Monday, September 26, 2016

Etiology Unknown...

It all started towards the end of 1981 and why I remember this so vividly is because of how it impacted me when I heard those words for the first time. We were already living in Chicago, I remember the year because I turned 30 in that job and that would have been January of 1982.

My boss was a Neuro-Psychiatrist in other words a double boarded Neurologist and also Psychiatrist who practiced both at the same time. His patients had emotional problems but most of them due to major diseases such as Multiple Sclerosis or ALS for example. So he would deal with the physical aspect of their illness and the Psychological crisis they found themselves in once they were given a life sentence diagnosis.

It was only him and I in the office, I was 29, married to a Doctor myself so I knew all these things for years, however I never stopped fearing something like this could happen to me. I was surrounded by it all day long, I took dictation about it, that's all I heard it made me think. What if that was me?

The worst part were the first two words of the dictation I received on all these patients from the doctor so I could transcribe it and put it in their chart as well as send it as a report to their referring physician. The first time he dictated them to me I have to confess I had no idea what they meant so I asked him right away,  I need to understand everything I write so I can do my best transcription job not just that of a parrot.

He would start most of his reports with "Etiology Unknown". You have to understand that he was this older doctor in his 70s who had set a routine for himself he never changed. He would golf on Wednesdays rain sleet or snow didn't stop him, there were always the orange golf balls they were easier to spot on the snow. He was Jewish just like I am so that's why he liked me when he hired me I could tell. It was like helping your own. I did have a lot of experience as a secretary and like I said married to a doctor so that helped of course.

So Dr. Sherman RIP and his routine made him dictate the same things for most of his patients. Etiology Unknown means that they basically don't know what caused their terrible disease they will either have for life or die from sooner than expected.

That got me to think all of these scientists all of these discoveries, all of these chemicals and just for what? to prolong something that is supposed to have no resistance to it, makes no sense to me, chemicals may kill a cancer but they also kill other parts of that body of yours that were not supposed to die. Why would anybody want to prolong their life with chemicals fixing one thing while killing another. What kind of a life is that, is it important to live longer or is it to live the best way we can while we can.

We are totally responsible for our own well being. I have things in this body of mine that all of a sudden began to appear out of nowhere, things I never experienced before including allergies, I have patches of red on my arms, my legs, I had to go to 5 doctors who didn't know what it was until I had it biopsied and it's some autoimmune disease, or in other words "Etiology Unknown" all these top dermatologists were giving me very strong creams and warned me to use sparingly, they would make the spots go and when I'd stop they'd come back, so by remembering those two words I decided to stop all chemicals and went a different route this time.

I went the longer way, the natural way, the way that takes more of your time and dedication, the one that follows the rules of nature because those are the real rules, the rules of man are man made and who says that the man that made that rule is a better one than the one nature created. The one where you have to eat the right things not those that taste better. Be kind to others so you can receive kindness, love and let others love you, give your all to everything you do most of all do what you love.

Now I go to a Naturopathic Doctor who listens to how I feel inside, who prescribes only natural supplements to help heal the damage done, things to detoxify my body from chemicals and metals that now appear in nature thanks to man. I have to pay this out of my pocket of course because Insurance companies will pay for you to get well the man made way not the natural way, if you are a responsible human being trying your hardest to live a good natural life you're on your own! Natural supplements can actually be more expensive than chemicals and you have to take more of them to even out the little pill. So for now I get what I can with what I have and try to take better care of myself in general.

Little by little I've noticed I've started to heal. My joints don't hurt anymore nor do my extremities, I've also started to lose some weight and I'm proud to report that my food intake has gone to a healthy 95% of what I ingest is actually good for me. I found out that my body is sensitive to things I ate my whole life like corn, sugar, dairy, grains, wheat, oat, spelt, peanuts, strawberries, I'm even sensitive to broccoli, cauliflower, eggplant, I'm mentioning these because they were all part of my diet, I thought I was eating the right things and in fact I wasn't.

I'm very proud that I took the time to find all this out, then went along with the program and eliminated all of those things from my diet, they added up to 35. Most of them were on my plate every day one or another. I no longer eat breads or pastas (except for Brown Rice or Quinoa Pasta), deserts, no sugar on anything or dairy. There goes my beloved Quesadillas!!!

I had to re-invent the way I ate and what and do that while living in a house with a great cook who loves to prepare delicious meals that he knows I love, who doesn't restrict himself with anything and eats it in front of me. It actually makes him sad to see me restricting myself so much but my determination and control make me feel very good about myself, even though the weight is coming down slowly and after moving to this new apartment I haven't been exercising. I made a new promise to myself. Today I put on a Zumba video and I'm starting an every day 30 min. dance routine. Get that blood pumping and those extra unwanted curves letting go of my body. I want to be at my best so I can give others coming from a better place.

I don't know if I can eventually revert all the damage I might have caused to my body with all the chemicals I ingested over the years, things for cholesterol, osteoporosis, headaches, stomach aches, colds, flus, things doctors tell you you HAVE to take or else you will keep deteriorating. Also with all the things I ate for over 60 yrs. of my life processed food filled with chemicals and who knows what all else is around in everything, including our water.

I was the one who stopped exercising, the one who started to eat all the good things I love, the food that kept me company, broke my boredom, satiated some desire, I was happy with my life so why did I need to feed my body to the point where it became unhealthy and difficult to handle.

I know the energy is there, as is the desire to live a good and healthy lifestyle for as long as my body and my mind stay healthy. Whatever part I can control in having success at a better outcome I may do it at my pace but you better believe that I will go into that Etiology Unknown world and beat it with Love, Dedication, Responsibility and Trust.

Thank you Dr. Janci Karp ND!

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Sunday, September 25, 2016

I Have a Dream TOO!!!

My Dream is to bring happiness to as many people as I can. I want to see what makes people happy and help them reach that.

In my work I feel like the "Latino Ellen", I go around the schools and medical clinics getting in my car from one to the other, spending sometimes hours with a student's mom or a patient so I can translate and they can understand what is happening around them. It's scary not to know when you're at the doctor what they are going to do to you and why, or what is wrong with you. You can't even express what you feel. I love my job, I believe I'm doing a lot of good and earning a living with dignity, but I'm just one woman going around all these places to help one person at a time and I can't even buy a house or help my daughter pay her student loans!!!

I want to help MANY!!! That's the beginning of my Dream but it doesn't stop there...

My Dream is that Ellen will read this and decide that I sound like the real deal, like I could be her PERFECT Latino/Senior Citizen Correspondent. That she hires me to work for her out of anywhere she wants me to be, I'll move there trust me. That she believes I can be awesome at finding ways of bringing a lot of happiness to different groups of people I believe can use it the most.

For one I want to go to as many Retirement Homes as I can and get a toy company to donate dolls for this cause. I want to bring elder people a doll for adoption. We will give her/him a name, make a little ceremony and have that be this old person's companion for the rest of their lives. I believe this is a very powerful way to feel as if you're not alone. Just look at the Tom Hanks movie Cast Away and tell me if you didn't cry when Wilson got pulled away by the Ocean.  And he was just a torn up ball.

The other thing I want to do is change the way that older people remain secluded from the rest of the world without any young life around, without any animals around. I believe some of the nursing homes would welcome pets. A few dogs and cats would be the world's best medicine for the elder. There are therapy dogs that we can train to help soothe them and give them company and all the dogs would be rescued from shelters and very loved by so many.

My dad recently passed away and I was not able to see him again, my brother had to bury him alone. My heart shivers when I think of him in this lovely Retirement Center all alone surrounded by strangers just waiting to die for years.

I also believe there could be a combination of Retirement Communities that include a daycare inside. The elders that are able and willing can meet with the parents of these children and see if they can be mentors somehow. Include them as a part of their daily program.

A lot of older people that live in nursing homes have many talents they would still love to use even teach like playing an instrument or playing board games, sewing, knitting, doing crafts. A combination of the right person matched with the right child could work for both and the parents are gifting their child with the love of an older person who still has so much of it to give.

The children are the ones that get the most attention and that's to be understood, but older people don't stop wanting, needing, dreaming, wishing when we get old and our bodies don't want to do what our minds and our hearts still want. And usually there's never anyone around who wants to help an older adult.

And my dream continues with my beloved Latino Community. Although I was raised by all European Jews I was born and lived in Mexico for the first 26 yrs. of my life so  I became part of the culture that surrounded me. I love the traditions adore the food and many of the wonderful artistic creative traits that we get exposed to and raised with.

