Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Magical Morning...

The only thing that makes a 'Morning Magical' is the way you allow yourself to perceive it. Today I felt like the luckiest woman alive because I allowed myself to see it and most of all feel it that way. I was wondering why I don't perceive it quite as good as this sometimes and the only thing I can come up with is that I have come to accept that life is ever flowing and ever changing and that it responds to your vibrations, so when I experience the results of the changes all accumulated into one morning perception, it makes me realize that it does work that way.

It's only passed 6:30 am and I've already done more than most days by 5 pm. and have enjoyed every single thing I did and appreciate the moment as my own creation, I can remember the many times I thought I'd like to have it this way and that way and that other way and there it was all there, all for me to experience and share and love and care and be loved.

My mornings with my husband remind me of those I spent with my kids while they were growing up. They were full of life and full of chaos. When they left for school I had already done a full day's worth of work and still had the whole day to cross things off the 'TO DO TODAY' List!

We start our mornings VERY early due to my husband's job, he has to be at work by 4:00 am, I had already experienced that as well back when I first got married 40 years ago to a medical student and that pattern lasted for years during his residency, social service, specialty and even into his professional years. I don't remember enjoying it at that time when I was young and fresh and full of life's dreams of the future.

So we have this pretty cool routine going on, we turn on the TV on the Argentinian Channel to watch the continuation saga of whatever Argentinian Soap Opera we might be hooked on and didn't get a chance to watch it the prior day, or to watch Mexican or Argentinian news now and then Seattle news, but that's not my choice for sure, I just go along with the program as if we were watching a sport that I don't care for but my husband does or him watching girly movies with me, he loves them just as much as I do by the way ;)

Then we share some Mate this bitter Argentinian tea drank out of a stainless steel straw. I love everything about that Tradition and isn't life made of Traditions we love and adopt? Then I made him some Eggs with Matzah, refried beans, homemade salsa picante and a Delicious cup of Organic Espresso. Now see there I go with my tradidions, just with that breakfast alone you can tell I am Jewish, Mexican, married to an Italo/Argentinian.

Then we both take showers and get ready in our two sink master bathroom, now I've had those too in my life in the past, I did appreciate that I remember, had these bathrooms in my large house when my kids were growing up and it was always a dream of mine to decorate my bathrooms so I did it in that house, painted one in bright oranges, other in turquoise, yellow and mint green, tiled the sink of another to look like a painting I saw and loved. But then I didn't have them for many years and now

that I do I appreciate them that much more. I love the feeling of being in the same room with my husband, feels like the energy my kids would inject into me when they were growing up and giving life to that huge white house where we raised them.

After getting ready we sit for some espresso while my husband has already done and put away two loads of laundry, we make a "TO DO TODAY" list, I might respond to a work e-mail or two, we plan the meal for the evening, I try to clean up as much of the chaos that he makes while he is still here, because I have to admit that once he leaves, whatever is left takes me about an hour to put back together, partially because I derive some of my energy out of his presence, he pushes me to do my best like a body-trainer of sorts and when he leaves I cheat, I sit, I drink coffee, I write, I call my mother in law, I wash the fruit, water the plants, and then in between task and task I organize the chaos.

We did other things, all fun of course, all in great company, with laughter and appreciation, we open the french doors to the little back yard, I had 1/2 acre and 7 bathrooms and felt empty inside, now my cup runeth over so I am able to perceive it with eyes of miracle, wonder, creation, dreams fulfilled, crossed out many lines off my 'Bucket List' .

Its 7:15 am and what a day awaits me. I just hung up with my husband, his first day going to work on the bus from the station that's just two blocks away, he was happy and satisfied and eager to get to work so he can finish and come home to our wonderful routines our family traditions and our walk hand in hand on our path to many more Magical Mornings and Miracle Days!

Hugs xoxo

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

It's Graduation Day...

At first you're an infant and graduate from being at home with mostly your immediate family who catered to your every single need and your exposure to another little baby here and there to a Pre-school with teachers, classrooms, structures, tasks, where learning starts as a game, at that age it feels like you've crossed over from the mostly unconscious baby world to the 'Real World', you're feeling more confident, challenged, anxious, even stressed with all these new things you're learning, more so nowadays with technology, but even in my days of play-dough, songs, musical instruments, coloring books, dolls, monkey bars, swings and sandboxes I still remember it was of enormous impact, almost like an awakening to our huge potential as human beings.

Throughout the years we keep on graduating celebrating landmarks of knowledge and independence, the more we graduate the more our responsibilities grow for the things we chose to learn so that we can become self sufficient, productive and can create our very own Micro Universe.

We have these ideas that our lives are going to turn out a certain way, I think we get these ideas from things we experience or witness others experience and we walk in that direction but we never really know what we will find on our way there.

I stopped counting my graduations a long time ago, I celebrate my growth with appreciation but this Friday my husband and I have a huge "Graduation Celebration".

We will be moving from what we called our dorm (a small studio apartment with a gorgeous unobstructed view of Mount Rainier and Lake Washington) to a two bedroom two bathroom apartment. I want to spell out bedroom because it seems like such a long time since we've had one.

Our trajectory at this late stage in our lives has been intense and amazing, going from coming back to the US after being gone for years, taking on jobs that we had never done or considered doing before even in our youth, renting a room in someone's apartment, then at a long term hotel with a microwave for a kitchen, to a larger hotel room with a kitchenette, to this gorgeous Studio apartment and now this Friday we are moving to a two bedroom that even has a little backyard with deck, grass and plants.

I understand now that what it takes to get what you want is to keep on walking in the direction of your dreams with gratitude and conviction until once again you can Celebrate Graduation Day!...

Hugs xoxo

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Money Needs Me!!!....

There are as many levels between the wealthiest and the poorest as there are between their perception of their economical wellbeing and how it makes them act and feel. I believe that in order to see this clearly you have to have experienced both ends of the coin, otherwise you can only imagine what it would be like to be rich or poor, whatever the case may be.

For one I don't comprehend why economy has to work this way, it makes no sense that it does. I don't even believe money should exist, I think everyone should have everything they want or need for free in exchange for giving others what you have to give as your talent for free. Like a teacher who teaches my kids while I interpret for hers, someone else treats her as a patient or gives her some food they grew, etc. You get my drift I'm sure. Even spiritual leaders who want to 'Heal Humanity' or help you get 'Illuminated' will charge you to teach you how to do it that's only if their way happens to be the right way.

It's not that I'm a communist believe me, I enjoy traveling, going out to eat, to a movie, the theater, I love reading and doing crafts, owning a home, buying clothes and furniture and many other things that bring comfort and some balance into my life, hurray for those who know how to create wealth, I just think that we have the most important components, intelligence and we are loving beings, we all share the same dream, to be happy and if everyone helps everyone how can we not be.

Whomever invented money and laws and governments and religions never thought of the long term consequences, do animals have any of that? So are you going to tell me that the world is in such an amazing shape and people all get along because men have made so many advances, laws, rules and discoveries? are we better off than any of the animals roaming this earth, that's if us humans even allow them to do that. We'll even go as far as killing a gorilla that was already enclosed and kept captive for years because a distracted mother didn't watch her 3 yr. old son who fell near him! Are you kidding me?????... Who do we think we are to decide what the animals want to do with their lives? why do we train them to serve us? would we want another more intelligent species to do that with us?

Am I crazy to think this? am I the only one in this "MUNDO DE LOCURA" who can see life this way?

I had money and it made me afraid to lose it so I kept on accumulating and someone else decided to lose it for me and one day I had none. I was able to see the me who had a lot and couldn't see it from the other side of the coin and I thought to myself, am I going to keep waiting to have fun and be happy when (fill the blank).... or am I just going to start having fun right now no matter what, so I went to find the fun in my heart and now I want to give that gift to others that's why I write about my experiences, its so liberating and it doesn't cost a thing.

Some people have so much wealth that only accumulates dust in a bank or numbers on a piece of paper, then they have to pay the accountants, lawyers, investment counselors and bankers, etc. to keep that money safe and growing for what? just buy all you want, keep what you need to have a good life and then give the rest away.

