It was exactly 10 yrs. ago give or take a couple of weeks that I found myself making the biggest and most difficult decision that I’ve had to make my whole life, that of destroying the family that it took me a lifetime of blood, sweat, tears, losses, so many emotions, so much work and effort and yet it all seemed effortless because the love and joy that came along with it. Something happens along the way and the joy starts turning into pain, and when the pain becomes greater you need to make a decision as difficult as it may be. You need to take advantage of the pain in order to grow and become a better version of yourself on the other side. We don’t have any control over what anybody else says or does so we have the responsibility to take control of our lives and our happiness in order to be that person that overflows joy and thus able to give it to those you love, otherwise you don’t have anything to give.
That decision I took wound up changing the lives of MANY people, not to mention those I’ve encountered in my path these past ten years. I don’t even want to think about the decisions I’ve taken that have turned into disasters, although I really don’t think it could have been any different. If I were allowed to pick all the ‘mistakes’ I’ve made along the way and fix them, it doesn’t give me any guarantees that the end result would be a better one, different for sure but not necessarily better.
I was just looking at a little video my daughter took in our cute little townhouse her and I were renting at the moment. I was having so many challenges at the time, my mom was dying and I couldn’t even take care of her because of all the challenges I was dealing with, and I was working full time on top of it. People started feeling the right to talk about me, to judge me but nobody came to ask if I needed any help except for my daughter, she could see what my life was really like and could spot the mistakes I was making that at the time I couldn’t see.
One day she came to me with the idea that I must have a dog. Well I've had dogs for MANY years, my daughter being an animal lover brought home all sorts of critters as well but the presence of a dog was always there, we had four at one point, and I suffered every time I lost one as if it was my child, not to mention the care they require so I immediately said ‘NO MORE DOGS FOR ME’I was free to do anything, go anywhere, why would I want to tie myself again with a dog, but she managed somehow to convince me and looked for the one she knew I would not be able to resist and found it. She was a 4 wk. old Maltepoo (maltese/poodle) mix that looked just like the most beautiful stuffed animal with an adorable personality on top of it.
First we named her Sydney but for some reason it just didn’t stick and every time I wanted to call her I would think ‘Which city in Australia was it?’ jaja so after a few times that happened we decided to change her name to Chloe and that was definitely a perfect fit. And that wasn’t it, she was smart, happy, cuddly, and she was born on the same day my daughter was born, March 20th, my two blondies were now living with me. My daughter loving dogs as much as she does would play with her, and she is a great and patient trainer, so before long Chloe was dancing on two feet while turning in circles, she would sit for a long time watching TV, sit, lie, crawl was a given and our daily long walks through the park where I would find places to set her free to run and chase the ball or run after my daughter were the joy of the day.
And then one day that all would end, first my daughter left for college and Chloe and I stayed back alone, my life routine turned boring and the challenges kept on coming, then the desire to move on became so strong that it must have put a blinder on my intuition.
It was a Saturday I remember that much, I was sitting at a restaurant that looked like the soda fountain shops from ‘Happy Days' waiting for my son to come out of a class. I had been doing that every Saturday and Sunday for months. I’d drive him there and go to this place that was next to a Movie Studio and sit there for a couple of hrs. to read or write while I waited for him. One of those Saturdays I called my niece in Israel and she suggested why not move to Israel for a while and something lit up inside instantly, I remember saying to her “Yeah, why don’t I”
The process turned out to be quite a bit more difficult and lengthy than I thought it would be, I had to become an Israeli citizen in order to receive all the benefits and that took me 6 months to achieve. Then I had to make sure that my father was going to be cared for, I had a leased car, a townhouse full of furniture and stored all the memories of my past in the garage, that all had to be tended to. Some decisions I made here were not the best I could have made but at the time was all I was able to manage on my own.
And then came Chloe, I never thought that would be the one thing that would turn out to hurt me the most. I had already given away so many priced possessions and was almost ready to go and then found out that I had to jump through more hoops to take Chloe with me, another 2 month delay. I didn’t even know what living in Israel would mean for me, where would I live, work, etc. My daughter of course pushed for me to take her that it would be a great mistake on my part to leave her, and gave me very valid reasons but I was getting so exhausted and so restless and ready to leave that I took the energy I had left, decided to take the shortest route and left Chloe behind with a great young woman to have an even better life than I was giving her, and I went out to look for a better life for me.
I saw Chloe once more just before I left and she was already different, she had been totally shaved and my furball looked thin without the fur, she was happy to see me but just as happy to get back with her new mommy and the woman who said no more dogs before my daughter convinced me of getting Chloe now has Diego, the companion I picked up off the streets of Tel-Aviv, a partially blind mutt, without too many teeth and all gray around the face, and gave him a chance at a better life like so many along the way did for me. We bring each other as much joy and companionship as Chloe and I did.
Life is to be lived, not regretted, I look back at the last 10 yrs. and I’m not sure there is anything I would change because isn’t the end result what’s really important? What I remember the most about my life adventure are all those moments that once made me cry as my fondest memories and highest accomplishments.
I must definitely keep on coming back to the Geiser in Tecozautla, this place is magical for me, anything can happen here, this time I even brought Diego, from the Streets of Ramat Gan to the Geiser in Tecozautla, no doubt life is a miracle. Anything can happen, And now I’m outta here ‘Attracting Dreams!’
May you attract all of yours too.
Much love everyone xoxo
Anita and Diego ;)
