the ones I decided to "Embody" when I came down into this 3D Adventure I give them my essence which is LOVE and that makes me LOVE the Adventure for all that it is and flow with it.

"By George I Think I Got It!"

Hugs xoxo

@nit@

The Storyteller...

It's been a while since I wrote, for me writing takes mostly inspiration, in other words I have to be "In Spirit", but it also takes time, commitment, passion, heart or at least a couple of those components and lately my life is undergoing many changes, twists and turns and I'm focusing mostly on that.

I get inspired to write about something all the time, but lately when that happens my mind is either too tired to let the words flow or I'm doing something else at the moment.

I'm convinced that I was born to be a "Storyteller". I believe I've always known that but what I didn't know when I was growing up was that you're not supposed to postpone what "You're Born to Be", judge yourself for the way you do it or compare with others that do it as well. I grew up knowing that I had to do better than I did, I was told that by my parents, teachers, surrounded by others who did do it better than I did, I just got by. Looking back I realize that one of the reasons I never became passionate about anything while I was growing up like others did was the way school was taught and my own personal abilities to learn.

Now that I've been working for the school system and see how diligent they are at addressing every single child and teaching them the best way the child learns better, I realize how much of the education I was offered I missed because I just couldn't focus on all that information they offered me, I could retain some things but others I couldn't, my mind would wonder into this Magical World of Storytelling.

I could make up stories about anything as far back as I can remember. I believe that if school had been taught in a Storytelling manner I would have learned better, but it took me till I was living alone, on my own for the first time in my life, in my late 50s to realize this and now in my 60s I've only begun to scrape the surface of all those stories that I've held inside for so many years that seem like so many lifetimes ago, now only a handful of those millions of stories are still somewhat clear in my mind.

There are many ways that we engage in stories, it can be something as simple as someone next to us riding the bus home at the end or the beginning of the workweek, a total stranger we had never seen before or most likely will never see again, he or she has a story to tell like we all do, all that story needs is an audience other than yourself so it can be told, so if you were to engage in a short conversation with that stranger you may know things about them that could change your instant interpretation of them while perhaps identifying with a part of their story. And just by you listening to their story you are allowing it to be told. The person telling their story will get some sense of relief because having a story in your mind can weigh you down or excite you and by being able to tell someone about it you're either sharing on the burden or the excitement while connecting through it with another soul.

This is more evident than ever in this era of Technology, all you have to do is look at almost any site, especially those with platforms that lend themselves to the telling of one's own personal story which are in fact the most successful ones, ie. Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, Instagram, Youtube, any dating site, but it doesn't even have to be just Social Media it's also any company that has created a Website,

I know at least for myself that if I'm going to look at a company I have the habit of looking at the area where it says ABOUT US and the reason I do that is because I like humanizing the experience no matter if it is to buy a pair of shoes, some business cards or deposit at the Bank, I feel more of a connection when I realize there is someone behind all these words on a screen that are offering me a product or a service. Just like we did before the Internet changed the way we live our lives.

The other day I came up with some quotes that made a lot of sense to me:

"The plain fact is that the Planet does not need more successful people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restores, storytellers and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people with moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success the way we have defined it".
~ David W. Orr - Ecological Literacy: "Educating our Children for a Sustainable World".

"The purpose of a Storyteller is not to tell you how to think, but to give you questions to think upon".
~ Brandon Sanderson - "The Way of Kings".

We all have a story to tell and we all have the need for someone to listen to our story and at least for myself I want my story to be an ADVENTURE!

 Envision your story on a large movie screen and ask yourself "Would I go see that movie, is it interesting, will it hold my attention, is it going to make me laugh and cry and feel every emotion intensely, do I like how the music in the background makes me feel, did it teach me something, was it worth my time, how do I feel when I walk out of the theater, uplifted and energetic, sad and drained or perhaps with anger, fear or despair?

Would I read the book and buy the movie when it comes out on video so I can watch it again and again or will it be one of those movies that we see once when it comes out on TV in the weee hours of the morning when there is nothing else to watch and when you're 1/2 way through the movie you realize you already saw it once and didn't care for it?

Go make your life what you want it to be so you can be in total harmony with the story you tell. Believe me it's worth it, I know, I'm The Storyteller....

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Let Go and Go With the Flow...

I always felt different, I'm sure we all do, but to me it manifested by not feeling at home anywhere outside of me and I must admit that for most of my life I was not comfortable inside either. I went through many ups and downs in my journey and when I was up I was flying high and would cling on to the feeling for as long as I could as if already knowing it wouldn't last, this was way before I started to realize that I was creating my own reality, I had no idea it was those very thoughts that were writing the next Chapters of my Life.

I don't feel shortchanged because I didn't know then what I'm starting to understand at this stage of my life, I feel fortunate and with so much gratitude that I was able to get to the point where I finally understand what it takes to grow, evolve, be grateful for every experience, to Make Life Happen On Purpose and With Purpose and look forward to what's yet to come.

Now I can actually wake up in the morning excited for the day to come. I still walk with cautious steps because it takes time to re-program the mind that has been telling me that what I'm living, experiencing, being, becoming, having was either good or bad, but I can say with all certainty and pride that I've worked hard understanding and taking responsibility for my "Life Adventure" and live it as such perhaps not every moment but pretty darn close to it.

