Etiology Unknown...

It all started towards the end of 1981 and why I remember this so vividly is because of how it impacted me when I heard those words for the first time. We were already living in Chicago, I remember the year because I turned 30 in that job and that would have been January of 1982.

My boss was a Neuro-Psychiatrist in other words a double boarded Neurologist and also Psychiatrist who practiced both at the same time. His patients had emotional problems but most of them due to major diseases such as Multiple Sclerosis or ALS for example. So he would deal with the physical aspect of their illness and the Psychological crisis they found themselves in once they were given a life sentence diagnosis.

It was only him and I in the office, I was 29, married to a Doctor myself so I knew all these things for years, however I never stopped fearing something like this could happen to me. I was surrounded by it all day long, I took dictation about it, that's all I heard it made me think. What if that was me?

The worst part were the first two words of the dictation I received on all these patients from the doctor so I could transcribe it and put it in their chart as well as send it as a report to their referring physician. The first time he dictated them to me I have to confess I had no idea what they meant so I asked him right away,  I need to understand everything I write so I can do my best transcription job not just that of a parrot.

He would start most of his reports with "Etiology Unknown". You have to understand that he was this older doctor in his 70s who had set a routine for himself he never changed. He would golf on Wednesdays rain sleet or snow didn't stop him, there were always the orange golf balls they were easier to spot on the snow. He was Jewish just like I am so that's why he liked me when he hired me I could tell. It was like helping your own. I did have a lot of experience as a secretary and like I said married to a doctor so that helped of course.

So Dr. Sherman RIP and his routine made him dictate the same things for most of his patients. Etiology Unknown means that they basically don't know what caused their terrible disease they will either have for life or die from sooner than expected.

That got me to think all of these scientists all of these discoveries, all of these chemicals and just for what? to prolong something that is supposed to have no resistance to it, makes no sense to me, chemicals may kill a cancer but they also kill other parts of that body of yours that were not supposed to die. Why would anybody want to prolong their life with chemicals fixing one thing while killing another. What kind of a life is that, is it important to live longer or is it to live the best way we can while we can.

We are totally responsible for our own well being. I have things in this body of mine that all of a sudden began to appear out of nowhere, things I never experienced before including allergies, I have patches of red on my arms, my legs, I had to go to 5 doctors who didn't know what it was until I had it biopsied and it's some autoimmune disease, or in other words "Etiology Unknown" all these top dermatologists were giving me very strong creams and warned me to use sparingly, they would make the spots go and when I'd stop they'd come back, so by remembering those two words I decided to stop all chemicals and went a different route this time.

I went the longer way, the natural way, the way that takes more of your time and dedication, the one that follows the rules of nature because those are the real rules, the rules of man are man made and who says that the man that made that rule is a better one than the one nature created. The one where you have to eat the right things not those that taste better. Be kind to others so you can receive kindness, love and let others love you, give your all to everything you do most of all do what you love.

Now I go to a Naturopathic Doctor who listens to how I feel inside, who prescribes only natural supplements to help heal the damage done, things to detoxify my body from chemicals and metals that now appear in nature thanks to man. I have to pay this out of my pocket of course because Insurance companies will pay for you to get well the man made way not the natural way, if you are a responsible human being trying your hardest to live a good natural life you're on your own! Natural supplements can actually be more expensive than chemicals and you have to take more of them to even out the little pill. So for now I get what I can with what I have and try to take better care of myself in general.

Little by little I've noticed I've started to heal. My joints don't hurt anymore nor do my extremities, I've also started to lose some weight and I'm proud to report that my food intake has gone to a healthy 95% of what I ingest is actually good for me. I found out that my body is sensitive to things I ate my whole life like corn, sugar, dairy, grains, wheat, oat, spelt, peanuts, strawberries, I'm even sensitive to broccoli, cauliflower, eggplant, I'm mentioning these because they were all part of my diet, I thought I was eating the right things and in fact I wasn't.

I'm very proud that I took the time to find all this out, then went along with the program and eliminated all of those things from my diet, they added up to 35. Most of them were on my plate every day one or another. I no longer eat breads or pastas (except for Brown Rice or Quinoa Pasta), deserts, no sugar on anything or dairy. There goes my beloved Quesadillas!!!

I had to re-invent the way I ate and what and do that while living in a house with a great cook who loves to prepare delicious meals that he knows I love, who doesn't restrict himself with anything and eats it in front of me. It actually makes him sad to see me restricting myself so much but my determination and control make me feel very good about myself, even though the weight is coming down slowly and after moving to this new apartment I haven't been exercising. I made a new promise to myself. Today I put on a Zumba video and I'm starting an every day 30 min. dance routine. Get that blood pumping and those extra unwanted curves letting go of my body. I want to be at my best so I can give others coming from a better place.

I don't know if I can eventually revert all the damage I might have caused to my body with all the chemicals I ingested over the years, things for cholesterol, osteoporosis, headaches, stomach aches, colds, flus, things doctors tell you you HAVE to take or else you will keep deteriorating. Also with all the things I ate for over 60 yrs. of my life processed food filled with chemicals and who knows what all else is around in everything, including our water.