I have lived in the United States since 1979, I feel proud to have both be a part of my makeup and I want to share the wisdom I've acquired in my journey with the Latino community. There are things I have witnessed in all my years here that I believe could be tweaked in order for the portion of the Latino Community who is struggling to have more success.

So that's my Dream Ellen, I wanna be the Jewish Bobe giving guidance and gifts and hugs as well as represent the Latino Community through the eyes of a grateful foreigner who grew up there and was always welcomed with open arms.

So give me a call Ellen or send me an e-mail at youneedanita@gmail.com.

I'll be ANXIOUSLY waiting!

I Have a Dream TOO!!!

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Saturday, September 24, 2016

The Boy in the Taco Stand...

I was thinking about this young man I met once and wondering how much of our responsibility is it to try to influence in a positive way a child's mind. Why should we talk to a strange child to see if we can inject some positivity into their lives, "Why Not"!!! is what I Ask, we are out and about most of the day bumping into strangers all day long, there comes this young impressionable person who is out in the world trying to find their way into a strange society filled with hatred and big egos and comparisons and a little bit of joy here and there, if I have two minutes with these children what can I do with that time to boost their confidence or give them some sort of life strategy.

I'll give you an example of thousands. I was living in the BEAUTIFUL city of Querétaro, Qro. Mexico. I had tried to go back to my country of birth to see if I could fit in after being gone for 35 yrs. I tried, I really tried, part of me belonged there but there are so many things about Mexico that don't work that no matter the culture, the food, the charm, the people are no longer as kind and hospitable as they used to be when I grew up there, the prices weren't that much cheaper, except for housing, that was the most attractive part for me, I could live in a lovely house for half the price of a little studio apartment in the US.

So I blended in easily I never left the culture, I work with Latinos it's my job, I did all the things I used to do when I lived there and had a lovely routine. One day a week they had this street mini market that served dinner to the locals, they put carps, long tables, metal folding chairs, maybe donated by one of the Beer Companies, as were the tables and the local ladies or guys who were cooks at home made these delicious home made meals and took them there to sell them to the locals and I loved going there for dinner once a week.

I would normally sit all by myself and people watch. I'd eat 3 tacos or quesadillas with a lot of salsa and maybe flan for desert. This one night it was the day before Mother's Day. Three teenagers sat by me and said hi, they were polite lovely kids and I had two minutes with them so I decided to start a conversation by asking "so are you guys ready for Mother's Day tomorrow"? Two of them said yes and the one next to me said I'm not, I still don't know what to get my mom and I don't have much money. So you can imagine that was my cue. That's what I could gift them with, just a strong weapon to last them a lifetime and bring joy into their lives.

I asked him "Would you like me to give you a suggestion coming from the Mom side of me of something that would not cost you a penny and would bring her the most joy"? Yes of course he answered as did his brother and sister although they already had bought her a gift. It intrigued them what that could be.

So first to validate my suggestion I told him I have two children, so I know what it feels like to receive just a gift vs receiving a letter or at best a letter with a gift. First the letter because for a mom the words put together with an action of love and kindness is all that we will ever need. Just a validation that we are doing a good job and that you are aware of it and appreciating it.

Then there's the gift, the gift if you are able to find a way of getting her one, which you should because you can do a chore for someone and get paid just to buy her a small token. The best for a mom is something she can keep to remind her of that moment. Like say a frame with a picture you chose and print, that doesn't cost much, maybe $10 the whole thing and you wrap it and give it to her with a love letter you're set for life :)

The young man next to me who didn't have a gift for her yet said all excited and nervous at the same time "I have $10 dlls and I have pictures on my phone of myself and my mom I can get her that, but I don't know how to write her a letter". Tell me all about your mom I said, describe her to me, tell me what you guys do together, what you do as a family tell me all you want.

He began to tell me a brief story of their family, their interaction, their vacations, their fun, the hardship and once he felt he had summarized it I said take a paper and a pen and write everything you just described to me, make it as long as you want but say as much as you can and with as much description as what you just gave to me,  write as if you're talking to her, it took you about 5 mins. to cover a lot of ground that when you put it down on paper it stays there forever.

You give a letter like that to your mom or to anyone you want to describe your feelings your emotions your love and you gift that to your mom and then you show her how she makes you feel with your actions, that's all a mom ever needs and wants.

I said good night and went to the taco lady to pay and asked to pay for them too. It was just a little gesture of love, I'm sure they felt it when they asked for the check and she said it's covered ;)

I will never forget the Boy in the Taco Stand...

Hugs xoxo

@nit@

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

"I Wanna Be the Being that I was Born to Be"...~ Abraham/Hicks

As I've mentioned before I have my routine, one that I was finally able to create and follow along with it, there have been so many interruptions in my intentions that cause me to lose focus or at least to divert from it for a bit. I like what being able to focus does to me so I managed to create an environment that is suitable and conducive to creativity.

I don't know why I grew up thinking that I wasn't creative and the worst part is not that I thought I wasn't but I acted on what I thought so I didn't allow myself much room to discover it. I think it all came clear to me when I saw myself through my children's eyes, they were my best critics, they say it like it is and that helps me get a different perspective of my abilities.

One of the things I do for example is the moment I open my eyes my mind and my actions are all being focused on my intention for the day, first for the early morning when my husband is still at home getting ready to leave, I focus on very different things when I'm around him than when I'm not.

He is amazing at doing things fast, so when he is here I do all the picking up, organizing and tidying up that I'm able because he helps me and the two of us do it in 1/10th of the time it takes me to do it all by myself.

Once he leaves I prepare everything I will need for work, set my alarm to let me know an hour before my appointment, I open the bathtub to very hot water so it gets to be room temperature once I'm done writing.

I write for as long as it takes me to put down the thoughts and emotions that might be lurking around in my mind as in needing to come out for some reason. I notice that every time I upload the final picture that ties into the story I just wrote about my heart beats faster, I get a rush of adrenaline as if I had run for miles and was in shape. I suppose that must be what it feels like for someone to do something more physically daring. For me being honest with myself, being accountable for my actions and honoring my emotions is just as daring.

I do many things all day, these are just a few samples of the changes I've made in my life to give myself better outcomes, so maybe those who care about me and those I might be able to help can also benefit from whatever it is that's my purpose in this journey.

I just read the Daily Inspiration that I receive from Alan Cohen, he calls it "Wisdom for Today" and it said: "If you don't do something different, today will be like all the other days." ~ Alan Cohen I love the way he says things, clear and to the point.

Abraham/Hicks were right when they said "I Wanna Be the Being that I was Born to Be"...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Monday, September 19, 2016

Find Me...

I started writing this blog back in December of 2007. Throughout my whole life I have always written journals, diaries, stories, poems, kept scrapbooks, yearbooks, took pictures, videos, collected pictures of my ancestors that my mom and my grandmother had, made very elaborate albums for my parents, my children and kept a dairy of something interesting they did every day for the first 13 yrs. of their lives.

I know this sounds crazy and I'm sure the different reasons that motivated me to do all these things were right for me at the time. One thing I do know is that I love doing all these things when I have the time, energy and the clear mind because to this day I still do all of that, but I also have this hunch that the real reason why I've always like doing these things is yet to come forth in my life.

The blog was different than all the rest of the things I've started and stopped. Although I wasn't as consistent in writing on my blog as I intended from the start, I've managed to keep a lot of the things that come to my mind and I just find the need to write them down as they flow through me uncontrollably.

At first my motivation for starting were four different things, one to be the witness to my own adventure since I was alone for the first time in my life, it was like a bomb exploded in my MicroUniverse and I had to start from scratch and I had nobody watching my re-birth so I decided to write about it so I would go back and check my progress after a while. That still works for me, that still motivates me, because I am my most avid reader, I love to see how my trajectory of the past 10 years has brought me back to a good place in my life, only now with so much more wisdom, serenity, patience, faith and most of all Happiness.

The second motivation was to send out to the Universe all my unfulfilled dreams and desires and to celebrate each one as it happened. That too has always served me well, whatever I have asked the Universe so far I've got and then-some.

My third motivation was to talk about the way I perceive and handle my life, I talk about anything and everything so that when I'm no longer around and my children ever wonder what I think about something specific or how I handled a challenge in my life all they have to do is read my entries, it's all there, they might find something that can help them in their lives.

