Showing posts with label judgement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label judgement. Show all posts
Monday, December 19, 2016
Sunday, November 27, 2016
"You're Gonna Miss Them When They're Gone"...
I believe that Unconditional Love has to be understood in all its concepts in order to be able to invite it into our lives, otherwise it can be confused with different emotions. I think all human beings have the innate ability to feel love and be loved but not unconditionally, we love things or people that bring into our lives some reward, whether it is their company, their exciting personality, their monetary support, the way they treat us or how they can understand and contain us, there is trust too, that's a whole other intense emotion, but hardly if ever to the point of it being unconditional.
Like the word says it is without conditions placed upon the love that we feel for someone. Most of the times the strongest feeling of emotional and mostly unconditional love would be the love of a parent to their children and viceversa, the strongest being that of a mother to her children, a lot of reasons for that being the case, but sometimes even that love is not without conditions, such as a child having strong mental problems that would turn them into criminals, some mothers continue to claim love for their children who deeply hurt others but some mothers have expressed feelings of hatred too.
I find that the best way possible to understand what unconditional love means and try to attract it into your life is going to the one or two human beings that have impacted your life the most, your parents. Nobody is perfect, everyone is going to do something that we are not going to like, but if you really want to learn unconditional love you can't judge your parents unless you are willing to place yourself in their shoes and that's impossible.
Perhaps something your parents did hurt you deeply, but are you sure it is their fault that happened? do you really believe that when they made the decision to take that action that brought you a painful emotion that their intention was to hurt you or perhaps it was their attempt at surviving or evolving themselves as better human beings so that you would have a better frame of reference in your own life of how it's done?
If you ever want to know what Unconditional Love means you must forgive your parents and give them all the Love that you can while you still have them around. Otherwise you will not know how to teach that to your children so you won't receive it back from them either and also because "You're Gonna Miss Them When They're Gone" no matter what. I promise you that...
Hugs xoxo
@nit@
Like the word says it is without conditions placed upon the love that we feel for someone. Most of the times the strongest feeling of emotional and mostly unconditional love would be the love of a parent to their children and viceversa, the strongest being that of a mother to her children, a lot of reasons for that being the case, but sometimes even that love is not without conditions, such as a child having strong mental problems that would turn them into criminals, some mothers continue to claim love for their children who deeply hurt others but some mothers have expressed feelings of hatred too.
I find that the best way possible to understand what unconditional love means and try to attract it into your life is going to the one or two human beings that have impacted your life the most, your parents. Nobody is perfect, everyone is going to do something that we are not going to like, but if you really want to learn unconditional love you can't judge your parents unless you are willing to place yourself in their shoes and that's impossible.
Perhaps something your parents did hurt you deeply, but are you sure it is their fault that happened? do you really believe that when they made the decision to take that action that brought you a painful emotion that their intention was to hurt you or perhaps it was their attempt at surviving or evolving themselves as better human beings so that you would have a better frame of reference in your own life of how it's done?
If you ever want to know what Unconditional Love means you must forgive your parents and give them all the Love that you can while you still have them around. Otherwise you will not know how to teach that to your children so you won't receive it back from them either and also because "You're Gonna Miss Them When They're Gone" no matter what. I promise you that...
Hugs xoxo
@nit@
Saturday, November 19, 2016
"The Changing of the Guard"...
Those were the words that Poppo used so many times throughout his life. Poppo was a second father to me and he took his job very seriously. He passed away recently and we spoke at least once a week up until the end of his life. He was such a strong force in my life that might have even helped change its direction. For one he was probably my No. 1 fan, one of three actually, his sister Beverly was my No. 2, my Mom was too she always rooted for me and believed in me till the end but she always 'Hoped' I would do well with my life whereas Poppo and Beverly knew I would. I don't know of any others but with the three of them I had my heart full of love and gratitude.
