Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Como Decía Mi Mamá...

Yo estoy convencida de que mi mamá era un Angel con cuerpo de humano, no porque nunca haya hecho nada inapropiado sino porque tenía el más grande de los corazones que yo he conocido. No me quedó muy claro el porque de todo el sufrimiento que ella vivió en su vida, cosas que hubieran creado monstruos de otras personas que lo hubiesen tenido que vivir y sin embargo ella fue bondadosa y generosa hasta el último momento a pesar de sus experiencias de vida.

Yo creo que una de las razones por las que yo siempre me resistí a ser como mi mamá fue por lo mucho que la vi sufrir, tanto como de niña y más aún como adulto. Al ver lo vulnerable que fue su vida yo decidí salir a buscar mi camino de una manera muy distinta.

Después de muchos años de buscarle el sentido a la vida y con el entendimiento de que somos nosotros los que pavimentamos de uno en uno nuestro propio camino entiendo que tiene que haber un balance entre lo que sentimos, lo que pensamos y lo que hacemos para ser esos Angeles en la vida de los demás sin dejar de serlo en la nuestra.

Hace unos años escuchaba a diario un programa de radio conducido por la Dra. Laura Schlessinger, el show consistía en que sus radio escuchas la llamaban por teléfono para hacerle una pregunta de como manejar algún entronque en el que se encontraban en sus vidas y ella les daba una respuesta de dos minutos a cada una de las preguntas por complicadas o sencillas que fueran solo les regalaba dos minutos.

Es de entenderse que en dos minutos no puedes darle ninguna vuelta a cualquier tema ya que nadie sacaría beneficios de su llamada, lo que ella hacía era ir directo al corazón del tema. Eso la hacía sonar dura porque la verdad a veces es dura, pero si alguien no te la dice y tu no puedes verla ya que estas permitiendo que tu vida no esté en armonía no vas a poder darte cuenta de que eres tu el que está creando esa falta de armonía en tu propia vida.

Gracias a las lecciones que mi mamá me dio en combinación con las que he aprendido a lo largo de mi Aventura de Vida he tratado de combinar el amor, la bondad, el servicio a los demás, junto con mi propio valor, autoestima y perseverancia en mi camino a cumplir todos y cada uno de mis sueños.

Al mismo tiempo también he aprendido que si alguien acude a mi para darme un consejo de algo que ven en mi que tal vez yo no haya logrado ver, darle la consideración necesaria y buscarlo en mi, ya que no mucha gente tiene el valor de decirte algo que pudiera o no ser lo que tu quieras escuchar o reconocer y cuando alguien acude a mi para pedir mi opinión o tal vez un consejo sigo mi corazón que me dice que tengo la obligación de ir directo al corazón del asunto y responderles lo que yo veo en ellos aún cuando sea algo que ellos no quisieran escuchar o logren ver en si mismos, de otra manera mis palabras serían falsas, algo que nunca he sido o terminarían por no tener ningún valor para aquel que ha decidido acceder a mi en esencia para ver como yo manejaría la situación en la que ellos se encuentran.

Mi madre tenía mucha sabiduría porque escuchó a su corazón que le decía que el amor es lo único que existe y que hay que darlo incondicionalmente, lo que nunca supo es que ella también formaba parte de todos a quienes ella daba amor y que sus deseos y sus sueños también valían, que si los tenemos es porque venimos a cumplirlos, de otra manera no los tendríamos.

Al final de su vida mi hija le hizo una pregunta "Hay algo que hubieras querido ser?" y ella le respondió que le hubiese gustado ser Arqueologa!!! su respuesta me dejó muda primero porque ella y yo teníamos una linda relación y hablábamos mucho y sin embargo jamás me mencionó siquiera que le interesara la Arqueología yo me imaginaba a mi mamá más bien en el campo de la medicina porque ella actuaba como la enfermera de tantos dentro y fuera de nuestra familia, eso me demostró que tal vez yo nunca conocí su Espíritu, aquella Alma libre que viene a esta dimensión a hacer correcciones y a cumplir sueños, por lo que yo hoy me dedico a cumplir los míos y lo hago por mí, por ella y por todos aquellos que se fueron antes de lograr cumplirlos y trato a la vez de ayudar a otros a cumplir los suyos cada vez que puedo.

