Ode to the Women in My Life...

I have spent my life surrounded by family illness,  witnessed my two grandfathers die young from very aggressive illnesses, one lost a leg, hand fingers and died of a heart problem but with gangrene in other parts of the body, the other died in his 50s, as a soldier in his teens he needed to hide in trenches so as not be captured by the Nazis, there he caught typhoid fever and this affected his heart until it failed.

My mother looked after him since she was only 4 and it was mostly my grandmother who supported her family. My mom didn’t study much or worked, she just stayed home and raised her family, she never even learned how to drive, my grandmother worked, traveled with friends to many parts of the world, always involved in activities, she remained single after zeide Pepe died and helped both her kids until the end, buried her only son who was a physician in his 40s from a terrible and debilitating type of skin cancer. 

My mother buried a son at 14, my younger brother David RIP, and she passed a few years ago, she was only 77 and her mind was so sharp, she’d remember everyone and everything from her past, I called her the ‘Family Historian’, but her body had been ravished by the emphysema she had for years. I always thought she should have been a doctor, she was so good at taking care of sick people, she had so much love to give, but curiously enough my daughter asked her shortly before she passed if she ever had a dream of becoming something and she replied ‘An Anthropologist’ who would have known, I guess she just took on the roles that were needed but she forgot to love herself.

These diseases and many others became part of my life, why question what was obvious and which I had no control over, instead what I did was to develop an insatiable curiosity to understand why some people can live a full and joyous life under the worst conditions and others give up and live as victims for the rest of their lives. These are two very clear examples. 

My grandmother who lost most of her siblings and parents in concentration camps, came to Mexico alone with nothing and no language at age 15, my grandfather had been there a year, he was 18, working as a tailor and selling his garments on the streets, sent her a ticket and when she wanted to get off at the port of Veracruz they wouldn’t let her because she was under age, my grandfather got on the ship and asked the captain to marry them so they could start their lives in the free world.

I remember their small clothing store on Tacuba corner with Motolinia. It was one of my favorite things, going to help her sell clothes, dress mannequins, changing the windows and making them beautiful and at lunch time go with my ‘portavianda’ to the now famous "Café Tacuba" a block away to get each small blue pewter pot filled with the most delicious food, I loved everything there. 

Both my grandmother and my mother were elegant women, always well dressed, coiffed, with make up, with jewelry matching their attire and polished fingernails.

My grandmother is my icon and the fact that I have been surrounded by so many family illness and that many passed so early in their lives, like my brother whom I loved so very much and know that today he would continue to be my best friend, that made me even more determined to live a full life and make it a “FUN ADVENTURE!” take risks and see what happens.

I live not only for myself but for those I love who did not have a chance for whatever reason to have this life experience I'm having, though part of it is painful, that's the part that sends rockets to grow and emerge better and stronger on the other side. That’s what we are here for, to grow, to evolve, not to be victims of anything, any circumstance or anyone, much less add the limitations made-up by our minds because we are not our minds.

I am very proud to say that today my icon is my own daughter who lives life intensely, with an insatiable curiosity, with kindness, integrity, achieving her dreams only to dream new ones. A life with purpose and on purpose. This blog is dedicated to her,  she is my grandmother Etko’s and my beautiful kind mother Sara's  legacy and a “Wonderful Human Being”, I love you so much Child o’mine ;)

A toast to all the women in my life, my Daughter, mother, grandmothers, cousins, aunts, nieces, friends, teachers, acquaintances, etc. Thanks to each and everyone, you have all taught me something. 

Hugs xoxo 

Anita

Oda a las mujeres de mi vida...

Me he pasado toda mi vida rodeada de enfermedad, vi a mis dos abuelos morir jóvenes de enfermedades muy agresivas, uno perdió una pierna, dedos de la mano y murió del corazón pero con gangrena en otras partes del cuerpo, el otro murió en sus 50s pues como soldado en su adolescencia se escondía en trincheras para que los Nazis no lo capturaran, de ahí pescó fiebre tifoidea y esto le afectó el corazón hasta que no pudo más.

Mi mamá lo cuidaba desde que tenía 4 años y mi abuela más que nada sacó a sus dos hijos adelante. Mi madre nunca se preparó y salió muy poco de casa, ni siquiera aprendió a manejar, mi abuela en cambio siempre trabajó, viajo con sus amigas a muchos lugares del mundo, tenía muchas actividades, se mantuvo ella sola y le ayudó a sus dos hijos hasta el final, enterró a su único hijo que era médico en sus 40s de un terrible caso de Cáncer en la piel. Mi madre también enterró a un hijo a los 14 años, mi hermano menor David q.e.p.d. y ella se me fué hace unos años, estaba joven y muy entera pero había tenido enfisema por años y eso se la había acabado.