I look for constant reminders, learning to trust my intuition based on the way things feel emotionally to me without judgement and I can see my thoughts and emotions coming to life before my eyes.

Now what happens to me from this other side of the river is that I look around me and see the people I'm in most contact with, my Micro Universe so to speak living the way I did for most of my life and I know they can't see it in themselves otherwise if they knew that how they are perceiving life and what they are and will continue to attract will be the opposite of what they want maybe something will hurt enough that they will say I don't like these results, what am I doing wrong? Is this as good as it gets?

I understand that most of the time these changes don't start to happen until the emotions we are feeling are either emotionally depleted or extreme sadness. At least that happened to me at some point and it got old feeling sad or unemotional so I went all out to find how to change that, otherwise life becomes a burden or boring at best and it might be a short life but it's long enough when you don't find motivation and you're not having fun most of the time.

We can change the way we perceive life, I do now, but we can't make those we love or surround ourselves with change the way they perceive theirs that's their path. I went from feeling like an outsider when I was on that side of the river and now I am the outsider on this side. I didn't appreciate enough the things that I had when I was there but I will be eternally grateful for the way I perceive what I lived then; and now instead of going against I decided to "Let Go and Go With the Flow!!...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Memories...

I had a fabulous experience the other day, I didn't even know that it would turn out that way but for a few hours I traveled straight to my past and my memories came rushing in. I had this ticket that my Husband gave me at Christmas time for a day at the movies at the old and beautifully refurbished Cinerama, the only one left in Seattle, WA. I had been wanting to go but it meant taking public transportation on a weekend day when I'm home, cozy trying to wind down from the workweek that is always intense for me because of my type of work. It also entailed walking to the bus stops with the weather we have here that so often rains, so I kept on postponing the movies that appealed to me like the newest Star Wars for example.

So last week I checked what was playing as I did every week for months, only to find that they were showing the only movie that I've wanted to see in years LaLaLand. That was definitely one that I had to see and what better than the Cinerama that brought me so many memories of my past growing up in Mexico City, I remember being IN LOVE with movies since I was a little girl, my father instilled that love in me because he too felt that way. My mom couldn't care less if she went to see a movie or not but my dad did and so did I and so do my kids because I took them to every appropriate movie they could see throughout the years.

I remember Cinerama being the first chain of its type in Mexico City where I was born and grew up. I believe they opened for the first time in 1962 when I was only 10 years old and could really appreciate what it took to create all that magic that transports you to a different emotions with every frame, action, site, script, music, at that time I wanted somehow to be involved in the movies so my way of involving myself without being in them, was to live them as if I was in them, as if I was one of the characters of the story.

There were two Cineramas that I used to frequent, one was around the statue of "La Diana Casadora" and the other one was the "Hollywood Cinerama" that was across from the CDI, the place where we did everything outside of school, a sports center my family and all the other Jewish families who lived in Mexico City went to for sports, daycare, classes, theater, shows, weddings, events, concerts, exhibitions, celebrities, trips and I could go on and on when I remember how convenient it all was for us then. How much easier it was to connect with the people that you knew your whole life, you saw them at school, at camp and lets not forget the CDI.

On top of it all you had to do if you wanted to go to the movies with your family or with your friends was cross the street to the "Hollywood Cinerama" and voila, you had the best just across the street.

For years I have believed that the past circumstances were easier, lighter, better, but this past Sunday I remembered the things that made it not better than how I view my life Here and Now, when I'm already entering the Winter of my life, when I should be slowing down and discarding my dreams, those that I didn't accomplish yet, when my life should be settling in and not having to concern myself with the future or what it may bright with it.

There is no doubt in my mind that the past was fantastic with everything it brought into my life, but I couldn't see it then nor take full advantage of it because of all the huge challenges that it brought with it,  seems to me that I lived my past just jumping hurdles and not necessarily enjoying it or learning from them, more of what you would consider the life of a victim as opposed to the way I live and view my life now, a fabulous adventure filled with all the contrast necessary to promote your emotional and spiritual growth.

So last Sunday I took the Bus to Westlake Station, the ride alone was like a ride at Disneyland, it travels through neighborhood streets, long two way streets, the freeway and then you go underground where it stops at several underground beautifully kept stations and the part that took my breath away with a combination of surprise, a little fear and amazement was when it went through this concrete pipe-like tunnel where only the bus fits and going through many curves at what seemed like high speed to me. You couldn't see where the tunnels ended so for a while I was conscious that we were many feet underground inside a tube.

Once I got to Westlake Station I took a little while to walk around it. What a beautiful old fashioned station, I've traveled to many places and not all stations are as elegant, inviting, clean, well patrolled and as precise as this one.

I saw how deep we were when I finally went up the escalators that take you back to the street level. It was a cold and rainy day so I was happy that I dressed for the part. On my way to the theater I stopped at my husband's place of work. He came outside through the back alley with his black apron and headband. We both looked like two teenagers who were sneaking to see each other for a moment to steal a kiss.

The theater was just at the end of the block so we said goodbye and I went my way. Inside the theater didn't let you forget where you were, it had the same blue colored tiles all over including the bathrooms, the same red and white and blue signs and even had memorabilia on display.