The fact is that money exists and I'm not going to change the world with my ideas, instead there are so many things I want to buy and do for other people that I know will bring them so much happiness since everything costs money and there is so much accumulation of unused money just sitting there looking pretty on a piece of paper in the form of numbers for generations to come.

I'm one they'd want to give some of it to. I promise to make a wealthy person out there who is willing to believe in me very happy that he/she did, because nothing would make me happier than giving it to others I know who really need it, not in the form of money necessarily but in the form of something special that I know would make them as happy as they've ever been and I would find out what that is and give it to each of them in person one by one. Especially to groups of Senior Citizens and animals who are two of my focus groups. The helpless, the ailing, the lonely, the forgotten.

'I Am Here to Fulfill Dreams', that must be my Dharma or I wouldn't enjoy so much doing it and I'm stubborn and don't take no for an answer from life, I never give up, so I will not be surprised the day I get a call from my daughter screaming "OMG Mom Thank You Thank You Thank You for paying my student loans, I love you so much". I know my daughter and that's how she'll say it ;)

So Ellen, Oprah, Bill ( I even live in your neck of the woods) Mark, anyone.... MONEY NEEDS ME!!! ;)

Hugs xoxo

Saturday, July 30, 2016

Any Time, Any Place, Any Circumstances, Any Age...

I have the best examples that show how The Universe has always worked for me. This first story I'll share happened perhaps over 10 yrs. ago, not exactly sure of the timeline but give or take a year. The scenario starts way before that with a dream or rather a role in a movie. I learned how to manifest through the movies, but that's a whole other story for another time.

It started in August of 1987 when I went to see "Dirty Dancing" for the first time. I'm not surprised I loved it so much since so many others did as well, all for different reasons I'm sure but it has many things in it that makes it so likable. The old fashion values, the lifestyles, the change in the lives of the Dancers, the coming of Age, the scenario and the simpler times when we had fun as a family each with our own diversions and entertainment. It created continuity, going back to the same places year after year to find the same smiling faces who were happy to see you. Kind of like "Cheers". 

As for me I fell in Love with all of that plus I had all these unfulfilled dreams and my life was already more than half way. Would I ever accomplish that at this later stage of my life? I certainly didn't think I would to tell you the truth. There were more reasons for me to believe at that stage that it was never going to happen, than reasons to show me that it was still possible.

I watched it many times over the years, I'm good at placing myself emotionally while watching movies as if I was the protagonist of the stories I like and maybe that's one of the reasons that helps me manifest movies in such a similar pattern even at totally different stages of my life and with the least of possibilities to make it happen.

The years passed and I raised two wonderful children and one day they each went their way and I was left to be with myself perhaps for the first time in my life. My ex-husband and I parted ways and I found myself with the doors of manifestation wide open, NO MORE EXCUSES!!! Oh No!!!What Now??? I asked myself, are you all talk or do you really believe you can accomplish as many dreams as possible or will you never find out what it could have been like?

I was starting my life all over again and didn't know what steps to take, I had never done much of anything on my own, there was always someone around to ask and I felt like my family needed me to help them with something, but I think I was avoiding the feeling that I couldn't really walk my own path whatever that meant.

I pushed myself beyond the limits of my comfort. At first I traveled to Europe alone, I went all over, Amsterdam, Ibiza,  these two cities deserve their very own Blog Entry so we'll leave that for another time. I went to so many places I forget Prague, Florence, Venice, Rome, Sicily, Murano, Pizza, Bologna and many other cities in Italy, London, Banks, other cities in England, Croatia, where I met the family of a young man I was Foster Parent to while he lived in the US with us. Went to many cities in Spain like Barcelona, Madrid, Toledo, to Germany, to tell you the truth I didn't have much money, but somehow I just trusted it would come from somewhere and it always did.

I didn't panic when I got to Prague without a hotel reservation, took a cab to Hotel X that was listed on the Hotel Board at the Airport. Checked-in at 11:30 pm and walked to an Internet Cafe that closed at midnight but forgot to take the name or address of the Hotel I was staying at. I was sure I would find it on my way back I just didn't want the Internet Cafe to close so I could move to a nicer hotel the next day.

I booked myself at the Westin and proceeded to go back to the Hotel Something or Other Green. The word Green was the only thing I remembered. It should have been 15 mins. from the Cafe, that's what it took me to get there, but an hour later at almost 1 am. walking alone on the streets of Prague I realized I was not going to find it that way.

I walked to the nearest open Pizza Parlor and they didn't know where that Hotel was, not around there they said, so I had a slice of Pizza and kept on going. Found a Police Station, they looked in the phone book, but nothing to my surprise. I thought could I be on the Twilight Zone perhaps? Now if you knew me before, this would have sent me into a state of total anxiety, despair perhaps, doubt, fear, anguish, but this time I trusted that everything was exactly what the Adventure needed, something exciting to experience and write about.

I kept on walking, sat on the sidewalk to smoke a cigarette with a street person, he asked me for one and I used to smoke so why not share and take a break, soon it'll be morning you will think of something by then, I thought. I kept on walking after that going down small streets, it was a neighborhood of houses, interesting to see a neighborhood during the wee hours of the morning in a foreign country where I don't even speak the language. It was exciting!

I stumbled into a Pub that was sort of on the Basement of one of the Houses, there was loud music coming from there and a lot of laughter. How could I not go in and see what makes them laugh, I wanted to laugh with them. I had some coffee and the best time laughing at their laughter. I couldn't understand a word they were saying but I understand laughter so I laughed too. And that's when it came to me, "take a cab Anita", I said to myself and ask the driver to take you to the Airport where you found the Hotel you're staying at and then ask him to drive you there and that's what I did. But to my surprise the cab driver knew exactly where the Something or Other Green Hotel was. It was called something else just a week prior, the Green House I believe had just acquired that name so not many knew about it.

He took me there, I rested like a baby and lived an adventure that nobody can take away from me. At that moment I felt like the luckiest and wealthiest woman because I had experienced a sense of no fear and total freedom to live a life of Adventure regardless of the circumstances.

One day I was in Milan I remember like it was yesterday. I went to the ATM to get some cash, was sure there was money there but all I had left were $40 dlls. while in the middle of the streets of Milan. Oh NO!!!! What Now!!!! The only person I could think of was my brother although we don't have a close relationship. He's been managing hotels for many years now.  I sent him an e-mail and he replied to me "If you can get yourself to Cancun you can stay at the Hotel as long as you want".

I had a ticket to go back to San Diego in about a month, so I took a cab to the Milan Airport with the $40 dlls. I had left on my debit account, went to the ticket counter of the Airline that flew to Cancun and asked for help getting there with the ticket I had. At first they said no of course, that's not how it's done, my ticket wasn't even for their Airline, but I must have touched someone's heart as I said to them "Pretend I'm your mom and she's in this situation. Would you want someone to help her get home?" and well that worked cause less than a day later I was being picked up at the Cancun Airport by a van from the 5 Star all Inclusive Resort that my brother used to Manage.

And that's where one of my long time dreams came true. Of course if I'm at a Resort my Brother manages I'm going to get to know everyone, I'm not shy and if I'll be staying there for free for a while I gotta become useful and do something to pay it forward or I won't feel good about it, not to mention get bored out of my skull. So first I go around introducing myself to the whole staff, one by one and I make myself available to help where my help might be needed according to the things I feel I have to offer and they bring me joy in return.

Everyone accepted the help I offered of course, nobody will ever refuse your help when it comes from the Heart. So in the mornings I would go to the pool to have breakfast, relax, exercise and catch some rays, I'd walk on the beach, exercise in the pool, sometimes even got a massage or paint a ceramic piece, and right around 12:30 pm is when my workday would start.

First I'd go the theater to rehearse with the Entertainment Group to participate with them at the nightly shows. Then I'd go straight to the kitchen to help the bakers, the chefs, the cooks, I'd even sweep if I had to. Then I'd go to the room, shower, get some rest, change and then the fun part would start.