"Como Decía Mi Mamá" "Sé Feliz Anita!" lo que me hace seguir mi camino con la alegría de saber que estoy cumpliendo sus deseos y los míos.

Abrazos xoxo
@nit@

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Raising a Teen...AGAIN!!!

I think raising a teen is way up there as far as challenges are concerned with going through a divorce, I know that much because I've raised two teens, a girl and a boy and I've also been through a divorce.

But what happens when I'm done raising my teens, come full circle through the divorce, gotten stronger and better than ever, gotten happily remarried and all of a sudden I find out I'm about to help finish raising a teen only this time it's not my own. I haven't had a chance to love him unconditionally I didn't raise and hardly know him so he comes to me with somebody else's life hangups and challenges, mom couldn't handle him so I said yes because I want my life partner to have a chance at the same thing I have, the satisfaction that I was always there for my children and they turned out to be two wonderful human beings.

I'm not going to lie and say that it's something I do from the heart because at times it has been very challenging and I've had feelings of resentment because it has come to take away the peaceful private and enjoyable atmosphere that my husband and I had created in our environment.

At first I allowed for the situation to settle down and adjust because I could imagine how difficult it must be for him to come from this little beach town where he grew up where he was in a very negative relationship with his mother. She never saw anything good in him, hyperactive child medicated by a very neurotic and hypochondriac mother, never put any effort into school, all he ever wanted to do was play soccer.

Mom leaves him behind and takes along the good son, the one who likes to study and learn, who is self contained, who caters to her by giving her hugs and kisses and moves very far away. So this kid who had a terrible relationship with his mother is never able to heal and close a circle.

Aren't we supposed to help those who need something we have in us to give? Wasn't I there one day when my ex-husband wanted to have a relationship with his father because he too was raised by a very dysfunctional and negative mother? Didn't his father's new wife make him kick us out of their house just because she was jealous of the re-birth of father and son relationship?

All of that is well and good, I want to be the cause of something good coming out of all this effort we have tried to put into my husband giving birth to the relationship he always wanted to have with his son, but there is also me and my desires, my rules, my needs, my privacy, my relationship with my husband.

So instead of running away and not being a part of this coming of age event in the life of a teenager in partnership with his father, I decided to make the rules very clear.

I will give up the things I've gotten accustomed to that bring me joy and peace, the time to help, the space, the patience, the guidance, but in exchange for that I will need to see passion and interest in learning and making the best choices. I will want to see appreciation for all the opportunities that life is giving him at a time when he didn't know which way to go to become a productive human being.

Now the ball is on his court, he arrived here an arrogant know it all cocky 19 year old who behaves like a 13 yr. old if I'm being generous. The first thing he did was asked dad to buy him video games and collection cards, he begrudged the cell phone we gave him with  unlimited everything. His father signed him up for the gym where I didn't sign myself up because of finances and we had strong disagreements because if I am going to have to clean up someone else's dirty work as far as raising a child is concerned it will have to be my way, otherwise this will never work.

I believe you always have to do the right thing for everyone concerned and that includes me. The other day I told my stepson. If I am stern and strong with you is because I care, the day I stop caring you will never hear from me again. So you have a choice, you either do it in this house with our rules or elsewhere with yours.

I don't care how many times I have attended these meetings with parents with problem children and how much I believe I'd be doing it a different way if that were my child, if when it happens to me I make the same mistakes I see everyone making, trying to be your kid's friend, trying to have him approve of you and like you. I rather he doesn't like me and becomes the best version possible of himself, than like me and become a loser.

There is no doubt that "Raising a Teen" is not easy, but if the Universe sent him to me at this stage in my life it must be for a reason, so I'm going to give it my best shot and see what goes...

It's starting to rain outside again, just like "Raising a Teen"...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Celebrations vs Celebrating...

I don't get the purpose for Celebrations and Holidays and I'm the opposite of a Scrooge because I spend my life in constant celebration, what I don't get is why humans pick a day to celebrate something in particular, no matter what that may be, from Christmas to Postal Workers. Have you noticed how everything has a day? I mean somebody does a little good deed for the community and all of a sudden they dedicate that day to this brave man.

I celebrate the miracle of life every day, every moment, I don't need a particular day to do that, if my path crosses the mail person you bet I will introduce myself and thank them for always placing my mail so diligently and at Xmas time I will leave them a little token of our appreciation. I will tell the clerk at the store that I appreciated her kindness or anyone I am able to gift with a word of appreciation will feel celebrated and my gift to myself is finding someone who needs the gift of celebration and I happen to be one of them.