I was the one who stopped exercising, the one who started to eat all the good things I love, the food that kept me company, broke my boredom, satiated some desire, I was happy with my life so why did I need to feed my body to the point where it became unhealthy and difficult to handle.

I know the energy is there, as is the desire to live a good and healthy lifestyle for as long as my body and my mind stay healthy. Whatever part I can control in having success at a better outcome I may do it at my pace but you better believe that I will go into that Etiology Unknown world and beat it with Love, Dedication, Responsibility and Trust.

Thank you Dr. Janci Karp ND!

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Man's Harshest Foes...Mother Nature and Father Time

Humans are straddled with unsurmountable challenges, from the moment of conception until dust turns to dust. If anyone looks back at their lives and evaluates the challenges, hurdles and burdens they have had to overcome just to exist, many would question whether the effort justified the legacy.

It appears that every critical movement made in our lives, is a decision between good and bad, right and wrong, do or die. The outcome of those choices can only be properly assessed in hindsight, when the dust from the battle has settled and we can then count with clarity all the casualties left behind. It is the expectation of humanity that we constantly walk through the right door, even though the laws of aging and time are antithetical to experience and wisdom.
The traditional hope is for us to become wiser and consequently better as time and maturity set in. And yet in order to achieve homeostasis with our environment we are naturally doomed to make enormous errors in judgement from which we are to learn the lessons in life. It is almost like we are fighting ourselves and our birthright ignorance, in an attempt to fortify and toughen the positions we take when we confront our fellow man. As shown throughout time, it appears we have yet to master these skills, and we wind up yearning for more time or more endurance to reshape our legacy in later years. The paradox is overwhelming, forcing us onto the compliance treadmill that keeps us generally on the straight and narrow while stifling creativity, progress and internal growth. Sometimes or most of the time we swallow the bitter pill in order to shave off trials and tribulations associated with breaking out of chained traditions.

I have no observations that moves us closer to resolving the riddle.
I do however have some commentary about two forces that are usually discussed in gentle terms, friendly forces that ease the challenges of the exciting climb to the summit from where we can see where we came from, and guide us gently through the descent where we hope to settle at base camp to talk about all our achievements, in hopes of convincing them that our route was the right one. All of this if only we give in kindly to them, without resistance, passively and amicably. These forces are natural, human and part of the equation of life. I don't believe they are as friendly as they are portrayed. They are interwoven into life's fabric and they become an essential component of the blanket we use to shelter ourselves as the days get colder, in the wintery quarter of our presence on earth.

Mother nature and Father time. Amazing how their public relations agents even gave them both benevolent and revered status by assigning them paternal monikers. Making us feel like they are part of our family, trustworthy and intent on advancing us to a better place.

I think they are the ultimate Trojan horse embedding themselves in our bodies, minds and spirits, only to slowly spread like a malignancy that leads us to the ultimate holocaust, the destruction of humankind. Take mother nature always portrayed as a playful winged creature powdering life with sprinkles of fairy dust after which everything seems greener and smells fresher. She solidifies the illusion that as long as we care for her, we shall be cared for in kind. Father time is portrayed as a benevolent figure born with a diaper on January first and wisely walking off the year's calendar on December 31st. This is done as if to contain and cloak the ravages he dispenses in his relentless eternal tick tock attack on our lifetimes. Together they play the most deceiving slight of hands, intended to lull us into their lair, asking us to give up gracefully the youthful indiscretions that defined us and made us relevant. These two con artists steal our importance in society pushing us off the treadmill with the promise of an afterlife where neither appear to play any significant role. Just think of the deception. Mother nature delivers the infant, squeaky clean, powdery fresh innocent and free from responsibility, helpless and totally reliant upon others to achieve the next level. She sneakily provides us with all the necessary elements to breathe, drink, eat and thrive. She makes us feel invincible, with rubbery bones that never break, skin that always regenerates and enough energy to tackle every daunting task that we are faced with.

Then we grow holding hands with her, listening to her advice and admonitions, believing blindly in her altruism, convincing others to follow her, dancing behind her like rats behind the piper. It's not long before you realize this lady is no lady at all. Playful at first she seems so innocent and loving, until the first subtle yet definitive assaults. The tree that sheltered us from rain and suspended our childhood house, collapses in a pile of timber after it's struck by lighting, either of which can snuff you out if you cross them. The earths waters rise and fall as she warns "prance at your own peril". The gentle breezes become violent killers randomly plucking her children and churning them into netherworlds. The warm comforting crackles of the nourishing and warm fire, explode into wild orgies of destruction at the drop of a match. The solid earth we tread on giving us a gravity platform will spontaneously tremble so recklessly,it brings all her children to their knees begging for forgiveness for transgressions never committed. The nourishment provided by her kindness slowly offends and degenerates our organs rendering them inefficient, obsolete or both. The skin wrinkles, the muscles ache and the mind fades. The more we are encouraged to pursue our dreams, the more she seems to impede the efforts. It is almost as if she is lying traps in the labyrinth that has no exit, and the reward, when reached is staled by our absence of zeal and vigor.

