If I'm Gonna Die, I Wanna Live...

This morning I woke up later than normal because I worked last night, then when I got home, although I had just slept 5 hrs. the night before "The Voice" was on and it's one of my favorite shows, I love talent shows, there's so much talent out there that never seizes to amaze me. Some voices that must come straight from Heaven that even make me cry and talent of all types. It's also incredible how many young children have the talent of adults at such a young age. So of course I stayed up to watch it.

I've been trying to be more conscious of living my life with a different perspective than the one I grew up with and adopted for 60 yrs. only to find out at this age that I had made it more challenging for myself than it was supposed to be.

My logic tells me one thing but my repetitive actions and thoughts for most of my life seem to want to pull me back, so my strategy not to revert to the way I used to perceive my life is to make short term plans of action and try to stay true to my plan for a long enough period of time until it becomes the "New Normal".

I understand that there's always something pending to do, there are times and responsibilities to abide by and from there I have to decide what to tend to next, is it those pending things that can wait for now or is it doing something to bring me Joy, more health, stamina, strength and tools to help others find their joy. That's what I focus on first and then I go complete the other tasks.

I did it the other way around my whole life and the truth is that it didn't work out the way I thought it would. There were many things that I wanted to accomplish and always left those aside. I thought I was supposed to help those I love the most to accomplish their goals and then it would be my turn, my mom modeled it that way to me.

This morning I didn't have all those hours I get when I wake up at 1:30 am but I didn't want to stop living that part that brings me so much joy in the morning such as taking a warm bathtub with Epson Salts and citrus/menthol oils, ginger candles, meditation tapes and lets not forget sitting down to write so that tonight I can come back and re-read what I wrote and feel again that joy that I feel when I'm putting my "Own Oxygen Mask First" and then doing the rest.

The only thing we know for certain in this Life is that we're all going to die, this reality we are living day to day will end one day just like that, nobody really knows when or how, I'm not afraid of dying, I don't know anything about it just what others say but I know it will happen, I just want to do my best not to die with the Music still in me so "If I'm Gonna Die, I Wanna LIVE!!!" while I can and do it with as much Joy and Passion as possible!

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Etiology Unknown...

It all started towards the end of 1981 and why I remember this so vividly is because of how it impacted me when I heard those words for the first time. We were already living in Chicago, I remember the year because I turned 30 in that job and that would have been January of 1982.

My boss was a Neuro-Psychiatrist in other words a double boarded Neurologist and also Psychiatrist who practiced both at the same time. His patients had emotional problems but most of them due to major diseases such as Multiple Sclerosis or ALS for example. So he would deal with the physical aspect of their illness and the Psychological crisis they found themselves in once they were given a life sentence diagnosis.

It was only him and I in the office, I was 29, married to a Doctor myself so I knew all these things for years, however I never stopped fearing something like this could happen to me. I was surrounded by it all day long, I took dictation about it, that's all I heard it made me think. What if that was me?

The worst part were the first two words of the dictation I received on all these patients from the doctor so I could transcribe it and put it in their chart as well as send it as a report to their referring physician. The first time he dictated them to me I have to confess I had no idea what they meant so I asked him right away,  I need to understand everything I write so I can do my best transcription job not just that of a parrot.

He would start most of his reports with "Etiology Unknown". You have to understand that he was this older doctor in his 70s who had set a routine for himself he never changed. He would golf on Wednesdays rain sleet or snow didn't stop him, there were always the orange golf balls they were easier to spot on the snow. He was Jewish just like I am so that's why he liked me when he hired me I could tell. It was like helping your own. I did have a lot of experience as a secretary and like I said married to a doctor so that helped of course.

So Dr. Sherman RIP and his routine made him dictate the same things for most of his patients. Etiology Unknown means that they basically don't know what caused their terrible disease they will either have for life or die from sooner than expected.

That got me to think all of these scientists all of these discoveries, all of these chemicals and just for what? to prolong something that is supposed to have no resistance to it, makes no sense to me, chemicals may kill a cancer but they also kill other parts of that body of yours that were not supposed to die. Why would anybody want to prolong their life with chemicals fixing one thing while killing another. What kind of a life is that, is it important to live longer or is it to live the best way we can while we can.

We are totally responsible for our own well being. I have things in this body of mine that all of a sudden began to appear out of nowhere, things I never experienced before including allergies, I have patches of red on my arms, my legs, I had to go to 5 doctors who didn't know what it was until I had it biopsied and it's some autoimmune disease, or in other words "Etiology Unknown" all these top dermatologists were giving me very strong creams and warned me to use sparingly, they would make the spots go and when I'd stop they'd come back, so by remembering those two words I decided to stop all chemicals and went a different route this time.

I went the longer way, the natural way, the way that takes more of your time and dedication, the one that follows the rules of nature because those are the real rules, the rules of man are man made and who says that the man that made that rule is a better one than the one nature created. The one where you have to eat the right things not those that taste better. Be kind to others so you can receive kindness, love and let others love you, give your all to everything you do most of all do what you love.

