"You're Gonna Miss Them When They're Gone"...

I believe that Unconditional Love has to be understood in all its concepts in order to be able to invite it into our lives, otherwise it can be confused with different emotions. I think all human beings have the innate ability to feel love and  be loved but not unconditionally, we love things or people that bring into our lives some reward, whether it is their company, their exciting personality, their monetary support, the way they treat us or how they can understand and contain us, there is trust too, that's a whole other intense emotion, but hardly if ever to the point of it being unconditional.

Like the word says it is without conditions placed upon the love that we feel for someone. Most of the times the strongest feeling of emotional and mostly unconditional love would be the love of a parent to their children and viceversa, the strongest being that of a mother to her children, a lot of reasons for that being the case, but sometimes even that love is not without conditions, such as a child having strong mental problems that would turn them into criminals, some mothers continue to claim love for their children who deeply hurt others but some mothers have expressed feelings of hatred too.

I find that the best way possible to understand what unconditional love means and try to attract it into your life is going to the one or two human beings that have impacted your life the most, your parents. Nobody is perfect, everyone is going to do something that we are not going to like, but if you really want to learn unconditional love you can't judge your parents unless you are willing to place yourself in their shoes and that's impossible.

Perhaps something your parents did hurt you deeply, but are you sure it is their fault that happened? do you really believe that when they made the decision to take that action that brought you a painful emotion that their intention was to hurt you or perhaps it was their attempt at surviving or evolving themselves as better human beings so that you would have a better frame of reference in your own life of how it's done?

If you ever want to know what Unconditional Love means you must forgive your parents and give them all the Love that you can while you still have them around. Otherwise you will not know how to teach that to your children so you won't receive it back from them either and also because "You're Gonna Miss Them When They're Gone" no matter what. I promise you that...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

The Happiest Thanksgiving of my Life...

I got busy very early this morning going from one room to the other of the house. I'm so used to having the house impeccable because if something gets messy or dirty I just clean it right away and not allow things to lay around, but I just had a hurricane that came by and stayed for a little while to make our house feel more like a home full of Life Love and Laughter than I've had in a long time.

The moment my husband walked out the door to go to work I did a couple of things and everywhere I looked around I would see something else that needed to be done, whether it was washing or drying, changing beds or cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming or dusting it's gotta get done before my husband comes back home at 2:30 pm. or I would feel bad that I just sat around writing and listening to music, or relaxing in the tub after he helped me pull off the Happiest Thanksgiving of our Lives...

I stood in the middle of the living room and saw the mess, assessed the time it will take me to put the house back and my eyes landed on the picture in the silver frame.

At that moment I started to feel the emotions with even more intensity than I was at the moment that picture was being taken. I remember I was trying to make Sinatra feel comfortable on my lap and smile at the same time :)

So instead of going back to tidying up I decided to let my heart pour all of its emotions out while they are still so latent inside me.

I was telling my lovely daughter and her handsome boyfriend that this picture reminded me of the vision I had of the future outcome of my life when I was just a little girl and that picture that I visualized in my thoughts and my dreams was now sitting on my little coffee table that I ran to buy just before they came to brighten our house with their Love, young vibrant energy, laughter, lightness, success, union as siblings and significant others and lets not forget the happiness those two beautiful puppies bring every time they are around. I cannot even wrap my heart around what it will be like when there are little feet running around making a mess in my yard and helping me plant vegetables and fruits, watching them grow. Then coming back in the house as we sit in front of the fireplace while I read them stories just like I did to my children when they were growing up.

I made a conscious effort to be present in every moment not trying to orchestrate everything but rather allowing it to flow and it did in the best way possible. I watched my children having fun and a strong unity and everyone in the room got that much closer. It brought back memories of what it felt like to be a family sitting around the table and just having fun being with those who know us and can still love us with all our flaws and value our strengths.

I remember dreaming of these moments when I was younger, but even in my wildest dreams couldn't have imagined the stories contained inside the silver frame and the image of a life of ups and downs, highs and lows, strengths and weaknesses, walking paths, crossing rivers and climbing mountains and landing back on my sofa in front of the fire. Back after a long road of our intense fight for inward growth.

We ate healthy food, laughed till our bellies hurt, saw pictures, told stories and got to know each other better at a deeper level, listened to music, played table games, did fun crafts, even got to briefly travel across the border to beautiful Vancouver for the day.