I knew Poppo since I was 17 and started dating his son. He lived in Chicago most of his life so once I married his son we moved to be near him. The years went on, we created a family and made him a Grandpa. He was always telling all of us jokes and funny stories mostly of war time when he served in the Marines, he spoke of that with so much pride, even though he was at war his stories felt to me as if those could have been some of the best years of his life. He also told us stories about sports, he Loved sports. I always thought he should have been a coach, he would have been amazing at that because he had the love of it, the knowledge and a great rapport with kids and because he never got it out of his blood. "And this is a true story" he would say to the kids with a slightly crooked shy smile on his thin lips.
I remember he gave me a subscription to People Magazine as a birthday gift and every year he would renew it right on that day, he knew that every month that magazine came to my house I would think of him with gratitude and love. He never missed a birthday or a holiday always with a call or a card or both. Even for all the years that I was no longer his daughter in law he would do that and every time we spoke just before we hung up he would say two things to me, "Don't Step on the Cracks" and "You will always be my favorite daughter in law". He was as handsome as they come till the end but most of all he was the kindest person I knew. He never had a bad word to say about anyone, I remember every time we spoke of someone who might have hurt him in his life somehow, he would always justify the reason why they had done that.
No judgement wow, I never knew anyone like that, while I was younger I thought that was a weakness on his part, that he was either not seeing that people were not doing the right thing by him, or maybe he didn't feel worthy of more I thought, later on as he persevered with his position in this life and his views were firm I understood that he was right not to judge, that nobody does anything to us, that they are just reacting to their own life circumstances. We chose whether we stick around or not, that's our choice.
The Changing of the Guard was something he would talk about as in passing the responsibilities to the next generation when his time was up. He even wrote an article about that. He used to write articles with his opinions and send them to the Chicago newspapers to see if the editor would print them and they always did, he was very proud of that and so was I. I admired that he was trying not to be part of the problem by just standing by and doing nothing about an issue he felt strongly about, he took the time to write and the courage to send it and see if anyone would deem it important enough to print it in a newspaper editorial and they always did. At the end he put together this large book that contained his story in a way. He also added letters he had asked people to write about him. Like a testimonial that he passed by and left behind a great legacy of love.
He told the story of how he would carry his son as a baby, sit him next to him when he shaved and gave him a Gillette without a blade, the old fashion kind, put some foam on his little face and they would shave at the same time. I thought that was such a lovely memory I kept it engrained in my heart.
He would make jokes out of the years he spent living with his parents who didn't have much money and even about his father who had a sad ending as if accepting his lot in this imperfect life and finding love and laughter behind all those imperfections.
He was a proud man, took care of his wife even while he was battling his own illness at the end. He was prepared to go, we spoke about that at length, he didn't have any unfinished business because he had made peace with everything, not a lavish life, not an easy one either but one lived with dignity, courage and no judgement. He lived life as it came and allowed it to flow. "And That's a True Story".
I can only hope that one day I will be the person that he was. He was loved and admired by many. He stood up for what he believed the best way he knew how. If he has to come back to make corrections he will have a great head-start. I know his next life will be amazing!
At the end my name didn't even appear in his Obituary, as if I had never existed in his life, but I know he was wearing my name in his Heart.
He left a great legacy of love through his son and his grandchildren who will always think of Poppo as the Greatest Grandpa. And now it's time for "The Changing of The Guard"...
Miss you Dad xoxo
@nit@
I knew Poppo since I was 17 and started dating his son. He lived in Chicago most of his life so once I married his son we moved to be near him. The years went on, we created a family and made him a Grandpa. He was always telling all of us jokes and funny stories mostly of war time when he served in the Marines, he spoke of that with so much pride, even though he was at war his stories felt to me as if those could have been some of the best years of his life. He also told us stories about sports, he Loved sports. I always thought he should have been a coach, he would have been amazing at that because he had the love of it, the knowledge and a great rapport with kids and because he never got it out of his blood. "And this is a true story" he would say to the kids with a slightly crooked shy smile on his thin lips.