Every night the Dining Room would turn into a different Country, we'd decorate and prepare meals from the countries and since I wanted to interact with the Guests too I asked to be placed behind the Grill. I'd grill the meat, poultry, fish, seafood, or whatever it was to be grilled that night and everybody that ate in that dining room and wanted something from the grill gave me the opportunity to serve them with a big smile. It gave my stay there a purpose. Right when dinner ended I'd run to the theater to perform with the Entertainment Group.

They all loved me because they had the perception that I was going to be like my brother, harsh and a fierce leader, instead I felt appreciative that they were letting me in their territory, giving me the tasks I asked for and without even me knowing it I was fulfilling my long time dream.

I had created my very own "Dirty Dancing" scenario and was living the very things I lived every time I watched the movie in my mind and most of all in my heart. I guess I was "Baby at the ripe age of 52" ;) there was even the cute young Italian dancer making passes at me every night under the Moonlight when the Entertainment Group and guests would gather at the beach to dance the night away.

I don't have a clue what life has in store for me but what I do know is that I live in a state of excitement and wonder. Before I would have thought of it as anxiety and worry, but how can I have anxiety about something that doesn't exist or worry when I can see clearly how it is my ability to surrender my control to the Mysteries of the Universe that has showed me time and time again that Amazing things happen at Any Time, Any Place, under Any Circumstances at Any Age.

Here's to you fulfilling your Dreams...

Hugs xoxo

Monday, July 25, 2016

Home Sweet Home....

There are those who are lucky enough to have a place of their own to call home. They manage to purchase the "House of Their Dreams" or maybe a Condominium, a Townhouse or even a Mobil Home. Perhaps they decided that was the perfect place to set roots and they found a way to do it. I've been there several times in my life, I owned homes and Condos and Townhouses but they kept on changing as my life was doing the same.

The last house I owned was supposed to be IT. It's the only one I got attached to emotionally, the one where I raised my kids, where I saw their first steps and watched them grow. Where we celebrated many of their birthdays and cared for a lot of pets who became part of the family too. This was the only house I owned where I decided to plant my own garden and learned to care for it.

We had various types of apple trees, plumbs, bananas, mangoes, guayabas, figs, pomegranates, peaches, apricots, nectarines, cucumbers, berries, melons, watermelons, oranges, lemons, avocados, tomatoes, onions, carrots, cilantro, basil, parsley, chili peppers, beans, grapes, etc. and lets not get started with all the flowers and many types of trees, cactus and evergreens.

I always dreamt of having a stream or any small body of water running next to my house, there was this trench that the previous owner dug so that if and when it rained it wouldn't get flooded, which is not a common occurrence in Southern California, so I had the plan of putting some pipes and filling it with water so as to have my own home made stream but that never to happened. We did build a pool with a waterfall and a little pond so that counted as my body of water.

Another dream I've always had is having what I refer to as a lover's swing, a swing built for two. I did get one as a Mother's Day gift, I remember how much joy I felt when I received it, I had wanted it for so long I was savoring every moment of it, but what I don't remember is using it much for the purpose it was intended, I would often sit on it and swing all by myself and think. My husband was too busy with work and my kids with their lives, their toys, their school, their games, their friends.

The house had a tennis court that doubled as a basketball court, a pool, a trampoline, a Guest Cottage that we finished building and decorating with our own hands and the help of a construction worker. Every corner of that little guest cottage was created with so much love, I thought of our parents when they got old, or our children when they went off to college and came back to visit and hopefully stay for a while. I thought of our grandchildren, how much they were going to love visiting Nana and Poppo. It had it's own kitchen and bathroom and it looked like a suite at the best hotels, not to mention it was in the backyard and all you had to do was step out to be surrounded by everything you could need for entertainment and serenity. I even gave it it's own address 5289. Both my ex-husband and I were born in 1952 and our two children were born in 1989 so it was the most important numbers to me, they represented My Family!

The only dream I never got to fulfill there was having a Tree House. It was going to be where I went up to at first with my children to read them stories, sing songs, do picnics and later on with my grandchildren. We got it started, but we never go to finish it. So that is still in my "Bucket List".

I swore I would never sell that house, I wanted my kids to have a place to call home that brought them all the memories of the wonderful childhood they experienced there, I always wanted to have that as a child and never did so I promised myself I would give that to my children, but that dream was shattered into millions of pieces, just like the windshield of a car after it's been hit head on by a trailer whose lights were blinding me and I was unable to avoid it.

That was 10 years ago, I don't remember how many places I've rented since then, going around the world looking for that dream, the house with the yard and the plants, the room for my guests so that our children and grandchildren have a place to call home whenever they want to come visit or just move in. The stream, the swing, the scents of home cooked meals, the music, children's laughter, the sounds of family and the Tree House so that Nana, the "Born Storyteller" can tell her grandchildren all of those stories that come from a life well lived, a life filled with Passion, Hopes and Dreams and all the memories we'll create together as a Family!

In the meantime we rent here, we rent there, oh the stories I could tell you, we leave them behind to blow with the wind, the same wind that takes us to the next place, until we can finally find the one to call "Home Sweet Home"...

Hugs xoxo

Sunday, July 17, 2016

I Can See Clearly Now...

It's interesting to me when we can finally start to notice that our lives are a total creation of our thoughts, feelings and actions. It's a big responsibility to put on our shoulders so that we can change what we don't like and keep pursuing our dreams without limitations or fears of any kind.

I see it in everything I experience in my "Life Adventure" like this morning for example.

I was at my building's gym at 3:30 am. My husband had just left for work and there is NOBODY around at that time,  I feel as if I'm in my own private gym in my 'Mansion' working out to get my strength and shape back, finally deciding to put on those workout shoes I've been too tired or too lazy or too discouraged to put on and go down the elevator 5 stories straight to the door of the gym.

We have lived in this building over a year and JUST NOW I managed to put on those shoes. Somethings you can call me "Speedy Gonzalez" but that's only when I like what I'm doing but when it takes that extra effort that comes from energy I don't perceive that I have, that's when I can win a Procrastination Trophy!!! although eventually I make up my mind and GET IT DONE but it could take a long time!!! Obviously I did have the energy since I am working out, but I've been like this my whole life and am fiercely trying to change that.

So while I was exercising to the music of a "Latin Workout" station where all the music makes me want to dance, I was thinking of all the things I thought would bring me happiness a few years back and I'm totally surrounded by all of them, although I aim high and am going to continue climbing my whole life, but now I know it's up to me putting on those shoes and going out to pursue all of my dreams because they are all doable and on their way to become a part of my "Life Adventure."

Test yourselves, look at your thoughts, feelings, actions and results and you'll see what I mean. I Can See Clearly Now....

Hugs xoxo

Monday, July 11, 2016

Make it Happen on Purpose...

I just read an article written by a man who is 46 years old. I don't recall the exact details but what he wrote was a desperate cry out to anyone who might be wasting time postponing their lives, their dreams, their chance at love, their goals just to be financially sound and then start living.

He was very explicit as to how it turned out for him. Basically what happened is that he dedicated more time to his career and his work than he did to his son and his wife, so about 10 years ago the wife decided that she felt lonely and took on a lover, so she was having the life of a wife, a mother and a lover. It took him ten years to realize he had lost his wife and now that he realized it he said why did I waste all that time trying to build up a future so we could enjoy life as a family and now that I have the financial security I have no family to enjoy it with.

Even though I could see desperation for his loss and how sorry he was that he didn't realize it sooner, I don't really know how much sooner, maybe 15 years ago? I can also see it from the other side of the river.

In my experience and looking at it as something practical. First as a woman myself and having had that same experience, I was the wife of the Doctor, the caretaker, teacher, volunteer, housewife,  cook, housekeeper, gardener, pet caretaker, driver, lover and friend. I set the woman in me aside, I had no time for that, I didn't resent that my spouse was out building our economic future while I was building our family and even though I do consider having done a great job on my side, I still found myself alone at 50 and wondering why!?

To me finding myself at the total opposite end of where I thought I would wind up with the effort I decided to put into raising a family sent me on a whirlwind of emotions, that prompted me to make decisions that I never ever thought I could or would. It was as if giving myself permission to do everything wrong this time, because doing it right as I thought I was, certainly had not brought me the results I expected.