I feel very lucky that my daughter loves to take photographs as much as I do because I didn't take one single one, I made it my purpose to be present in the moment at every moment and I notice that when I want to capture the moment through my camera I distract myself from the moment somehow to capture something for later and I didn't want that to happen when my children were around, I wanted to drink in all the emotions that my heart was feeling after such a long road to land them back together with me on my couch sharing each other's hopes, dreams, passions and present realities.

When my son and his lovely fiance came to pick up my daughter and her boyfriend they both handed me two beautiful gift bags, I couldn't have imagined what would be inside but I knew it had to be something where there was a lot of heart involved because that's how my daughter is, always so thoughtful with everyone trying to get them what she knows will bring them joy so I opened them just like I remember opening presents on my birthday or holiday when I was little child, with excited anticipation and I wasn't wrong.

There was that photo that would inspire me to write this post with tears of joy in my eyes, same tears I allowed myself to share with them at a moment of need to express all of those emotions that we hold inside for so long that one day like this they just come out without control. There were other pictures just as wonderful each one with a different message, memory and emotion that gets stirred inside.

There was also a card, I opened that first actually and read the sentiments both wrote to myself and my wonderful husband and they made me melt.

There was a packet of ladybug stickers, no doubt my daughter knows what I like, they also went around looking for the Kinder eggs with toys inside because they know how much I love miniatures and how much of a child I am.  We all had fun opening them up and putting them together, we were laughing so much at the fact that it all started with the purple whale I have in my tub that my stepson and husband got me and here it was a Kinder Egg from Canada with another miniature whale in the egg I got, what were the chances of that?

All of a sudden I saw the roles being reversed, I used to be the one giving them toys now she goes around looking for those she knows I will love and she's always right.

As I stood this morning in the living room deciding whether to clean up and put things away or write I looked up to the ceiling where a beautiful hummingbird alebrije that we bought in Ciudad Juárez to represent the presence of my mom in my house hangs. My husband hung it with a thin transparent string from a sprinkler that is right in the middle of the room so it looks as if it's flying. My eyes landed on it as I was admiring the picture on my table and I felt my mom's presence sending me her blessings and reminding me what being a mother is really all about.

My heart filled with so much gratitude that I just needed to sit down and let all the emotions pour out into my words so they don't get lost in memories that become distant and eventually fade out or get forgotten in our busy lives.

I love all the stories that go behind every one of those smiles in the picture in the silver frame because they all make us who we are and because it brings us back to the times when we were a family living under one roof with the same common goals and dreams.

My daughter's boyfriend also handed me a bag with a beautiful shawl that I loved. I wanted to slip it on right away so they could see how perfect those are for me, I learned that when he bought it since he didn't even know me at the time he just went with his intuition of what I might like. Once here he saw how it's mostly shawls that I wear because they are the best for me at this time and I didn't have anything like the one he gave me. As I was rushing to put it on I took care of taking off the tag that was being held by a tiny safety pin. I always keep the tags until I have a chance to look at them, I like to know about the clothes I use to wrap my body around. I left the tag sitting on top of my desk without looking at it and slipped the shawl on. We all said how great it was and I kept it on till I went to turn in for the night.

Right now as I was writing this post the tag was slipping down from where I had left it on top of my sewing project that was on a slant. I saw it slipping off the periphery of my eyes and turned to catch it so it wouldn't fall to the ground and I'd have to bend down and my eyes landed on the only word printed on that small cream cardboard label inside a dark brown triangle. All it said was 'dreamers'.

That's me I thought, it was a very strong confirmation of the purpose of dreams that if our hearts hold on to a dream it's for a reason, they are here to be fulfilled otherwise they wouldn't exist and if we really believe and walk in their direction one day they will turn into "The Happiest Thanksgiving of Your Life"...

With so much Gratitude to everything that was which makes everything that is a Reality!...

@nit@

"The Changing of the Guard"...

Those were the words that Poppo used so many times throughout his life. Poppo was a second father to me and he took his job very seriously. He passed away recently and we spoke at least once a week up until the end of his life. He was such a strong force in my life that might have even helped change its direction. For one he was probably my No. 1 fan, one of three actually, his sister Beverly was my No. 2,  my Mom was too she always rooted for me and believed in me till the end but she always 'Hoped' I would do well with my life whereas Poppo and Beverly knew I would. I don't know of any others but with the three of them I had my heart full of love and gratitude.