I remember he gave me a subscription to People Magazine as a birthday gift and every year he would renew it right on that day, he knew that every month that magazine came to my house I would think of him with gratitude and love. He never missed a birthday or a holiday always with a call or a card or both. Even for all the years that I was no longer his daughter in law he would do that and every time we spoke just before we hung up he would say two things to me, "Don't Step on the Cracks" and "You will always be my favorite daughter in law". He was as handsome as they come till the end but most of all he was the kindest person I knew. He never had a bad word to say about anyone, I remember every time we spoke of someone who might have hurt him in his life somehow, he would always justify the reason why they had done that.
No judgement wow, I never knew anyone like that, while I was younger I thought that was a weakness on his part, that he was either not seeing that people were not doing the right thing by him, or maybe he didn't feel worthy of more I thought, later on as he persevered with his position in this life and his views were firm I understood that he was right not to judge, that nobody does anything to us, that they are just reacting to their own life circumstances. We chose whether we stick around or not, that's our choice.
The Changing of the Guard was something he would talk about as in passing the responsibilities to the next generation when his time was up. He even wrote an article about that. He used to write articles with his opinions and send them to the Chicago newspapers to see if the editor would print them and they always did, he was very proud of that and so was I. I admired that he was trying not to be part of the problem by just standing by and doing nothing about an issue he felt strongly about, he took the time to write and the courage to send it and see if anyone would deem it important enough to print it in a newspaper editorial and they always did. At the end he put together this large book that contained his story in a way. He also added letters he had asked people to write about him. Like a testimonial that he passed by and left behind a great legacy of love.
He told the story of how he would carry his son as a baby, sit him next to him when he shaved and gave him a Gillette without a blade, the old fashion kind, put some foam on his little face and they would shave at the same time. I thought that was such a lovely memory I kept it engrained in my heart.
He would make jokes out of the years he spent living with his parents who didn't have much money and even about his father who had a sad ending as if accepting his lot in this imperfect life and finding love and laughter behind all those imperfections.
He was a proud man, took care of his wife even while he was battling his own illness at the end. He was prepared to go, we spoke about that at length, he didn't have any unfinished business because he had made peace with everything, not a lavish life, not an easy one either but one lived with dignity, courage and no judgement. He lived life as it came and allowed it to flow. "And That's a True Story".
I can only hope that one day I will be the person that he was. He was loved and admired by many. He stood up for what he believed the best way he knew how. If he has to come back to make corrections he will have a great head-start. I know his next life will be amazing!
At the end my name didn't even appear in his Obituary, as if I had never existed in his life, but I know he was wearing my name in his Heart.
He left a great legacy of love through his son and his grandchildren who will always think of Poppo as the Greatest Grandpa. And now it's time for "The Changing of The Guard"...
Miss you Dad xoxo
@nit@
Thursday, October 27, 2016
I Should Have Danced one Last Dance...
I don't remember when was the last time I danced with my father. My relationship with my dad went through many different stages only to end up the way it started.
I remember very well the image I had of my dad when I was a little girl and the reason I remember it so well is because when that image changed it was never the same again. I loved my dad, he was my hero, he was smart and sharp, charming, charismatic, upbeat, he spoke several languages including difficult ones like Yiddish and French. He was very talented, artistic and most of all he didn't seem shy. He acted in Community Plays and many times had the lead role, he was friends with Abraham Zabludowsky because they went to school together and knew other celebrities as well. I remember he was a Mason, I never knew what that was because he kept it all secret, so he knew how to keep secrets that was honorable to me.
His father, my dear dear Seide Eli was always sick, he had Burgers Disease, a disease of the blood that when he would get a cut the area could become gangrened and he lost several parts of his body to it, like the pinky on one hand and part of his leg from the knee down, my brother and I used to fight for who was going to sit on his half leg in the back seat of the car. To us it was fun, we didn't think anything of it because we grew up around that. But to my dad it changed the way he handled his life. He gave up going to Medical School after only a year because he had to take care of his parents. They had a small canning company that canned all types of chiles like serrano, jalapeño, chipotle, vegetables like carrots, etc. The factory was right next to their beautiful house in the Lindavista neighborhood of Mexico City.
