You Don't Want IT Bad Enough...

I've had the same challenge my whole life, to maintain a low weight and keep up with an exercise program so that I can reap the benefits it brings to the quality of my life. I've managed to develop the discipline it takes to follow through as far as healthy and moderate eating habits as well as a consistent workout programs, but the challenge is that even if I can hold on to the program for a long time, as soon as something creeps up into my life that throws my routine off for whatever reason, or I'm dealing with something, no matter what, that takes most of the energy I have and doesn't leave me with enough to continue my programmed routine.

I've managed to workout and eat healthy and in moderation for years at a time so I'm not sure what makes it so difficult for me to get back on the saddle once I fall off the horse, because life is unpredictable and we do fall off the horse, especially me who still has to conquer the fear of riding one. Oh how I would LOVE to do that!!!! or Would I?...

Years ago just after giving birth to my son I weighed more than I ever did in my entire life, I had no idea how to handle that because I'd never been at that weight before, and even when I had 5 or 10 lbs. to lose at some point I found that to be so hard for me to accomplish. How was I going to lose all this weight?! I thought it was a very long shot...

I had two newborn babies less than a year apart, I was 38 and chunky at best. I wanted to sleep all day but couldn't and when I couldn't sleep those few minutes in between caring for two newborns I wanted to eat to keep myself awake and feeling alive.

I don't remember exactly how long it was but at least for the first two years of their lives I didn't sleep more than 4 hrs. a day with intervals. I got used to staying awake so I would use my time the best possible way but none of it was spent exercising and that I know for a fact.

I thought I wanted that more than anything in my life, the same way I've been thinking I want it right now and yet the results are telling me that I Don't Want It Bad Enough or I'd have it by now!!! Everything I've ever really wanted in my life I've had it so why not this?

I took some time off and just ate, I forgot how happy being trim and healthy makes me feel and I stopped exercising and ate all I wanted long enough to put me at the unhealthiest point of my life. I mean I have it in my hands to change that, all I have to do is what my daughter and my husband say to me, just put the shoes on and go workout. I must not want it bad enough that I find all sorts of excuses not to start again.

Though there are no excuses why I waited this long to pick that habit back up that allows me to match the way I view and think of myself with the way I look and feel on the outside. That's not me I'm looking at the reflection in that mirror, the picture on the camera, that's not the one I want to be and this is not the way I want to feel for the next say 30 yrs. of my life. I still have a lot of dreams to fulfill, and lot of things to experience, a lot of places to visit and a lot of happiness to embrace in my well lived "Parallel Parked in a Perpendicular World" Life!!!.. But I have to feel and look the part to enjoy it to the fullest.

I DO WANT IT BAD ENOUGH, I'LL SHOW ME THAT :) I know I can, I've done it more than once!

Do you want what you think you want Bad Enough? Ask yourselves that, you'll be surprised of the answer if you're honest enough with yourselves. Nothing can stop you if you really Want it Bad Enough!!!... Go make it happen on purpose, I am...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Let It Go... Let It Go...

"So what does that look like?" my daughter asked me years ago. How do you just let go of something that's hurting you, I try but the thoughts and the feelings keep on coming back. I remember taking a moment to think about that, what exactly does it mean when someone suggests that if you don't like the feelings or emotions that you get when you hold on to something that doesn't harmonize with you that you should just Let It Go....

I remember feelings of anger, jealousy, anxiety, depression and any number of emotions that are not pleasant nor do they render any benefits. When that happens to me my Intuition is telling me that it makes no sense to feel in dis-harmony with something you either can't control, something that already happened or anything you can't change or do anything about, and yet my heart feels a different way,  I didn't know how to control, balance or justify those emotions most of the time, so the day my daughter asked me "What does Letting Go mean and what does it look like?" a few years back I would've had no idea how to answer that. I was ridden with emotions that not only kept me down and were not in harmony with life, they became so strong that I had to take a physical and emotional distance from all those things that were throwing me totally off balance.

At the time I remember feeling serenity for the first time in a long time. It was as if I broke my last emotional fear of anything and everything.

When I found myself alone like that, whether it was self imposed or not, harmony started being my normal as opposed to something that I had to go in search of all the time. So when that harmony would go off balance it gave me a glimpse, a chance to understand why it happened and if I didn't like feeling that way I would just distance myself from that.