Well of course after a while of making all the wrong decisions I realized that wasn't the path either. That if I wanted to enjoy being alive rather than just existing that I had to do things in a totally different way and I set out to find which way that made sense to me and brought me the most peace and harmony. At this stage you realize that you just have to find that peace and harmony and everything else falls into place.

Right now when I read the rants of this poor 46 year old man with nothing but financial stability I think to myself, I tell you what, you give me the financial stability you have and I will show you how to enjoy your life. You are only 46 years old you still have such a long and wonderful road ahead of you. Maybe it'll be with other people to give your love to and who will love everything about you without the need to go behind your back to love another.

I don't know, I wish I was 46 and had the financial stability that you have, just go out and find happiness again in all that you have and all that you are. It's a wonderful life adventure you just have to go... Make it Happen on Purpose...

Hugs xoxo

Monday, July 4, 2016

El Amor Causa Dolor...

Cuando amamos a alguien sentimos dolor a veces por razones fuera de nuestro control como cuando les pasa algo, los vemos sufrir o cuando nos tenemos que separar por algo, pero un ser amado le podemos o nos puede causar dolor algunas veces a propósito con la clara intención de hacernos daño y a veces sin darse cuenta pero igual causa daño.

Tiene sentido que si no amas a alguien que te ama, con el simple hecho de no amarlos de regreso les estas causando un gran daño sin querer hacerlo, pero como puede ser que amemos a alguien y al mismo tiempo queramos hacerle daño!?

Mucho se ha hablado de este tema tan complejo, desde el lado psicológico, filosófico o espiritual, pero que lo vemos y lo vivimos es una realidad indudable.

En la vida cuando no tenemos nada que perder es difícil sentirnos heridos o decepcionados pero el Amor nos causa Felicidad y es protagonista de muchas de nuestras mejores experiencias de vida, por lo tanto ahí sí tenemos mucho que perder y eso nos vuelve vulnerables al dolor.

Hay veces que hacemos daño a quienes amamos porque nos sentimos dependientes de ellos para algo. Es muy común que dos personas desenvuelvan una relación intensa con algún amigo(a), familiar o con una pareja para intentar que la felicidad de ambos mejore, pero hay ocasiones en las que esa dependencia se va fuera de balance y cuando está desproporcionada el de los dos que se sienta más débil puede querer causarle un daño al otro para sentirse menos vulnerable al dolor. Esta se convierte en una herramienta importante para mejorar la imagen que tienen de sí mismos o afirmar su Independencia.

A veces lo hacemos para llamar la atención si sentimos que la otra persona se está alejando, para desquitar el malhumor con alguien que nos contiene, tolera y acepta tal como somos o para establecer límites. Lo hacemos por medio del abuso verbal, el rechazo físico o tomándose por hecho sin tomar en cuenta las necesidades del otro.

Hay ocasiones en las que inconscientemente buscamos una relación para recrear un trauma emocional. Formamos nuestra identidad basados en las experiencias de vida que hemos tenido y las personas de las que hemos vivido rodeados. Si tuvimos la fortuna de estar rodeados de amor y armonía lo más seguro es que busquemos en nuestras relaciones esa misma armonía que nos es tan conocida, pero si vivimos con drama o abusos, cuando nos volvemos adultos nos sentimos más como nosotros mismos cuando podemos recrear ese trauma emocional.

Puede ser que nos sintamos incomodos con la cercanía o el amor de alguien y por lo tanto saboteamos la relación o evitamos la intimidad o hasta podemos desencadenar el caos o el drama en una relación que tenga armonía y tranquilidad.

Tenemos la fantasía de que cuando seamos adultos vamos a encontrar el amor o algo que nos hizo falta y no tuvimos cuando éramos niños. Si por ejemplo no tuvimos el amor de un padre/madre, como adultos tenemos la opción de buscar a alguien con la personalidad parecida a la de la persona por quien nos sentimos heridos. No sentimos atraídos por la naturaleza de la carga emocional que forma parte de esa naturaleza que formamos.

Cuando esto pasa es lógico pensar que esa persona de la que nos enamoramos tiene todas las herramientas necesarias para recrear el trauma emocional de nuestra infancia y después de que pasa esa euforia o atracción inicial nos encontramos en una relación frágil en la que nuestros miedos se vuelven a reactivar y al final resultamos más heridos de lo que estábamos porque esta vez la persona que pensábamos que nos daría el amor que nunca tuvimos es la que nos está haciendo daño aunque sea de una manera inconsciente.

Es nuestra responsabilidad aprender a comunicar nuestros sentimientos de una manera constructiva y sobre todo de tener muy claro cuales son las heridas emocionales que venimos cargando de nuestro pasado y resolverlas. Ayudar a crear un lugar emocionalmente seguro para que las personas a quienes amamos sientan la confianza de expresar sus sentimientos sin ser juzgados. Trabajar en equipo para ver que es lo que nos enciende y nos hace atacar al otro con afán de hacerle daño.

Una relación en la que existe Amor no es algo que se debe tomar a la ligera, tenemos que tratarla como un privilegio y le debemos el máximo respeto. El Amor no nos da derecho al abuso como gratificación para nuestro Ego.

Las relaciones que creamos son en realidad una oportunidad para vernos a nosotros mismos con mucha más claridad, son como los amigos que hicimos antes de re-tomar esta Aventura de Vida y quedamos de que cuando nos encontrásemos nos íbamos a ayudar a encaminarnos hacia la luz y que nos íbamos a dar el chance de ver nuestro lado sombreado, aquel lado al que tanto trabajo le ha costado que le de la luz. En otras palabras nos hace ver nuestras vidas con más claridad. Nos podemos esconder de nosotros mismos y de la mayoría de los demás pero difícilmente de la persona que nos ama y a quien amamos. El Amor ayuda que a que eventualmente ese lado sombreado se llene de luz.

Tal vez le hacemos daño a los demás para aprender a amarnos a nosotros mismos y a los demás en forma incondicional.

Aunque el Amor Cause Dolor...Yo seguiré prefiriendo ir por la Vida Amando y Siendo Amada...

Con Amor xoxo

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

You Don't Want IT Bad Enough...

I've had the same challenge my whole life, to maintain a low weight and keep up with an exercise program so that I can reap the benefits it brings to the quality of my life. I've managed to develop the discipline it takes to follow through as far as healthy and moderate eating habits as well as a consistent workout programs, but the challenge is that even if I can hold on to the program for a long time, as soon as something creeps up into my life that throws my routine off for whatever reason, or I'm dealing with something, no matter what, that takes most of the energy I have and doesn't leave me with enough to continue my programmed routine.

I've managed to workout and eat healthy and in moderation for years at a time so I'm not sure what makes it so difficult for me to get back on the saddle once I fall off the horse, because life is unpredictable and we do fall off the horse, especially me who still has to conquer the fear of riding one. Oh how I would LOVE to do that!!!! or Would I?...

Years ago just after giving birth to my son I weighed more than I ever did in my entire life, I had no idea how to handle that because I'd never been at that weight before, and even when I had 5 or 10 lbs. to lose at some point I found that to be so hard for me to accomplish. How was I going to lose all this weight?! I thought it was a very long shot...

I had two newborn babies less than a year apart, I was 38 and chunky at best. I wanted to sleep all day but couldn't and when I couldn't sleep those few minutes in between caring for two newborns I wanted to eat to keep myself awake and feeling alive.

I don't remember exactly how long it was but at least for the first two years of their lives I didn't sleep more than 4 hrs. a day with intervals. I got used to staying awake so I would use my time the best possible way but none of it was spent exercising and that I know for a fact.

I thought I wanted that more than anything in my life, the same way I've been thinking I want it right now and yet the results are telling me that I Don't Want It Bad Enough or I'd have it by now!!! Everything I've ever really wanted in my life I've had it so why not this?

I took some time off and just ate, I forgot how happy being trim and healthy makes me feel and I stopped exercising and ate all I wanted long enough to put me at the unhealthiest point of my life. I mean I have it in my hands to change that, all I have to do is what my daughter and my husband say to me, just put the shoes on and go workout. I must not want it bad enough that I find all sorts of excuses not to start again.

