The Happiest Thanksgiving of my Life...

I got busy very early this morning going from one room to the other of the house. I'm so used to having the house impeccable because if something gets messy or dirty I just clean it right away and not allow things to lay around, but I just had a hurricane that came by and stayed for a little while to make our house feel more like a home full of Life Love and Laughter than I've had in a long time.

The moment my husband walked out the door to go to work I did a couple of things and everywhere I looked around I would see something else that needed to be done, whether it was washing or drying, changing beds or cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming or dusting it's gotta get done before my husband comes back home at 2:30 pm. or I would feel bad that I just sat around writing and listening to music, or relaxing in the tub after he helped me pull off the Happiest Thanksgiving of our Lives...

I stood in the middle of the living room and saw the mess, assessed the time it will take me to put the house back and my eyes landed on the picture in the silver frame.

At that moment I started to feel the emotions with even more intensity than I was at the moment that picture was being taken. I remember I was trying to make Sinatra feel comfortable on my lap and smile at the same time :)

So instead of going back to tidying up I decided to let my heart pour all of its emotions out while they are still so latent inside me.

I was telling my lovely daughter and her handsome boyfriend that this picture reminded me of the vision I had of the future outcome of my life when I was just a little girl and that picture that I visualized in my thoughts and my dreams was now sitting on my little coffee table that I ran to buy just before they came to brighten our house with their Love, young vibrant energy, laughter, lightness, success, union as siblings and significant others and lets not forget the happiness those two beautiful puppies bring every time they are around. I cannot even wrap my heart around what it will be like when there are little feet running around making a mess in my yard and helping me plant vegetables and fruits, watching them grow. Then coming back in the house as we sit in front of the fireplace while I read them stories just like I did to my children when they were growing up.

I made a conscious effort to be present in every moment not trying to orchestrate everything but rather allowing it to flow and it did in the best way possible. I watched my children having fun and a strong unity and everyone in the room got that much closer. It brought back memories of what it felt like to be a family sitting around the table and just having fun being with those who know us and can still love us with all our flaws and value our strengths.

I remember dreaming of these moments when I was younger, but even in my wildest dreams couldn't have imagined the stories contained inside the silver frame and the image of a life of ups and downs, highs and lows, strengths and weaknesses, walking paths, crossing rivers and climbing mountains and landing back on my sofa in front of the fire. Back after a long road of our intense fight for inward growth.

We ate healthy food, laughed till our bellies hurt, saw pictures, told stories and got to know each other better at a deeper level, listened to music, played table games, did fun crafts, even got to briefly travel across the border to beautiful Vancouver for the day.

I feel very lucky that my daughter loves to take photographs as much as I do because I didn't take one single one, I made it my purpose to be present in the moment at every moment and I notice that when I want to capture the moment through my camera I distract myself from the moment somehow to capture something for later and I didn't want that to happen when my children were around, I wanted to drink in all the emotions that my heart was feeling after such a long road to land them back together with me on my couch sharing each other's hopes, dreams, passions and present realities.

When my son and his lovely fiance came to pick up my daughter and her boyfriend they both handed me two beautiful gift bags, I couldn't have imagined what would be inside but I knew it had to be something where there was a lot of heart involved because that's how my daughter is, always so thoughtful with everyone trying to get them what she knows will bring them joy so I opened them just like I remember opening presents on my birthday or holiday when I was little child, with excited anticipation and I wasn't wrong.

There was that photo that would inspire me to write this post with tears of joy in my eyes, same tears I allowed myself to share with them at a moment of need to express all of those emotions that we hold inside for so long that one day like this they just come out without control. There were other pictures just as wonderful each one with a different message, memory and emotion that gets stirred inside.

There was also a card, I opened that first actually and read the sentiments both wrote to myself and my wonderful husband and they made me melt.

There was a packet of ladybug stickers, no doubt my daughter knows what I like, they also went around looking for the Kinder eggs with toys inside because they know how much I love miniatures and how much of a child I am.  We all had fun opening them up and putting them together, we were laughing so much at the fact that it all started with the purple whale I have in my tub that my stepson and husband got me and here it was a Kinder Egg from Canada with another miniature whale in the egg I got, what were the chances of that?