In time I started challenging myself to feel the emotions again without putting that distance between me and what was causing it and confronting what before would make me uncomfortable.

Then that became the new normal, the understanding of judgement to others, knowing yourself, seeing your shadow, knowing how to stay in the light, becoming more tolerant, not taking things personal and most of all how not to label every emotion as positive or negative.

When you manage to put all that recipe together it might fail you now and then, but for the most part the cake comes out smelling, tasting and feeling good, and if once in a while it doesn't, well you tasted raw dough, nothing wrong with that ;) next time you just remember the formula, the recipe, bake it a little longer perhaps and most of all if you don't like it, just Let It Go...

Hugs xoxo

@nit@

SMILE... You Know You Want To...

I decided to start a new trend and I want to call it "Smile, You Know You Want To..." Perhaps I will be the only one doing it but it doesn't matter to me, what's important is that each one of us can do something to put a smile on any human being's face.

It is very easy to follow. All you need to have is something to write with, pen or pencil and a pack of  Post-it® Notes of any color or size. You draw a smile that if you see it stuck on any wall would make you smile and you write around the smile the words "Smile, You Know You Want To..." Take it with you when you go out and every time you use a public restroom Post one of your smiles on the mirror where everyone has to go wash their hands.

It is more than likely that you will not see the results of having left that smile posted on the mirror, but as the saying goes "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" Of course scientifically, logically and intuitively the answer is obviously yes, not because someone is not there to witness does it mean that it doesn't happen.

You just Post that smile and exit the bathroom feeling satisfaction that today you helped put a smile on the lips of someone and perhaps somebody who needed it.

Either you join my "Smile, You Know You Want To..." Campaign or your have your own way, the next time you go out, make someone  "SMILE, You Know You Want To"... ;)

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

A Favor NO En Contra...

Hace muchos años, justo después de que mis dos hijos nacieron sentí que no podía recordar muchas cosas, especialmente mi memoria a corto plazo estaba débil. Ponía las cosas en algún sitio y olvidaba dónde, entraba en una habitación y no recordaba qué iba a hacer allí, incluso empecé a escribirme notas y las perdía. Me preocupaba porque podía darme cuenta de lo que estaba pasando, pero no sabía cómo detenerlo. Tenía dos recién nacidos que se llevaban menos de un año, yo tenía 38 años y era la principal responsable de su bienestar. Su papá se iba al trabajo y regresaba a casa demasiado cansado para pasar mucho tiempo con los bebés que normalmente estaban dormidos.

El dibujo de arriba es uno que hice intentando crear una imagen visual de cómo piensa mi mente. Decidí ir en busca de ayuda, así que busqué a un psicólogo que trata con este tipo de problemas. Él me hizo una prueba muy larga que duró aproximadamente 5 horas. Fue una tortura porque tenía que concentrarme y pensar en cada pregunta o tarea y mantener la concentración por un período de tiempo muy largo. Siempre he tenido dificultad en hacer sólo una cosa por un largo periodo de tiempo, tengo que estar cambiando activamente mis actividades para que no se vuelva abrumador. En otras palabras, prefiero tener cambios que mantener las cosas iguales todo el tiempo.

No recuerdo exactamente todos los resultados de esta prueba, pero sí recuerdo dos cosas que el doctor me dijo. Una que mi inteligencia estaba por arriba del promedio y dos que mi habilidad de concentración se interpone en el camino de que termine una actividad y que por el hecho de haberme adaptado a esta debilidad o fortaleza como lo quieras ver, he forzado un cambio en una parte de mí. Que tenía que aprender como aprovechar la manera en la que yo proceso la información y manejarlo a mi manera, de modo que cuando me gusta algo logre mantener el interés en ello, sin sentir que tengo que hacerlo de una determinada manera o no funcionará.

Aparentemente lo que esto hace es, digamos que deseas ser escultor y en tu mente ya sabes lo que quieres esculpir y cómo se va a ver el producto final, pero te sientas en frente del barro y no puedes hacer que tenga el aspecto que tu deseas, por lo que necesitas aprender maneras de cómo hacerlo. Alguien que procesa la información de la manera en que yo lo hago, tendría que saber que un día va a hacer la figura que viste en tu mente, pero justo en este momento no tienes lo necesario para concentrar toda tu atención en el aprendizaje de cómo hacerlo, quieres hacer muchas cosas y saltar de una a  la otra.

