Any Time, Any Place, Any Circumstances, Any Age...

I have the best examples that show how The Universe has always worked for me. This first story I'll share happened perhaps over 10 yrs. ago, not exactly sure of the timeline but give or take a year. The scenario starts way before that with a dream or rather a role in a movie. I learned how to manifest through the movies, but that's a whole other story for another time.

It started in August of 1987 when I went to see "Dirty Dancing" for the first time. I'm not surprised I loved it so much since so many others did as well, all for different reasons I'm sure but it has many things in it that makes it so likable. The old fashion values, the lifestyles, the change in the lives of the Dancers, the coming of Age, the scenario and the simpler times when we had fun as a family each with our own diversions and entertainment. It created continuity, going back to the same places year after year to find the same smiling faces who were happy to see you. Kind of like "Cheers". 

As for me I fell in Love with all of that plus I had all these unfulfilled dreams and my life was already more than half way. Would I ever accomplish that at this later stage of my life? I certainly didn't think I would to tell you the truth. There were more reasons for me to believe at that stage that it was never going to happen, than reasons to show me that it was still possible.

I watched it many times over the years, I'm good at placing myself emotionally while watching movies as if I was the protagonist of the stories I like and maybe that's one of the reasons that helps me manifest movies in such a similar pattern even at totally different stages of my life and with the least of possibilities to make it happen.

The years passed and I raised two wonderful children and one day they each went their way and I was left to be with myself perhaps for the first time in my life. My ex-husband and I parted ways and I found myself with the doors of manifestation wide open, NO MORE EXCUSES!!! Oh No!!!What Now??? I asked myself, are you all talk or do you really believe you can accomplish as many dreams as possible or will you never find out what it could have been like?

I was starting my life all over again and didn't know what steps to take, I had never done much of anything on my own, there was always someone around to ask and I felt like my family needed me to help them with something, but I think I was avoiding the feeling that I couldn't really walk my own path whatever that meant.

I pushed myself beyond the limits of my comfort. At first I traveled to Europe alone, I went all over, Amsterdam, Ibiza,  these two cities deserve their very own Blog Entry so we'll leave that for another time. I went to so many places I forget Prague, Florence, Venice, Rome, Sicily, Murano, Pizza, Bologna and many other cities in Italy, London, Banks, other cities in England, Croatia, where I met the family of a young man I was Foster Parent to while he lived in the US with us. Went to many cities in Spain like Barcelona, Madrid, Toledo, to Germany, to tell you the truth I didn't have much money, but somehow I just trusted it would come from somewhere and it always did.

I didn't panic when I got to Prague without a hotel reservation, took a cab to Hotel X that was listed on the Hotel Board at the Airport. Checked-in at 11:30 pm and walked to an Internet Cafe that closed at midnight but forgot to take the name or address of the Hotel I was staying at. I was sure I would find it on my way back I just didn't want the Internet Cafe to close so I could move to a nicer hotel the next day.

I booked myself at the Westin and proceeded to go back to the Hotel Something or Other Green. The word Green was the only thing I remembered. It should have been 15 mins. from the Cafe, that's what it took me to get there, but an hour later at almost 1 am. walking alone on the streets of Prague I realized I was not going to find it that way.

I walked to the nearest open Pizza Parlor and they didn't know where that Hotel was, not around there they said, so I had a slice of Pizza and kept on going. Found a Police Station, they looked in the phone book, but nothing to my surprise. I thought could I be on the Twilight Zone perhaps? Now if you knew me before, this would have sent me into a state of total anxiety, despair perhaps, doubt, fear, anguish, but this time I trusted that everything was exactly what the Adventure needed, something exciting to experience and write about.

I kept on walking, sat on the sidewalk to smoke a cigarette with a street person, he asked me for one and I used to smoke so why not share and take a break, soon it'll be morning you will think of something by then, I thought. I kept on walking after that going down small streets, it was a neighborhood of houses, interesting to see a neighborhood during the wee hours of the morning in a foreign country where I don't even speak the language. It was exciting!