I said once jokingly that I rather celebrate Groundhog Day at least they get noticed for a day, than any day more so days like Mother's day.  Do you have any idea what I would give to be with my Mom one more day? I'd give years of life to have her here with me even just one more day, so if I had her for longer I'd celebrate with her every moment of every day.

So if you can convince me that celebrating the doctors and the secretaries one day of the year does anything for anyone even on that day you're wrong, that's just stroking the Ego like we need that! Try celebrating everything every day even the bumps on the road have to be celebrated, if not look back at your life and what do you celebrate and remember fondly today, the parties you threw for whatever celebration or the challenges you overcame?

So I say stop the Celebrations and start Celebrating!...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Saturday, September 24, 2016

The Boy in the Taco Stand...

I was thinking about this young man I met once and wondering how much of our responsibility is it to try to influence in a positive way a child's mind. Why should we talk to a strange child to see if we can inject some positivity into their lives, "Why Not"!!! is what I Ask, we are out and about most of the day bumping into strangers all day long, there comes this young impressionable person who is out in the world trying to find their way into a strange society filled with hatred and big egos and comparisons and a little bit of joy here and there, if I have two minutes with these children what can I do with that time to boost their confidence or give them some sort of life strategy.

I'll give you an example of thousands. I was living in the BEAUTIFUL city of Querétaro, Qro. Mexico. I had tried to go back to my country of birth to see if I could fit in after being gone for 35 yrs. I tried, I really tried, part of me belonged there but there are so many things about Mexico that don't work that no matter the culture, the food, the charm, the people are no longer as kind and hospitable as they used to be when I grew up there, the prices weren't that much cheaper, except for housing, that was the most attractive part for me, I could live in a lovely house for half the price of a little studio apartment in the US.

So I blended in easily I never left the culture, I work with Latinos it's my job, I did all the things I used to do when I lived there and had a lovely routine. One day a week they had this street mini market that served dinner to the locals, they put carps, long tables, metal folding chairs, maybe donated by one of the Beer Companies, as were the tables and the local ladies or guys who were cooks at home made these delicious home made meals and took them there to sell them to the locals and I loved going there for dinner once a week.

I would normally sit all by myself and people watch. I'd eat 3 tacos or quesadillas with a lot of salsa and maybe flan for desert. This one night it was the day before Mother's Day. Three teenagers sat by me and said hi, they were polite lovely kids and I had two minutes with them so I decided to start a conversation by asking "so are you guys ready for Mother's Day tomorrow"? Two of them said yes and the one next to me said I'm not, I still don't know what to get my mom and I don't have much money. So you can imagine that was my cue. That's what I could gift them with, just a strong weapon to last them a lifetime and bring joy into their lives.

I asked him "Would you like me to give you a suggestion coming from the Mom side of me of something that would not cost you a penny and would bring her the most joy"? Yes of course he answered as did his brother and sister although they already had bought her a gift. It intrigued them what that could be.

So first to validate my suggestion I told him I have two children, so I know what it feels like to receive just a gift vs receiving a letter or at best a letter with a gift. First the letter because for a mom the words put together with an action of love and kindness is all that we will ever need. Just a validation that we are doing a good job and that you are aware of it and appreciating it.

Then there's the gift, the gift if you are able to find a way of getting her one, which you should because you can do a chore for someone and get paid just to buy her a small token. The best for a mom is something she can keep to remind her of that moment. Like say a frame with a picture you chose and print, that doesn't cost much, maybe $10 the whole thing and you wrap it and give it to her with a love letter you're set for life :)

The young man next to me who didn't have a gift for her yet said all excited and nervous at the same time "I have $10 dlls and I have pictures on my phone of myself and my mom I can get her that, but I don't know how to write her a letter". Tell me all about your mom I said, describe her to me, tell me what you guys do together, what you do as a family tell me all you want.

He began to tell me a brief story of their family, their interaction, their vacations, their fun, the hardship and once he felt he had summarized it I said take a paper and a pen and write everything you just described to me, make it as long as you want but say as much as you can and with as much description as what you just gave to me,  write as if you're talking to her, it took you about 5 mins. to cover a lot of ground that when you put it down on paper it stays there forever.