We go so far and try so hard, only to realize that the prize, is half figment of our imagination and half truths. She is ultimately uncaring of our half fulfilled hopes that scream for a little bit more time. Which brings me to him, Father time. Always present from the inception and promised to be there at the end. Always on time, like clockwork marking it's passage by benign celebrations where we eat cake and blow out candles to signify another year of accomplishments and hopes for the future. He encourages you to look at times past making your past life a living and breathing being,always at your beck and call to assist you in the next endeavor. He is a distant friend in your early travails, and we seem to not see him or worry about him as the summers last forever and the things of youth are seemingly perennial. But don't mistake his fatherly complacency. He is much more evil than the kindly clock we believe him to be, ticking happily at the beat of each step we take. He is a con artist, a deceiver, a liar, corrupt and corrupting. How ironically he plays with our memories, taking us instantaneously to other places in the past where we feel the emotions are vividly in our reach. He gently glides you past those years that are so fulfilling and reminiscent of better circumstances,while covering the face on his watch as if to say, "don't think about me, you will always have me by your side".

Then one petrifying mirror morning you discover the rouse. We are face to face with a stranger, a distorted apparition that looks nothing like you remember, and bears the scars inflicted by her, Time's ally in the battle against you. And when you try to time travel, the memories are not quite the same, and mostly only serve as an anxious reminder of what was, and no longer is. As if this were not humbling enough, she robs you of the ability to reminisce by dementing the memory process and erasing any cogent thought that may help you figure out, how you wound up where your at, and how to cope with this strange unreal world. As we are conned into believing that she is all embracing and he is the keeper of happy times we are slowly yet systematically awakened by their evil plot, first by making you believe in their selflessness and then, once you do, kick out the underpinnings of the structure we call our life, sending it careening down into a dark eternal place where even her sunshine can't reach, and his hands no longer mark any passages.

At the near end All thats left from the solid rock you depended on, is sand slowly dripping into the bottom half of his iconic instrument. So there you are, wasted tired confused and weary. Battle scars are abundant and grotesque for all to see. The young ones coming up from behind never believing they too will be here one day, smirk at how irrelevant you are in their world . All you have left are morsels of love and companionship parceled out by the loved ones you touched in life.

And sadly toward the end, all that is consistent are the foes . Mother nature decaying the last few fibers of hope dragging us to the finish line regardless of stature or station in life. She does so independent of good or bad works, and uncaring of half fulfilled hopes that scream for a little bit more time. Simultaneously father time, is rapidly counting away the few remaining minutes, sadly flashing better days before your eyes. They both embrace each other congratulating themselves on a job well done. One more for the eternal record . We appear to be always concerned about the date the world will come to an end.

Sadly it ends every second of every minute of every hour of every day. The third enemy of the triad, "Death", ends the world for you.

Mark. Fall of 010

What a Difference a Day Makes!...

About 3 months ago I was listening to my favorite music while getting ready to go to work. I had awaken around 5:30 am, give or take. I usually wake up happy and ready to take on the day.

Once at work I get a call from the woman who kindly took our dogs to live at her farm, since we didn’t have a place to keep them; to let me know that our beloved Duke had passed away. Nobody had a clue he was sick, he didn't show any signs of illness, and I didn’t even get a chance to be there for him or to say goodbye. Only a couple months before I had also lost my mom. I felt this huge sense of despair and void mixed with remorse, pain and even anger at my situation. 

After a while of experiencing these intense and painful emotions, I decided to quiet them down by switching my thinking. I began feeling grateful for all those years and memories of fabulous times we spent together as a family.

So that night I was sitting on my balcony, the only space I have at home right now to be in touch with nature somehow, and while staring at the stars I started remembering what it was like to have everything I could ever hope for, and I was able to see it very clearly, and most of all to feel it. Soon I was up in my room all excited, I wanted to celebrate their lives instead of mourn their deaths. I couldn’t wait to put on the right music and dance, laugh and rejoice at my life, and be ever so grateful for all I've experienced, and for what I already have. I could see a bright future there waiting for me, just having to take a few more steps to manifest it, as it takes a few steps to reach me ;o)

It’s like that scene in movies with the two lovers looking at each other from a distance for the first time in AGES… her with a flowing floral skirt and long curly hair, pink ballerina-type shoes that tie up the calf, and him with light beige pants, a silky long sleeve shirt and moccasins. She yells at him from afar “HEATHCLIFFE”!!!!!!! and he replies in a deep voice equally as loud and with so much love coming straight from the heart… “PENELOPE”!!!!...... and they run for what seems like forever, in slow motion, wanting impatiently to be wrapped in each others arms! And when they embrace and passionately kiss, almost instantaneously, they forget what it was like to be without.

Can you say you’ve had an interesting life so far?
Are you satisfied?Are you grateful for what you have?Do you know what you want?

Then go “Make Life Happen on Purpose”!

Hugs xoxo
@nit@