Ahora que estoy trabajando en el campo de la Educación y principalmente en la Educación Especial me doy cuenta de la importancia de saber cómo aprendemos porque todos somos diferentes. Los recursos disponibles en la actualidad en las escuelas para los niños que necesitan ser instruidos de una manera diferente son increíbles y lo que estos educadores están haciendo es educar a cada niño de la forma en que el niño puede aprender mejor. Yo podría haberme beneficiado de este tipo de educación, pero no existía nada parecido en mis días, al menos no en mi entorno. Yo era sólo una estudiante promedio que tenían calificaciones mediocres y me fui a estudiar una carrera que mi papá eligió para mí, así podría empezar a trabajar de inmediato y él podría dejar de tener que mantenerme.

Decidí que si no podía quedarme enfocada en una sola cosa a la vez, que me gustaría aprovechar el hecho de que me gustan los cambios y aprender a hacer las cosas de la manera en que a mi me funciona. Siempre estoy activamente aprendiendo algo, escribiendo, haciendo alguna manualidad, trabajando, aprendiendo un nuevo idioma, enseñando, todo menos cocinar, ese es el rol de mi marido. ;)

Yo diría que en los últimos 10 años de mi vida he tenido muchos más logros haciendo las cosas a mi manera, que lo que hice los primeros 50 años tratando de hacerlo de la manera que funciona para la mayoría de la gente. Me alegro que al menos hice algo al respecto en lugar de resistirme a la manera en que funciona para mí.

No hay caso "Estacionada en Paralelo en un Mundo Perpendicular".

Bueno, es hora de irme a arreglar. "El Libro de la Selva" empieza en menos de una hora.

Shabbat Shalom a todos....

Abrazos xoxo

@nit@

Working With Not Against...

Many years ago right after my two children were born I noticed that I couldn't remember many things, particularly my short term memory was weak. I would place things and then forget where, go into a room and not remember what I was going to do there, I even started writing myself notes and would lose them. I got concerned because I could realize it was happening but I didn't know how to make it stop. I had two newborns less than a year apart, I was 38 years old and mostly responsible for their wellbeing. Their dad would go to work and come home too tired to spend much time with the babies who were usually asleep.

The drawing above is one I did trying to describe with a visual image of how my mind thinks. I decided to go get some help so I thought of a psychologist who deals with these types of challenges. He gave me a very long test that lasted for about 5 hours. It was torture because I had to focus and think through every question or task and maintain concentration for a very long period of time. I have always had a hard time doing only one thing for a long time, I have to be actively changing my activities so they don't become overwhelming. In other words I rather have changes than keep everything the same.

I don't remember exactly all the results of this test but I do remember two things the Doctor told me. One that my intelligence was above average and two that my ability to concentrate gets in the way of me wanting to follow through with a task and that when I adapted to this weakness or strength however you want to look at it, I force changed a part of me. That I had to learn how to take advantage of the way I process my information and act on it so that when I like something I keep the interest in it without feeling that I have to do it in a certain way or it won't work.

Apparently what this does is that say you want to be a sculptor and in your mind you already know what you want to sculpt and how it's going to look, but you sit down in front of that clay and you can't make it look the way you want to so you need to learn ways of how to do that. Someone who processes information the way I do, would KNOW that one day you're going to do that figure in your mind, but right at this moment you don't have what it takes to focus all your attention on learning how to do it, you want to do many things and jump from one to the other.

Now that I work in Education and mostly in Special Education I see the importance of knowing how everybody learns because we are all different. The resources available nowadays in the schools for children who need to be taught a different way are amazing and what these educators are doing is teaching each child the way the child can learn. I could have benefited from this type of education, but there wasn't anything like that in my days. I was just an average student who had mediocre grades and went to study a career that my dad chose for me so I could start working right away and he could stop having to support me.

I decided that if I couldn't stay with only one thing I would take advantage of the fact that I like changes and learn to do things the way it works for me. I'm always actively learning something, writing, doing a craft, working, learning a new language, teaching, anything but cooking, that's my husband's department ;)

I would say that in the past 10 years of my life I've learned much more doing it my way than I did the first 50 years trying to do it the way it works for most people. I'm just glad that I did something about it instead of resisting the way it works for me even at a more advanced age.