The fourth was to find a life partner. I opened myself to the possibility that he was out there also looking for me and I sent my vibrations through my writings, my photographs and most of all my emotions.

My first cover picture was one that I took at Del Mar Beach in Del Mar, CA. I was taking a walk at the beach with a friend and asked him to stop for a moment. I grabbed a long stick and brushed flat the powdered sand so I could have a good size surface to write something with that long stick. I wrote the words FIND ME! and then took a step back and took a picture of it with my writings in mind.
I got home and found out that Google had a place where I could create a Blog for free and keep everything that I write in one spot, the thought of keeping my writings all in one place was very attractive, so I picked a design, uploaded the photo I had taken at the beach that morning, gave it the name that described me the best "Parallel Parked in a Perpendicular World" that's how I have always felt and I wrote what came to my mind at the time. It's been 10 years since then and I haven't stopped.

Now that I have been able to accomplish so many of the dreams I started with I'm going to focus on asking the Universe to FIND ME! again, only this time I want the right circumstances to be able to fulfill the dreams I still have to help others.

So once again but this time with different views, wisdom, desires and intentions... FIND ME!!!

Hugs xoxo
@nit@




A Long Time Ago in a Far Away Land...

Today the protagonist of my story will be Bobe Etko. She was my maternal grandmother RIP and it's only now at this age the I can understand how amazing a woman she was and with how much dignity and integrity she lived her life. I don't remember her being all lovey dovey at least not with me, my older brother was her favorite grandson and with good reason, he was her first grandchild and on top of that it was her only daughter's son, I didn't come around for another 2-1/2 yrs. and I was the second grandchild, so she had a whole 2 1/2 yrs. to interact with my brother before I got here.

Even though I don't remember her being that demonstrative I remember how well she managed her life and helped her two kids, my mom and her son Juan.

My mom made it her mission in life to take care of all her family while they were alive and once they were gone someone else would take their place in her mission to take care of whomever needed her care until the day she died. Her mom was no exception, if she needed her help at the store she had there she was, if she needed help at home my mom ran to help her out and when she was in her deathbed it was my mom who cared for her until her life quietly left her hard working somewhat lonesome life.

My grandfather had passed away in his early 50s, she had to be the one to continue on with the store to finish raising her two kids and once they each went off into their own lives, she continued to help them, I remember her giving her son some money for a downpayment for his apartment. He was a doctor and his wife an interpreter and yet it was Bobe Etko who had to come and help them out with a downpayment.

She also managed to maintain a group of girlfriends that she frequented every week. They played cards or went to movies and they traveled extensively all over the world as a group. She went on trains and planes and even cruises. I always admired how well she dressed, how she maintained a good figure, I never saw her have to lose a pound a day in her life. She had very good taste and she would match her outfit with her jewelry, if the silk knit suit she was wearing was turquoise she would wear turquoise to match, so she had a good selection to go with everything she had.

Her hair became white at a very early age but she would go to the hair salon once a week to get her hair coiffed and her nails done, even in her deathbed when she had to be on oxygen because the one nasty thing she did most of her life was smoke cigarettes, even there she asked for her hairdresser to come and fix her hair and nails, She died of emphysema, as did my mom, same reason around the same age.

Her beginnings were nice, she had many brothers and sisters, a religious father and a stay at home mom who had many children to raise. Her grandparents were around them too, all religious family, I remember one of her grandmothers, Ita was her name, she was this tiny little white haired lady with a hump on her back, I saw pictures of her, she passed away as I was being born.

I don't remember how many they were, my mom told me many times but it's one of those things I forgot, she was born in Poland back around the 1910s, I actually have her passport somewhere that I'll recover one of these days.

Between her who was the youngest child and her oldest brother José aka El Tío Pelón there were 20 yrs. difference. I kept her passport after my mom passed away. My mom always kept everything she could of all those she loved who left her behind to endure life that in all sincerity was a very difficult life.

Bobe Etko came to America when she was 15 yrs. old. Seide Pépe (her husband and my beloved grandfather RIP) came first. The story goes that they were girlfriend and boyfriend in the town of Mlawah, Poland. Bobe used to work at this factory that produced grenades. I still have a hard time believing that but why would she say that if it wasn't true. Seide was enrolled in the armed forces in Poland, I'm sure it was mandatory at his age especially in those years of Pogroms and anti-semitism and who knows what other turmoil there was. He was a cavalry soldier and one day on this mission he was carrying his nephew who was a little boy, they were hiding in trenches from the enemy whomever that was at the time, in one of these humid trenches full of mold he contracted typhoid fever. This was the start of what eventually would kill him, it weakened his heart and he had heart problems until he died from them in his early 50s.

Seide was also a tailor, that's how he earned his money, so once he was feeling better physically he decided to leave Poland to find a better life for him and his wife to be. Even though they were very young that was a normal age to be in a relationship at that time.

He took his suitcase and got on a ship with his brother and they went off. The ship landed in Veracruz, Mexico, a lovely port. My mom used to tell me how when he got there without speaking the language or any money for that matter he would sell sox on the street and then use the money to buy fabric to make a coat or a dress or anything he could sell for more to invest and create more to live off and save to bring Bobe from Poland to start a life with him.

I'm not sure how long it took him but it wasn't too long, perhaps a year, so Bobe Etko got on the ship from Poland to be with Seide and when she got to the port of Veracruz the captain wouldn't let her off the ship because she was a minor. So they tell me that Seide got on the ship and asked the Captain to marry them.

I remember the picture they had of that wedding, she was so beautiful and young, leaning against Seide who was an incredible handsome man. She had this little bouquet of flowers that she kept because they were made out of silk and covered in wax. It's hard to describe but they were really beautiful. I remember she also kept the little dolls that were on top of the cake. They were so well made, their little faces were made on a little circular bead hand painted with these huge eyes and they were each standing on top of a little heart. I kept those too, who knows where they are now, I feel one day I will recover all those little things that were so important to my mom who asked me to keep them and my life has taken me to so many places that I lost track of all those wonderful mementos that mean so much.

Bobe and Seide eventually moved to Mexico City, they lived downtown, they started a women's clothing store in the heart of downtown, Creaciones Estela on the corner of the Streets of Tacuba and Motolinia, it was small but it was consistent with her customers and the people who walked by.

She had beautiful dresses, coats, suits, scarfs, blouses, sweaters even gloves at the beginning some of the things that they sold were Seide's own creations then they started buying from factories. I kept the little coats Seide made for me when I was an infant, I had two huge dolls that used all my outfits he made me, not to mention the dresses my mom knitted. She even knitted some slippers for my Barbies, I can't imagine how she did that.

Some of my fondest memories are from that store. I used to accompany my mom when she went to help Bobe. I loved arranging the window displays, folding the clothes, selling to the ladies, grandma didn't let me do that too much, perhaps she should have, as a little girl I could have convinced the ladies to buy more. But what I loved the most about going to the store was taking my lunch pail, there were these stackable metal small pots covered with porcelain and held by two long metal rods on the sides that created a handle on top.

I would go to a restaurant a block away by the name of Café Tacuba. It was popular then but nothing like the popularity that it has now, over the years they even used the name for a popular singing group. I'd buy the menu of the day, it was the surprise of what it was that I loved the most, I could find things like Sopa de Tortilla, Chile Relleno, Mole con Pollo, Arroz,  Frijoles Refritos, Caldo Tlalpeño, Puntas de Filete a la Mexicana,  Enchiladas,  Camarónes al Mojo de Ajo, you name it, I loved it all, it was the Mexican food I grew up and loved eating every day of my life, I still do funny enough. And then for dessert there was flan, or caramel pudding, churros con chocolate, ate con queso, pastel de 7 leches, crepas de cajeta, buñuelos, tamales dulces, chongos zamoranos....

Later on things changed, like life always does, Bobe had to close the store because the city decided to build a Metro stop right there in that very spot so the store that gave here the ability to live a good life and feel the freedom of being a self sufficient woman in a country that took her in when she was still just a child was now gone.

From that point on Bobe was never the same, she had lost very precious members of her family. She had to watch her son die in his 40s from a terrible type of skin cancer and also had to watch my younger brother die, no Bobe should have to experience that much pain in her life.

I'm so grateful that I had these people and these experiences in my life, that I come from their genes and their incredible strength, kindness, perseverance, powerful dignity and commitment to life and family. Those are the values that I hope to maintain, the ones that in my own way I tried to pass on to my children, the ones that comes from A Long Time Ago in a Far Away Land...