But it goes way back, my grandpa also had a huge potential, he was born in Alexandria, Egypt where his father was opening a new Synagogue. He was a religious man opening synagogues around the world. He took some of his children with him to Mexico to open one there. My Seide became a chemist, very profitable and comfortable path ahead of him but when you are sick nothing you plan works out the way you thought it would and in the end that's what happened, Seide Eli didn't make it the way he planned and neither did my dad. Their intentions were good but their circumstances were not.
I always thought my dad could have been very successful in the entertainment industry because he had the potential and the talent and most of all because he seemed to love it so much, he certainly had much more personality than some of the personalities that have succeeded and he had the desire and the drive, but he gave up on the dream.
I remember dancing with him all the time at parties, he was the Master of Ceremonies at most of the events of the Mexican Jewish Community and outside of it sometimes. I remember every weekend he would get all dressed up with a Tuxedo, he had a couple, he looked sharp and even his demeanor changed. He was happy to go to his parties to help liven them up and he helped himself as well bringing that extra money home. I'm sure there must have been MANY a times when he didn't want to go and spend all of his free time working to make others happy, but I never saw that in his face or his actions.
Outside of that he was a good salesman, he made a living certainly, we always had all we needed but he never got to where he wanted. Our lives were comfortable with the basics never luxuries.
Many things happened throughout the years with me and my dad. As the years went on so did the disenchantment from the man who once was my hero. He became more and more dependent on me and my mom, it was always I who had to make the efforts to have closeness, to invite them, to make sure they were fine. We never really discussed his economy or his decisions and yet at the end it was I who handled his account till the day he died.
I was very lucky and grateful that my brother took over his well being in the last years of his life. He had to work that much harder to keep him in a place where he knew they would take care of him till the end with dignity. All the nurses and caretakers in that place loved Mr. Monty, he was still the same charmer and best dancer of the bunch. They all took turns dancing with him. I on the other hand, was unable to care for him or even see him again once I moved back to the United States to be near my children I had to work my way back and couldn't return before he died.
I'm happy that I was able to forgive, understand and stop judging his flaws, weaknesses, his inability to show love, that he stopped believing in himself and gave up on his dreams.
I was lucky to develop a stronger and more loving relationship with him towards the end of his life and thanked him for all he did for me while I was growing up. I have him to thank for my love of the arts.
At the end I learned to enjoy very much doing anything that I knew would bring him happiness. But I will always regret not being able to hug him one last time.
I Should Have Danced One Last Dance with my Dad...
RIP at last Dad, I Love You Very Much!!!
Hugs xoxo
@nit@
I remember very well the image I had of my dad when I was a little girl and the reason I remember it so well is because when that image changed it was never the same again. I loved my dad, he was my hero, he was smart and sharp, charming, charismatic, upbeat, he spoke several languages including difficult ones like Yiddish and French. He was very talented, artistic and most of all he didn't seem shy. He acted in Community Plays and many times had the lead role, he was friends with Abraham Zabludowsky because they went to school together and knew other celebrities as well. I remember he was a Mason, I never knew what that was because he kept it all secret, so he knew how to keep secrets that was honorable to me.
His father, my dear dear Seide Eli was always sick, he had Burgers Disease, a disease of the blood that when he would get a cut the area could become gangrened and he lost several parts of his body to it, like the pinky on one hand and part of his leg from the knee down, my brother and I used to fight for who was going to sit on his half leg in the back seat of the car. To us it was fun, we didn't think anything of it because we grew up around that. But to my dad it changed the way he handled his life. He gave up going to Medical School after only a year because he had to take care of his parents. They had a small canning company that canned all types of chiles like serrano, jalapeño, chipotle, vegetables like carrots, etc. The factory was right next to their beautiful house in the Lindavista neighborhood of Mexico City.