All of a sudden I saw the roles being reversed, I used to be the one giving them toys now she goes around looking for those she knows I will love and she's always right.

As I stood this morning in the living room deciding whether to clean up and put things away or write I looked up to the ceiling where a beautiful hummingbird alebrije that we bought in Ciudad Juárez to represent the presence of my mom in my house hangs. My husband hung it with a thin transparent string from a sprinkler that is right in the middle of the room so it looks as if it's flying. My eyes landed on it as I was admiring the picture on my table and I felt my mom's presence sending me her blessings and reminding me what being a mother is really all about.

My heart filled with so much gratitude that I just needed to sit down and let all the emotions pour out into my words so they don't get lost in memories that become distant and eventually fade out or get forgotten in our busy lives.

I love all the stories that go behind every one of those smiles in the picture in the silver frame because they all make us who we are and because it brings us back to the times when we were a family living under one roof with the same common goals and dreams.

My daughter's boyfriend also handed me a bag with a beautiful shawl that I loved. I wanted to slip it on right away so they could see how perfect those are for me, I learned that when he bought it since he didn't even know me at the time he just went with his intuition of what I might like. Once here he saw how it's mostly shawls that I wear because they are the best for me at this time and I didn't have anything like the one he gave me. As I was rushing to put it on I took care of taking off the tag that was being held by a tiny safety pin. I always keep the tags until I have a chance to look at them, I like to know about the clothes I use to wrap my body around. I left the tag sitting on top of my desk without looking at it and slipped the shawl on. We all said how great it was and I kept it on till I went to turn in for the night.

Right now as I was writing this post the tag was slipping down from where I had left it on top of my sewing project that was on a slant. I saw it slipping off the periphery of my eyes and turned to catch it so it wouldn't fall to the ground and I'd have to bend down and my eyes landed on the only word printed on that small cream cardboard label inside a dark brown triangle. All it said was 'dreamers'.

That's me I thought, it was a very strong confirmation of the purpose of dreams that if our hearts hold on to a dream it's for a reason, they are here to be fulfilled otherwise they wouldn't exist and if we really believe and walk in their direction one day they will turn into "The Happiest Thanksgiving of Your Life"...

With so much Gratitude to everything that was which makes everything that is a Reality!...

@nit@

"Follow The Yellow Brick Road"...

I was thinking what to write about this morning, for me to write there has to be an idea first, a theme if you will, what point do I want to bring across. Sometimes the ideas flow and other times like today I can't think of a thing. So first I thought what makes me happy, thinking of those I love and knowing that my relationship with them is flourishing and when it doesn't, to be able to give them the space they need without judgement or resentment.

When I thought of that the first thing I did was go to send an e-mail to someone I hurt with no ill intention. It was important to me to do that before moving on with my day. Then I thought of what would I like to happen next in my experience, I'm happy with our home and our surroundings at least till the end of the lease, I love our apartment its just that I see a house in our ultimate experience so I just wonder when that will come. I always love that feeling of expectation you get when you know you are going to get something, somehow, someday and you begin to wonder what? how? when?

It was difficult for me to understand what everyone meant about you creating your own reality, if you see it from the perspective that everyone wants to be happy, peaceful, in harmony with all there is wouldn't it make sense that we would all seek to find what makes us feel that way instead of finding what doesn't make us feel well?

You see why I call myself "Parallel Parked in a Perpendicular World?" because I just don't get it, why do we do that? I used to do that too but for the life of me I have no idea why I did it, it's like once I stopped doing that it was the feeling that I imagine you get when you jump off a cliff thousands of feet up in the air with these flappy wings someone said let's go fly and you just decided to trust this person although you have never felt that much fear in your whole existence, you probably say I really am bored with this life, if this this is the way it's going to be for the next 40 or 50 years I think I have ahead of me to enjoy I would rather not stay alive...

So you look down and you say OMG OMG and you feel this angel pushing you in the back while at the same time you feel another one in front of you guiding you to the left, other a bit down, they're all over the place. You feel them with your trust in knowing that your job here is not yet complete and that you will find that reason to be alive because you found the reason for you to be here and now you want to be all that you came here to be.