Hugs xoxo

@nit@

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Google Maps...

When I first moved to this country back in 1979, when I was still in my 20s and starting a life from scratch, maybe even from debt, the first thing my husband and I bought was a AAA Club Membership. We felt safe having their protection, they handled everything from our trips to our Insurance to the guidance of where we are, where we want to go, what to find when we get there, how much will it cost, what rating it had.

I love Maps, always have for some odd reason, maybe because I love traveling and knowing where I am. When I have moved to many cities around the world every time I get there first I feel so lost, it is maps that help me find my way around and start to feel at home instead of in a foreign land.

Now there's the Internet, there's smart phone and GPS and my good friend and companion all day long GOOGLE MAPS!!! I don't think either my husband or I would have been able to adapt so quickly to our new surroundings first in San Diego, then all across the country to the other border, then finding our way around town, where to buy a car, where to park. We owe Google Maps our peace of mind that when we get in the car and are supposed to go wherever we have never gone before, Google Maps will illuminate our path and guide us right to the door that's going to be on your right side ;)


So I wanted to thank everyone at Google Maps and became proactive on paying back with what I know how to do, write and photograph. I post reviews, all around wherever I go I take pictures and post them on google maps to let people see what to expect when they get there. I tell them a little story of my experience there and how I feel about the place. My ratings are 99% for true excellence, I appreciate those who do their job with pride, although I have done a couple that truly disappointed us at all levels, I believe people need to remain accountable of their actions.

When I first started giving reviews and uploading pictures I had no idea they keep track and give you points and allow you to climb up the ladder, I'm up to Guide Level  #3. I thought that was a nice incentive to keep on people like me who like giving reviews and sharing photos to continue to climb up the ladder. It goes very slow but I'm not going anywhere I love finding something where I can help with what I love to do, give good reviews and take pictures of places and share them with anyone. I started 2 weeks ago and a week ago I get this e-mail direct from Google Maps congratulating me for having 1000 views on my pictures. It made me think wow, look 1000 people came to my gallery on opening night that's pretty darn wonderful. Well now this week I've passed 11,000, that's a growth of what percentage? I'm not mathematical  here but seems to me to be A LOT!! can you imagine what it will be years from now I'll become the talk of the town hahaha!!!

I love sharing what I like to do, what makes me happy and that all has to do with my inspiration to create something, whether it's writing, photography or some craft I get into all the time.

So this is a personal thank you first to the AAA Club, I'm still a loyal member since 1979 and now to Google Maps for holding our hand and not letting us get lost and just trust :)

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Saturday, September 17, 2016

A Kodak Moment...

I was riding with my husband a few days ago, I take him to work mostly Mondays and Tuesdays because he starts work at 4:00 am and there is no public transportation at that time, so we make it a very enjoyable trip and we have practically the whole city to ourselves, the streets are very quiet at that time as you know, it's like flying on a Magic Carpet and viewing every Kodak Moment in all it's splendor.

I snapped a few shots right from the bridge, it's almost as if I'm on a Disney ride high up on this massive bridge trying to capture that Kodak Moment!!! I have better shots than this one, but this one conveys the emotion I was feeling at the moment the best.

I'm a photographer at heart because I try to capture the emotion I was feeling at the moment I saw what my camera captured. Then when I look back at the photos I can clearly remember the emotion.

I share some of my photos on Google Maps as a Guide and I love to see the numbers rise from people who might have decided to go to a place that I might have rated as excellent! I just love recommending all the wonderful people who do great jobs for others and who have pride in their work.

Off to shoot more Kodak Moments...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Even When Nobody is Watching...

There are so many things that we do when nobody is watching, some are normal and make sense like going to the bathroom. There are others I also love, like dancing, laughing, singing and pulling at my lower lip that always gets dry with the changes of seasons. That's unsightly so I do it in private, like flossing my teeth.

Now there are other things us humans do when nobody is watching and not many of them are as normal or as standard as those I just described. So what happens when you commit a crime when nobody is watching? or rob someone or something that belongs to someone who will then experience pain because of the decision that you made when nobody was watching.

When my husband and I first moved to San Diego, CA it was the first time in his life he had entered the United States of America and he was already 50 yrs. old. He had traveled to Asia and Europe extensively but just never to the United States. He had lived in various countries as well but this was a totally new experience for him at all levels.

I remember taking him to Old Town, one of my favorite places anywhere in the World, it's just these few blocks that contain parts of the past when California belonged to Mexico. It reminds me of how amazing it is that two neighbors both so rich with so much abundance in their countries and their people, have such different cultural standards and values and its just right there across the street.

In Old Town he had to go to the restroom so we walked to this lovely small Hotel I know. When he came out the first thing he told me, "If I were back in Mexico where he spent the last 25 yrs. of his life and someone went into that bathroom that has extra toilet paper rolls and towels and hand cream, it wouldn't last an hour before someone would put all that into their purse and take it home". I couldn't help but laugh at his comment especially because I knew he was right about that, not everyone is a thief but it's like one does it so the other one gives himself permission to do things that are not right When Nobody is Watching...

Somebody is ALWAYS watching it's you, it's what you are planting it's what you will pick up in the end when it's all said and done, it's how you will carry yourself through the day with pride, it's how you can look at yourself in the mirror and smile.

I pick up garbage on the streets and when I had dogs I would pick up after other dogs because I wanted it clean and it wasn't. I recycle all I can and smile at those who frown. I walk a step back when I'm waiting for the elevator and someone else is coming out, I don't just stand there and stare as if why are you in my elevator when I want to get in.

I wipe the sink in public restrooms as well as the seat because I like finding it that way too. I post a little sticky note that says "Smile you Know You Want to" because it makes me smile to think of the one who is going to read that, maybe it'll make them smile too. I leave the bathroom tender a tip even when she had to leave the bathroom and only her little plate was there. I do this When Nobody is Watching because I Am Watching and I want my life to be the way I mold it for myself. Even When Nobody is Watching...


Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Staying in My Comfortable Shoes...

Our conversation early this morning had to do with our relationship with others and how they each impact in our level of harmony and ultimately happiness. We both have different views on it yet we're both looking for the same end result.

I used to be the worst offender when it came to human relationships, I was always kind, that I got from my precious mother and my two grandfathers whom I only knew for a few short years but who left me with the best legacy in human kindness. But I also had the influence of other people in my life who were not as positive nor did they have a strong level of human emotion, non that they would show to the outside world. I learned things from them too as a child, how to be selfish and judgmental, for a long time I thought nothing of it as if it was a normal trait of humans to all be critical of each other.

I'm a different human being now than those two contrasting traits I grew up with, I learned not to judge but it wasn't intentional. I learned it because I was judged and when that happened I didn't like it AT ALL, so I had to see how it felt until I could look at another and no matter what not judge them unless I am willing to wear their shoes and to tell you the truth mine are very comfortable and it's not that easy for me to find comfortable shoes.

So back to our morning talk, my husband tells me he just wants me to be happy so what he does so I can "Be Happy" is to point out all the wrong things he believes other people do to me so I don't give them my attention, as if I'm supposed to be blind and not see what others do. "I just want you to be happy" he says, "But I AM Happy don't you see? I will never ever be able to control the behavior of others towards me, I can only control my behavior and my emotions. If I accept any person in my life it will only be if I am able to love them unconditionally, otherwise people come and go from your life you chose who you keep around."

I want to have the best possible relationship with those I love and care about and the only way that can be is by being unconditional about it, I derive my joy out of my giving or my ability to help others see the good in themselves. I feel happiness when I see them happy!

I think I'm staying on my path and in my shoes, they are quite comfortable...


Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Monday, September 12, 2016

It's not so Bad at 65...

This is just my attempt at trying to remind myself that it's not as bad at 65 as your body sometimes makes you feel. The challenge I face is that as far as my mind and I am concerned we are ageless, I don't feel age, but my body does, it seems to believe that we are separate because I can't identify with the things my body does, like what do you mean I have to pee again, I just peed 5 mins. ago. What do you mean you want to fall asleep you just woke up.

I think in all honesty if it were up to me I'd go pay attention to my body and get some more rest, it must know what it needs, but it's not up to me it's kind of up to my husband who is like a dictator when it comes to our time.