I knew Poppo since I was 17 and started dating his son. He lived in Chicago most of his life so once I married his son we moved to be near him. The years went on, we created a family and made him a Grandpa. He was always telling all of us jokes and funny stories mostly of war time when he served in the Marines, he spoke of that with so much pride, even though he was at war his stories felt to me as if those could have been some of the best years of his life. He also told us stories about sports, he Loved sports. I always thought he should have been a coach, he would have been amazing at that because he had the love of it, the knowledge and a great rapport with kids and because he never got it out of his blood.  "And this is a true story" he would say to the kids with a slightly crooked shy smile on his thin lips.

I remember he gave me a subscription to People Magazine as a birthday gift and every year he would renew it right on that day, he knew that every month that magazine came to my house I would think of him with gratitude and love. He never missed a birthday or a holiday always with a call or a card or both. Even for all the years that I was no longer his daughter in law he would do that and every time we spoke just before we hung up he would say two things to me, "Don't Step on the Cracks" and "You will always be my favorite daughter in law". He was as handsome as they come till the end but most of all he was the kindest person I knew. He never had a bad word to say about anyone, I remember every time we spoke of someone who might have hurt him in his life somehow, he would always justify the reason why they had done that.

No judgement wow, I never knew anyone like that, while I was younger I thought that was a weakness on his part, that he was either not seeing that people were not doing the right thing by him, or maybe he didn't feel worthy of more I thought, later on as he persevered with his position in this life and his views were firm I understood that he was right not to judge, that nobody does anything to us, that they are just reacting to their own life circumstances. We chose whether we stick around or not, that's our choice.

The Changing of the Guard was something he would talk about as in passing the responsibilities to the next generation when his time was up. He even wrote an article about that. He used to write articles with his opinions and send them to the Chicago newspapers to see if the editor would print them and they always did, he was very proud of that and so was I. I admired that he was trying not to be part of the problem by just standing by and doing nothing about an issue he felt strongly about, he took the time to write and the courage to send it and see if anyone would deem it important enough to print it in a newspaper editorial and they always did. At the end he put together this large book that contained his story in a way. He also added letters he had asked people to write about him. Like a testimonial that he passed by and left behind a great legacy of love.

He told the story of how he would carry his son as a baby, sit him next to him when he shaved and gave him a Gillette without a blade, the old fashion kind, put some foam on his little face and they would shave at the same time. I thought that was such a lovely memory I kept it engrained in my heart.

He would make jokes out of the years he spent living with his parents who didn't have much money and even about his father who had a sad ending as if accepting his lot in this imperfect life and finding love and laughter behind all those imperfections.

He was a proud man, took care of his wife even while he was battling his own illness at the end. He was prepared to go, we spoke about that at length, he didn't have any unfinished business because he had made peace with everything, not a lavish life, not an easy one either but one lived with dignity, courage and no judgement. He lived life as it came and allowed it to flow. "And That's a True Story".

I can only hope that one day I will be the person that he was. He was loved and admired by many. He stood up for what he believed the best way he knew how. If he has to come back to make corrections he will have a great head-start.  I know his next life will be amazing!

At the end my name didn't even appear in his Obituary, as if I had never existed in his life, but I know he was wearing my name in his Heart.

He left a great legacy of love through his son and his grandchildren who will always think of Poppo as the Greatest Grandpa. And now it's time for "The Changing of The Guard"...

Miss you Dad xoxo
@nit@

A Vase with Flowers and a Colander with Skittles...

I have always had very mixed emotions about the internet and what it has done to and for humanity. On one hand it has done WONDERS what nothing else was even close to doing before. No amount of schools and teachers in the world could compare to what we can learn now just with a click of a mouse.

And lets not forget globalization, I mean how many airplanes and phones, news media in all it's fields and I don't believe we could have imagined all that the world really is behind closed doors. Now we are welcomed into people's houses to see how they all live and the worst part is that we get stuck on watching them live while we are just being the observers  of their lives, we have sex through the Internet, we fall in love, learn careers, meet people, become a part of groups, we watch how nature co-exists and the difference between co-existing and living the way humans chose to live and although now we can clearly see what works to have a fulfilled life and what doesn't even though we have with just a touch of a mouse the ability to become anything we want, that there are no limits to our abilities and that dreams were created to fulfill them, otherwise they wouldn't exist, even though we have all that I believe humanity has lost its spark.