But it goes way back, my grandpa also had a huge potential, he was born in Alexandria, Egypt where his father was opening a new Synagogue. He was a religious man opening synagogues around the world. He took some of his children with him to Mexico to open one there. My Seide became a chemist, very profitable and comfortable path ahead of him but when you are sick nothing you plan works out the way you thought it would and in the end that's what happened, Seide Eli didn't make it the way he planned and neither did my dad. Their intentions were good but their circumstances were not.
I always thought my dad could have been very successful in the entertainment industry because he had the potential and the talent and most of all because he seemed to love it so much, he certainly had much more personality than some of the personalities that have succeeded and he had the desire and the drive, but he gave up on the dream.
I remember dancing with him all the time at parties, he was the Master of Ceremonies at most of the events of the Mexican Jewish Community and outside of it sometimes. I remember every weekend he would get all dressed up with a Tuxedo, he had a couple, he looked sharp and even his demeanor changed. He was happy to go to his parties to help liven them up and he helped himself as well bringing that extra money home. I'm sure there must have been MANY a times when he didn't want to go and spend all of his free time working to make others happy, but I never saw that in his face or his actions.
Outside of that he was a good salesman, he made a living certainly, we always had all we needed but he never got to where he wanted. Our lives were comfortable with the basics never luxuries.
Many things happened throughout the years with me and my dad. As the years went on so did the disenchantment from the man who once was my hero. He became more and more dependent on me and my mom, it was always I who had to make the efforts to have closeness, to invite them, to make sure they were fine. We never really discussed his economy or his decisions and yet at the end it was I who handled his account till the day he died.
I was very lucky and grateful that my brother took over his well being in the last years of his life. He had to work that much harder to keep him in a place where he knew they would take care of him till the end with dignity. All the nurses and caretakers in that place loved Mr. Monty, he was still the same charmer and best dancer of the bunch. They all took turns dancing with him. I on the other hand, was unable to care for him or even see him again once I moved back to the United States to be near my children I had to work my way back and couldn't return before he died.
I'm happy that I was able to forgive, understand and stop judging his flaws, weaknesses, his inability to show love, that he stopped believing in himself and gave up on his dreams.
I was lucky to develop a stronger and more loving relationship with him towards the end of his life and thanked him for all he did for me while I was growing up. I have him to thank for my love of the arts.
At the end I learned to enjoy very much doing anything that I knew would bring him happiness. But I will always regret not being able to hug him one last time.
I Should Have Danced One Last Dance with my Dad...
RIP at last Dad, I Love You Very Much!!!
Hugs xoxo
@nit@
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Staying in My Comfortable Shoes...
Our conversation early this morning had to do with our relationship with others and how they each impact in our level of harmony and ultimately happiness. We both have different views on it yet we're both looking for the same end result.
I used to be the worst offender when it came to human relationships, I was always kind, that I got from my precious mother and my two grandfathers whom I only knew for a few short years but who left me with the best legacy in human kindness. But I also had the influence of other people in my life who were not as positive nor did they have a strong level of human emotion, non that they would show to the outside world. I learned things from them too as a child, how to be selfish and judgmental, for a long time I thought nothing of it as if it was a normal trait of humans to all be critical of each other.
I'm a different human being now than those two contrasting traits I grew up with, I learned not to judge but it wasn't intentional. I learned it because I was judged and when that happened I didn't like it AT ALL, so I had to see how it felt until I could look at another and no matter what not judge them unless I am willing to wear their shoes and to tell you the truth mine are very comfortable and it's not that easy for me to find comfortable shoes.
So back to our morning talk, my husband tells me he just wants me to be happy so what he does so I can "Be Happy" is to point out all the wrong things he believes other people do to me so I don't give them my attention, as if I'm supposed to be blind and not see what others do. "I just want you to be happy" he says, "But I AM Happy don't you see? I will never ever be able to control the behavior of others towards me, I can only control my behavior and my emotions. If I accept any person in my life it will only be if I am able to love them unconditionally, otherwise people come and go from your life you chose who you keep around."