I stumbled into a Pub that was sort of on the Basement of one of the Houses, there was loud music coming from there and a lot of laughter. How could I not go in and see what makes them laugh, I wanted to laugh with them. I had some coffee and the best time laughing at their laughter. I couldn't understand a word they were saying but I understand laughter so I laughed too. And that's when it came to me, "take a cab Anita", I said to myself and ask the driver to take you to the Airport where you found the Hotel you're staying at and then ask him to drive you there and that's what I did. But to my surprise the cab driver knew exactly where the Something or Other Green Hotel was. It was called something else just a week prior, the Green House I believe had just acquired that name so not many knew about it.

He took me there, I rested like a baby and lived an adventure that nobody can take away from me. At that moment I felt like the luckiest and wealthiest woman because I had experienced a sense of no fear and total freedom to live a life of Adventure regardless of the circumstances.

One day I was in Milan I remember like it was yesterday. I went to the ATM to get some cash, was sure there was money there but all I had left were $40 dlls. while in the middle of the streets of Milan. Oh NO!!!! What Now!!!! The only person I could think of was my brother although we don't have a close relationship. He's been managing hotels for many years now.  I sent him an e-mail and he replied to me "If you can get yourself to Cancun you can stay at the Hotel as long as you want".

I had a ticket to go back to San Diego in about a month, so I took a cab to the Milan Airport with the $40 dlls. I had left on my debit account, went to the ticket counter of the Airline that flew to Cancun and asked for help getting there with the ticket I had. At first they said no of course, that's not how it's done, my ticket wasn't even for their Airline, but I must have touched someone's heart as I said to them "Pretend I'm your mom and she's in this situation. Would you want someone to help her get home?" and well that worked cause less than a day later I was being picked up at the Cancun Airport by a van from the 5 Star all Inclusive Resort that my brother used to Manage.

And that's where one of my long time dreams came true. Of course if I'm at a Resort my Brother manages I'm going to get to know everyone, I'm not shy and if I'll be staying there for free for a while I gotta become useful and do something to pay it forward or I won't feel good about it, not to mention get bored out of my skull. So first I go around introducing myself to the whole staff, one by one and I make myself available to help where my help might be needed according to the things I feel I have to offer and they bring me joy in return.

Everyone accepted the help I offered of course, nobody will ever refuse your help when it comes from the Heart. So in the mornings I would go to the pool to have breakfast, relax, exercise and catch some rays, I'd walk on the beach, exercise in the pool, sometimes even got a massage or paint a ceramic piece, and right around 12:30 pm is when my workday would start.

First I'd go the theater to rehearse with the Entertainment Group to participate with them at the nightly shows. Then I'd go straight to the kitchen to help the bakers, the chefs, the cooks, I'd even sweep if I had to. Then I'd go to the room, shower, get some rest, change and then the fun part would start.

Every night the Dining Room would turn into a different Country, we'd decorate and prepare meals from the countries and since I wanted to interact with the Guests too I asked to be placed behind the Grill. I'd grill the meat, poultry, fish, seafood, or whatever it was to be grilled that night and everybody that ate in that dining room and wanted something from the grill gave me the opportunity to serve them with a big smile. It gave my stay there a purpose. Right when dinner ended I'd run to the theater to perform with the Entertainment Group.

They all loved me because they had the perception that I was going to be like my brother, harsh and a fierce leader, instead I felt appreciative that they were letting me in their territory, giving me the tasks I asked for and without even me knowing it I was fulfilling my long time dream.

I had created my very own "Dirty Dancing" scenario and was living the very things I lived every time I watched the movie in my mind and most of all in my heart. I guess I was "Baby at the ripe age of 52" ;) there was even the cute young Italian dancer making passes at me every night under the Moonlight when the Entertainment Group and guests would gather at the beach to dance the night away.

I don't have a clue what life has in store for me but what I do know is that I live in a state of excitement and wonder. Before I would have thought of it as anxiety and worry, but how can I have anxiety about something that doesn't exist or worry when I can see clearly how it is my ability to surrender my control to the Mysteries of the Universe that has showed me time and time again that Amazing things happen at Any Time, Any Place, under Any Circumstances at Any Age.

Here's to you fulfilling your Dreams...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Home Sweet Home....

There are those who are lucky enough to have a place of their own to call home. They manage to purchase the "House of Their Dreams" or maybe a Condominium, a Townhouse or even a Mobil Home. Perhaps they decided that was the perfect place to set roots and they found a way to do it. I've been there several times in my life, I owned homes and Condos and Townhouses but they kept on changing as my life was doing the same.