Yes a lot of emotional people out there dedicated to causes and to stopping of destruction and harm to anything and anyone, still there is no end in sight to all the destruction others want and can do with the touch of a mouse.

I stayed away from social media for a long time, I didn't like what being on it was doing to me, it was taking me back in time when Ego was important to me so I left and felt so much better just living in the real world and trying to make a difference there with whatever I have to offer even with just a smile to whomever crosses my path, I only come here to my own "House in Cyberspace" where I write down my thoughts, feelings and emotions so that the day I'm no longer around my children can come back and see what their mother was all about, meantime I welcome all my guests with a warm hug and some words that come from the heart without trying to sell them anything!!!

Recently though I came back into Social Media at the request of my lovely daughter, she just thought it would be a better idea if I created an Instagram account just so that we could exchange our photos that way, that sounded great better than attaching them a little at a time on e-mails we may not get to for a while. So I opened my @youneedanita Instagram account and started to post my pictures.

There were pictures of our trip to México to see my stepson and of my daily life in general, her and I  love taking pictures that hold emotions behind the camera. So I took at picture of this lovely vase I found at Ross and fell in love with. The shape is a little odd and its see through turquoise colored glass. It's large and it holds the flower we buy every week for Shabbat. I put all these corks inside the vase as a daily reminder that my cork always has to be floating above water, never sinking down to the bottom.

Then my husband found this tiny little colander at World Market, also turquoise in color, the colors of my childhood, the ones I feel happiest around, so they decorate all of my house, just small touches of color surrounded by the comfort of dark woods. Then there's the flowers we choose at the supermarket wherever we happen to go on Fridays. We filled the colander with little bags of candy. I just like the colors I don't even eat sugar anymore and proud of myself for that.

I take time choosing flowers every week and do it with love and mixed emotions because it makes me sad that we cut them to beautify our space, so while I'm choosing to give them a home and care for them as best as I can until it's their time to part, I thank them for giving their life to make my space beautiful and fill it with joy from it's beauty, it's scent, it's color.

I love miniatures so we also got a tortilla presser that brought back so many memories not only of my own childhood but my children's as well. Having been raised in México allowed me to be a part of a different culture that enrich my life  so much and I wanted to give that to my children who didn't have that opportunity.


We used to make our own tortillas, I would give them dough and they would press their own on a little presser like this one and fill then with cheese and whatever they wanted, close them like a quesadilla and put them on the grill to melt the cheese inside. It was a lovely tradition that we had at the house. since they were very young My children will be here for Thanksgiving I'm sure they will see it and remember those times fondly.

So I put it all together and took a picture and post it on Instagram for my daughter to see and low and behold I started to get followers with my pictures, who are these people who see a picture and decides to like it and add me to their circle and why did they do that? Is it just the colors or could they see the love that went into all the stories that go behind "A Vase with Flowers and a Colander with Skittles". Who knows, it doesn't really matter, I'm just glad they liked it.

Hugs xoxo

@nit@

How Well do You Know Yourself?...

I was at a long weekend getaway with some of my friends, I believe there were 11 of us. A weekend to remember no doubt, one of those that come along perhaps once in a lifetime if you're lucky and it doesn't happen to everyone, although those who understand the value of love and bond will make it happen. Why do some people do and others don't I really don't know the answer to that, but what I do know is that when something is important enough to us we make things happen and not everything is important to everyone.

We were an interesting bunch, we came from different backgrounds although somewhere along the way in our childhood our paths happened to cross and we became fond enough of those memories that we wanted to feel that same emotion that we do when people who share lifetime experiences with you come back into your life again. There's already that familiarity, the fond memories to relive, but we are actually making a new friendship, because the memories are lovely but we are living in this now reality that probably has nothing to do with who we were when our paths crossed for the first time.

It's funny because I don't remember us being a particularly close generation. As always there were little groups of friends within the generation who did frequent each other but as a whole we didn't promote many activities to do as a group other than what the school programmed as group activities.

Throughout the years these small groups kept contact with each other since they stayed and didn't move away, but I did, I left when I was only 23 and stopped seeing or knowing from any of them for years and one day I looked back and wondered what had happened to all of them. I really wanted to see how these children that were my little classmates once with the personality that I remembered had wound up as men or women.

This particular group  of 11 was chosen by the friend who organized this long weekend. His family has the most lovely farm in a town in México and Christmas was approaching. The farm has a large main house with several bedrooms and of course living room, dining room, gardens, an enclosed pool. It had other houses around with more bedrooms for guests and another one for the staff who took care of it all, the land, the houses and the animals.  It has a vast piece of land and there was even a stream that ran through the land, one of those places that comes out of your dreams.