We love being together, spending time doing things, I get pumped when I'm around him so he pushes me to get up and keep on moving, he tells me you make your own energy as you go along just keep moving, you will have forever to sleep when you die, now you have to keep on moving so around him I do you see, it's when he leaves, when I stay in my castle alone where I can eat, sleep, write, listen to music, meditate, think or allow myself to stop thinking I envision a lot, I'm getting great at that if I may say so myself.

So what's wrong with getting in the tub with bubbles and epson salts with essence of lemon, some soothing music, candles and my game of Candy Crush in case I get bored, lets not forget the cup of espresso and probably some cut up fruit, its peaches and plumbs today. Taking blueberries to work.

Today is another Magical Day, my body feels tired, if it were up to it I'd lay down and get some rest, but I have appointments to interpret all day, then there's my stepson's mattress that's arriving today, today I make my son's bed for the first time in many years, he doesn't even have a clue of what his room looks like, he's been sleeping in a rented room and sleeping on a mattress on the floor for years, so he's going to come here to this master bedroom suite with its own en-suite and walk-in closet with a roll top desk in a lovely neighborhood where you can walk to school, to transportation, to restaurants, to theaters, even to a river just two blocks away.

It's not so bad at 65 when you can still feel the desire to help others and when the desire has become your predominant thought and reason for being. It's others that make us, we are nothing on our own.

It's not so bad at 65, you've learned so much and you still have time for a do-over, to be someone's mother again, to be someone's grandmother and wife and daughter in law. My life goal and biggest dream is to bring us all together.

It's not so bad at 65 when you can start collecting some Social Security and Medicare, when you go to the stores or you get services and start getting discounts, when you go to the movies and pay like a kid again.

When you can still get stylish eyeglasses that you can see out of better and they make you look cool. When you can get a manicure and pedicure every month, and treat your body without chemicals, that's a whole other subject I'll write about but lets just say if our body says we gotta go, we are nature, so lets leave it to natural supplements to heal ourselves if we can, if not let go with dignity instead of fighting it with chemicals.

It's not so bad at 65, but I better get going to pee one last time, I gotta leave in 1/2 hr. no time to waste...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Sunday, September 11, 2016

When Opportunity Comes Knocking at Your Door...

Its later today, 6:52 am, indicating the Angels are here with me. I wrote about that once, 52 is the number I encounter all the time without me looking for it, now after all these years of seeing it its become more expected I suppose but I notice it appears either when I'm uncertain about a decision and I'm asking for clarity or when I've done something that makes me feel proud and grow. Those are for the most part the two instances when I see it. Today is definitely a 52 kind of a day for me. I swear that if I didn't experience it myself I wouldn't believe it but it is so true that lessons do come to you many times over until you've managed to make the right decisions. I'll tell you a story that illustrates this, something I'm living in this very moment that also happened to me when I was 23 yrs. old, newlywed with a broken English a husband still in Medical School and moving to Chicago from Mexico City where all we had there was Poppo.

This was in 1979. To make a very long story with the end result (the punchline) being the total opposite of what my new husband and I expected to get. We went there to be with Poppo he was my husband's dad and an amazing guy to the end of his days RIP I miss him terribly. They had seen each other over the years but not lived together since he was six. We both loved him so much and were so hungry to be a part of a family that neither of us felt we had in our parents at home for different reasons.

So we took all we had and moved there with so much enthusiasm and enormous dreams, we climbed and climbed and climbed the ladder but we were never able to have that family that we dreamt of creating and you want to know why? because there was a Wicked Stepmother in the Picture. I forgave her because I didn't really want to waste any time thinking about her but then one day I was put in the very same position that we put her then.

If you think I ever thought that one day I would be divorced you're crazy not me, not my ex and I we were like two peas in a pod, we called each other half of a sphere; but when you come from a broken home I don't think you can truly learn how to love unconditionally. Poppo was great but he was weak, he lived in the past and was always devoted to a wife who never wanted to promote for him to have a real love unconditional relationship with his son. So our attempt to become a part of that family was never to be.

Now I'm the Stepmom, now I'm totally on the other side of the coin, I'm still wearing my other shoes, those of the victim of the Stepmom's decision. That decision she made then I believe affected the outcome of not only mine and my ex-husband's life, but the lives of my children and so on and so forth. But did I learn the lesson well enough so now that I'm on the reverse of the coin I can help my husband and his son who is about to move here with us. In the US for the first time in his life, hardly any English and he is 19. Am I strong enough to give up my routine, my lifestyle, or even where I find my dishes?

I did think about it I wanted to be clear and honest with myself and I believe that I did learn enough to be on the giving seat this time, maybe Poppo whom I adored and spoke to all the way to his deathbed not that long ago RIP I always thought of him as my dad and he thought of me as his daughter in law, yet the day he died my name never appeared on any obituary and his now old and ailing wife meant well, they just didn't have it in themselves to be any different, I understand it wasn't personal but it was hurtful to us then, she made it very clear to us she didn't want us around.

I'm very grateful for the opportunity I've been given to be on this side so that I can try to be instrumental in creating a loving family and watching it grow always surrounded by love and possibilities. You never know what life may bring, here is a new son, new beginnings, but what I do know is that I am grateful for the lesson Poppo and his wife gave me they showed me what decisions to make when "Opportunity Comes Knocking at My Door".

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Buenos Aires for My Birthday...

Good Morning World, Good Morning Universe,...

It's funny what happens to me every morning, at first it takes me a while to just kick into gear, then once I'm on a roll I have to stop everything and take my husband to work if I want to keep the car for the day, I always hesitate about taking him all the way downtown and back it's about an hour round trip, but then I remember that once I put on those shoes and say yes I will have an adventure on the way there and another one on the way back. I will have felt so many emotions it will be worth hundreds of hours of therapy all wrapped up in just one hour of pure bliss, half of it in the company of my wonderful husband and the other half in my own wonderful company, I mean can you think of a better place to be than with yourself? or are you still working on that part, not quite sure what to make of yourself, one day you like yourself the other you hate yourself and there you are all the time you can't get rid of you!

So we're just about to get on the Freeway on our way to Downtown Seattle and it hits me all of a sudden, here we are only 3 yrs. in the USA only 3 yrs. as a married couple and we've accomplished the work that would have taken us ten years at a normal pace. We just do the intense courses and move up another step. So I said to my husband "Everything we planned for so far we got so I'm planning my next birthday. We are going to Buenos Aires to meet the Family" I declared.

Three years ago no matter how many times I repeated to him that we were going to get something, I always had to show him first and then I had to remind him I said so, he'd claim I was lucky, and I'd say it has nothing to do with luck don't you get it?

Today when I told him we were going to be spending my 65th Birthday in Buenos Aires being loved and cared for by the family I have and haven't even met? he knew we'd be there, he just said well I'll have to ask for vacation again, as if giving it a tone of a maybe, but I'm never a maybe he knows that so he said good we'll have to plan then.

And I bet you my daughter will tag along, maybe invite a friend, it's an awesome trip I'm sure they won't wanna miss it. I plan on having a 'Wedding Party' since we got married all by ourselves, I told this story before, we even had to pay a witness $14 to sign and then we went to a popular Pancake House for breakfast and a walk by the beach holding hands.

From today until January 24th, 2017 I will do one little thing every day to promote that trip not only takes place but it will be one to remember, there are important people I can't wait to see and hug again and others I'm so anxious to hug for the first time. I can't wait...Buenos Aires We'll Be There for My Birthday...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@


Thursday, September 8, 2016

Everything is Always Working Out for Me!...

A few weeks back I stumbled into this video I'm sharing with you here, I loved it immediately the first time I heard it, like a little child I played it over and over again for hours, even if it was just in the background as a sound I let it penetrate all the way through to my subconscious mind, she seems to be the one in charge so I give her what she seems to need or want and see what happens after that. Then once the honeymoon was over I started to listen to it just when I needed a boost in my energy or my belief, sometimes we may stumble into a challenge, feel down and this seems to do it for me, its an easy fix and most of all enjoyable to listen.

Now I'm at the point that I know exactly what to listen to and when, to always reach for the best possible emotion and stay there for as long as possible, with the understanding that it is I who determines if it is possible or not.


The more I listen the more I realize and accept that 'Everything is Always Working Out for Me', that maybe the consequences or the emotions felt weren't what I was thinking they would be, but even then, I learned how to listen to The Music in Everything that Surrounds me.