The movie was all and more of what I had expected, all the emotion of those wonderful Musicals I grew up with, the ones my dad introduced me to when I was a little girl, that created the magical feelings and dreams that carried me through life, bringing me here to this moment when I can cherish and appreciate everything that was that brought me what is.

The most wonderful reminders that I have found of how much one can do, be, have, feel in this lifetime are our Memories... I will remember this day forever!

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

We Just Have to...

It's been a fascinating adventure from the moment that my husband and I made the decision to move to the US only 3 short years ago. I had lived here most of my adult life, since 1979 to be exact, but a few years back things happened and I decided to move away to try to figure out who I was and what I was capable of.

So three years ago I came back to the place I call home only this time there was someone else with me, the man I decided to continue this life adventure with and he had never been to the USA before nor does he speak the language. We really had no idea what we were going to do, how we were going to survive, where we were going to live, to work, to make ends meet and then to grow to get the vision that I hold of my life.

I have to admit that at times I've had my doubts but the majority of the time I didn't. I just went day by day walking in the direction of my dreams and sometimes making what before I would have seen as scary decisions only this time I knew inside what felt right.

It's only 3 yrs. later, it's been an adventure that I would have never wanted to miss, although I've wanted to quit and escape the many challenges that appeared in our path many times. From health to weight gain to a place to call home, to work, to exhaustion to lack of funds to adjustment to all the many changes and roles that we have to play to get back to the other side, where we can pick up where I left off years back, traveling and visiting every corner of the world, helping people in whatever we have to offer, sharing wonderful moments surrounded by family, growing our own organic produce, having a place to receive our loved ones.

The more we've walked in trust the more we've grown and the faster things fall into place giving us all the opportunities that we were hoping to have only a short while back. Today we both have jobs we love, we get to help others, we have a lovely place to call home where we can sit by the fire, cook outdoors on the grill and even plant some organic produce, we spent the holidays surrounded by the Love of our family for the first time in a long time,  I even got my bounce back, I walk in confidence and opportunities for growth keep on appearing without having to go out and look for them, that part already stayed back in the past, the challenges now are more about steps we each continue to take to access more of our own abilities and continue growing and crossing off wishes from our individual "Bucket Lists".

I get excited just thinking about all the different experiences that will no doubt continue to appear because "That's How the Universe Works"!!!...

Don't walk or run, just bounce, don't think just act, don't ask just give, don't compete just win, don't smile just laugh, don't mope just cry, don't just dream, imagine! and most important of all don't Hope just KNOW!. All you have to do is be in complete Gratitude of everything that has ever been that took you all the way to where you are right now, look around you and see how well that works for Nature and Trust.

We just have to... Make Life Happen on Purpose and With Purpose!!!



Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Be The Gift...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

The Happiest Thanksgiving of my Life...

I got busy very early this morning going from one room to the other of the house. I'm so used to having the house impeccable because if something gets messy or dirty I just clean it right away and not allow things to lay around, but I just had a hurricane that came by and stayed for a little while to make our house feel more like a home full of Life Love and Laughter than I've had in a long time.

The moment my husband walked out the door to go to work I did a couple of things and everywhere I looked around I would see something else that needed to be done, whether it was washing or drying, changing beds or cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming or dusting it's gotta get done before my husband comes back home at 2:30 pm. or I would feel bad that I just sat around writing and listening to music, or relaxing in the tub after he helped me pull off the Happiest Thanksgiving of our Lives...

I stood in the middle of the living room and saw the mess, assessed the time it will take me to put the house back and my eyes landed on the picture in the silver frame.

At that moment I started to feel the emotions with even more intensity than I was at the moment that picture was being taken. I remember I was trying to make Sinatra feel comfortable on my lap and smile at the same time :)

So instead of going back to tidying up I decided to let my heart pour all of its emotions out while they are still so latent inside me.

I was telling my lovely daughter and her handsome boyfriend that this picture reminded me of the vision I had of the future outcome of my life when I was just a little girl and that picture that I visualized in my thoughts and my dreams was now sitting on my little coffee table that I ran to buy just before they came to brighten our house with their Love, young vibrant energy, laughter, lightness, success, union as siblings and significant others and lets not forget the happiness those two beautiful puppies bring every time they are around. I cannot even wrap my heart around what it will be like when there are little feet running around making a mess in my yard and helping me plant vegetables and fruits, watching them grow. Then coming back in the house as we sit in front of the fireplace while I read them stories just like I did to my children when they were growing up.

I made a conscious effort to be present in every moment not trying to orchestrate everything but rather allowing it to flow and it did in the best way possible. I watched my children having fun and a strong unity and everyone in the room got that much closer. It brought back memories of what it felt like to be a family sitting around the table and just having fun being with those who know us and can still love us with all our flaws and value our strengths.

I remember dreaming of these moments when I was younger, but even in my wildest dreams couldn't have imagined the stories contained inside the silver frame and the image of a life of ups and downs, highs and lows, strengths and weaknesses, walking paths, crossing rivers and climbing mountains and landing back on my sofa in front of the fire. Back after a long road of our intense fight for inward growth.

We ate healthy food, laughed till our bellies hurt, saw pictures, told stories and got to know each other better at a deeper level, listened to music, played table games, did fun crafts, even got to briefly travel across the border to beautiful Vancouver for the day.