The staff also took care of all the guests in this case our group, but I'm sure there have been many people throughout the years that visited there.

Our group couldn't have been more diverse, screen writer, producer,  psychologist, a police woman, a couple of teachers, an art dealer, several of them very wealthy and comfortable with their lives. I remember how I felt in that place, the same way I remember feeling when I was a child in my classroom sitting towards the back, I wonder what kept me sitting there? or what made it so that I would feel that same emotion again 50 years later?

I wanted to discover who they were as adults, it was a small group, we could have written a good screenplay of this magical long weekend because it was that, the fireworks in the center of town, the cemetery that we visited with the little old man who took care of it all these years. It was a cemetery for the British soldiers who once invaded that land. He told us the story that all the tombs had to face in a particular direction I believe it was facing the Queen or England. I couldn't stop taking pictures. My friend even found a tomb that belongs to a relative of his.

We visited a firework factory, went into town to watch the dances, the music and the always amazing Mexican food! My favorite.

We sat that one night around the fireplace and I said lets get to know each other, who are we now, what memorable thing has happened in your life since the last time we saw each other and they looked at me as if I had come from another planet, one challenged me and said you start so I did.

I talk about my life to anyone not because my life is a tragedy or important enough to anyone to know what I do with my days, is important to anyone other than me but because I feel that I have arrived at a place where I can see clearly that it is us who create our own reality and that love is all there is. It took me years of painful search to find that out and now I want to share it. The only way one can teach is through their own experience so I talk about my life with pride not to attract pity or any other emotion for that matter just to illustrate. I don't feel bad about my past, I loved that I lived it and am here to talk about it.

After telling them what my life path had been and where I was at the moment they all stared at me in silence and one of them broke the ice and said "Well not everyone is as comfortable sharing about themselves" another one chuckled at a comment I made, one who had NEVER even as much as glanced at me in all the years we've known each other said "Your efforts is what got us all together to begin with" as if aw poor thing don't feel so bad you did something right. One came to tell me you are behaving like a victim.

Of course nobody said anything about themselves after that, we all just kept on being these strangers that knew each other once. Some of them more because they kept in touch all these years.

I didn't feel the need to tell them I love my life, I don't care how you view it or how sorry you feel for me I love knowing that life experiences have a purpose, that we are not our ego, that we create our own reality, that we rejoice for the success of others, that we connect with others out of love not of fear or judgement. That we should help each other fulfill dreams.

Towards the end of the reunion the psychologist pulled me to the side with a lot of empathy to offer her help, I wanted to give her a hug and tell her don't worry I don't need any help I'm great but instead I listened to what she had to say and funny enough she asked me "How well do you know yourself?" I said I've taken the past ten years of aloneness to get to know myself better so I think I know myself fairly well, OK she said "can you describe the ridges of your fingerprints? any finger. Hm I thought, maybe I should just keep on looking for what's inside of me and see what else I can learn.

How well do you know what this life is all about, how much emphasis are you placing on finding that out while you're here, is there a purpose for you to be here? "How Well Do You Know Yourself!"...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

"It's Not About the Money!"...

It was raining hard this morning on our way to my husband's job. Early, cold, dark and rainy. We have a rental car while our 'Victoria' is at the Car Hospital being healed and having a little bit of "Plastic Surgery". I know she's going to look beautiful so that makes me happy and my husband is thrilled that for now we get to drive this brand new SUV. He is a big man so a car this size fits him perfectly, I on the other hand like small cars, easier for me to drive, to adjust, cheaper in gas and easier to find parking as I go from one place to another all day long.

On our way to work at 3:30 am I turned on the radio and this song was playing. I turned up the sound and started singing and moving along to the tune, you really can't help but do that, at least not if you're like me who carries music in my heart and listen for the sounds of life everywhere I Am.

I think the only people who don't believe that Happiness can't be bought no matter how much money you have are those who either have so much money they find ways of buying some of that instant gratification you can get with the money you have or they wind up identifying their self worth as money.  Or those who have never had enough money and they believe once they get it then they'll be happy. The question is, "Is that what Happiness is?"