Yesterday I was talking to a lovely handsome young man, my daughter's good friend, they were at the airport and I was home and the call just flowed mostly went into music. What I told him was that my awareness tells me that every moment has to be lived as intensely as the emotions that we feel when we watch a movie. That to me one of the Main Characters in a movie is The Music, at the same level as the story, the protagonist, the challenge and the conclusion. Up there with all of them. With any of these components missing it just can't be as a good a movie.

I grew up watching movies to escape my own reality which was very challenging throughout. The music transported me to my emotions and I would become the protagonist of each movie that would truly touch my heart. The emotions were strong enough to keep me always feeling content and then things I lived emotionally through movies would come into my reality and they never would feel the same that I felt emotionally while watching the movie. I couldn't understand why that was.

So one day I was taking this University Course, they call it 'Diplomado' in Mexico, I have this dream of making my own movie, that one I knew exactly how it felt and there was a lot of everything in it, Drama, Tragedy, Comedy, Adventure, even Terror at some point. Just like a life I suppose. At that Course that was how to Write and Produce a Movie and they had this class given by a Professor of Music and director of The Association of Music in Movies who came from Spain to give this course.

Would you believe this little class in a little town from this big man turned on the light and gave me the answer. It was the Music that made the difference. The Music was the main character in order for me to feel the emotion of what I was just watching on a screen. Without the music I probably would have felt more flat. In real life, unless I make a conscious effort to listen to the music that life brings along with it, you may fall flat to the emotion and not allow yourself to feel it as it was intended to be felt.

My life at the point when I had that realization had already taken an enormous leap from where it started a few years back, but this realization made it very clear to me that I was responsible for my thoughts, for the things I do with those thoughts and with the way I feel inside. The music has been a therapy for me because I, like many, have this ability to play the tune that I want to hear according to the way I want to feel and accomplish feeling the way I wanted. That's the best Medicine I could have found for my Heart.

Everything is Always Working Out for All of Us!...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

It's All in a Day...

We may all think that it's about this history we are writing about our lives, we hold on to the past as if that was going to determine what today will bring and we reach to the future as if that is supposed to give any meaning to today, yes this today, right here and right now but it isn't about the history or the adventure, drama, comedy, terror, love, hate, poverty, wealth, knowledge, ignorance, it's not about any of that its just all in a day, whatever today brings that's what it is about because we don't have anything else, this may be it or this may be the beginning of a "Magical Mystery Ride".

If I were to go back and use then what I know now to make a decision all over again I think I would have been afraid to take some of the risks that I took that brought to my reality so many repressed and unfulfilled dreams to come true that even with the risks I took I would have never wanted to miss. I visited places and did things that were not even in my wildest dreams.


It's those experiences that have allowed me to continue to be a risk taker, a wild dreamer, a dream chaser. I Dare to Dream was the name I adopted more than 10 years ago. I even had a collection of license plates that I personalized for years that said idaretodream because that describes me to perfection. Well that and "Parallel Parked in a Perpendicular World" that too, but that's too long for a license plate so instead I used it for the Title of my Blog ;)

It took me years to understand the concept of Here and Now, not that I'm a moron, I know what it means but I didn't know quite how to apply it to my life I only knew how to worry and be in fear, that was familiar to me, but to release fear that was a whole different story. No matter how many books I would read they were all too technical for me, so to understand it I decided to write about it myself the way I perceived it and little by little it began to make sense to the point where I can't think the way I did for most of my life. I have tested myself with real challenges and I just can't seem to go back to the way I used to feel when something challenging comes my way.

I finally get that when you believe it you will see it instead of the other way around as we were told growing up, looking back at my life it was always that way but I never knew it was I who was being the creator of my own reality. When you understand that you stop living in pain or being a victim of a reality you are creating.

It's All in a Day... Go take it on!

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Stepping on the Cook...

It's only 5:20 am and we already had mates and espresso, caught up with one of the Argentinian Soap Operas I'm trying to get hooked on, there is so little on TV I like to watch that when I'm in the mood to watch anything on TV there's nothing I like, so I like to find a few things here and there, mostly talent shows of some type because it never seizes to amaze me how much talent there is out there in this vast world, I love to watch people succeed at their talents and love every minute of what they are doing. Some have these amazing stories of triumph against all odds. I tear up with every one of them.

Then we showered, made the bed, dried the clothes, put them away, organized the house, I took my husband to work and on the way back while driving in the dark with hardly anyone around me at this early hour, driving along familiar roads surrounding Lake Washington to come back to our gorgeous apartment I get to Meditate. I set up the tape that I want to Meditate with and I take it along with me on my ride home.

Once I get home and get everything squared away and I'm done making and drinking my Detoxifying Shake I start doing the things that bring me the most joy like writing, setting intentions, watering my plants, taking pictures, my coloring books or any craft I may be involved in at the time. Never missing my Music, I listen to Music that matches the mood I want to be in and it works like Magic!

Whenever I write I can never think what to write about because if I do I can never think of anything, the inspiration gets sparked by something I hear or something I see or experience. So my inspiration for this article was this step-stool.

I was taking pictures of the different things around the house because I like to remember emotions and pictures help me do that. So I took the stool because I loved it when we bought it and I love it even more now that it's been with us over a year and has helped us in the kitchen with me being so short or in the closets or even holding our plants on its steps and allowing them to showcase their beauty.

So I'm taking a picture of it and it wasn't coming out well so I put my foot to focus and the article came. It reminded me that my wish when I was alone for 10 yrs. was not to be in the company of a man because of loneliness or need, but because I know that when you are with the right person you can't help but grow at a faster pace and become a better version of yourself when you feel loved, needed, cared for and when you are allowed to care and love someone else again other than yourself.

Together hand in hand we've been able to become more true to our nature, he was always a salesman outside the house and a cook inside, now he became a cook outside and inside and that salesman part has obviously helped him sell himself, because from not knowing the language and only a few dishes here and there to becoming a great cook and butcher at prestigious very busy restaurants in such a short period of time he had to have been very in tune with his true nature to see the signs that took him there and put in the energy and the hard work to accomplish it. I always tell him that we are so lucky to be getting a formal education within our jobs and they are paying us to learn more of what we love to do.

So my Metaphor to all of this is that step-stool I love and take with me from room to room it's us finding each other at a crucial time in our lives and making it easier for each other to climb life's steps to success.

I Love Stepping on the Cook, and he lets me...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@




Saturday, September 3, 2016

The Day I Became Happy!!!...

For sure you don't think I'm going to be a spoiler and give you the punch line right from the start, first you have to come with me to find out why I had to become happy or why I wasn't till that day came.

I used to know this sociopath who curiously taught me two important things, a wise person said it to him years back and like all he did he would repeat things other's said, he had no personality of his own. "Siempre Hay un Día Cierto" he would say ALL the time. If we translate that literally it doesn't make much sense... but what it's saying is "The Day You've been Waiting for Always Comes". The other thing he would repeat was "No Pasa Nada!" and what that means is "Don't Worry about Anything, Nothing Will Happen" and the funny thing is that although he would say it all the time if anything that he perceived to be bad happened to him he would fall apart, he would say it so much around me that I started saying it too but what started happening to me was that I started realizing that the words took on a huge role in how I started to perceive my life. 

I don't really remember well how my mind worked before I could perceive my life the way I do now. I do remember however always living in a cloud of doubt, or sometimes it changed into one of fear with little rays of sun seeping through the clouds, then there was rain and thunder and back to sunshine for a while.

I don't know when the change started to occur within me, I think it started the day I perceived that I had lost everything that was important to me and I came to the realization that I could never get it back the way it was. I remember the internal turmoil I had but at the same time I also remember feeling a sense of relief.

I felt relief because there I was still standing and even though my life seemed to be crumbling down right before my eyes, I was still standing. I woke up one day and started to check all the parts in me. I made a mental list of all my parts and wrote a checklist in my mind. 

The first part was my body, is it still there? Yup, checkmark, still there intact. Same little pain here and there that I had before but otherwise still intact.

Then I went to the mind and checked there, what types of thoughts did I have, was I depressed? suicidal? on the contrary, I had this sense of sadness but relief at the same time, why? what did I need relief from I thought? oh yeah, my fears that's what. I remember living my whole life with fearful thoughts about something, it didn't much matter what the "Fear du Jour" was, but it was always something. And so imagine how it feels when you check your mind at the moment when you realize that all that I was always afraid of happening happened all at once and there I was still standing. I didn't have anything to be afraid of anymore, it all happened, now what, was I going to invent another reason to be afraid or get up and start living without fear and see what happens then?