Though there are no excuses why I waited this long to pick that habit back up that allows me to match the way I view and think of myself with the way I look and feel on the outside. That's not me I'm looking at the reflection in that mirror, the picture on the camera, that's not the one I want to be and this is not the way I want to feel for the next say 30 yrs. of my life. I still have a lot of dreams to fulfill, and lot of things to experience, a lot of places to visit and a lot of happiness to embrace in my well lived "Parallel Parked in a Perpendicular World" Life!!!.. But I have to feel and look the part to enjoy it to the fullest.

I DO WANT IT BAD ENOUGH, I'LL SHOW ME THAT :) I know I can, I've done it more than once!

Do you want what you think you want Bad Enough? Ask yourselves that, you'll be surprised of the answer if you're honest enough with yourselves. Nothing can stop you if you really Want it Bad Enough!!!... Go make it happen on purpose, I am...

Hugs xoxo

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Let It Go... Let It Go...

"So what does that look like?" my daughter asked me years ago. How do you just let go of something that's hurting you, I try but the thoughts and the feelings keep on coming back. I remember taking a moment to think about that, what exactly does it mean when someone suggests that if you don't like the feelings or emotions that you get when you hold on to something that doesn't harmonize with you that you should just Let It Go....

I remember feelings of anger, jealousy, anxiety, depression and any number of emotions that are not pleasant nor do they render any benefits. When that happens to me my Intuition is telling me that it makes no sense to feel in dis-harmony with something you either can't control, something that already happened or anything you can't change or do anything about, and yet my heart feels a different way,  I didn't know how to control, balance or justify those emotions most of the time, so the day my daughter asked me "What does Letting Go mean and what does it look like?" a few years back I would've had no idea how to answer that. I was ridden with emotions that not only kept me down and were not in harmony with life, they became so strong that I had to take a physical and emotional distance from all those things that were throwing me totally off balance.

At the time I remember feeling serenity for the first time in a long time. It was as if I broke my last emotional fear of anything and everything.

When I found myself alone like that, whether it was self imposed or not, harmony started being my normal as opposed to something that I had to go in search of all the time. So when that harmony would go off balance it gave me a glimpse, a chance to understand why it happened and if I didn't like feeling that way I would just distance myself from that.

In time I started challenging myself to feel the emotions again without putting that distance between me and what was causing it and confronting what before would make me uncomfortable.

Then that became the new normal, the understanding of judgement to others, knowing yourself, seeing your shadow, knowing how to stay in the light, becoming more tolerant, not taking things personal and most of all how not to label every emotion as positive or negative.

When you manage to put all that recipe together it might fail you now and then, but for the most part the cake comes out smelling, tasting and feeling good, and if once in a while it doesn't, well you tasted raw dough, nothing wrong with that ;) next time you just remember the formula, the recipe, bake it a little longer perhaps and most of all if you don't like it, just Let It Go...

Hugs xoxo


Sunday, June 12, 2016

SMILE... You Know You Want To...

I decided to start a new trend and I want to call it "Smile, You Know You Want To..." Perhaps I will be the only one doing it but it doesn't matter to me, what's important is that each one of us can do something to put a smile on any human being's face.

It is very easy to follow. All you need to have is something to write with, pen or pencil and a pack of  Post-it® Notes of any color or size. You draw a smile that if you see it stuck on any wall would make you smile and you write around the smile the words "Smile, You Know You Want To..." Take it with you when you go out and every time you use a public restroom Post one of your smiles on the mirror where everyone has to go wash their hands.

It is more than likely that you will not see the results of having left that smile posted on the mirror, but as the saying goes "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" Of course scientifically, logically and intuitively the answer is obviously yes, not because someone is not there to witness does it mean that it doesn't happen.

You just Post that smile and exit the bathroom feeling satisfaction that today you helped put a smile on the lips of someone and perhaps somebody who needed it.

Either you join my "Smile, You Know You Want To..." Campaign or your have your own way, the next time you go out, make someone  "SMILE, You Know You Want To"... ;)

Hugs xoxo

A Favor NO En Contra...

Hace muchos años, justo después de que mis dos hijos nacieron sentí que no podía recordar muchas cosas, especialmente mi memoria a corto plazo estaba débil. Ponía las cosas en algún sitio y olvidaba dónde, entraba en una habitación y no recordaba qué iba a hacer allí, incluso empecé a escribirme notas y las perdía. Me preocupaba porque podía darme cuenta de lo que estaba pasando, pero no sabía cómo detenerlo. Tenía dos recién nacidos que se llevaban menos de un año, yo tenía 38 años y era la principal responsable de su bienestar. Su papá se iba al trabajo y regresaba a casa demasiado cansado para pasar mucho tiempo con los bebés que normalmente estaban dormidos.

El dibujo de arriba es uno que hice intentando crear una imagen visual de cómo piensa mi mente. Decidí ir en busca de ayuda, así que busqué a un psicólogo que trata con este tipo de problemas. Él me hizo una prueba muy larga que duró aproximadamente 5 horas. Fue una tortura porque tenía que concentrarme y pensar en cada pregunta o tarea y mantener la concentración por un período de tiempo muy largo. Siempre he tenido dificultad en hacer sólo una cosa por un largo periodo de tiempo, tengo que estar cambiando activamente mis actividades para que no se vuelva abrumador. En otras palabras, prefiero tener cambios que mantener las cosas iguales todo el tiempo.

No recuerdo exactamente todos los resultados de esta prueba, pero sí recuerdo dos cosas que el doctor me dijo. Una que mi inteligencia estaba por arriba del promedio y dos que mi habilidad de concentración se interpone en el camino de que termine una actividad y que por el hecho de haberme adaptado a esta debilidad o fortaleza como lo quieras ver, he forzado un cambio en una parte de mí. Que tenía que aprender como aprovechar la manera en la que yo proceso la información y manejarlo a mi manera, de modo que cuando me gusta algo logre mantener el interés en ello, sin sentir que tengo que hacerlo de una determinada manera o no funcionará.

Aparentemente lo que esto hace es, digamos que deseas ser escultor y en tu mente ya sabes lo que quieres esculpir y cómo se va a ver el producto final, pero te sientas en frente del barro y no puedes hacer que tenga el aspecto que tu deseas, por lo que necesitas aprender maneras de cómo hacerlo. Alguien que procesa la información de la manera en que yo lo hago, tendría que saber que un día va a hacer la figura que viste en tu mente, pero justo en este momento no tienes lo necesario para concentrar toda tu atención en el aprendizaje de cómo hacerlo, quieres hacer muchas cosas y saltar de una a  la otra.

Ahora que estoy trabajando en el campo de la Educación y principalmente en la Educación Especial me doy cuenta de la importancia de saber cómo aprendemos porque todos somos diferentes. Los recursos disponibles en la actualidad en las escuelas para los niños que necesitan ser instruidos de una manera diferente son increíbles y lo que estos educadores están haciendo es educar a cada niño de la forma en que el niño puede aprender mejor. Yo podría haberme beneficiado de este tipo de educación, pero no existía nada parecido en mis días, al menos no en mi entorno. Yo era sólo una estudiante promedio que tenían calificaciones mediocres y me fui a estudiar una carrera que mi papá eligió para mí, así podría empezar a trabajar de inmediato y él podría dejar de tener que mantenerme.

Decidí que si no podía quedarme enfocada en una sola cosa a la vez, que me gustaría aprovechar el hecho de que me gustan los cambios y aprender a hacer las cosas de la manera en que a mi me funciona. Siempre estoy activamente aprendiendo algo, escribiendo, haciendo alguna manualidad, trabajando, aprendiendo un nuevo idioma, enseñando, todo menos cocinar, ese es el rol de mi marido. ;)

Yo diría que en los últimos 10 años de mi vida he tenido muchos más logros haciendo las cosas a mi manera, que lo que hice los primeros 50 años tratando de hacerlo de la manera que funciona para la mayoría de la gente. Me alegro que al menos hice algo al respecto en lugar de resistirme a la manera en que funciona para mí.

No hay caso "Estacionada en Paralelo en un Mundo Perpendicular".