I feel very lucky that my daughter loves to take photographs as much as I do because I didn't take one single one, I made it my purpose to be present in the moment at every moment and I notice that when I want to capture the moment through my camera I distract myself from the moment somehow to capture something for later and I didn't want that to happen when my children were around, I wanted to drink in all the emotions that my heart was feeling after such a long road to land them back together with me on my couch sharing each other's hopes, dreams, passions and present realities.

When my son and his lovely fiance came to pick up my daughter and her boyfriend they both handed me two beautiful gift bags, I couldn't have imagined what would be inside but I knew it had to be something where there was a lot of heart involved because that's how my daughter is, always so thoughtful with everyone trying to get them what she knows will bring them joy so I opened them just like I remember opening presents on my birthday or holiday when I was little child, with excited anticipation and I wasn't wrong.

There was that photo that would inspire me to write this post with tears of joy in my eyes, same tears I allowed myself to share with them at a moment of need to express all of those emotions that we hold inside for so long that one day like this they just come out without control. There were other pictures just as wonderful each one with a different message, memory and emotion that gets stirred inside.

There was also a card, I opened that first actually and read the sentiments both wrote to myself and my wonderful husband and they made me melt.

There was a packet of ladybug stickers, no doubt my daughter knows what I like, they also went around looking for the Kinder eggs with toys inside because they know how much I love miniatures and how much of a child I am.  We all had fun opening them up and putting them together, we were laughing so much at the fact that it all started with the purple whale I have in my tub that my stepson and husband got me and here it was a Kinder Egg from Canada with another miniature whale in the egg I got, what were the chances of that?

All of a sudden I saw the roles being reversed, I used to be the one giving them toys now she goes around looking for those she knows I will love and she's always right.

As I stood this morning in the living room deciding whether to clean up and put things away or write I looked up to the ceiling where a beautiful hummingbird alebrije that we bought in Ciudad Juárez to represent the presence of my mom in my house hangs. My husband hung it with a thin transparent string from a sprinkler that is right in the middle of the room so it looks as if it's flying. My eyes landed on it as I was admiring the picture on my table and I felt my mom's presence sending me her blessings and reminding me what being a mother is really all about.

My heart filled with so much gratitude that I just needed to sit down and let all the emotions pour out into my words so they don't get lost in memories that become distant and eventually fade out or get forgotten in our busy lives.

I love all the stories that go behind every one of those smiles in the picture in the silver frame because they all make us who we are and because it brings us back to the times when we were a family living under one roof with the same common goals and dreams.

My daughter's boyfriend also handed me a bag with a beautiful shawl that I loved. I wanted to slip it on right away so they could see how perfect those are for me, I learned that when he bought it since he didn't even know me at the time he just went with his intuition of what I might like. Once here he saw how it's mostly shawls that I wear because they are the best for me at this time and I didn't have anything like the one he gave me. As I was rushing to put it on I took care of taking off the tag that was being held by a tiny safety pin. I always keep the tags until I have a chance to look at them, I like to know about the clothes I use to wrap my body around. I left the tag sitting on top of my desk without looking at it and slipped the shawl on. We all said how great it was and I kept it on till I went to turn in for the night.

Right now as I was writing this post the tag was slipping down from where I had left it on top of my sewing project that was on a slant. I saw it slipping off the periphery of my eyes and turned to catch it so it wouldn't fall to the ground and I'd have to bend down and my eyes landed on the only word printed on that small cream cardboard label inside a dark brown triangle. All it said was 'dreamers'.

That's me I thought, it was a very strong confirmation of the purpose of dreams that if our hearts hold on to a dream it's for a reason, they are here to be fulfilled otherwise they wouldn't exist and if we really believe and walk in their direction one day they will turn into "The Happiest Thanksgiving of Your Life"...

With so much Gratitude to everything that was which makes everything that is a Reality!...

@nit@

Thanksgiving Celebration...

It turns out that our Cable company has been having problems with a line which happens to be the one that connects into our area, so the image is all pixelated on and off and they can't find where the fault is. They came, they fixed and they couldn't so while they are fixing their problem which causes us not to have TV when we want it while we are paying for it, they gave us 3 months free of HBO and wouldn't you know HBO works just fine, Hm!

So this morning I'm looking at the  HBO guide and they were showing a Drew Barrymore movie I saw and remembered liking years ago called "Getting in the Car with Boys". I knew the premise and some of the challenges but I really didn't remember the important parts so I kept on coming back to watch. I'm really not one to get hooked on watching TV, rarely turn it on if I'm alone, I rather listen to music or write and TV is a total distractor to that which I love to do.

This movie was different though, as if it was trying to remind me of something I had forgotten. I forgot how incredible it seems to me that we either cannot see the mistakes we are making along our path since we keep making them in different ways at every stage and we always find a way of justifying or we just cannot help ourselves and we are weak or fearful so we have to keep on doing the same things that we already know what the consequences are and handle them at the time, although when that time comes we can't handle the pain and break down, than try something totally new and different and take a chance at a better outcome.

If it's the first one that we are blinded to our own mistakes then I say ouch, because maybe there are a lot of people that chose to remain ignorant and just remain alive however but there are so many others that are intelligent, well read, smart, clever and you're going to tell me they can't see it? they're too afraid? too weak? How does that happen? Why does it happen?