Estas enfermedades y muchas otras más se volvieron parte de mi vida, para que cuestionar lo que era evidente y de lo cual yo no tenía ningún control, pero a su vez me fueron acondicionando para tener una curiosidad implacable y entender el porque algunas personas pueden seguir funcionando en las peores condiciones y otros se dan por vencidos y siguen viviendo como víctimas por el resto de sus vidas. Estos son dos ejemplos muy claros. mi abuela quien perdió a la mayoría de sus hermanos y a sus padres en campos de concentración, se vino a México sola y sin nada, ni el idioma a los 15 años, mi abuelo tenía ya un año aquí, el de 18 años, le mandó el boleto y cuando llego a Veracruz no la dejaban bajar porque era menor de edad, mi abuelo se subió al barco y el capitán los casó para que pudieran empezar sus vidas en un país libre. 

Yo la recuerdo en su tienda en la Calle de Tacuba esquina con Motolinía. Era una de mis cosas favoritas, ir a ayudarle a vender, a vestir maniquíes, a cambiar las vitrinas y hacerlas lindas y todas las tardes ir con mi portaviandas al ahorita famoso "Café Tacuba" que estaba a una cuadra y cada una de las cacerolitas de peltre azul se llenaba de la comida más deliciosa, todo de ahí me encantaba. Lo curioso es que hace poco regresé por primera vez después de muchísimos años y ya no me supo igual =)

Ambas eran mujeres elegantes, siempre bien vestidas, peinadas de salón, maquilladas, con sus alhajas apropiadas a la ropa que llevaban y sus uñas pintadas, no les fallaba ni en su lecho de muerte quererse ver bien.

Mi abuela es mi icono y el hecho de que haya yo estado rodeada de tanta enfermedad en tantos familiares y de que muchos se hayan tenido que ir tan temprano, como por ejemplo mi hermano a quien yo amaba y quien hoy por hoy se que hubiésemos sido los mejores amigos, eso me hizo aún más determinada de vivir una vida plena y llena de 'Aventuras Divertidas' tomar riesgos y ver que pasa.

Yo vivo no solo por mí, sino por los que amo que no tuvieron el chance por cualquiera que haya sido la razón, de tener ésta experiencia de vida que yo estoy teniendo, aunque parte de ella sea dolorosa, porque esa es la parte que me manda cohetes para crecer y salir mejor y más fuerte del otro lado. Para eso estamos aquí, para crecer, para evolucionar, no para ser víctimas de nada ni de nadie y mucho menos de uno mismo, de las limitaciones inventadas por nuestras mentes.

Me enorgullece enormemente decir que hoy mi icono es mi propia hija quien vive su vida intensamente, con una curiosidad insaciable, con bondad, integridad, logrando sus sueños y volviendo a soñar más. Una vida con propósito y a propósito.

Un brindis a todas las mujeres de mi vida, mis primas, tías, sobrinas, maestras, amigas, compañeras, etc. a todas gracias, de todas he aprendido algo.

Abrazos xoxo
Anita

By taking ‘BIG RISKS’ and accepting ‘WHAT IS’

So a good friend of mine asked me today how I keep my vitality and enthusiasm, and I confess I had to give that some thought, especially because when I seem to be going through a little air pocket where I feel low in physical and emotional energy due to consequences of choices I make, something comes to remind me of how far I’ve come, how much I’ve grown and continue to do so because of that vitality, insatiable curiosity and sense of wonder, so what I came up with is that I do it by taking’ ‘BIG RISKS’ and accepting ‘WHAT IS’, and in doing that I get to screw it up a lot, which helps me gain a different perspective of what I do and don’t need to do, and when I do get what I was aiming for, my appreciation charges my batteries in a way that I get anything I set my intention to. 

My intuition hasn’t let me down yet, what usually gets me is when I chose to ignore what I know intuitively that I need to do to get the results that I want.

I am happy not because of my circumstances in life, not for my possessions or the place where I live, or what I do, who I know, etc. etc. but because I chose to be. I live every single moment very intensely, not just for me but for those who can’t anymore, those who don’t know how or even question why they should, and I have come to find out that happiness is threatening to some people and it might make you feel vulnerable if you want to identify with it. Makes you feel as if it’s something that you can lose, but it’s really up to you if you do since its an emotion you chose to feel.

if I perceive whatever pain I encounter along the way as part of the same thing, I am able to embrace it and be grateful for it because of its incredible teaching power.

All I really have to do is ‘BELIEVE IN ME’ and take FULL responsibility that for every choice I make I am ‘CREATING MY OWN DESTINY’. it can’t be any other way. All I really do is pay attention to what feels right to me.

Are you taking risks? Making your life Happen on Purpose? Make ‘WHAT IS’ for you, what you want it to be.

Hugs xoxo

@nit@

Quienes son tus verdaderos amigos?...

Cuando adquirimos amigos, lo más sencillo es buscar personas con quienes nos podámos divertir, así como gente que está por abajo de nosotros en la escala del conocimiento. Estas personas te alabarán, te llenarán de orgullo, y nunca te retarán para que crezcas. Es como ir al boliche con alguien que no sabe jugar, te puedes destacar a su lado con muy poco esfuerzo. 

          

“No hagas amigos con los que te sientas comodo. Haz amigos que te forzen a crecer.” ~Thomas J. Watson, el fundador de IBM~

          

Verse bien es agradable, pero es mucho mejor sentirse bien. Sentirse bien es el resultado de un esfuerzo honesto hacia un crecimiento personal. Debemos saber que estamos encontrando mejores caminos y siguiéndolos; no solo con palabras sino con acciónes.