Life becomes exciting when you find out it is you who is orchestrating your own future while on this realm, when you find out why you are here all you want to do is have all the resources you need.

I find a lot of excitement in living my life with that understanding because it makes it so clear to me what will manifest into my reality according to my thoughts, feelings and actions and once I understood that I realized that the better I feel the more I receive so eventually it became a habit to me to live in the moment, to be at peace and accept everything as is, not to resist and to take one more step every day in the direction of my dreams. And while doing all this your excitement increases every day because you know that at any moment you will manifest into your reality that which you've been expecting.

You don't know how it will come, when, from where or from whom but you better believe that it will be a part of your reality you just have to "Follow The Yellow Brick Road"...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

I Am That...

I am listening to a Meditation tape that I have on my daily list, although this one in particular I don't get to listen to every day because it's almost an hour long and I like listening to shorter meditations, I find that I can stay focused for 15 mins. a lot better than I can for 50 mins. that's just too long for me for now. Working on staying focused longer. I just love the fact that I did manage to take the time to do all the things that I knew I had to do for myself and most of all find a way of looking forward to my new life routine. Creating my New Reality.

I was talking to a young friend of mine, I feel that I can relate better to the younger generations than I can to mine in some areas of my life. This lovely young lady who is a joy to be around has taken the same like to me that I feel for her so we stay connected as often as time allows. She really seems interested in the outcome of my life and seems to admire the way I am.

The reason I like analyzing what it is that she or anyone may admire about me is important not for my ego, but because if I can see in me what they see I will continue to tackle my life with a better perspective.

So back to the Meditation tape I mentioned at the beginning, there was a reason for that. The tape is by Wayne Dyer and the main reason I was drawn to it is because of the title they gave it on Youtube. I'll add it here and let you see for yourselves. I AM That..

At the beginning of the tape Wayne explains that according to the Scriptures that is the Name of G-d. That the name in Hebrew has letters and numbers and each one of the numbers has a sound and that the sound on the tape are the sounds of the letters of the Name of G-d.

Wayne asks for you to determine what THAT means to you so you can attract it into your Reality, you are supposed to write down exactly what THAT means to you. Like for example. I AM an Author... I AM Wealthy... I AM Healthy... and to say it and feel it with conviction as you meditate and listen to the sounds of The Name of G-d so that whatever it is you want manifests into your reality.

I started to think what I would want THAT to be for me and as I did that I couldn't stop thinking of all the growth that I have attained in the last few years of my life. I would go as far as saying that I went from being an Invalid of sorts, now looking back it was mostly due to fear. I believe I lived in some sort of Fear based reality my whole life until one day everything I was afraid of happened and then the Fear was gone. It was like Puff... Magic!!!

I can see through the eyes of those that may think of what I do as brave, because I once would have seen someone like me and thought that, but even while I'm experiencing this sense of serenity and freedom from fear, it's hard to remember what it was like before I felt this way.

There are still things in my life I want, things that will take the place of That... there will always be more things, but the one thing that I really really wanted that to be and I worked my whole life to get, I AM THAT...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Project Bubbah!!!...בּוּבָּה

Bubbah was the way we called our grandmother Etko when we were growing up. All of those years of calling her that and we never knew that we were saying the wrong word. My first cousins used to call her Bobe so why did our parents tell us to call her Bubbah Etko instead of Bobe I will never know, they are both Angels as is Bobe Etko. When I lived in Israel is when I found out what the real meaning of the word Bubbah is in Hebrew.

Hebrew and Yiddish are two completely different languages, not all Jewish people speak both, I don't know the history of it because it's not really that important to me but I've read here and there that Yiddish was used by Azquenazi Jews in some parts of Europe whereas Hebrew was used more in places like Italy and Spain by Sephardic Jews, maybe I'm wrong but I do notice knowing a little bit of both, more Hebrew for me, that they do have some similarities in a few words, I wasn't raised in a Jewish parroquial school like my cousins were and where they teach you Hebrew as a second language, I was raised in a bilingual English/Spanish school and Ashkenazi Jewish grandparents who spoke only Yiddish, so Bubbah supposedly was the Yiddish version of Bobe,  so if my grandma Etko who came from Poland and didn't speak Spanish very well said that, I certainly believed her.