So what if you lose that money and can't keep on buying that happiness, is happiness no longer something you can have if you don't get that money back? Can money always buy you happiness? ask the people in the Limelight, like Prince Charles and Princess Diana RIP, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, just a few of the many examples who not only have the money they have everything else too, the talent, the altruism, the following, the fame,  the respect, you name it they have it so why aren't they being happy?

Or what if you're so poor you win the lottery and you get the stuff you wanted and go to visit the places you dreamt of and once you do all you thought that would make you happy something happens that even your money can't buy. Do you then stop being happy? What if you're in the middle of acquiring all these things and going places and you realize it doesn't feel the way you thought it would when you were dreaming about it your whole life, what then, what do you aspire to next?

Look around you there is beauty everywhere. You may be challenged with anything, an illness maybe, a big loss, of a person, someone you loved, something material or a job. I say stay Happy while you are here, while you still have a body and a mind, keep on giving love to others, we are all going to die eventually, it's About the Here and Now, it's about The Music in your Heart. When you are happy money flows into your reality because you are not looking for it you are just making the most out of your life, it's just a consequence if you will to your state of being.

Listen for the music, but most of all feel it inside and you will see what Happy means... harmony, love, care, peace, joy and most of all no fear! The French call it  "Joie de Vivre!"...

And always remember that "It's Not About the Money!"...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Thanksgiving Celebration...

It turns out that our Cable company has been having problems with a line which happens to be the one that connects into our area, so the image is all pixelated on and off and they can't find where the fault is. They came, they fixed and they couldn't so while they are fixing their problem which causes us not to have TV when we want it while we are paying for it, they gave us 3 months free of HBO and wouldn't you know HBO works just fine, Hm!

So this morning I'm looking at the  HBO guide and they were showing a Drew Barrymore movie I saw and remembered liking years ago called "Getting in the Car with Boys". I knew the premise and some of the challenges but I really didn't remember the important parts so I kept on coming back to watch. I'm really not one to get hooked on watching TV, rarely turn it on if I'm alone, I rather listen to music or write and TV is a total distractor to that which I love to do.

This movie was different though, as if it was trying to remind me of something I had forgotten. I forgot how incredible it seems to me that we either cannot see the mistakes we are making along our path since we keep making them in different ways at every stage and we always find a way of justifying or we just cannot help ourselves and we are weak or fearful so we have to keep on doing the same things that we already know what the consequences are and handle them at the time, although when that time comes we can't handle the pain and break down, than try something totally new and different and take a chance at a better outcome.

If it's the first one that we are blinded to our own mistakes then I say ouch, because maybe there are a lot of people that chose to remain ignorant and just remain alive however but there are so many others that are intelligent, well read, smart, clever and you're going to tell me they can't see it? they're too afraid? too weak? How does that happen? Why does it happen?

This is a movie about a 15 yr. old girl who got pregnant by her boyfriend. Her dad was a policeman and mom was a loving stay at home mom and she decided to have the baby and winds up marrying the boyfriend who is and ends up always being a heroin addict. You should watch it, it has a good message.

The point here is that when I lived my life in the past before I realized it was I who was allowing all the chaos I remember very well many things I did within that perception and I remember well how I felt when I made certain major decisions, how I behaved, the choices I made, the risks I took and those I was too afraid to undertake and when I remember I actually feel the way I felt then only now I can see it so much better from this angle and let me tell you it's not easy to understand why I made some decisions I made throughout my life but I assure you that will never happen.

Thanksgiving was always and still is my favorite Holiday and one of the few I don't like to see pass without me celebrating it with anyone who happens to be around. In the past few years it has been my husband and I. He cooks these lovely meals for the two of us and I'm just the kitchen helper :) but this year will be different and I will be crossing a line off my "Bucket List!"

My daughter and her boyfriend will be flying in from Los Angeles and my son and his fiance will be coming from home which is just down the freeway and will bring with them their two adorable pekinese that I love and miss so much. I will be sitting around the table spending Thanksgiving with the three most important people in my life and their most important people, laughing, singing, playing guitar, breaking bread together like Poppo used to say, seeing pictures, exchanging ideas, playing board games and most of all being Thankful that we have this new opportunity after all these years to show each other how much love we have. Have the other one feel the love rather than just read about it or hear the words.

In the past it would've been perhaps just another Thanksgiving but I don't see it like that now, now I give thanks every day for everything I've experienced, everything that I Am and moreso for all that's yet to come.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Wherever you are may you surround yourselves with Love.

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Look She's Smiling...