Bueno, es hora de irme a arreglar. "El Libro de la Selva" empieza en menos de una hora.

Shabbat Shalom a todos....

Abrazos xoxo

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Working With Not Against...

Many years ago right after my two children were born I noticed that I couldn't remember many things, particularly my short term memory was weak. I would place things and then forget where, go into a room and not remember what I was going to do there, I even started writing myself notes and would lose them. I got concerned because I could realize it was happening but I didn't know how to make it stop. I had two newborns less than a year apart, I was 38 years old and mostly responsible for their wellbeing. Their dad would go to work and come home too tired to spend much time with the babies who were usually asleep.

The drawing above is one I did trying to describe with a visual image of how my mind thinks. I decided to go get some help so I thought of a psychologist who deals with these types of challenges. He gave me a very long test that lasted for about 5 hours. It was torture because I had to focus and think through every question or task and maintain concentration for a very long period of time. I have always had a hard time doing only one thing for a long time, I have to be actively changing my activities so they don't become overwhelming. In other words I rather have changes than keep everything the same.

I don't remember exactly all the results of this test but I do remember two things the Doctor told me. One that my intelligence was above average and two that my ability to concentrate gets in the way of me wanting to follow through with a task and that when I adapted to this weakness or strength however you want to look at it, I force changed a part of me. That I had to learn how to take advantage of the way I process my information and act on it so that when I like something I keep the interest in it without feeling that I have to do it in a certain way or it won't work.

Apparently what this does is that say you want to be a sculptor and in your mind you already know what you want to sculpt and how it's going to look, but you sit down in front of that clay and you can't make it look the way you want to so you need to learn ways of how to do that. Someone who processes information the way I do, would KNOW that one day you're going to do that figure in your mind, but right at this moment you don't have what it takes to focus all your attention on learning how to do it, you want to do many things and jump from one to the other.

Now that I work in Education and mostly in Special Education I see the importance of knowing how everybody learns because we are all different. The resources available nowadays in the schools for children who need to be taught a different way are amazing and what these educators are doing is teaching each child the way the child can learn. I could have benefited from this type of education, but there wasn't anything like that in my days. I was just an average student who had mediocre grades and went to study a career that my dad chose for me so I could start working right away and he could stop having to support me.

I decided that if I couldn't stay with only one thing I would take advantage of the fact that I like changes and learn to do things the way it works for me. I'm always actively learning something, writing, doing a craft, working, learning a new language, teaching, anything but cooking, that's my husband's department ;)

I would say that in the past 10 years of my life I've learned much more doing it my way than I did the first 50 years trying to do it the way it works for most people. I'm just glad that I did something about it instead of resisting the way it works for me even at a more advanced age.

There's no denying "Parallel Parked in a Perpendicular World". 

Well it's time to get ready, " The Jungle Book" starts in less than an hour.

Shabbat Shalom everyone....

Hugs xoxo

Monday, June 6, 2016

Many Shades of Gray...

We are emotional beings who learn how to think and I believe that one of the main differences in the way we view things has to do with a combination of our life's experiences and our interpretation of them. We can sway between perceiving something to be good or bad depending on how that experience affected our own lives and we judge it or others accordingly.

If all of a sudden your life takes you to where the experience that once proved to be negative becomes positive you may stop judging it and start giving it a different meaning, you may even adopt that view and try to communicate it to others the way you see it.

It is very difficult to know how we might react, feel or think in a situation unless we experience it ourselves first hand. We might think that we know what we would do if say we were attacked, imprisoned, become ill or even if we come into unexpected wealth or fall madly in Love because we think we know ourselves and how we would react in any given situation, but the truth is that we don't really know unless we live the experience.

If we watch a movie it seems very clear to us what the protagonist should do to obtain a good end result, but as protagonists of our own movies can we see it as clearly or are there many emotional patterns that we have created that may affect our ability to act the best possible way to bring on the result we desire?

We may judge something or someone out of fear, anger, pain, joy, jealousy, happiness, but there are as Many Shades of Gray in life's experiences as there are emotions who give the Shades their Hue.

Hugs xoxo

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

It's showtime folks...

Have you ever noticed how life is like a series of theater acts all put together? Every day we go to rehearse or to play a part, we wear all sorts of customs, use all kinds of voices and personalities, it all depends on who is our counterpart, it can be our families, strangers on the street, co-workers, the old, the young, the animals even nature itself. 

Over the past ten years I have had more experiences, challenges, lessons, accomplishments, hardships but most of all ‘Aloneness’ than I can remember. I don't know how many times I made videos or wrote articles talking or writing to the computer, as if talking to someone, that I have all over my computer and my blog, because I felt the need to say the things that I haven't gotten a chance to say, most of all to my children who are the two people I love the most in this our world. 

I guess you can call them the lessons you learn along the way when you decide to take this path or that one. They all take you somewhere, maybe not where you think you would wind up but when you get there you're supposed to asses the end result so that you can either keep on going in that direction and not look back, or re-think your choices and decisions, pick yourself back up and start on a different path.

I remember when I moved away from Mexico City where I was born and raised. I was young and married, we upped and left everything we knew and moved to this tiny little town by the name of Tecate, Baja California where they produce the beer, so that my husband could do his year of social service and we could follow our dream of moving to the United States and start a different lifestyle and my personal lifetime dream of starting a family, we'll find happiness we thought! 

Our year there was fascinating to say the least, but that's only looking back, at the time it was filled with desire and excitement but we also lacked more of what we needed than what we had. It was very lonely and we had to do with very little of anything. 

Twice a week we would go to a little remote village where the Mayor of this town allowed us to use a small hut to give Medical Services to the people who lived there and couldn't reach a doctor. I would "Play the Role" of a Nurse/Assistant/Receptionist for my husband who was a Medical Student doing his year of Social Service. We would charge the patients $1 one dollar and give them the free medication that we collected from the Red and the Green Cross.

Their gratitude was immense and they always gifted us with some fruits or vegetables from their crops, or some food they had cooked and that was a feast for us.

I remember the only thing that kept me feeling alive was the mail. I used to obsess with the mailman. In those days there was no internet and we certainly didn't have any money for long distance calls so we relied only on the mail. I thought: "I was the one who left everyone so if I want people to think of me I have to write" and I did every day to someone. Not only did I write, I used to keep a notebook where I wrote who I had sent a letter to and when, to see how long it would take others to reply back. Some people wrote back for a little while, some now and then but most never wrote back. 

Forty years have passed and I'm still writing, that must mean something, only now I do it for myself, to remember my own adventure especially when I didn't have anyone to witness it with me. 

In such a long path you can imagine how many challenges you encounter, sometimes you learn from them but sometimes you miss the mark and another challenge arises to teach you what you didn't learn the first or many more times...

Well it’s yet another day, I must wrap this up and go take it on and make the best of it!!! I’m excited to think what it will bring.

It’s Show Time Folks…

Hugs xoxo


Monday, May 30, 2016

Operación Sonrisa...

Decidí empezar un nuevo movimiento, y lo voy a llamar "Operación Sonrisa" a lo mejor la única que lo hará seré yo pero no importa, lo importante es que cada quien hagamos algo para promover una sonrisa en cualquier otro ser humano.

Es MUY sencilla de llevar a cabo. Solo tienes que tener algo con que escribir y un paquetito de notas Post-it de cualquier color o tamaño. Le dibujas una sonrisa que si tu la vieras en alguna pared pegada te haría sonreír a tí y le escribes al rededor de la sonrisa las palabras "SONRIE! Tú sabes que quieres"... y te las llevas contigo cuando salgas a la calle y cada vez que uses un baño público pega una de tus sonrisas en el espejo en donde se tienen que ir a lavar las manos.

Lo más seguro es que tu no veas el resultado de haber dejado esa sonrisa pegada, pero como dice el dicho "Si un árbol cae en medio del bosque y no hay nadie para escucharlo, ¿Hace ruido?" Por supuesto que desde el lado científico, el lógico y hasta el intuitivo la respuesta es obviamente que si hace ruido el árbol al caer, pues que alguien no sea testigo no quiere decir que no suceda.