And while I was in there checking my mind I also realized that all those dreams that I had once put on hold to create the life I thought I wanted only to lose it and never get it back, those dreams had not gone away after all those years, they were still alive and waiting on the sidelines for me to realize that my purpose in life was to fulfill them. If not why were they still there waiting and why did they show up right now when my abilities to make them happen are at an all time low. Why didn't they show up when I was rich and had my own house and grew my own food, why didn't they appear then or why did I shove them to the side rather, cause apparently they never left me. 

So my mind not only was there, now it was excited and making a lot more sense than it did when I had it all covered with fear clouds.

So once I checked the body and the mind I had to go to the most important part, the heart and that's when I felt a sense of what my purpose was and seeing that didn't have anything else to lose I went out to find out who I was and what I was capable of doing to fulfill all those dreams that had been patiently waiting on the sidelines while I thought I was "Making Life Happen On Purpose" when in reality it was the total opposite.

In the final equation my life scores were as follows:

A-   Body - A little out of shape but tending to that with the right tools this time
A+  Mind - "Parallel Parked in a Perpendicular World!"
A+  Heart - Yup, still there, beating hard and filled with dreams and gratitude!!!
A+  Goals and Dreams - Checking things off my "Bucket List" all the time!
A+  Fear - Dead and Cremated

Of course my life isn't as perfect as the scores claim that it is, what's perfect is that "The Days I've Been Waiting For Always Come" and I don't worry about anything anymore, now I love the clouds as much as I love the sun and I learned to be Grateful about my "Life Adventure". 

I wake up every day excited wondering what it will bring to me. 

It's a process taking full responsibility for all your thoughts, feelings and actions, acceptance of what life brings your way and a change of perception and attitude towards life. That's "The Day I Became Happy!"

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Thursday, September 1, 2016

TRADITIONS!!! TRADITIONS...

I'm sure there must be millions of articles out there that explain why we create traditions, I've never cared to read about it though, because I want to respect my own reasons why I create MY Traditions, and my personal reason is very simple, because they make me feel better that's why I pick them and keep on reverting to them because they bring me some type of well-being.

I can pick any of them like say brushing my teeth with a Sonicare toothbrush while taking a shower. I notice that if I have to brush my teeth outside of the shower it gives me a feeling of laziness, aggghhh I have to stand there for two minutes drooling all over my face, the mirror gets all splashed, with the water closed so I don't waste so much water for two mins. that does nothing for me other than make that pretty sound that water makes.

Now the way I choose to do it while in the shower this is my perception of it, the warm water on my body and my face feels like I'm being caressed by millions of angels that are cleansing every negative emotion that I might be carrying, it takes exactly two minutes to brush with a Sonicare, 1/2 min. on each quadrant and on each one of them I focus on how I visualize my day will be and set my intentions.

The water washes my face, there is no drool only warm water, nothing gets splashed or stained, just cleansed and energized, so for me that's what makes it worth to be put into the category of a Tradition...

Like this morning before my husband went to work we like to make the bed together. It's 10 times faster and very enjoyable as opposed to just one of us making it. Together we tie-up the plans we made earlier while drinking mattes and espresso, another Tradition.

We leave it as if this was a model apartment that's going to be shown to potential buyers, Realtors call it 'Staging', and nobody is going to come here except for us, so why do we take such good care of something that we have to mess up again this evening? because of the joy that it gives us every time we look at it, because of the many ways it makes us feel and most of all because we are so proud and so grateful for having gotten to this place that was once just an intention.

This is why I create MY OWN TRADITIONS... Because it helps me aspire to always do all I can to be all that I was born to be, whatever that may be...

Traditions!!! OH! Traditions...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Tu Sí Pasas... Tu No Pasas...

Nos reíamos mucho mi esposo y yo esta mañana que hablábamos de las moscas. Yo le decía antes de cambiarnos que aunque no hubiera mosquitero en el nuevo departamento teníamos que dejar las puertas de la sala abiertas, es lo lindo de tener puertas francesas que se abren de par en par y ni hablar del jardincito que tenemos afuera, como no lo vamos a ver?  Tenemos que ver a Chip & Dale que se persiguen todas las mañanas por la bardita, agarran una de las ciruelas que tiene el árbol del vecino y se sientan a comerselas con sus dos manitas, como no vamos a ver eso?"Pero se van a meter las moscas" me decía el "Y bueno tendremos que co-existir con ellas." yo le respondía.

Eso fue antes de que nos cambiasemos, ahora que estamos aquí cambié de idea. La verdad es que es muy difícil ignorar que hay una o más moscas rondando en el mismo ambiente en el que tu estás tratando de concentrarte para escribir, o haciendo el aseo, cocinando, comiendo y que constantemente te vengan a zumbar al oído o pararse en tu cachete y evadirte cuando tratas de hacerlas que se vayan.

A mi no me gusta matar a otro ser viviente, hasta las plantas cuido como si tuvieran sentimientos, pero hay ciertos bichos que son muy molestos. Primero decidimos hacer de todo para tratar de ahuyentartas, compramos esos frasquitos que despiden un olor que supuestamente las mantiene lejos y si deciden acercarse al frasquito y se meten y ahí se quedan pero esa es decisión de ellas. Lo único que hizo eso fue atraerlas, algunas se metían y se morían otras no querían entrar pero ahí estaban rondando el frasquito por horas y otras entraban y encontraban la manera de salirse de nuevo para volverlo a hacer y ni mencionar las que decidían que ese no era su ambiente y se metían al nuestro a romper nuestra armonía.

Luego compramos una lampara que se supone te protege 1/2 acre de esas a las que si toman el riesgo de acercarse de más ahí si que no salen con vida. Vi algunas palomitas ahí pegadas, pobres ellas ni ruido hacen, pero no vi ni una mosca que se acercara. La dejamos varios días y nada, pero eso si había unas que no se querían salir de nuestra sala y eran de esas chiquitas que son muy veloces y ninguno de los dos las podía ver el suficiente tiempo para poder usar ese matamoscas de plástico que también habíamos comprado.

Ahí sigue colgada una trampa con goma que se supone debe atraerlas y ahí se quedan pegadas. Ya lleva una semana y las únicas moscas que tiene son las que le dibujaron al cartoncito para que sepas que para eso son esas trampas. Bueno pues serán para eso pero ni una sola se les acerca.

Y ahí no termina la cosa, volvimos a la tienda y compramos una raqueta eléctrica. Mi esposo tiene una misión y esa es la de vivir sin bichos en la casa tenga que hacer lo que tenga que hacer y yo lo único que prohibo es que usemos sprays químicos, esos terminan afectándonos más a nosotros que a los bichos. Tampoco funcionó, la raqueta que compramos se podía estirar, doblar para alcanzarlas mejor y terminó rompiéndose y al único que mató fué a un mosquito. Esos vuelan más lento aunque casi nunca se ven, es el primero que yo veo en 1 1/2 años que vivimos en Seattle. Ni una sola mosca pescó.

Hoy en la mañana hablábamos de que las pequeñitas no son tan molestas, "Y que vas a hacer para que nada más entren las chiquitas y no las grandes te vas a parar en la puerta a decirles Tu Sí Pasas... Tu No Pasas... y duré un buen rato riéndome.

Hoy voy a escribirle a la Gerente para que nos pongan un mosquitero porque yo quiero aprovechar que tenemos el lugar tal como lo queríamos y ya vi que mi esposo tenía razón!!! No podemos dejar que las moscas entren a alterar la armonía de nuestro ambiente. Para eso tienen todo el resto del mundo fuera de nuestras puertas francesas. Aquí las únicas que tienen permiso de entrar, es más si yo veo a una yo mismo le pongo mi mano para que venga y se sienta en casa es la catarina, ellas siempre estarán bienvenidas no importa de que tamaño sean ;)

Abrazos xoxo
@nit@

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Raising the Bar...

So we settled into our new "Home Sweet Home", finally able to kick back and look at the end result of a well obtained goal and enjoy the fruits of our walk down this path. We're still going to need to get a few things to make it more comfortable, like a sofa-bed because we are expecting company from family and friends. That was another goal, so here it comes, gotta prepare for that...

Today we had a very busy but lovely new "Morning with Espresso" at 3:00 am my husband went to work and I decided to sit and tend to what I love doing the most, WRITING!!! Writing makes me accountable to myself, it's a reminder to be grateful for everything that shows up in my life and to notice that it all happens first in my thoughts. It allows me to plan my next steps and what my intentions are, not to mention a review of all the magic that is life.