Now I go to a Naturopathic Doctor who listens to how I feel inside, who prescribes only natural supplements to help heal the damage done, things to detoxify my body from chemicals and metals that now appear in nature thanks to man. I have to pay this out of my pocket of course because Insurance companies will pay for you to get well the man made way not the natural way, if you are a responsible human being trying your hardest to live a good natural life you're on your own! Natural supplements can actually be more expensive than chemicals and you have to take more of them to even out the little pill. So for now I get what I can with what I have and try to take better care of myself in general.

Little by little I've noticed I've started to heal. My joints don't hurt anymore nor do my extremities, I've also started to lose some weight and I'm proud to report that my food intake has gone to a healthy 95% of what I ingest is actually good for me. I found out that my body is sensitive to things I ate my whole life like corn, sugar, dairy, grains, wheat, oat, spelt, peanuts, strawberries, I'm even sensitive to broccoli, cauliflower, eggplant, I'm mentioning these because they were all part of my diet, I thought I was eating the right things and in fact I wasn't.

I'm very proud that I took the time to find all this out, then went along with the program and eliminated all of those things from my diet, they added up to 35. Most of them were on my plate every day one or another. I no longer eat breads or pastas (except for Brown Rice or Quinoa Pasta), deserts, no sugar on anything or dairy. There goes my beloved Quesadillas!!!

I had to re-invent the way I ate and what and do that while living in a house with a great cook who loves to prepare delicious meals that he knows I love, who doesn't restrict himself with anything and eats it in front of me. It actually makes him sad to see me restricting myself so much but my determination and control make me feel very good about myself, even though the weight is coming down slowly and after moving to this new apartment I haven't been exercising. I made a new promise to myself. Today I put on a Zumba video and I'm starting an every day 30 min. dance routine. Get that blood pumping and those extra unwanted curves letting go of my body. I want to be at my best so I can give others coming from a better place.

I don't know if I can eventually revert all the damage I might have caused to my body with all the chemicals I ingested over the years, things for cholesterol, osteoporosis, headaches, stomach aches, colds, flus, things doctors tell you you HAVE to take or else you will keep deteriorating. Also with all the things I ate for over 60 yrs. of my life processed food filled with chemicals and who knows what all else is around in everything, including our water.

I was the one who stopped exercising, the one who started to eat all the good things I love, the food that kept me company, broke my boredom, satiated some desire, I was happy with my life so why did I need to feed my body to the point where it became unhealthy and difficult to handle.

I know the energy is there, as is the desire to live a good and healthy lifestyle for as long as my body and my mind stay healthy. Whatever part I can control in having success at a better outcome I may do it at my pace but you better believe that I will go into that Etiology Unknown world and beat it with Love, Dedication, Responsibility and Trust.

Thank you Dr. Janci Karp ND!

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Un Mes a la Vez…

Ayer tuve cita con mi Naturópata, después de años de maltratar a mi pobre cuerpo incluyendo todo el abuso al que lo sometí al tomar tantos remedios químicos por años, que para el dolor de cabeza, la nausea, el estomago, el colesterol,  la gripa, el estrés, etc… Hace unos meses decidí que si hay manera de mantener el cuerpo balanceado lo más posible sin molestias y en buena condición física tiene que ser por medio de la naturaleza y el esfuerzo personal, me rehuso a seguir por el camino de la química y del maltrato que le doy a mi cuerpo, al comer lo que no debo, no beber suficiente agua, no hacer ejercicio, no tener paz interna....

Empezé la transformación que quiero hacer con un acupunturista, jamás antes lo había intentado. Fuí con un doctor Koreano que sabe muy bien lo que hace, un hombre ya mayor que se tomó el tiempo de ponerle letras o signos en Koreano a mano a cada uno de los cajones de su recepción. Yo que siempre aprovecho la oportunidad de tomarle fotos a mis sentimientos le tomé fotos a sus gavetas, me hace sonreir cuando la veo.

Cuando fuí con el acupunturista tenía dolor de hombros, de codos, de muñecas, de espalda, de piernas, pesaba lo mismo que pesé al final del embarazo con mi hijo, tenía agruras, dolores de cabeza y otras cosas aún peores como colesterol alto, osteoporosis y posibles cosas de más seriedad, no me sentía bien ni estaba sana o contenta. 

Antes de verlo empezé con la medicina convencional, los estudios de laboratorio y radiológicos, los viajes constantes a los médicos, las pastillas, las inyecciones, solo tienes que leer las contraindicaciones de medicamentos para darte cuenta que mejoras algo a la vez que causas daño a otra parte de tu cuerpo con los medicamentos y ni hablar que yo me negué a recibir esas cosas que los médicos sugieren como una inyección contra la posible influenza. 

“Posible”? le dije al doctor…”Esperme dejeme entender, yo tengo 20 cosas que atender y usted quiere que antienda las que posiblemente me de? Eso no va a suceder, yo me voy a enfocar en lo que ya tengo y no en lo que a la mejor podría tener.”