The last house I owned was supposed to be IT. It's the only one I got attached to emotionally, the one where I raised my kids, where I saw their first steps and watched them grow. Where we celebrated many of their birthdays and cared for a lot of pets who became part of the family too. This was the only house I owned where I decided to plant my own garden and learned to care for it.

We had various types of apple trees, plumbs, bananas, mangoes, guayabas, figs, pomegranates, peaches, apricots, nectarines, cucumbers, berries, melons, watermelons, oranges, lemons, avocados, tomatoes, onions, carrots, cilantro, basil, parsley, chili peppers, beans, grapes, etc. and lets not get started with all the flowers and many types of trees, cactus and evergreens.


I always dreamt of having a stream or any small body of water running next to my house, there was this trench that the previous owner dug so that if and when it rained it wouldn't get flooded, which is not a common occurrence in Southern California, so I had the plan of putting some pipes and filling it with water so as to have my own home made stream but that never to happened. We did build a pool with a waterfall and a little pond so that counted as my body of water.

Another dream I've always had is having what I refer to as a lover's swing, a swing built for two. I did get one as a Mother's Day gift, I remember how much joy I felt when I received it, I had wanted it for so long I was savoring every moment of it, but what I don't remember is using it much for the purpose it was intended, I would often sit on it and swing all by myself and think. My husband was too busy with work and my kids with their lives, their toys, their school, their games, their friends.

The house had a tennis court that doubled as a basketball court, a pool, a trampoline, a Guest Cottage that we finished building and decorating with our own hands and the help of a construction worker. Every corner of that little guest cottage was created with so much love, I thought of our parents when they got old, or our children when they went off to college and came back to visit and hopefully stay for a while. I thought of our grandchildren, how much they were going to love visiting Nana and Poppo. It had it's own kitchen and bathroom and it looked like a suite at the best hotels, not to mention it was in the backyard and all you had to do was step out to be surrounded by everything you could need for entertainment and serenity. I even gave it it's own address 5289. Both my ex-husband and I were born in 1952 and our two children were born in 1989 so it was the most important numbers to me, they represented My Family!


The only dream I never got to fulfill there was having a Tree House. It was going to be where I went up to at first with my children to read them stories, sing songs, do picnics and later on with my grandchildren. We got it started, but we never go to finish it. So that is still in my "Bucket List".

I swore I would never sell that house, I wanted my kids to have a place to call home that brought them all the memories of the wonderful childhood they experienced there, I always wanted to have that as a child and never did so I promised myself I would give that to my children, but that dream was shattered into millions of pieces, just like the windshield of a car after it's been hit head on by a trailer whose lights were blinding me and I was unable to avoid it.

That was 10 years ago, I don't remember how many places I've rented since then, going around the world looking for that dream, the house with the yard and the plants, the room for my guests so that our children and grandchildren have a place to call home whenever they want to come visit or just move in. The stream, the swing, the scents of home cooked meals, the music, children's laughter, the sounds of family and the Tree House so that Nana, the "Born Storyteller" can tell her grandchildren all of those stories that come from a life well lived, a life filled with Passion, Hopes and Dreams and all the memories we'll create together as a Family!

In the meantime we rent here, we rent there, oh the stories I could tell you, we leave them behind to blow with the wind, the same wind that takes us to the next place, until we can finally find the one to call "Home Sweet Home"...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

I Can See Clearly Now...

It's interesting to me when we can finally start to notice that our lives are a total creation of our thoughts, feelings and actions. It's a big responsibility to put on our shoulders so that we can change what we don't like and keep pursuing our dreams without limitations or fears of any kind.

I see it in everything I experience in my "Life Adventure" like this morning for example.

I was at my building's gym at 3:30 am. My husband had just left for work and there is NOBODY around at that time,  I feel as if I'm in my own private gym in my 'Mansion' working out to get my strength and shape back, finally deciding to put on those workout shoes I've been too tired or too lazy or too discouraged to put on and go down the elevator 5 stories straight to the door of the gym.