You give a letter like that to your mom or to anyone you want to describe your feelings your emotions your love and you gift that to your mom and then you show her how she makes you feel with your actions, that's all a mom ever needs and wants.

I said good night and went to the taco lady to pay and asked to pay for them too. It was just a little gesture of love, I'm sure they felt it when they asked for the check and she said it's covered ;)

I will never forget the Boy in the Taco Stand...

Hugs xoxo

@nit@

Sunday, November 1, 2015

I turned into you Mom...


It's always been said that the older we get the more we know and that's mostly because we have lived longer, have had more exposure to life and the ability to perceive experiences that we have had more than once differently. But that's only if you manage to perceive them differently the second, third, etc. time around.

My mom was an Angel but she didn't give herself that chance to perceive her experiences differently so she suffered a lot and that's one thing I didn't want for myself so I've lived a very different life than hers, made different decisions; but there are some things that I used to criticize my mom when I was younger and in these last few years I've been noticing that I am now adopting them as well.

Like wearing polyester clothes for their stretchability and comfort, not to mention comfortable shoes, wiping the shower when I'm done bathing, or saving the plastic bags from the grocery store to reuse them to line the garbage cans, doubled and all individually wrapped and storing them in the dishwasher that I never use because I much rather wash the dishes by hand.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and see my mom and not me staring back. I also see in my interaction with my children some of the same traits that I had with her and it makes me wish I had her around right now that I'm able to see those actions through her eyes and experience them through her perception. I wonder if my children will experience the same thing one day with their children and look back and see it the way I can now.

This reminds me that if I see something in someone else that I don't particularly like, I better look for it in myself. All I know is that no matter how many times I criticized some of the things that you did, I turned into you Mom...

My love to everyone

Hugs xoxo
@nit@


Friday, February 18, 2011

When Lanny comes marching home again hurrah, hurrah!!!



So about a month ago I’m talking to my daughter on the phone and she was asking me what my life was like in San Miguel, when I realize that what I’m describing to her is ‘Magical’; I must have sounded very convincing because 24 hrs. later she had made arrangements to put together some free time to come visit me, had found herself an inexpensive flight from Boston to Mexico City, and right now I’m on the bus on my way to DF to pick her up and begin a new adventure with one of the two most important people in my life.

It’s been almost a year since we last hugged each other, the phone is great and we stay in touch daily, but there is no substitute for wrapping your arms around your children.

Yesterday I was shockingly reminded of the frailty of our lives with the untimely and tragic death by a freak accident of a woman still full of life and dreams of the future. She left behind a loving family, and amongst them two daughters, who like my Lanny and I, also happened to be best friends. So how do you cope with the loss of your mother, mostly when it was so totally unexpected?

I recently lost my mother, she was only 77 yrs. old, and just before she died, what she wanted more than anything was to see me happy, Although we had been preparing for that dreadful day for sometime because her body was too ill and she was in constant pain, when that day came. what I grieved about the most was that I couldn’t give her what she wanted, because my load in life at the time was rather heavy.

It’s been almost 3 yrs. since the day I lost her, but she will live in me forever, so I needed to make sure and give her what she wanted, and now that I am in a happy place in my life, and make every moment count, I can celebrate her life instead of mourning her death.

So Lanny and I have fantastic plans for the next two weeks. We will tour DF and various cities nearby, visit ruins, museums, go to the hot springs, get a spa treatment, take long walks with Diego, go horsebackriding, etc. but most of all we will create a stronger bond and lifetime memories. I’ll have to get back into scrapbooking because this trip promises to give us enough material to create a great album.

I can’t wait to hug you my child!

To the whole Barbieri family, my most heartfelt sympathy, that comes from a place of understanding and love. May you all find peace in the wonderful memories of a life well lived, and may you continue to find happiness in your own lives, the best way to honor hers.

I want to take a moment to thank all of you who take time to read my words. I write mostly for myself because its through my writings that I manage to view my life from a distance, but like a friend of mine once told me,


"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it does it make a sound? " and nothing makes me happier than to know that I made a difference in someone's life, even those of you I don't know and most likely will never get to meet, you all matter to me, so I cherish your comments.


Thank y'all!




Hugs everyone
@nit@

Friday, April 11, 2008

Everyday is a Do Over...



