Let Go and Go With the Flow...

I always felt different, I'm sure we all do, but to me it manifested by not feeling at home anywhere outside of me and I must admit that for most of my life I was not comfortable inside either. I went through many ups and downs in my journey and when I was up I was flying high and would cling on to the feeling for as long as I could as if already knowing it wouldn't last, this was way before I started to realize that I was creating my own reality, I had no idea it was those very thoughts that were writing the next Chapters of my Life.

I don't feel shortchanged because I didn't know then what I'm starting to understand at this stage of my life, I feel fortunate and with so much gratitude that I was able to get to the point where I finally understand what it takes to grow, evolve, be grateful for every experience, to Make Life Happen On Purpose and With Purpose and look forward to what's yet to come.

Now I can actually wake up in the morning excited for the day to come. I still walk with cautious steps because it takes time to re-program the mind that has been telling me that what I'm living, experiencing, being, becoming, having was either good or bad, but I can say with all certainty and pride that I've worked hard understanding and taking responsibility for my "Life Adventure" and live it as such perhaps not every moment but pretty darn close to it.

I look for constant reminders, learning to trust my intuition based on the way things feel emotionally to me without judgement and I can see my thoughts and emotions coming to life before my eyes.

Now what happens to me from this other side of the river is that I look around me and see the people I'm in most contact with, my Micro Universe so to speak living the way I did for most of my life and I know they can't see it in themselves otherwise if they knew that how they are perceiving life and what they are and will continue to attract will be the opposite of what they want maybe something will hurt enough that they will say I don't like these results, what am I doing wrong? Is this as good as it gets?

I understand that most of the time these changes don't start to happen until the emotions we are feeling are either emotionally depleted or extreme sadness. At least that happened to me at some point and it got old feeling sad or unemotional so I went all out to find how to change that, otherwise life becomes a burden or boring at best and it might be a short life but it's long enough when you don't find motivation and you're not having fun most of the time.

We can change the way we perceive life, I do now, but we can't make those we love or surround ourselves with change the way they perceive theirs that's their path. I went from feeling like an outsider when I was on that side of the river and now I am the outsider on this side. I didn't appreciate enough the things that I had when I was there but I will be eternally grateful for the way I perceive what I lived then; and now instead of going against I decided to "Let Go and Go With the Flow!!...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Memories...

I had a fabulous experience the other day, I didn't even know that it would turn out that way but for a few hours I traveled straight to my past and my memories came rushing in. I had this ticket that my Husband gave me at Christmas time for a day at the movies at the old and beautifully refurbished Cinerama, the only one left in Seattle, WA. I had been wanting to go but it meant taking public transportation on a weekend day when I'm home, cozy trying to wind down from the workweek that is always intense for me because of my type of work. It also entailed walking to the bus stops with the weather we have here that so often rains, so I kept on postponing the movies that appealed to me like the newest Star Wars for example.

So last week I checked what was playing as I did every week for months, only to find that they were showing the only movie that I've wanted to see in years LaLaLand. That was definitely one that I had to see and what better than the Cinerama that brought me so many memories of my past growing up in Mexico City, I remember being IN LOVE with movies since I was a little girl, my father instilled that love in me because he too felt that way. My mom couldn't care less if she went to see a movie or not but my dad did and so did I and so do my kids because I took them to every appropriate movie they could see throughout the years.

I remember Cinerama being the first chain of its type in Mexico City where I was born and grew up. I believe they opened for the first time in 1962 when I was only 10 years old and could really appreciate what it took to create all that magic that transports you to a different emotions with every frame, action, site, script, music, at that time I wanted somehow to be involved in the movies so my way of involving myself without being in them, was to live them as if I was in them, as if I was one of the characters of the story.

There were two Cineramas that I used to frequent, one was around the statue of "La Diana Casadora" and the other one was the "Hollywood Cinerama" that was across from the CDI, the place where we did everything outside of school, a sports center my family and all the other Jewish families who lived in Mexico City went to for sports, daycare, classes, theater, shows, weddings, events, concerts, exhibitions, celebrities, trips and I could go on and on when I remember how convenient it all was for us then. How much easier it was to connect with the people that you knew your whole life, you saw them at school, at camp and lets not forget the CDI.

On top of it all you had to do if you wanted to go to the movies with your family or with your friends was cross the street to the "Hollywood Cinerama" and voila, you had the best just across the street.

For years I have believed that the past circumstances were easier, lighter, better, but this past Sunday I remembered the things that made it not better than how I view my life Here and Now, when I'm already entering the Winter of my life, when I should be slowing down and discarding my dreams, those that I didn't accomplish yet, when my life should be settling in and not having to concern myself with the future or what it may bright with it.

There is no doubt in my mind that the past was fantastic with everything it brought into my life, but I couldn't see it then nor take full advantage of it because of all the huge challenges that it brought with it,  seems to me that I lived my past just jumping hurdles and not necessarily enjoying it or learning from them, more of what you would consider the life of a victim as opposed to the way I live and view my life now, a fabulous adventure filled with all the contrast necessary to promote your emotional and spiritual growth.

So last Sunday I took the Bus to Westlake Station, the ride alone was like a ride at Disneyland, it travels through neighborhood streets, long two way streets, the freeway and then you go underground where it stops at several underground beautifully kept stations and the part that took my breath away with a combination of surprise, a little fear and amazement was when it went through this concrete pipe-like tunnel where only the bus fits and going through many curves at what seemed like high speed to me. You couldn't see where the tunnels ended so for a while I was conscious that we were many feet underground inside a tube.

Once I got to Westlake Station I took a little while to walk around it. What a beautiful old fashioned station, I've traveled to many places and not all stations are as elegant, inviting, clean, well patrolled and as precise as this one.

I saw how deep we were when I finally went up the escalators that take you back to the street level. It was a cold and rainy day so I was happy that I dressed for the part. On my way to the theater I stopped at my husband's place of work. He came outside through the back alley with his black apron and headband. We both looked like two teenagers who were sneaking to see each other for a moment to steal a kiss.

The theater was just at the end of the block so we said goodbye and I went my way. Inside the theater didn't let you forget where you were, it had the same blue colored tiles all over including the bathrooms, the same red and white and blue signs and even had memorabilia on display.

The movie was all and more of what I had expected, all the emotion of those wonderful Musicals I grew up with, the ones my dad introduced me to when I was a little girl, that created the magical feelings and dreams that carried me through life, bringing me here to this moment when I can cherish and appreciate everything that was that brought me what is.

The most wonderful reminders that I have found of how much one can do, be, have, feel in this lifetime are our Memories... I will remember this day forever!

Hugs xoxo
@nit@