We have lived in this building over a year and JUST NOW I managed to put on those shoes. Somethings you can call me "Speedy Gonzalez" but that's only when I like what I'm doing but when it takes that extra effort that comes from energy I don't perceive that I have, that's when I can win a Procrastination Trophy!!! although eventually I make up my mind and GET IT DONE but it could take a long time!!! Obviously I did have the energy since I am working out, but I've been like this my whole life and am fiercely trying to change that.

So while I was exercising to the music of a "Latin Workout" station where all the music makes me want to dance, I was thinking of all the things I thought would bring me happiness a few years back and I'm totally surrounded by all of them, although I aim high and am going to continue climbing my whole life, but now I know it's up to me putting on those shoes and going out to pursue all of my dreams because they are all doable and on their way to become a part of my "Life Adventure."

Test yourselves, look at your thoughts, feelings, actions and results and you'll see what I mean. I Can See Clearly Now....

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Make it Happen on Purpose...

I just read an article written by a man who is 46 years old. I don't recall the exact details but what he wrote was a desperate cry out to anyone who might be wasting time postponing their lives, their dreams, their chance at love, their goals just to be financially sound and then start living.

He was very explicit as to how it turned out for him. Basically what happened is that he dedicated more time to his career and his work than he did to his son and his wife, so about 10 years ago the wife decided that she felt lonely and took on a lover, so she was having the life of a wife, a mother and a lover. It took him ten years to realize he had lost his wife and now that he realized it he said why did I waste all that time trying to build up a future so we could enjoy life as a family and now that I have the financial security I have no family to enjoy it with.

Even though I could see desperation for his loss and how sorry he was that he didn't realize it sooner, I don't really know how much sooner, maybe 15 years ago? I can also see it from the other side of the river.

In my experience and looking at it as something practical. First as a woman myself and having had that same experience, I was the wife of the Doctor, the caretaker, teacher, volunteer, housewife,  cook, housekeeper, gardener, pet caretaker, driver, lover and friend. I set the woman in me aside, I had no time for that, I didn't resent that my spouse was out building our economic future while I was building our family and even though I do consider having done a great job on my side, I still found myself alone at 50 and wondering why!?

To me finding myself at the total opposite end of where I thought I would wind up with the effort I decided to put into raising a family sent me on a whirlwind of emotions, that prompted me to make decisions that I never ever thought I could or would. It was as if giving myself permission to do everything wrong this time, because doing it right as I thought I was, certainly had not brought me the results I expected.

Well of course after a while of making all the wrong decisions I realized that wasn't the path either. That if I wanted to enjoy being alive rather than just existing that I had to do things in a totally different way and I set out to find which way that made sense to me and brought me the most peace and harmony. At this stage you realize that you just have to find that peace and harmony and everything else falls into place.

Right now when I read the rants of this poor 46 year old man with nothing but financial stability I think to myself, I tell you what, you give me the financial stability you have and I will show you how to enjoy your life. You are only 46 years old you still have such a long and wonderful road ahead of you. Maybe it'll be with other people to give your love to and who will love everything about you without the need to go behind your back to love another.

I don't know, I wish I was 46 and had the financial stability that you have, just go out and find happiness again in all that you have and all that you are. It's a wonderful life adventure you just have to go... Make it Happen on Purpose...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

El Amor Causa Dolor...

Cuando amamos a alguien sentimos dolor a veces por razones fuera de nuestro control como cuando les pasa algo, los vemos sufrir o cuando nos tenemos que separar por algo, pero un ser amado le podemos o nos puede causar dolor algunas veces a propósito con la clara intención de hacernos daño y a veces sin darse cuenta pero igual causa daño.

Tiene sentido que si no amas a alguien que te ama, con el simple hecho de no amarlos de regreso les estas causando un gran daño sin querer hacerlo, pero como puede ser que amemos a alguien y al mismo tiempo queramos hacerle daño!?

Mucho se ha hablado de este tema tan complejo, desde el lado psicológico, filosófico o espiritual, pero que lo vemos y lo vivimos es una realidad indudable.

En la vida cuando no tenemos nada que perder es difícil sentirnos heridos o decepcionados pero el Amor nos causa Felicidad y es protagonista de muchas de nuestras mejores experiencias de vida, por lo tanto ahí sí tenemos mucho que perder y eso nos vuelve vulnerables al dolor.