Since I work for a School District I had all summer off, I needed to get a summer job but didn't know what I wanted to do, got lots of offers to go back into the corporate world but I already did that for too many years of my life, sales, NAH! been there, done that, so I decided to do what comes natural to me, take care of children. I raised two wonderful of my own and wanted to give myself the opportunity to help someone else with their children while they have to go to work, I was lucky enough to be a "Stay At Home Mom" but not everyone can.

This proved to be very rewarding, first it reiterated to me that I'm still a child and love to play and have fun. I could write so many stories about these children, all unique, special, blossoming. Like this 6 yr. old who gives me drawings of her and I playing together as she tells me I'm her besty, others tell me their dreams, their joys, even their fears sometimes and they ask me when they can come to my house.

I do crafts with them, play video and board games, get on the swings, go down the slide, ride a scooter, bake cookies, help them decorate their lemonade stand, read to them or just tell them fun empowering stories that flow through my mind, I like them to feel good about themselves, to know that they have limitless potential, abilities and talents,  I take them to the library or the park, teach them words in Spanish, it gives me a chance to see what it will be like to be the grandma that I will be one day, taking my grandchildren up on that treehouse that I'll have to create traditions with then and be very well prepared for that.

Going into peoples homes gives me the opportunity to have a glance into other people's real lives. Not that their outside lives are not real by any means, by real I mean that when we are behind closed doors inside our own home with the people we love and trust the most, we allow ourselves to be more of who we are without having to put on whatever mask or take on whatever role we play every time we step outside of those doors.

As parents we all have one thing in common and that is our intention. We all mean well and do what we do because we really believe that's what it takes to raise our children the best way possible. We want to "Raise The Bar" with them and either give them what we didn't have, or give them all the opportunities so that they can become the best versions of themselves, but that's about all we have in common because everyone does it in a different way and nobody really knows if the way we chose to do it is going to bring the end result that we want. To raise healthy, caring, kind, polite, generous, productive, happy, harmonious, content human beings. They are our responsibility, we are their life guides and their childhood goes by so fast.

As an outsider without any emotional attachment to these families and as the mother of two adult well rounded children I am able to see the mistakes we make as parents, in our choices, lessons we teach them with our actions, too much or too little of anything is not likely to bring the results we want, there needs to be a balance and that goes for everything we teach them, do for them, with them, make them do, give or take away from them, allow or not allow them to do.

I've had a chance to reflect on all the mistakes I made as a parent, though my intentions were always good as most parents are, I too was blinded by my emotional attachment to them but I'm equally as grateful to life for having given me the opportunity to be a mother and now that I can see things a lot more clearly I can't wait to be a grandmother and be there to help my children 'Raise That Bar.'..

Hugs xoxo
@nit@




Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Magical Morning...

The only thing that makes a 'Morning Magical' is the way you allow yourself to perceive it. Today I felt like the luckiest woman alive because I allowed myself to see it and most of all feel it that way. I was wondering why I don't perceive it quite as good as this sometimes and the only thing I can come up with is that I have come to accept that life is ever flowing and ever changing and that it responds to your vibrations, so when I experience the results of the changes all accumulated into one morning perception, it makes me realize that it does work that way.

It's only passed 6:30 am and I've already done more than most days by 5 pm. and have enjoyed every single thing I did and appreciate the moment as my own creation, I can remember the many times I thought I'd like to have it this way and that way and that other way and there it was all there, all for me to experience and share and love and care and be loved.

My mornings with my husband remind me of those I spent with my kids while they were growing up. They were full of life and full of chaos. When they left for school I had already done a full day's worth of work and still had the whole day to cross things off the 'TO DO TODAY' List!

We start our mornings VERY early due to my husband's job, he has to be at work by 4:00 am, I had already experienced that as well back when I first got married 40 years ago to a medical student and that pattern lasted for years during his residency, social service, specialty and even into his professional years. I don't remember enjoying it at that time when I was young and fresh and full of life's dreams of the future.

So we have this pretty cool routine going on, we turn on the TV on the Argentinian Channel to watch the continuation saga of whatever Argentinian Soap Opera we might be hooked on and didn't get a chance to watch it the prior day, or to watch Mexican or Argentinian news now and then Seattle news, but that's not my choice for sure, I just go along with the program as if we were watching a sport that I don't care for but my husband does or him watching girly movies with me, he loves them just as much as I do by the way ;)

Then we share some Mate this bitter Argentinian tea drank out of a stainless steel straw. I love everything about that Tradition and isn't life made of Traditions we love and adopt? Then I made him some Eggs with Matzah, refried beans, homemade salsa picante and a Delicious cup of Organic Espresso. Now see there I go with my tradidions, just with that breakfast alone you can tell I am Jewish, Mexican, married to an Italo/Argentinian.

Then we both take showers and get ready in our two sink master bathroom, now I've had those too in my life in the past, I did appreciate that I remember, had these bathrooms in my large house when my kids were growing up and it was always a dream of mine to decorate my bathrooms so I did it in that house, painted one in bright oranges, other in turquoise, yellow and mint green, tiled the sink of another to look like a painting I saw and loved. But then I didn't have them for many years and now

that I do I appreciate them that much more. I love the feeling of being in the same room with my husband, feels like the energy my kids would inject into me when they were growing up and giving life to that huge white house where we raised them.

After getting ready we sit for some espresso while my husband has already done and put away two loads of laundry, we make a "TO DO TODAY" list, I might respond to a work e-mail or two, we plan the meal for the evening, I try to clean up as much of the chaos that he makes while he is still here, because I have to admit that once he leaves, whatever is left takes me about an hour to put back together, partially because I derive some of my energy out of his presence, he pushes me to do my best like a body-trainer of sorts and when he leaves I cheat, I sit, I drink coffee, I write, I call my mother in law, I wash the fruit, water the plants, and then in between task and task I organize the chaos.

We did other things, all fun of course, all in great company, with laughter and appreciation, we open the french doors to the little back yard, I had 1/2 acre and 7 bathrooms and felt empty inside, now my cup runeth over so I am able to perceive it with eyes of miracle, wonder, creation, dreams fulfilled, crossed out many lines off my 'Bucket List' .

Its 7:15 am and what a day awaits me. I just hung up with my husband, his first day going to work on the bus from the station that's just two blocks away, he was happy and satisfied and eager to get to work so he can finish and come home to our wonderful routines our family traditions and our walk hand in hand on our path to many more Magical Mornings and Miracle Days!

Hugs xoxo
@nit@





Wednesday, August 10, 2016

It's Graduation Day...

At first you're an infant and graduate from being at home with mostly your immediate family who catered to your every single need and your exposure to another little baby here and there to a Pre-school with teachers, classrooms, structures, tasks, where learning starts as a game, at that age it feels like you've crossed over from the mostly unconscious baby world to the 'Real World', you're feeling more confident, challenged, anxious, even stressed with all these new things you're learning, more so nowadays with technology, but even in my days of play-dough, songs, musical instruments, coloring books, dolls, monkey bars, swings and sandboxes I still remember it was of enormous impact, almost like an awakening to our huge potential as human beings.

Throughout the years we keep on graduating celebrating landmarks of knowledge and independence, the more we graduate the more our responsibilities grow for the things we chose to learn so that we can become self sufficient, productive and can create our very own Micro Universe.

We have these ideas that our lives are going to turn out a certain way, I think we get these ideas from things we experience or witness others experience and we walk in that direction but we never really know what we will find on our way there.

I stopped counting my graduations a long time ago, I celebrate my growth with appreciation but this Friday my husband and I have a huge "Graduation Celebration".

We will be moving from what we called our dorm (a small studio apartment with a gorgeous unobstructed view of Mount Rainier and Lake Washington) to a two bedroom two bathroom apartment. I want to spell out bedroom because it seems like such a long time since we've had one.

Our trajectory at this late stage in our lives has been intense and amazing, going from coming back to the US after being gone for years, taking on jobs that we had never done or considered doing before even in our youth, renting a room in someone's apartment, then at a long term hotel with a microwave for a kitchen, to a larger hotel room with a kitchenette, to this gorgeous Studio apartment and now this Friday we are moving to a two bedroom that even has a little backyard with deck, grass and plants.

I understand now that what it takes to get what you want is to keep on walking in the direction of your dreams with gratitude and conviction until once again you can Celebrate Graduation Day!...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@