The Happiest Thanksgiving of my Life...

I got busy very early this morning going from one room to the other of the house. I'm so used to having the house impeccable because if something gets messy or dirty I just clean it right away and not allow things to lay around, but I just had a hurricane that came by and stayed for a little while to make our house feel more like a home full of Life Love and Laughter than I've had in a long time.

The moment my husband walked out the door to go to work I did a couple of things and everywhere I looked around I would see something else that needed to be done, whether it was washing or drying, changing beds or cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming or dusting it's gotta get done before my husband comes back home at 2:30 pm. or I would feel bad that I just sat around writing and listening to music, or relaxing in the tub after he helped me pull off the Happiest Thanksgiving of our Lives...

I stood in the middle of the living room and saw the mess, assessed the time it will take me to put the house back and my eyes landed on the picture in the silver frame.

At that moment I started to feel the emotions with even more intensity than I was at the moment that picture was being taken. I remember I was trying to make Sinatra feel comfortable on my lap and smile at the same time :)

So instead of going back to tidying up I decided to let my heart pour all of its emotions out while they are still so latent inside me.

I was telling my lovely daughter and her handsome boyfriend that this picture reminded me of the vision I had of the future outcome of my life when I was just a little girl and that picture that I visualized in my thoughts and my dreams was now sitting on my little coffee table that I ran to buy just before they came to brighten our house with their Love, young vibrant energy, laughter, lightness, success, union as siblings and significant others and lets not forget the happiness those two beautiful puppies bring every time they are around. I cannot even wrap my heart around what it will be like when there are little feet running around making a mess in my yard and helping me plant vegetables and fruits, watching them grow. Then coming back in the house as we sit in front of the fireplace while I read them stories just like I did to my children when they were growing up.

I made a conscious effort to be present in every moment not trying to orchestrate everything but rather allowing it to flow and it did in the best way possible. I watched my children having fun and a strong unity and everyone in the room got that much closer. It brought back memories of what it felt like to be a family sitting around the table and just having fun being with those who know us and can still love us with all our flaws and value our strengths.

I remember dreaming of these moments when I was younger, but even in my wildest dreams couldn't have imagined the stories contained inside the silver frame and the image of a life of ups and downs, highs and lows, strengths and weaknesses, walking paths, crossing rivers and climbing mountains and landing back on my sofa in front of the fire. Back after a long road of our intense fight for inward growth.

We ate healthy food, laughed till our bellies hurt, saw pictures, told stories and got to know each other better at a deeper level, listened to music, played table games, did fun crafts, even got to briefly travel across the border to beautiful Vancouver for the day.

I feel very lucky that my daughter loves to take photographs as much as I do because I didn't take one single one, I made it my purpose to be present in the moment at every moment and I notice that when I want to capture the moment through my camera I distract myself from the moment somehow to capture something for later and I didn't want that to happen when my children were around, I wanted to drink in all the emotions that my heart was feeling after such a long road to land them back together with me on my couch sharing each other's hopes, dreams, passions and present realities.

When my son and his lovely fiance came to pick up my daughter and her boyfriend they both handed me two beautiful gift bags, I couldn't have imagined what would be inside but I knew it had to be something where there was a lot of heart involved because that's how my daughter is, always so thoughtful with everyone trying to get them what she knows will bring them joy so I opened them just like I remember opening presents on my birthday or holiday when I was little child, with excited anticipation and I wasn't wrong.

There was that photo that would inspire me to write this post with tears of joy in my eyes, same tears I allowed myself to share with them at a moment of need to express all of those emotions that we hold inside for so long that one day like this they just come out without control. There were other pictures just as wonderful each one with a different message, memory and emotion that gets stirred inside.

There was also a card, I opened that first actually and read the sentiments both wrote to myself and my wonderful husband and they made me melt.

There was a packet of ladybug stickers, no doubt my daughter knows what I like, they also went around looking for the Kinder eggs with toys inside because they know how much I love miniatures and how much of a child I am.  We all had fun opening them up and putting them together, we were laughing so much at the fact that it all started with the purple whale I have in my tub that my stepson and husband got me and here it was a Kinder Egg from Canada with another miniature whale in the egg I got, what were the chances of that?

All of a sudden I saw the roles being reversed, I used to be the one giving them toys now she goes around looking for those she knows I will love and she's always right.

As I stood this morning in the living room deciding whether to clean up and put things away or write I looked up to the ceiling where a beautiful hummingbird alebrije that we bought in Ciudad Juárez to represent the presence of my mom in my house hangs. My husband hung it with a thin transparent string from a sprinkler that is right in the middle of the room so it looks as if it's flying. My eyes landed on it as I was admiring the picture on my table and I felt my mom's presence sending me her blessings and reminding me what being a mother is really all about.