This is a movie about a 15 yr. old girl who got pregnant by her boyfriend. Her dad was a policeman and mom was a loving stay at home mom and she decided to have the baby and winds up marrying the boyfriend who is and ends up always being a heroin addict. You should watch it, it has a good message.

The point here is that when I lived my life in the past before I realized it was I who was allowing all the chaos I remember very well many things I did within that perception and I remember well how I felt when I made certain major decisions, how I behaved, the choices I made, the risks I took and those I was too afraid to undertake and when I remember I actually feel the way I felt then only now I can see it so much better from this angle and let me tell you it's not easy to understand why I made some decisions I made throughout my life but I assure you that will never happen.

Thanksgiving was always and still is my favorite Holiday and one of the few I don't like to see pass without me celebrating it with anyone who happens to be around. In the past few years it has been my husband and I. He cooks these lovely meals for the two of us and I'm just the kitchen helper :) but this year will be different and I will be crossing a line off my "Bucket List!"

My daughter and her boyfriend will be flying in from Los Angeles and my son and his fiance will be coming from home which is just down the freeway and will bring with them their two adorable pekinese that I love and miss so much. I will be sitting around the table spending Thanksgiving with the three most important people in my life and their most important people, laughing, singing, playing guitar, breaking bread together like Poppo used to say, seeing pictures, exchanging ideas, playing board games and most of all being Thankful that we have this new opportunity after all these years to show each other how much love we have. Have the other one feel the love rather than just read about it or hear the words.

In the past it would've been perhaps just another Thanksgiving but I don't see it like that now, now I give thanks every day for everything I've experienced, everything that I Am and moreso for all that's yet to come.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Wherever you are may you surround yourselves with Love.

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Look She's Smiling...

Have you noticed that when something out of the ordinary happens to bring you to your awareness that the present moment is all there is that you begin to question your ability to control the emotions that don't serve you like fear?

Well that happened to me yesterday morning. I was out of the house before 7 am. I always give myself 1/2 hr. to get to the next appointment. I live in the neighborhood where I work so every place I need to go is no further than 15 mins. from my house, that way I can come and go in between appointments. I had to be at this school 13 mins. away from home at 7:20 am. so I left the house at 6:52. I still rely on my GPS to take me to some of the schools that are a little bit more hidden because I forget how to get there sometimes, the GPS shows you the fastest route when there is traffic and there is more than just one way to get there.

I was surprised that the GPS decided to send me through the riskiest route when there was this very large street that takes you there just as fast, so when I got to the intersection of whether to go left to the large street or take the GPS advice I hesitated and went right, I thought about it again but even so I still stayed the GPS route instead of the route my gut was telling me to take.

So I travel up that steep narrow street after crossing major upcoming traffic, I make a left and go up the hill, I cross another large street while my car is pushing its way up faithful to my command and I get to the really scary cross. It's so scary that there is a sign that says do not cross between 7 am and 4:00 pm and there I was at 6:59 am, took a deep breath, turned my face left there were a couple of cars racing down the hill, looked right cars looked far enough for me to go if the ones on the left passed me, so I put out my brand new little adorable car, the one that takes both my husband and I to work every day there and back, the one that takes me to all the schools and keeps me company in parking lots when I have to make time, the one that goes everywhere I tell him to without complaints and out of nowhere I hear a huge honk and feel and enormous rumbling and when I realized I was hit I saw it at that moment!

Nothing happened to me or to the woman who hit me, the car is a different story I'll let you see for yourselves.

The policemen were very kind and pleasant.They took my information, filled out a report, I called my insurance company and drove myself to the dealer.

Came home, handled the Insurance process and I noticed that every single person I had to go through in the different companies like the auto rental, the adjustor, etc. were helpful kind and sympathetic.

I made appointments for today to get the car appraised and a rental while our precious little car and faithful companion goes to the Car Hospital to get surgery for something I did or simply something that appeared in my reality to allow me to see that it can all end just like that, so why would I even spend one moment worrying about anything that happened or that is yet to come, why not just imagine the best and when that fatal crash does come they can close my eyes as I hear someone in the background saying "Look She's Smiling!"...

Trick, Treat or Gratitude?...

Halloween and "Día de Los Muertos" are two totally different celebrations. They have some of the same characteristics as they both deal with death somehow, but Halloween the way I've been celebrating since I was a little girl is more or a fun tradition that both adults and children happen to like and I believe it has more to do with dressing up and becoming someone else for a day, we all have dreams of becoming someone else even just for a day.

I remember always wanting to be a boy just for one day. All I really wanted was to know how they felt, how they viewed life, what they thought of girls, how they handled life as something other than a girl, no matter how much someone else describes their views and their experience it can never be the same as if you become it and embody it even just for a day, a glance at it would give me the ability to understand men better.

I must have transmitted my love of Halloween to my children. Every year we would decorate the whole house. I loved giving away little gifts like pencils, markers or erasers rather than the usual candy. My daughter especially loves Halloween, when they were little they'd get so much candy that they would build a pretend train made of candy and had a competition of whose train was longer. Nowadays she loves dressing up, going to parties and all those fun things you get to do once a year like go to a Haunted House and get scared out of your mind. Not my favorite but others rave about it. It must be that adrenaline I guess.