Tu pega esa sonrisa y sal del baño sintiendo satisfacción de que hoy por hoy ayudaste a poner una sonrisa en los labios de alguien y tal vez alguien que lo necesitaba.

Ya sea que te unas a mi "Operación Sonrisa" o tu tengas tu propia manera de hacerlo, la próxima vez que salgas a la calle haz sonreír a alguien.

Abrazos xoxo

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Sería un Mejor Lugar...

Hay tantas teorías diferentes de lo que es la vida, de quienes somos y lo que estamos haciendo aquí como humanos hay en este mundo. Yo sigo sin encontrar una respuesta clara que me haga sentido pero lo único que sí me queda bien claro es que cada uno tenemos nuestra propia perspectiva de como vemos y manejamos la vida, cada uno a su manera basado en nuestra Aventura particular de vida y de que tarde o temprano todos nos vamos a morir.

Nuestras experiencias son tan variadas como lo son nuestras huellas digitales que se pueden parecer en que todas tienen rayitas y aparecen en las yemas de los dedos, pero jamás son idénticas. Tu puedes tomar a unos gemelos que nacen juntos, crecen juntos, comparten una recamara, la ropa, los amigos, los hobbies, las tareas, el escritorio en la escuela, los deportes, los juegos y a la vista se les ve iguales y sin embargo si te sientas a platicar con ellos por separado te darás cuenta que la percepción que uno de ellos tiene hacia sus experiencias de vida y la forma en la que le hace sentir bien o le afecta va a ser diferente a la de su gemelo.

Yo no tengo para nada claro el concepto de un "Creador" si es algo o alguien, si es energía y todos nos derivamos de la misma energía, si nosotros escogimos estar aquí en estos cuerpos y en estas familias para hacer correcciones, para perder los miedos. Cuantas versiones hay de esto y nadie lo sabe con total certeza. Y si hacemos las correcciones ya no volvemos, nos quedamos adonde todo lo que queremos lo podemos tener al instante. Y si ya existe ese lugar porque estamos aquí si se supone que de ahí nosotros mismos elegimos venir aquí!!!! Me explico? porque yo no entiendo nada....

Lo único que a mi me queda muy claro es que tarde o temprano me voy a morir, como todos, que de seguro ha de ser padrísimo llegar a ser alguien excepcional en lo que sea, pero igual nos vamos a morir y que no importa cuanta gente se acuerde de tí tu ya no estas aquí para saberlo.

Cada día que estamos aquí es lo Único que existe y todo lo que hacemos porque cada momento, cada instante nos regale algo lindo, estamos haciendo lo que necesitamos para darle un valor al momento y vivirlo de la mejor manera posible.

Como nos recordó Don Miguel Ruíz en su hermoso libro de la Sabiduría Tolteca "Los Cuatro Acuerdos"

Tiene todo el sentido que si siguiéramos estos acuerdos solo habría armonía y este sería un Lugar Mejor... Según estamos evolucionando como especie pero para mi que toda esta evolución nos está alejando cada vez más de estos sencillos pero valiosos acuerdos y por lo tanto más a la armonía.

Abrazos xoxo

Sunday, May 22, 2016

In Love with Maxwell Smart…

It’s later today, 9:00 am, I had the intention of writing at “Espresso Time”  but I just couldn’t focus, it’s Mother’s Day and I’m going out with one of the three most important people in my life, my son is taking me for breakfast. I wanted to rest, then get everything ready so that I could sit down to write and focus.

I was changing my wallet and the things I carry with myself everyday from the tote that I use during my workweek to the purse I use when I go out on weekends. It’s a beautiful two tone top leather purse I won when I was working at Brighton Jewelry at the San Diego International Airport.  I used to win fabulous prizes all the time, I was their best salesperson! 

It was a tiny but lovely store to the last detail that I always had the joy of keeping impeccable, it was the most incredible experience where I learned so much about myself. I took the job out of necessity, I had swore my whole life that I would NEVER work in sales, much less something I didn’t even care for. I’m not really a jewelry or a purse person. 

I don’t like to be sold to, if a salesperson approaches me when I’m looking at merchandise I tend to walk away, I rather be the one to look for them if and when I have a question. I didn’t want to be like that to others either. My experience there taught me that sales is not really about selling, you just have to be kind to people, care that what they want is what they get, make sure that if they decide to take something from your store it will make them happy every time they use it. The things sell themselves you just give someone your undivided attention and show them you care.

There was only one thing I really wanted from that store but just couldn’t justify purchasing it. The name was Maxwell Smart and it was this gorgeous tote. It had everything I wanted in one bag, but it's expensive and where was I going to use it? I was a salesperson selling affordable jewelry to women who were obsessed with it.

Now for my job I carry a tote every day and Maxwell has all the right compartments in the right places, and one of these days I’m going to walk into a Brighton like all those ladies did in my store and tell the sales lady “I’m in Love with Maxwell Smart”.

Hugs xoxo


Saturday, May 21, 2016

I See 52...

I don’t recall exactly when it started but I do know it was either one or two years before I turned 52. There were so many changes going on in my life that I must have asked my Angels for guidance, I was doing crazy things, things that under normal circumstances I would have NEVER done before nor would I ever do again, I was discovering different facets of myself that I had no idea existed on top of all that chaos and confusion I was trying to blend the me I thought I knew, with the me I didn’t, we hadn’t even met, just one day I showed up and I didn’t know what to do with that side of me that I didn’t recognize or knew how to handle.

I don’t remember believing in Angels then and even though they’ve yet to flap a wing for me so that my 5 senses can perceive them, I see 52 ALL the time!!!!!

Lately I decided to undergo a Paradigm shift, I was getting tired of “Groundhog Day!” and 52 started appearing more and more in my surroundings, it could be a license plate, the time of day (every time I remember to look at the clock to see if I may be running late to my next appointment, at least 8 out of 10 times it’ll be something 52), I even started to take pictures of the times and places and in one day I might have 30 pictures if not more of the number 52 and it shows up by itself when I’m not looking on purpose trying to find it.

This confirmed it for me, something is here guiding me and every time I do the right things, make the right turn, utter the right words, listen to the right music, do what it takes to help my Spirit grow and fulfill my calling they show up and say “Yup, Keep going Anita, you’re on the right path”...

Happy Day Everyone! May you all find the number in you path…

Hugs xoxo

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Moliendo Café...

Moliendo los granos de café orgánico ésta mañana confirmé que mi mente y yo somos dos entidades diferentes y que tengo que tener esto muy presente al tomar decisiones importantes en mi vida.

Mi mente me decía "Porque compraste ésta moledora si puedes usar la del supermercado para moler el café orgánico? que pérdida de tiempo, que no ves que hay otras cosas mejores que hacer con tu tiempo?" pero mi corazón me decía todo lo opuesto, "que lindo que puedes tener una moledora y moler el café para el espresso, por cuanta gente habrá pasado cada grano de café antes de llegar a tu mesa? desde el que movió la tierra, plantó su semilla, cosechó, cortó, metió en canastas, dividieron en botes, empacaron en cajas, transportaron a tiendas, vendieron al mayoreo y luego al público, cobraron,  crearon las compañías que lo produce y lo vende, promueve, los bancos adonde se deposita lo de la venta o se retira para la compra y ni hablar de todos los familiares, conocidos y amigos de toda esta gente que tuvo algo que ver con cada grano de este café."

Mi mente me orilla a que me concentre en como sacarle el mayor provecho a mi tiempo y mi corazón a que me de cuenta que el tiempo no existe, que todos somos una familia y hoy por hoy el Planeta Tierra es nuestro hogar y estamos mucho más conectados de lo que pensamos o nos damos cuenta.

Me encanta ir con mi esposo a la tienda a buscar el mejor café orgánico y molerlo cada mañana, el aroma, el sabor y las "Charlas con Espresso" antes de salir al mundo a hacer lo que tenemos que hacer con ese "tiempo".

A todos mis hermanos y hermanas GRACIAS!

Moliendo Café...

Abrazos xoxo

Monday, May 16, 2016

Reflexiones de mi mente...

 4:30 am, me siento cansada pero mi mente se siente con energía, tengo que esforzarme como nunca lo hice antes, de lo contrario siempre será "Día de la Marmota". Sé que puedo despertar y ver cambiar al día siguiente!