Thank you Ken Grimwood ~ RIP
By @nit@

I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. Henceforth will I apply all my efforts to become the highest mountain of all and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy. ~ Og Mandino
Many years ago at my husband’s very wise suggestion I read a book from an author I knew nothing about. I hadn’t done a lot of reading for quite some time; I think I was just too busy raising kids, being a good wife and trying to be a good daughter on this “Sandwich Generation” as we’ve been called.
http://www.sandwichgeneration.com/.

I had often wondered what would happen if only I could go back and do my life over again, what would I change in order to have a better outcome; but hard as I wanted to go back and relive it, I knew I just couldn’t do that, it was IMPOSSIBLE!!!
This book answered many questions for me, but the most important lesson I got from it was that even if I had been given that chance to go back and do it over, knowing then what I know now, there are no guarantees that the outcome would be a better one, different, no doubt, but better, who knows? Now I know what I should have known then, so I have to take responsibility for the choices I make to have a greater chance at the outcome I want to have.

I just know that right now I am living the best part of my life, I have a multitude of dreams, goals, a very clear vision of what I want to do, have, and most of all what I want to be! And it might take more than this lifetime to do it all, but at least I know I will never run out of things to strive for.

I now approach my life as an "Adventure", with the good and the bad, and that allows me to always hear the “Music in the Background”.

Start your lives TODAY! Start your lives EVERYDAY!

Thank you Ken Grimwood ~ RIP
@nit@
Replay
By Ken Grimwood
Jeff Winston, forty-three, didn't know he was a replayer until he died and woke up twenty-five years younger in his college dorm room; he lived another life. And died again. And lived again and died again -- in a continuous twenty-five-year cycle -- each time starting from scratch at the age of eighteen to reclaim lost loves, remedy past mistakes, or make a fortune in the stock market. A novel of gripping adventure, romance, and fascinating speculation on the nature of time, Replay asks the question: "What if you could live your life over again?"

Linear descriptions of Replay do not convey the book's rich philosophical and spiritual underlying themes. Critic Daniel D. Shade outlined the book's buried messages when he reviewed the novel in 2001:
“Yet in spite of all the pain and anguish we go through as we follow Jeff through his search for an understanding of why he is replaying his life, the book has some important things to say to the reader. First, life is full of endless happenings that we have little control over. We should live our lives with our eyes set upon the horizon and never look back, controlling those things we can and giving no second thought to those events out of our hands. Second, given that we only have one life to live (Jeff is never sure he will replay again with each heart attack) we should live it to the fullest extent possible and with the least regret for our actions. Everybody makes mistakes; the point is not to dwell on them but to pick ourselves up and keep on going. Keep moving ahead. Third, choices must be made—we cannot avoid them. The only failure is to live a life without risks. In fact, I believe Jeff Winston would advise risking everything for those you love and for the life you want for them and with them. To not experience risk is to fail. And what does Replay have to say to a poor, old man like me who is still going though his mid-life crisis? Just this—that every year will be new. Every day a new chance to begin again. There can be no mid-life crisis when we are living each day to the fullest extent possible. From what Jeff Winston has taught me, I would define mid-life crisis as a period of selfishness when we turn inward and think only of ourselves. Jeff inspires us to look outward toward others and think less of ourselves.—————————————————————————————————
Kenneth Milton Grimwood (February 27, 1944 - June 6, 2003) was an American author of fantasy fiction combining themes of life-affirmation and hope with metaphysical concepts, themes found in his best-known novel, the highly popular Replay.
Born in Dothan, Alabama, later growing up in Pensacola, Florida, Grimwood took an interest in EC Comics and radio journalism while growing up in Pensacola. In the early to mid-1960s, he worked in news at WLAK in Lakeland, Florida. Heading north, he studied psychology at Bard College in Annandale-on-Hudson, New York, where he contributed short fiction to Bard's student publication, Observer in 1969.
Some of his early novels were written while he was the news director at KNX 10.70 Newsradio in Los Angeles, but the success of Replay enabled him to leave KNX for full-time writing. He wrote under both his own name and several pseudonyms. As Alan Cochran, he wrote Two Plus Two (Doubleday, 1980).
At age 59, Grimwood died of a heart attack in his home in Santa Barbara, California. At the time of his death, he was writing a sequel to Replay. His works are included in the Santa Barbara Authors and Publishers Special Collection at the University of California, Santa Barbara.