So if we establish that Halloween is more like a fun celebration of those scary things that we wonder about or fantasize with whereas "Día de Los Muertos" is as it sounds "The Day of the Dead". As any man-made holiday it has a different meaning for anyone who chooses to observe or celebrate any type of holiday, my husband and I don't celebrate too many, just some that have become traditions from our families and our ancestors. We especially celebrate Shabbat. We make sure that every Friday evening we light the candles and say a prayer to Thank The Creator for allowing us to light the candles once again. I never like to miss lighting the Shabbat candles, even take them with me if we go on a trip, it's just our own reminder that we are still here, still trying to make a difference, still having that corporeal life experience that those who left before us no longer do.

In our house we celebrate the dead every day. There are candles always lit up, a couple of cute skeletons on the corner, little trinkets or pictures that remind us of where we came from, who played important roles in our lives and helped us get to where we are today, I figure without them we wouldn't exist, we wouldn't have a chance to have fun and live an adventure and love and eat and travel and play and cry. And since we are still here to do all that, still able to fulfill dreams, we have them to thank for that so we do it by celebrating the dead every day in our minds, our hearts by living to the fullest for ourselves and for them and most of all with our Gratitude!

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

If I'm Gonna Die, I Wanna Live...

This morning I woke up later than normal because I worked last night, then when I got home, although I had just slept 5 hrs. the night before "The Voice" was on and it's one of my favorite shows, I love talent shows, there's so much talent out there that never seizes to amaze me. Some voices that must come straight from Heaven that even make me cry and talent of all types. It's also incredible how many young children have the talent of adults at such a young age. So of course I stayed up to watch it.

I've been trying to be more conscious of living my life with a different perspective than the one I grew up with and adopted for 60 yrs. only to find out at this age that I had made it more challenging for myself than it was supposed to be.

My logic tells me one thing but my repetitive actions and thoughts for most of my life seem to want to pull me back, so my strategy not to revert to the way I used to perceive my life is to make short term plans of action and try to stay true to my plan for a long enough period of time until it becomes the "New Normal".

I understand that there's always something pending to do, there are times and responsibilities to abide by and from there I have to decide what to tend to next, is it those pending things that can wait for now or is it doing something to bring me Joy, more health, stamina, strength and tools to help others find their joy. That's what I focus on first and then I go complete the other tasks.

I did it the other way around my whole life and the truth is that it didn't work out the way I thought it would. There were many things that I wanted to accomplish and always left those aside. I thought I was supposed to help those I love the most to accomplish their goals and then it would be my turn, my mom modeled it that way to me.

This morning I didn't have all those hours I get when I wake up at 1:30 am but I didn't want to stop living that part that brings me so much joy in the morning such as taking a warm bathtub with Epson Salts and citrus/menthol oils, ginger candles, meditation tapes and lets not forget sitting down to write so that tonight I can come back and re-read what I wrote and feel again that joy that I feel when I'm putting my "Own Oxygen Mask First" and then doing the rest.

The only thing we know for certain in this Life is that we're all going to die, this reality we are living day to day will end one day just like that, nobody really knows when or how, I'm not afraid of dying, I don't know anything about it just what others say but I know it will happen, I just want to do my best not to die with the Music still in me so "If I'm Gonna Die, I Wanna LIVE!!!" while I can and do it with as much Joy and Passion as possible!

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Make it Happen on Purpose...

I just read an article written by a man who is 46 years old. I don't recall the exact details but what he wrote was a desperate cry out to anyone who might be wasting time postponing their lives, their dreams, their chance at love, their goals just to be financially sound and then start living.

He was very explicit as to how it turned out for him. Basically what happened is that he dedicated more time to his career and his work than he did to his son and his wife, so about 10 years ago the wife decided that she felt lonely and took on a lover, so she was having the life of a wife, a mother and a lover. It took him ten years to realize he had lost his wife and now that he realized it he said why did I waste all that time trying to build up a future so we could enjoy life as a family and now that I have the financial security I have no family to enjoy it with.

Even though I could see desperation for his loss and how sorry he was that he didn't realize it sooner, I don't really know how much sooner, maybe 15 years ago? I can also see it from the other side of the river.

In my experience and looking at it as something practical. First as a woman myself and having had that same experience, I was the wife of the Doctor, the caretaker, teacher, volunteer, housewife,  cook, housekeeper, gardener, pet caretaker, driver, lover and friend. I set the woman in me aside, I had no time for that, I didn't resent that my spouse was out building our economic future while I was building our family and even though I do consider having done a great job on my side, I still found myself alone at 50 and wondering why!?

To me finding myself at the total opposite end of where I thought I would wind up with the effort I decided to put into raising a family sent me on a whirlwind of emotions, that prompted me to make decisions that I never ever thought I could or would. It was as if giving myself permission to do everything wrong this time, because doing it right as I thought I was, certainly had not brought me the results I expected.

Well of course after a while of making all the wrong decisions I realized that wasn't the path either. That if I wanted to enjoy being alive rather than just existing that I had to do things in a totally different way and I set out to find which way that made sense to me and brought me the most peace and harmony. At this stage you realize that you just have to find that peace and harmony and everything else falls into place.