Hay veces que hacemos daño a quienes amamos porque nos sentimos dependientes de ellos para algo. Es muy común que dos personas desenvuelvan una relación intensa con algún amigo(a), familiar o con una pareja para intentar que la felicidad de ambos mejore, pero hay ocasiones en las que esa dependencia se va fuera de balance y cuando está desproporcionada el de los dos que se sienta más débil puede querer causarle un daño al otro para sentirse menos vulnerable al dolor. Esta se convierte en una herramienta importante para mejorar la imagen que tienen de sí mismos o afirmar su Independencia.

A veces lo hacemos para llamar la atención si sentimos que la otra persona se está alejando, para desquitar el malhumor con alguien que nos contiene, tolera y acepta tal como somos o para establecer límites. Lo hacemos por medio del abuso verbal, el rechazo físico o tomándose por hecho sin tomar en cuenta las necesidades del otro.

Hay ocasiones en las que inconscientemente buscamos una relación para recrear un trauma emocional. Formamos nuestra identidad basados en las experiencias de vida que hemos tenido y las personas de las que hemos vivido rodeados. Si tuvimos la fortuna de estar rodeados de amor y armonía lo más seguro es que busquemos en nuestras relaciones esa misma armonía que nos es tan conocida, pero si vivimos con drama o abusos, cuando nos volvemos adultos nos sentimos más como nosotros mismos cuando podemos recrear ese trauma emocional.

Puede ser que nos sintamos incomodos con la cercanía o el amor de alguien y por lo tanto saboteamos la relación o evitamos la intimidad o hasta podemos desencadenar el caos o el drama en una relación que tenga armonía y tranquilidad.

Tenemos la fantasía de que cuando seamos adultos vamos a encontrar el amor o algo que nos hizo falta y no tuvimos cuando éramos niños. Si por ejemplo no tuvimos el amor de un padre/madre, como adultos tenemos la opción de buscar a alguien con la personalidad parecida a la de la persona por quien nos sentimos heridos. No sentimos atraídos por la naturaleza de la carga emocional que forma parte de esa naturaleza que formamos.

Cuando esto pasa es lógico pensar que esa persona de la que nos enamoramos tiene todas las herramientas necesarias para recrear el trauma emocional de nuestra infancia y después de que pasa esa euforia o atracción inicial nos encontramos en una relación frágil en la que nuestros miedos se vuelven a reactivar y al final resultamos más heridos de lo que estábamos porque esta vez la persona que pensábamos que nos daría el amor que nunca tuvimos es la que nos está haciendo daño aunque sea de una manera inconsciente.

Es nuestra responsabilidad aprender a comunicar nuestros sentimientos de una manera constructiva y sobre todo de tener muy claro cuales son las heridas emocionales que venimos cargando de nuestro pasado y resolverlas. Ayudar a crear un lugar emocionalmente seguro para que las personas a quienes amamos sientan la confianza de expresar sus sentimientos sin ser juzgados. Trabajar en equipo para ver que es lo que nos enciende y nos hace atacar al otro con afán de hacerle daño.

Una relación en la que existe Amor no es algo que se debe tomar a la ligera, tenemos que tratarla como un privilegio y le debemos el máximo respeto. El Amor no nos da derecho al abuso como gratificación para nuestro Ego.

Las relaciones que creamos son en realidad una oportunidad para vernos a nosotros mismos con mucha más claridad, son como los amigos que hicimos antes de re-tomar esta Aventura de Vida y quedamos de que cuando nos encontrásemos nos íbamos a ayudar a encaminarnos hacia la luz y que nos íbamos a dar el chance de ver nuestro lado sombreado, aquel lado al que tanto trabajo le ha costado que le de la luz. En otras palabras nos hace ver nuestras vidas con más claridad. Nos podemos esconder de nosotros mismos y de la mayoría de los demás pero difícilmente de la persona que nos ama y a quien amamos. El Amor ayuda que a que eventualmente ese lado sombreado se llene de luz.

Tal vez le hacemos daño a los demás para aprender a amarnos a nosotros mismos y a los demás en forma incondicional.

Aunque el Amor Cause Dolor...Yo seguiré prefiriendo ir por la Vida Amando y Siendo Amada...

Con Amor xoxo
@nit@