My heart filled with so much gratitude that I just needed to sit down and let all the emotions pour out into my words so they don't get lost in memories that become distant and eventually fade out or get forgotten in our busy lives.

I love all the stories that go behind every one of those smiles in the picture in the silver frame because they all make us who we are and because it brings us back to the times when we were a family living under one roof with the same common goals and dreams.

My daughter's boyfriend also handed me a bag with a beautiful shawl that I loved. I wanted to slip it on right away so they could see how perfect those are for me, I learned that when he bought it since he didn't even know me at the time he just went with his intuition of what I might like. Once here he saw how it's mostly shawls that I wear because they are the best for me at this time and I didn't have anything like the one he gave me. As I was rushing to put it on I took care of taking off the tag that was being held by a tiny safety pin. I always keep the tags until I have a chance to look at them, I like to know about the clothes I use to wrap my body around. I left the tag sitting on top of my desk without looking at it and slipped the shawl on. We all said how great it was and I kept it on till I went to turn in for the night.

Right now as I was writing this post the tag was slipping down from where I had left it on top of my sewing project that was on a slant. I saw it slipping off the periphery of my eyes and turned to catch it so it wouldn't fall to the ground and I'd have to bend down and my eyes landed on the only word printed on that small cream cardboard label inside a dark brown triangle. All it said was 'dreamers'.

That's me I thought, it was a very strong confirmation of the purpose of dreams that if our hearts hold on to a dream it's for a reason, they are here to be fulfilled otherwise they wouldn't exist and if we really believe and walk in their direction one day they will turn into "The Happiest Thanksgiving of Your Life"...

With so much Gratitude to everything that was which makes everything that is a Reality!...

@nit@

Thanksgiving Celebration...

It turns out that our Cable company has been having problems with a line which happens to be the one that connects into our area, so the image is all pixelated on and off and they can't find where the fault is. They came, they fixed and they couldn't so while they are fixing their problem which causes us not to have TV when we want it while we are paying for it, they gave us 3 months free of HBO and wouldn't you know HBO works just fine, Hm!

So this morning I'm looking at the  HBO guide and they were showing a Drew Barrymore movie I saw and remembered liking years ago called "Getting in the Car with Boys". I knew the premise and some of the challenges but I really didn't remember the important parts so I kept on coming back to watch. I'm really not one to get hooked on watching TV, rarely turn it on if I'm alone, I rather listen to music or write and TV is a total distractor to that which I love to do.

This movie was different though, as if it was trying to remind me of something I had forgotten. I forgot how incredible it seems to me that we either cannot see the mistakes we are making along our path since we keep making them in different ways at every stage and we always find a way of justifying or we just cannot help ourselves and we are weak or fearful so we have to keep on doing the same things that we already know what the consequences are and handle them at the time, although when that time comes we can't handle the pain and break down, than try something totally new and different and take a chance at a better outcome.

If it's the first one that we are blinded to our own mistakes then I say ouch, because maybe there are a lot of people that chose to remain ignorant and just remain alive however but there are so many others that are intelligent, well read, smart, clever and you're going to tell me they can't see it? they're too afraid? too weak? How does that happen? Why does it happen?

This is a movie about a 15 yr. old girl who got pregnant by her boyfriend. Her dad was a policeman and mom was a loving stay at home mom and she decided to have the baby and winds up marrying the boyfriend who is and ends up always being a heroin addict. You should watch it, it has a good message.

The point here is that when I lived my life in the past before I realized it was I who was allowing all the chaos I remember very well many things I did within that perception and I remember well how I felt when I made certain major decisions, how I behaved, the choices I made, the risks I took and those I was too afraid to undertake and when I remember I actually feel the way I felt then only now I can see it so much better from this angle and let me tell you it's not easy to understand why I made some decisions I made throughout my life but I assure you that will never happen.

Thanksgiving was always and still is my favorite Holiday and one of the few I don't like to see pass without me celebrating it with anyone who happens to be around. In the past few years it has been my husband and I. He cooks these lovely meals for the two of us and I'm just the kitchen helper :) but this year will be different and I will be crossing a line off my "Bucket List!"

My daughter and her boyfriend will be flying in from Los Angeles and my son and his fiance will be coming from home which is just down the freeway and will bring with them their two adorable pekinese that I love and miss so much. I will be sitting around the table spending Thanksgiving with the three most important people in my life and their most important people, laughing, singing, playing guitar, breaking bread together like Poppo used to say, seeing pictures, exchanging ideas, playing board games and most of all being Thankful that we have this new opportunity after all these years to show each other how much love we have. Have the other one feel the love rather than just read about it or hear the words.

In the past it would've been perhaps just another Thanksgiving but I don't see it like that now, now I give thanks every day for everything I've experienced, everything that I Am and moreso for all that's yet to come.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Wherever you are may you surround yourselves with Love.

Hugs xoxo
@nit@