Have you noticed that when something out of the ordinary happens to bring you to your awareness that the present moment is all there is that you begin to question your ability to control the emotions that don't serve you like fear?

Well that happened to me yesterday morning. I was out of the house before 7 am. I always give myself 1/2 hr. to get to the next appointment. I live in the neighborhood where I work so every place I need to go is no further than 15 mins. from my house, that way I can come and go in between appointments. I had to be at this school 13 mins. away from home at 7:20 am. so I left the house at 6:52. I still rely on my GPS to take me to some of the schools that are a little bit more hidden because I forget how to get there sometimes, the GPS shows you the fastest route when there is traffic and there is more than just one way to get there.

I was surprised that the GPS decided to send me through the riskiest route when there was this very large street that takes you there just as fast, so when I got to the intersection of whether to go left to the large street or take the GPS advice I hesitated and went right, I thought about it again but even so I still stayed the GPS route instead of the route my gut was telling me to take.

So I travel up that steep narrow street after crossing major upcoming traffic, I make a left and go up the hill, I cross another large street while my car is pushing its way up faithful to my command and I get to the really scary cross. It's so scary that there is a sign that says do not cross between 7 am and 4:00 pm and there I was at 6:59 am, took a deep breath, turned my face left there were a couple of cars racing down the hill, looked right cars looked far enough for me to go if the ones on the left passed me, so I put out my brand new little adorable car, the one that takes both my husband and I to work every day there and back, the one that takes me to all the schools and keeps me company in parking lots when I have to make time, the one that goes everywhere I tell him to without complaints and out of nowhere I hear a huge honk and feel and enormous rumbling and when I realized I was hit I saw it at that moment!

Nothing happened to me or to the woman who hit me, the car is a different story I'll let you see for yourselves.

The policemen were very kind and pleasant.They took my information, filled out a report, I called my insurance company and drove myself to the dealer.

Came home, handled the Insurance process and I noticed that every single person I had to go through in the different companies like the auto rental, the adjustor, etc. were helpful kind and sympathetic.

I made appointments for today to get the car appraised and a rental while our precious little car and faithful companion goes to the Car Hospital to get surgery for something I did or simply something that appeared in my reality to allow me to see that it can all end just like that, so why would I even spend one moment worrying about anything that happened or that is yet to come, why not just imagine the best and when that fatal crash does come they can close my eyes as I hear someone in the background saying "Look She's Smiling!"...

"Follow The Yellow Brick Road"...

I was thinking what to write about this morning, for me to write there has to be an idea first, a theme if you will, what point do I want to bring across. Sometimes the ideas flow and other times like today I can't think of a thing. So first I thought what makes me happy, thinking of those I love and knowing that my relationship with them is flourishing and when it doesn't, to be able to give them the space they need without judgement or resentment.

When I thought of that the first thing I did was go to send an e-mail to someone I hurt with no ill intention. It was important to me to do that before moving on with my day. Then I thought of what would I like to happen next in my experience, I'm happy with our home and our surroundings at least till the end of the lease, I love our apartment its just that I see a house in our ultimate experience so I just wonder when that will come. I always love that feeling of expectation you get when you know you are going to get something, somehow, someday and you begin to wonder what? how? when?

It was difficult for me to understand what everyone meant about you creating your own reality, if you see it from the perspective that everyone wants to be happy, peaceful, in harmony with all there is wouldn't it make sense that we would all seek to find what makes us feel that way instead of finding what doesn't make us feel well?

You see why I call myself "Parallel Parked in a Perpendicular World?" because I just don't get it, why do we do that? I used to do that too but for the life of me I have no idea why I did it, it's like once I stopped doing that it was the feeling that I imagine you get when you jump off a cliff thousands of feet up in the air with these flappy wings someone said let's go fly and you just decided to trust this person although you have never felt that much fear in your whole existence, you probably say I really am bored with this life, if this this is the way it's going to be for the next 40 or 50 years I think I have ahead of me to enjoy I would rather not stay alive...

So you look down and you say OMG OMG and you feel this angel pushing you in the back while at the same time you feel another one in front of you guiding you to the left, other a bit down, they're all over the place. You feel them with your trust in knowing that your job here is not yet complete and that you will find that reason to be alive because you found the reason for you to be here and now you want to be all that you came here to be.

Life becomes exciting when you find out it is you who is orchestrating your own future while on this realm, when you find out why you are here all you want to do is have all the resources you need.