I want to have the best possible relationship with those I love and care about and the only way that can be is by being unconditional about it, I derive my joy out of my giving or my ability to help others see the good in themselves. I feel happiness when I see them happy!
I think I'm staying on my path and in my shoes, they are quite comfortable...
Hugs xoxo
@nit@
I used to be the worst offender when it came to human relationships, I was always kind, that I got from my precious mother and my two grandfathers whom I only knew for a few short years but who left me with the best legacy in human kindness. But I also had the influence of other people in my life who were not as positive nor did they have a strong level of human emotion, non that they would show to the outside world. I learned things from them too as a child, how to be selfish and judgmental, for a long time I thought nothing of it as if it was a normal trait of humans to all be critical of each other.
I'm a different human being now than those two contrasting traits I grew up with, I learned not to judge but it wasn't intentional. I learned it because I was judged and when that happened I didn't like it AT ALL, so I had to see how it felt until I could look at another and no matter what not judge them unless I am willing to wear their shoes and to tell you the truth mine are very comfortable and it's not that easy for me to find comfortable shoes.So back to our morning talk, my husband tells me he just wants me to be happy so what he does so I can "Be Happy" is to point out all the wrong things he believes other people do to me so I don't give them my attention, as if I'm supposed to be blind and not see what others do. "I just want you to be happy" he says, "But I AM Happy don't you see? I will never ever be able to control the behavior of others towards me, I can only control my behavior and my emotions. If I accept any person in my life it will only be if I am able to love them unconditionally, otherwise people come and go from your life you chose who you keep around."
I want to have the best possible relationship with those I love and care about and the only way that can be is by being unconditional about it, I derive my joy out of my giving or my ability to help others see the good in themselves. I feel happiness when I see them happy!
I think I'm staying on my path and in my shoes, they are quite comfortable...
Hugs xoxo
@nit@
Monday, June 6, 2016
Many Shades of Gray...
We are emotional beings who learn how to think and I believe that one of the main differences in the way we view things has to do with a combination of our life's experiences and our interpretation of them. We can sway between perceiving something to be good or bad depending on how that experience affected our own lives and we judge it or others accordingly.
If all of a sudden your life takes you to where the experience that once proved to be negative becomes positive you may stop judging it and start giving it a different meaning, you may even adopt that view and try to communicate it to others the way you see it.
It is very difficult to know how we might react, feel or think in a situation unless we experience it ourselves first hand. We might think that we know what we would do if say we were attacked, imprisoned, become ill or even if we come into unexpected wealth or fall madly in Love because we think we know ourselves and how we would react in any given situation, but the truth is that we don't really know unless we live the experience.
If we watch a movie it seems very clear to us what the protagonist should do to obtain a good end result, but as protagonists of our own movies can we see it as clearly or are there many emotional patterns that we have created that may affect our ability to act the best possible way to bring on the result we desire?
We may judge something or someone out of fear, anger, pain, joy, jealousy, happiness, but there are as Many Shades of Gray in life's experiences as there are emotions who give the Shades their Hue.
Hugs xoxo
@nit@
Friday, November 6, 2015
Fear Not, Resist Not, Judge Not...
Akashik Prayer
"Divine, Spirit, Source, please move me into a state of forgiveness towards anyone or anything that has hurt me, consciously or unconsciously, from the beginning of time to this present moment. I now forgive them and I release the energy of the past.
Divine, Spirit, Source, please move me into a state of forgiveness towards myself for any hurt that I have caused others, consciously or unconsciously, from the beginning of time to this present moment. I now forgive myself and I release the energy of the past.
Divine, Spirit, Source, please move me into a state of forgiveness towards myself for any hurt that I have caused myself, consciously or unconsciously, from the beginning of time to this present moment. I now forgive myself and release the energy of the past.
I invoke the Grace and power of Forgiveness to transform my body, mind, and heart as I return to a state of Divine Innocence. And so it is!"
Hugs xoxo
@nita
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