There's no denying "Parallel Parked in a Perpendicular World". 

Well it's time to get ready, " The Jungle Book" starts in less than an hour.

Shabbat Shalom everyone....

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Many Shades of Gray...

We are emotional beings who learn how to think and I believe that one of the main differences in the way we view things has to do with a combination of our life's experiences and our interpretation of them. We can sway between perceiving something to be good or bad depending on how that experience affected our own lives and we judge it or others accordingly.

If all of a sudden your life takes you to where the experience that once proved to be negative becomes positive you may stop judging it and start giving it a different meaning, you may even adopt that view and try to communicate it to others the way you see it.

It is very difficult to know how we might react, feel or think in a situation unless we experience it ourselves first hand. We might think that we know what we would do if say we were attacked, imprisoned, become ill or even if we come into unexpected wealth or fall madly in Love because we think we know ourselves and how we would react in any given situation, but the truth is that we don't really know unless we live the experience.

If we watch a movie it seems very clear to us what the protagonist should do to obtain a good end result, but as protagonists of our own movies can we see it as clearly or are there many emotional patterns that we have created that may affect our ability to act the best possible way to bring on the result we desire?

We may judge something or someone out of fear, anger, pain, joy, jealousy, happiness, but there are as Many Shades of Gray in life's experiences as there are emotions who give the Shades their Hue.

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

It's showtime folks...

Have you ever noticed how life is like a series of theater acts all put together? Every day we go to rehearse or to play a part, we wear all sorts of customs, use all kinds of voices and personalities, it all depends on who is our counterpart, it can be our families, strangers on the street, co-workers, the old, the young, the animals even nature itself. 

Over the past ten years I have had more experiences, challenges, lessons, accomplishments, hardships but most of all ‘Aloneness’ than I can remember. I don't know how many times I made videos or wrote articles talking or writing to the computer, as if talking to someone, that I have all over my computer and my blog, because I felt the need to say the things that I haven't gotten a chance to say, most of all to my children who are the two people I love the most in this our world. 

I guess you can call them the lessons you learn along the way when you decide to take this path or that one. They all take you somewhere, maybe not where you think you would wind up but when you get there you're supposed to asses the end result so that you can either keep on going in that direction and not look back, or re-think your choices and decisions, pick yourself back up and start on a different path.

I remember when I moved away from Mexico City where I was born and raised. I was young and married, we upped and left everything we knew and moved to this tiny little town by the name of Tecate, Baja California where they produce the beer, so that my husband could do his year of social service and we could follow our dream of moving to the United States and start a different lifestyle and my personal lifetime dream of starting a family, we'll find happiness we thought! 

Our year there was fascinating to say the least, but that's only looking back, at the time it was filled with desire and excitement but we also lacked more of what we needed than what we had. It was very lonely and we had to do with very little of anything. 

Twice a week we would go to a little remote village where the Mayor of this town allowed us to use a small hut to give Medical Services to the people who lived there and couldn't reach a doctor. I would "Play the Role" of a Nurse/Assistant/Receptionist for my husband who was a Medical Student doing his year of Social Service. We would charge the patients $1 one dollar and give them the free medication that we collected from the Red and the Green Cross.

Their gratitude was immense and they always gifted us with some fruits or vegetables from their crops, or some food they had cooked and that was a feast for us.

I remember the only thing that kept me feeling alive was the mail. I used to obsess with the mailman. In those days there was no internet and we certainly didn't have any money for long distance calls so we relied only on the mail. I thought: "I was the one who left everyone so if I want people to think of me I have to write" and I did every day to someone. Not only did I write, I used to keep a notebook where I wrote who I had sent a letter to and when, to see how long it would take others to reply back. Some people wrote back for a little while, some now and then but most never wrote back. 

Forty years have passed and I'm still writing, that must mean something, only now I do it for myself, to remember my own adventure especially when I didn't have anyone to witness it with me. 

In such a long path you can imagine how many challenges you encounter, sometimes you learn from them but sometimes you miss the mark and another challenge arises to teach you what you didn't learn the first or many more times...

Well it’s yet another day, I must wrap this up and go take it on and make the best of it!!! I’m excited to think what it will bring.

It’s Show Time Folks…

Hugs xoxo

@nit@