Pasaron meses de idas y venidas a médicos, algo que jamás hice antes. Primero me dediqué a eliminar sospechas de cosas serias, luego de eliminar los dolores y las molestias, por supuesto esto significaban químicos, primero porque esos los pagan en su mayoría o parcialmente los seguros y sanarse bien cuesta mucho dinero seguro o no seguro y no hablemos de las cuotas mensuales para tener ese seguro. 

Una vez que me sentí un poco más estable y que mi trabajo demandaba más y más de mi tiempo, dandome a la vez algo en que enfocarme que no fueran mis molestias, tomé la decisión de eliminar todos los químicos de mi cuerpo y fuí a ver a una Naturópata. Mujer joven y premiada por sus colegas y pacientes. Se tomó el tiempo de conocerme no solo como paciente sino como ser humano con mis alegrías y retos. De preguntarme cuales son mis metas y mis expectativas para con nuestro tratamiento.

Me mandó a hacer una exámen de alérgias, cosas a las que soy sensible, algo que nunca antes me habían hecho. Resulté ser sensible a 33 cosas o alimentos de cientos que me probaron. Entre ellos cosas que he comido o usado toda mi vida, como azúcar, lácteos, harinas, maíz, al polvo, el pasto y las plumas… Yo creo que la que más me dolió de las 33 fueron las plumas porque me encanta dormir con almohada de plumas de ganso, toda la vida lo he hecho.

La Naturopata me pidió un mes, deja de ingerir o usar todas las cosas en esta lista solo por un mes, luego las reincorporamos una por una y vemos sus efectos en tí. Además me dió a tomar 9 suplementos naturales para re-establecer el balance de mi cuerpo, tratar el colesterol, la osteoporosis, la baja energía, etc.

Al principio me sentí como una niña, por dentro pensaba yo no voy a poder dejar todo esto, como que tengo que dejar platano y broccoli, coliflor, garbanzo y berenjena, no se supone que todas esas son cosas buenas porque me las quieren quitar? Y ni hablar de los lacteos, las harinas EL AZUCAR!!! y ahora que voy a comer?!!!! Luego dije es solo un mes y el resultado lo voy a ver en la bascula y capáz que se me quitan los dolores y me regresa la energía. OK le dije, Un Mes a la Vez…

No voy a negar que al principio empiezas con mucho brio. Empezé bajando diario al gym, tempranito para que no tuviera luego algún pretexto, no sabía ni que comer y empezé a buscar alternativas de pastas y panes, encontré pastas de quinoa, de arroz, galletas de arroz para sustituir el pan y las galletas, fruta orgánica, para sustituir los postres, ensaladas, legumbres, aguacates y ni hablar de las nueces. Me tomaba mis suplementos dos veces al día. 

Al pasar de los días te va dando flojera, Los resultados no son inmediatamente visibles, me tomó años de abuso al cuerpo hasta llevarlo a este punto, en un mes no voy a cambiar eso. Bueno solo un plátano en el licuado de plátano con papaya de la mañana, que me va a hacer, bueno solo un postre de mango con crema en el restaurant Indu vegetariano al que vamos cada semana unos cuantos garbanzos, poquito broccoli, bueno le quito 4 de las 6 tortillas que vienen con los taquítos de carne asada que nos comemos en El Rinconsito una vez a la semana. Ay me da flojera hoy bajar al gym, no tengo energía, me levanté muy temprano, voy a irme a trabajar todo el día, mañana me pongo los ténis otra vez.

Ayer fuí a la Naturopata después de 2 meses de haber terminado los suplementos, haber seguido el programa a medias, haber dejado el ejercicio y al acupunturista a quien estuve viendo un par de meses con consistencia y aún así me di cuenta de que ya no siento los dolores en los hombros, los codos, las piernas, las muñecas o la cabeza, eleminé todas la preocupaciónes de cosas serias, tengo más energía, escribo a diario como me lo propuse,  me estaciono lejos de mi trabajo a proposito para caminar más distancia, me llevo una botella de agua alkalina en el carro y me la tomo entera y como propina ya hasta bajé de peso un par de kilos. Duermo bien, encontré otras cosas con que alimentarme y tengo muchos deseos de regresar al gym.

“Veamos que sucede si sigues todo al pie de la letra por un mes Anita, te parece?” me dijo la Naturópata ayer que fuí a verla, “Y bueno” le dije… “Un Mes a la Vez”...

Abrazos xoxo

@nit@

Happy Holidays and a Magical New Year!

Dear family, friends and strangers:

Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as not remembering how many candles we have to light tonight, or trying to find a parking space at the mall, running around at the last moment trying to get those last minute gifts, figuring out what to wear on New Years Eve, or maybe even deciding that we don't really feel like going out altogether and falling asleep right in front of the TV while waiting for midnight to come.

Whatever it is that you and your family are doing to celebrate this Holiday Season and the beginning of a New Year just remember to make it fun, and may all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!

With Love and  BEST WISHES!

@nit@ xoxo