I find a lot of excitement in living my life with that understanding because it makes it so clear to me what will manifest into my reality according to my thoughts, feelings and actions and once I understood that I realized that the better I feel the more I receive so eventually it became a habit to me to live in the moment, to be at peace and accept everything as is, not to resist and to take one more step every day in the direction of my dreams. And while doing all this your excitement increases every day because you know that at any moment you will manifest into your reality that which you've been expecting.

You don't know how it will come, when, from where or from whom but you better believe that it will be a part of your reality you just have to "Follow The Yellow Brick Road"...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Celebrations vs Celebrating...

I don't get the purpose for Celebrations and Holidays and I'm the opposite of a Scrooge because I spend my life in constant celebration, what I don't get is why humans pick a day to celebrate something in particular, no matter what that may be, from Christmas to Postal Workers. Have you noticed how everything has a day? I mean somebody does a little good deed for the community and all of a sudden they dedicate that day to this brave man.

I celebrate the miracle of life every day, every moment, I don't need a particular day to do that, if my path crosses the mail person you bet I will introduce myself and thank them for always placing my mail so diligently and at Xmas time I will leave them a little token of our appreciation. I will tell the clerk at the store that I appreciated her kindness or anyone I am able to gift with a word of appreciation will feel celebrated and my gift to myself is finding someone who needs the gift of celebration and I happen to be one of them.

I said once jokingly that I rather celebrate Groundhog Day at least they get noticed for a day, than any day more so days like Mother's day.  Do you have any idea what I would give to be with my Mom one more day? I'd give years of life to have her here with me even just one more day, so if I had her for longer I'd celebrate with her every moment of every day.

So if you can convince me that celebrating the doctors and the secretaries one day of the year does anything for anyone even on that day you're wrong, that's just stroking the Ego like we need that! Try celebrating everything every day even the bumps on the road have to be celebrated, if not look back at your life and what do you celebrate and remember fondly today, the parties you threw for whatever celebration or the challenges you overcame?

So I say stop the Celebrations and start Celebrating!...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Trick, Treat or Gratitude?...

Halloween and "Día de Los Muertos" are two totally different celebrations. They have some of the same characteristics as they both deal with death somehow, but Halloween the way I've been celebrating since I was a little girl is more or a fun tradition that both adults and children happen to like and I believe it has more to do with dressing up and becoming someone else for a day, we all have dreams of becoming someone else even just for a day.

I remember always wanting to be a boy just for one day. All I really wanted was to know how they felt, how they viewed life, what they thought of girls, how they handled life as something other than a girl, no matter how much someone else describes their views and their experience it can never be the same as if you become it and embody it even just for a day, a glance at it would give me the ability to understand men better.

I must have transmitted my love of Halloween to my children. Every year we would decorate the whole house. I loved giving away little gifts like pencils, markers or erasers rather than the usual candy. My daughter especially loves Halloween, when they were little they'd get so much candy that they would build a pretend train made of candy and had a competition of whose train was longer. Nowadays she loves dressing up, going to parties and all those fun things you get to do once a year like go to a Haunted House and get scared out of your mind. Not my favorite but others rave about it. It must be that adrenaline I guess.

So if we establish that Halloween is more like a fun celebration of those scary things that we wonder about or fantasize with whereas "Día de Los Muertos" is as it sounds "The Day of the Dead". As any man-made holiday it has a different meaning for anyone who chooses to observe or celebrate any type of holiday, my husband and I don't celebrate too many, just some that have become traditions from our families and our ancestors. We especially celebrate Shabbat. We make sure that every Friday evening we light the candles and say a prayer to Thank The Creator for allowing us to light the candles once again. I never like to miss lighting the Shabbat candles, even take them with me if we go on a trip, it's just our own reminder that we are still here, still trying to make a difference, still having that corporeal life experience that those who left before us no longer do.

In our house we celebrate the dead every day. There are candles always lit up, a couple of cute skeletons on the corner, little trinkets or pictures that remind us of where we came from, who played important roles in our lives and helped us get to where we are today, I figure without them we wouldn't exist, we wouldn't have a chance to have fun and live an adventure and love and eat and travel and play and cry. And since we are still here to do all that, still able to fulfill dreams, we have them to thank for that so we do it by celebrating the dead every day in our minds, our hearts by living to the fullest for ourselves and for them and most of all with our Gratitude!

Hugs xoxo
@nit@