Right now when I read the rants of this poor 46 year old man with nothing but financial stability I think to myself, I tell you what, you give me the financial stability you have and I will show you how to enjoy your life. You are only 46 years old you still have such a long and wonderful road ahead of you. Maybe it'll be with other people to give your love to and who will love everything about you without the need to go behind your back to love another.

I don't know, I wish I was 46 and had the financial stability that you have, just go out and find happiness again in all that you have and all that you are. It's a wonderful life adventure you just have to go... Make it Happen on Purpose...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

It's showtime folks...

Have you ever noticed how life is like a series of theater acts all put together? Every day we go to rehearse or to play a part, we wear all sorts of customs, use all kinds of voices and personalities, it all depends on who is our counterpart, it can be our families, strangers on the street, co-workers, the old, the young, the animals even nature itself. 

Over the past ten years I have had more experiences, challenges, lessons, accomplishments, hardships but most of all ‘Aloneness’ than I can remember. I don't know how many times I made videos or wrote articles talking or writing to the computer, as if talking to someone, that I have all over my computer and my blog, because I felt the need to say the things that I haven't gotten a chance to say, most of all to my children who are the two people I love the most in this our world. 

I guess you can call them the lessons you learn along the way when you decide to take this path or that one. They all take you somewhere, maybe not where you think you would wind up but when you get there you're supposed to asses the end result so that you can either keep on going in that direction and not look back, or re-think your choices and decisions, pick yourself back up and start on a different path.

I remember when I moved away from Mexico City where I was born and raised. I was young and married, we upped and left everything we knew and moved to this tiny little town by the name of Tecate, Baja California where they produce the beer, so that my husband could do his year of social service and we could follow our dream of moving to the United States and start a different lifestyle and my personal lifetime dream of starting a family, we'll find happiness we thought! 

Our year there was fascinating to say the least, but that's only looking back, at the time it was filled with desire and excitement but we also lacked more of what we needed than what we had. It was very lonely and we had to do with very little of anything. 

Twice a week we would go to a little remote village where the Mayor of this town allowed us to use a small hut to give Medical Services to the people who lived there and couldn't reach a doctor. I would "Play the Role" of a Nurse/Assistant/Receptionist for my husband who was a Medical Student doing his year of Social Service. We would charge the patients $1 one dollar and give them the free medication that we collected from the Red and the Green Cross.

Their gratitude was immense and they always gifted us with some fruits or vegetables from their crops, or some food they had cooked and that was a feast for us.

I remember the only thing that kept me feeling alive was the mail. I used to obsess with the mailman. In those days there was no internet and we certainly didn't have any money for long distance calls so we relied only on the mail. I thought: "I was the one who left everyone so if I want people to think of me I have to write" and I did every day to someone. Not only did I write, I used to keep a notebook where I wrote who I had sent a letter to and when, to see how long it would take others to reply back. Some people wrote back for a little while, some now and then but most never wrote back. 

Forty years have passed and I'm still writing, that must mean something, only now I do it for myself, to remember my own adventure especially when I didn't have anyone to witness it with me. 

In such a long path you can imagine how many challenges you encounter, sometimes you learn from them but sometimes you miss the mark and another challenge arises to teach you what you didn't learn the first or many more times...

Well it’s yet another day, I must wrap this up and go take it on and make the best of it!!! I’m excited to think what it will bring.

It’s Show Time Folks…

Hugs xoxo

@nit@

El Árbol...

Yo no entiendo nada, mientras más trato de entender más me confundo. A veces siento como que no pertenezco en este plano. Veo la vida tan fácil y no me dejo de topar con evidencia de lo contrario y sin embargo no puedo verla de ninguna otra manera, no se porqué y lo he intentado mucho porque si puedo verlo como la mayoría lo ven, difícil , trabajosa y dolorosa a lo mejor el juego que jugamos o la forma en que vivimos sería más divertida. Aunque la verdad prefiero mi percepción y trato de no ponerle mucha atención a la evidencia.

Se supone que depende del esfuerzo que uno le pone a todo lo que hace cual será el resultado,  pero en mi experiencia no es así, hay mucha gente que le pone mucho esfuerzo y los resultado no son los deseados y viceversa.

Nosotros somos los que hacemos que la vida sea tan difícil o que el esfuerzo no traiga los resultados deseados.

El otro día estaba sentada afuera de una de las escuelas en las que trabajo esperando que llegara la hora de entrar a interpretar. Me gusta llegar a las escuelas con 15 mins. de anticipación y sentarme afuera rodeada de la naturaleza, en donde quiera que vaya ahí está y eso me ENCANTA!!! me recarga.

Estaba al lado de un árbol viejo y muy grande, un fuerte tronco y de lo más frondoso Me acerqué a tomarle fotos para recordarlo y darle las gracias por acompañarme en esos momentos de Paz y al estar tomando la foto me pregunté, que tan viejo será? que tantas cosas habrán pasado desde que lo plantaron? guerras, la fuerza de la naturaleza, contaminaciones, enfermedades, nacimientos, muertes, sequías, en el Invierno se ven prácticamente muertos, pierden todas sus hojas, solo queda un tronco al parecer sin vida y luego llega la primavera y ahí está de nuevo en todo su esplendor y sin mucho esfuerzo, solo la confianza de que la Primavera siempre va a regresar.