The real meaning of the word bubbah in Hebrew is doll, now what that has to do with grandma I don't know, but what I do know is what my intuition is telling me.

I think that word was placed by my own intention when I entered this realm because I've been entertaining this idea for a few years now and I think I'm just going to express my idea to the Universe to make it Manifest once and for all.

I'm very partial to older people for many reasons, because I wasn't there when my Bubbah Etko passed away nor was I sitting right next to my own mother Bobe Sarah holding here hand and telling her how much I was going to miss her, because I couldn't take care of them and I don't know if I told them enough how much I loved them and how grateful I am to have been a part of their Life Adventure. Because most people focus on youth, the new generations, the future of the world and those who are on their way out sometimes get neglected and left alone to die a slow and lonely death.

Even if you're lucky enough to get to an old age where your children go visit you at a Home for the Aged every weekend and the place is all fancy and you have a nurse next to your bed all day, you are basically a prisoner there till the day you die and what I want more than anything in this world is create a Campaign to help ease some of the pain that comes with just sitting there waiting to die and each day that passes is the same. I want to bring them some comfort and joy.

Even if you have activities in the Retirement Home and food is good and you don't have to cook it it's still the same life every day. I am such a free spirit that I could never wind up in a place like that, I just want to live as long as I am still able to enjoy that freedom and can take care of myself. 

I'm not a psychiatrist or a psychologist, not even a social worker but I would challenge all of those communities to do a test on this Project I call Project Bubbah!

It's a very simple project. My desire is to get sponsors, I would like to create a Bubbah! - Doll that we can donate to all of the Residents that live in Retirement homes. Every one of them would receive a doll that they will personally name. There will be a small ceremony for each Adoption and a Birth certificate with the name of the Adoptive Parent and the name of the Bubbah! The certificate will be framed and hung in their room with a picture of themselves with their Bubbah. 

If you cried like I did in the scene where Tom Hanks realizes that he has just lost Wilson, his Best Friend, his Only Friend and Companion for four lonely years and he starts apologizing to him as he sees him drifting away in a desperate attempt to rescue him, you know how powerful it can be to have something, even an inanimate object that you grant the power to take your loneliness away.

So today I declare my Intention to the Universe, I bow to do whatever it takes to create this project and see it through to completion.

No matter how much I've done so far for this project that lives right in the center of my heart and is an important component of my "Bucket List, I declare today Project Bubbah Launching Day!!!...בּוּבָּה 

And let the Games Begin... Do I hear a Hurray out there?

Hugs xoxo

@nit@

What Happiness Isn't...

I think there are only two ways that you can look at life, as "Challenging and Painful" or as a "Happy Adventure" the situation could be the same for two individuals and one will perceive it as the first and the other as the second. So does that mean that our happiness depends on the perception we have of our lives rather than what happens in them?

We all have different values, wants, needs, realities, experiences, but should we start paying more attention to our perception rather than to what's outside? Is that what the spiritual leaders refer to as "Going inside oneself?"

I have lived it and seen it both ways, and every now and then I still experience anguish, fear and pain, but now I learned how to "Go inside myself" accept what is and change my perception.

But what if you don't seem to be getting the results you were expecting, or there are difficult and painful situations on the road to your dreams, you worked so hard at getting something only to see it fade or get taken away, you were about to reach the stars and failed, you are used to getting everything and then one day difficult challenges come your way, you wish you had made different choices, should you put Happiness on hold then until you get what you are looking for? and what if you get what you were hoping for and you're not happy then, or if you change your dreams to something else. Should the efforts you put into the things that in the end didn't work be considered a waste?

Happiness is always there even in very challenging situations because its not tied to an individual, a situation, an event, a possession, knowledge or preparation. It's not a thing we can mold or purchase, it's a decision we have to make by changing our perception.

I don't like the feeling of fear or pain anymore than anyone else, but I'm grateful to them because they allow me to exercise my perception.

What if we started today to take responsibility over our own reality and stop blaming everyone and everything else? What if we "Go inside ourselves and change our perception" give the other side of the coin a chance to shine now and then?

I believe our happiness is our responsibility! Are you taking it?

Much love xoxo
@nit@