Estaba pensando esta madrugada a las 3:00 mientras conducía por esas maravillosas calles del centro de Seattle y la mayoría de la ciudad aún está dormida. ¿Alguna vez has manejado a esas horas? Casi toda la ciudad es tuya, la compartes con algunas personas que también van a trabajar y no nos olvidemos de aquellas personas que viven en las calles.

Hablábamos de eso en nuestro camino al trabajo de mi marido, "En los Estados Unidos de América, no hay ninguna razón por la qué alguien debería estar viviendo en las calles", dijo mi esposo con firme convicción. Y eso nos llevó de regreso  a nuestros humildes comienzos en éste país como recién casados, en el otoño de nuestras vidas y empezando desde cero otra vez. Un reto sin duda, hemos tenido que asumir roles que nunca habíamos tenido y otros que sí pero los odiaba; de lo contrario, sencillamente no podíamos habernos quedado y mucho menos crecido.

Han pasado tres largos años que llegamos como pareja, sabíamos que queríamos quedarnos a vivir aquí para construir una vida, algo que ofrecer a nuestros hijos, nietos, a promover una unidad familiar que nuestras acciones en el pasado contribuyeron a romper.

En tres años, hemos tenido incontables experiencias, vivído en varios lugares. Desde alquilar una habitación en la casa de una señora de la limpieza que ni conocíamos; vivía en un edificio de renta baja dentro de una comunidad de nivel más alto.

Recuerdo llegar a ese departamento el día que nos casamos, 25 de junio de 2013, nunca olvidaré ese día. Abrimos la puerta del apartamento, la habitación que rentabamos tenía una cama doble pegada contra la pared para que cupiera, mi marido mide 1m.98cm. y yo ODIO dormir junto a una pared, soy un espíritu libre y necesito sentir esa misma sensación de libertad cuando me voy a acostar para descansar cada noche después de un buen y largo día de trabajo. 

Después de allí pasamos por otros pequeños apartamentos, uno que era un cuarto de hotel, no tenía ni cocina, solo un pequeño micro-ondas y un lavabo que funcionaba como lavamanos también porque no había uno en el baño, pero nunca volvimos a compartir un techo con nadie y llegamos a donde estamos hoy, un precioso estudio en la 7ª planta de un lindo edificio. El apartamento da a un hermoso parque con vistas del Lago Washington y Monte Rainier. Podemos ver el amanecer y el atardecer, la salida de la luna que brilla por nuestra ventana al final del día cuando nos abrazamos.

Mi esposo atravieza la calle para tomar el tren que en 15 mins. lo deja en el centro de Seattle y camina 3 cuadras para llegar a su trabajo, yo conduzco a lo largo de todo el Lago Washington en nuestro nuevo auto, escuchando mi música favorita para llegar a mi trabajo. Han pasado solo tres años.


Sunday, May 15, 2016

Talentosos Impostores...

En distintos niveles pero todos somos impostores desde que nacemos. Al nacer todos hacemos lo mismo, estamos ahí casi inútiles, no podemos ver bien, caminar, comer solos, no entendemos nada de lo que está pasando a nuestros alrededores, ni conocemos a nadie, estamos totalmente indefensos y dependientes de que alguien haga por y para nosotros todo lo que necesitamos para sobrevivir. Lloramos cuando tenemos hambre, calor, frío, dolor o por lo que sea y mientras más conseguimos cuando lloramos, más lloramos.

No se cuantos videos he visto de tantas especies de animales que ni bien la mamá da a luz ya está empujando a su cria para que se pare y empiece a dar sus primeros pasos y a nosotros nos toma como promedio un año para poder hacer eso. Cualquier talento que vayamos a desarrollar a lo mejor algunos lo traemos por ahí escondido en las venas o ve tu a saber adonde se esconde pero por si tienes suerte y lo encuentras te vas a tardar años en descubrirlo, desarrollarlo y sino tienes suerte ahí se va a quedar escondido y tu ni te enteraste de que lo tenías.

Acabo de ver una película muy simpática, colaboración de España con Argentina, en esta película los protagonistas son dos hombres, uno de cada país, que quieren sacar provecho de un joven Argentino que quiere jugar Fútbol en España para el Real Madrid, ninguno de los dos hombres era lo que se decía ser, el Argentino era Médico que accedió a llevarse al joven a España para ayudar a un paciente que de momento no podía viajar como su Agente y el doctor que no sabía NADA de Fútbol se va a España con el chico y pretende ser Agente. Allá se encuentra con uno que se dice ser Agente Profesional de Jugadores y tampoco lo era. Entre los dos no hacen uno, el doctor no tenía nada que perder, el Español era casado curiosamente con una Argentina.

La historia da muchas vueltas y los dos toman sus roles de impostores muy en serio. Ambos tienen sus razones por las que lo hacen y se creen que siendo impostores es la manera de lograr lo que quieren. Nada termina como lo esperan, el chico se queda con un tercero que le hace promesas y una hermosa joven Española de quien se enamora. El doctor termina quedandose a vivir en España enamorado de la hermana del contendiente de quien termino siendo mejores amigos y el amigo quien está a punto de perder su matrimonio con la Argentina por estar tan enfocado en la fama del futbolista, termina dandose cuenta que está a punto de perder lo único que en realidad tenía, el Amor de su esposa que estaba por dar a luz y el ni lo sabía. Al final ella lo perdona y tenemos un final feliz!

Que bueno que hay tanta gente que puede descubrir esos talentos escondidos y volverse los  mejores en lo que sea, recibir premios, medallas y trofeos, volverse maestros, escribir los libros, se ha de sentir lindo ser reconocido por algo que sabes hacer mejor que todos, seguro serán recordados por siempre, pero igual todo es un sueño que nosotros creamos y la vida es solo un ratito y a mi en lo personal no se si me importa si se van o no a acordar de mi, igual y yo ya no voy a estar para saberlo, prefiero vivir tranquila y feliz de la mejor manera que puedo.

Y ahora a escuchar música que me causa alegría.

Abrazos xoxo

Saturday, May 14, 2016

El Árbol...

Yo no entiendo nada, mientras más trato de entender más me confundo. A veces siento como que no pertenezco en este plano. Veo la vida tan fácil y no me dejo de topar con evidencia de lo contrario y sin embargo no puedo verla de ninguna otra manera, no se porqué y lo he intentado mucho porque si puedo verlo como la mayoría lo ven, difícil , trabajosa y dolorosa a lo mejor el juego que jugamos o la forma en que vivimos sería más divertida. Aunque la verdad prefiero mi percepción y trato de no ponerle mucha atención a la evidencia.

Se supone que depende del esfuerzo que uno le pone a todo lo que hace cual será el resultado,  pero en mi experiencia no es así, hay mucha gente que le pone mucho esfuerzo y los resultado no son los deseados y viceversa.

Nosotros somos los que hacemos que la vida sea tan difícil o que el esfuerzo no traiga los resultados deseados.

El otro día estaba sentada afuera de una de las escuelas en las que trabajo esperando que llegara la hora de entrar a interpretar. Me gusta llegar a las escuelas con 15 mins. de anticipación y sentarme afuera rodeada de la naturaleza, en donde quiera que vaya ahí está y eso me ENCANTA!!! me recarga.

Estaba al lado de un árbol viejo y muy grande, un fuerte tronco y de lo más frondoso Me acerqué a tomarle fotos para recordarlo y darle las gracias por acompañarme en esos momentos de Paz y al estar tomando la foto me pregunté, que tan viejo será? que tantas cosas habrán pasado desde que lo plantaron? guerras, la fuerza de la naturaleza, contaminaciones, enfermedades, nacimientos, muertes, sequías, en el Invierno se ven prácticamente muertos, pierden todas sus hojas, solo queda un tronco al parecer sin vida y luego llega la primavera y ahí está de nuevo en todo su esplendor y sin mucho esfuerzo, solo la confianza de que la Primavera siempre va a regresar.

Yo me siento como el árbol y espero con ansias cada una de las estaciones del año!

Abrazos xoxo