Yo me siento como el árbol y espero con ansias cada una de las estaciones del año!

Abrazos xoxo
@nit@

Life After 44 Years In Prison

Even though I've been out in the world while this man was in prison for the past 44 yrs. and I've witnessed the changes, experienced, adopted and adapted well to them, like him I'm still extremely aware of the changes, I still sit and observe as if I was only a witness. I use them in my life, take full advantage of the things that now exist, don't resist them, but don't necessarily like them either.

I don't believe life is better because of the changes, 7.3 billion people on Earth and too many of them all alone. More illnesses, more crime, a broader gap between rich and poor, less empathy, less direct communication, more distance between humans in general.

People studying, shopping, dating and traveling through a computer instead of going out and re-connecting and when they do re-connect, even unite for a cause, it's only to fight someone else who doesn't see things through their perspective.

We are living longer so it's just more time we have to crave someone to love and be loved in return, someone who cares, someone who needs you to be there, while so many others get love and reject it.

I hope I can meet this man one day, I'd love to be his good friend and have him feel loved again.

Hugs xoxo

@nit@

I turned into you Mom...

It's always been said that the older we get the more we know and that's mostly because we have lived longer, have had more exposure to life and the ability to perceive experiences that we have had more than once differently. But that's only if you manage to perceive them differently the second, third, etc. time around.

My mom was an Angel but she didn't give herself that chance to perceive her experiences differently so she suffered a lot and that's one thing I didn't want for myself so I've lived a very different life than hers, made different decisions; but there are some things that I used to criticize my mom when I was younger and in these last few years I've been noticing that I am now adopting them as well.

Like wearing polyester clothes for their stretchability and comfort, not to mention comfortable shoes, wiping the shower when I'm done bathing, or saving the plastic bags from the grocery store to reuse them to line the garbage cans, doubled and all individually wrapped and storing them in the dishwasher that I never use because I much rather wash the dishes by hand.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and see my mom and not me staring back. I also see in my interaction with my children some of the same traits that I had with her and it makes me wish I had her around right now that I'm able to see those actions through her eyes and experience them through her perception. I wonder if my children will experience the same thing one day with their children and look back and see it the way I can now.

This reminds me that if I see something in someone else that I don't particularly like, I better look for it in myself. All I know is that no matter how many times I criticized some of the things that you did, I turned into you Mom...

My love to everyone

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Perception is The KEY!!!...

The Universe gives us all the options, but I believe its our "Perception" of it all that makes our reality seem either as an adventure or a nightmare.

One of the most amazing things I experience in my place of work is that I come across so many people in any given day and for an unknown reason some perceive me as one to tell their story to and I love to listen to people's stories. Find it fascinating how each one of us can perceive life so different.

Like the other day for example, this woman walks into my store and while looking at a bracelet she says "ever since my son died I don't like to buy any jewelry". So of course I immediately think she needs someone to listen, so I listen.

She spent maybe 10 mins. telling me her story and I believe that if a stranger trusts me enough to open up and all I have is 2 mins. to make a difference in their "Perception" of it so perhaps they can allow for more joy to come back in their lives you better believe I will take those 2 mins. and give it my best shot.

By the time she left the store the gleam in her eyes had changed. She hugged, thanked and blessed me and for that moment I felt blessed and grateful. Now at least she can see a different side of what happened to her, look at her life now and focus on the great things she has which came out of her difficult experience.

Happiness is and always will be a decision, and Perception is The KEY!!!...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

And the winner is....

I believe "LIFE is a GAME", we come here to play the game and the winner is the one who manages to have the MOST FUN!! no matter what challenges we have at any moment. I also believe that if we are having fun no matter what our circumstances are, we attract MAGIC and with that we can change our experience, so you can discard the experiences that are not helping you in the FUN department and replace them with the ones that do, the best that you can with what you have.

Children come with that knowledge and that's why they act the way they do. But somehow along the way adults teach them how to halt the fun for the right time, as if there is a right time for us to enjoy and a time to stop enjoying, we shame each other for enjoying too much sometimes, have you noticed?

Don't run, don't scream, don't laugh so loud, don't play right now, don't trust, don't give, don't receive. Then we take all that we can't do along with us throughout our lives and as we experience fear, pain, sorrow, stress, lack, jealousy, resentment, etc. etc. along the path, we forget what it was like to just have fun.

We obviously don't want to believe that its all about that because if we did we would act accordingly. We would all be helping each other instead of competing against one another.

I was watching the video of this little girl. She must have been so enlightened in her past life that look at where she started in this one. See it for yourselves. But pay attention to the FUN part. She can probably make more money than most of the population of the world but she is having so much fun that my guess is that the money doesn't even cross her mind. She looks relaxed, confident, charming, very bright and she beams. And why is she having fun???? Because she loves what she does and it shows in everything she does, the way she looks and what she says.

Come on people lets wake up and start caring about each other. Do something every day to show a stranger that you care without expecting anything in return. If it works for you the way it does for me, you will become so enamored with the results when you see that you made a difference in a stranger's life even if its just by gifting them with a smile. And that's an addiction I don't mind having.

Hugs and kisses to everyone out there...

Go show someone you care ;)

@nit@