          
El Talmud dice, “Unete a la compañía de leónes, en vez de asumir el papel del lider entre zorros.”

          
Una manera comprobada de mantenerse en el camino hacia el crecimiento personal es encontrando a alguien que ha escalado más arriba que tu y pedirles su ayuda. Cuando le pides a la persona correcta, las puertas de la sabiduría se abrirán. 

          
Quien podría ser esa persona correcta? alguien que ha luchado sus batallas, descartado los mitos y encontrado paz interna. Estos individuos especiales estarán llenos de cicatrices y de verdad te querrán ayudar. Los demás solo están adivinando.

          
Tus verdaderos amigos poseen la suficiente sabiduría y cariño para ayudarte a crecer. 

Abrazos xoxo,

@nit@

Change for a Dollar ~ Cambio por un dolar

What we do for ourselves dies with us.
What we do for others is and will remain immortal.  


Lo que hacemos para nosotros, se muere con nosotros.
Lo que hacemos para otros es y permanecerá inmortal.


Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Con Desearlo No Basta...

We make a very strong effort to improve the outer conditions of our existence

But the one who always deals with the experiences of the world is our Spirit

And it translates it either as welfare or as hardship

So if we transform the way we perceive things

We'll be changing the quality of our lives...

"We must become the change we want to see in the World"

M. Gandhi ~

Wishing is Not Enough...

Hugs xoxo

@nit@

Desde la Copa Frondosa de los Arboles...

Este fin de semana compartí con alguien especial unas horas de mágia en lugares muy hermosos. Visitamos grutas, manejamos en carreteras montañosas con unas vistas que solo había visto en fotos o películas, acampamos a la luz de la luna en la Sierra Gorda y pasamos todas las horas que pudímos rodeados de un bello bosque, con panoramas que no tienen fín y entre ruínas de más de dos mil trescientos años, construídas en lo más alto de la montaña en una pequeña explanada rodeada por el bosque y precipicios. Una gran parte del tiempo estuvimos arriba de una pirámide en donde se ve el mundo desde la perspectiva de la Copa Frondosa de los Arboles.

En esos momentos en los que estábamos en directa comunicación y vulnerables a la naturaleza es cuando más cuenta me dí de que en realidad la vida es solamente 'el momento.'

Mucho hablamos de lo rápido que pasa el tiempo, otro año más por llegar, lo habré aprovechado bién? habré actuado a propósito y con propósito o habré dejado que el tiempo me pasara por enfrente sin hacerle caso?

En cuanto a mí concierne trato de no perderme ni un solo momento más de la "Aventura de mi Vida" estando consciente de que cada momento es el único que existe.

Hoy y siempre les deseo que su "Aventura de Vida" siga siendo exactamente como se la imaginan.

Shana Tovah Umetukah!

Felíz Año Nuevo!

Happy New Year!

Abrazos xoxo

@nit@

Welcome to the Neighborhood...

In the past month and a half I've been trying to learn ways of how to make my Blog more enjoyable and different. The following is the result of my first attempt at converting my articles into Podcasts.

I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed writing, recording, editing, blending and posting it here.

Hugs everyone xoxo

@nit@

The Real Answers will come from the Heart...

Aquarius

Tuesday, Jul 5, 2011 By Rick Levine You could set up a friend for disappointment today if you don't establish limits on how much you're willing to help. Your mind is racing and you're tempted to agree to nearly anything just to quiet your worry. Unfortunately, this kind of logic won't really solve the problem. Instead of taking the easy way out and then being unable to fulfill your promises, say what you're truly feeling. The real answers now won't likely be rational because they will come from your heart. This was RIGHT ON THE NOSE AGAIN!!!! If I'd tried to describe my day today I couldn't have done a better job. My intuitive voices are telling me one thing, I just need to listen a little bit more to the voices of my heart. What do you listen to? Hugs xoxo @nit@

That's IT!

Tomorrow I'm getting a manicure and taking myself to a movie!!!!

Your day may be hijacked by friends who feel the need to share their relationship dramas. Whether it's a new acquaintance or an old romantic partner, it could appear as if someone is trying to limit your personal freedom. Expressing yourself independently is extremely critical now because of its natural rejuvenating power. You won't have much left to give others unless you take some time to please yourself.

Here's to treating yourselves well...

Hugs xoxo

@nit@

The Mother of the Beautiful Model

I wanted to share with all of you a letter I just wrote to my daughter, because this small exchange illustrates very well the type of open, simple and fun relationship that we proudly experience with each other, sometimes we laugh so hard that our bellies hurt.

Hey dalin, you must remember about a year ago I asked you for an autographed photo of yourself dedicated to my friend Luis, a spaniard whom I met and really really liked as a human being back in Israel when he came to take the Security Course that I helped organize. Well here he wrote to me again reminding me and I wanted to see if I still have enough pull as "The Mother of the Beautiful Model" to get an autographed photo of you to send directly to him cause I know that would make him very very happy and you know your mother not only loves to make people happy!!!! but she is also the VERY PROUD MOTHER OF THE BEAUTIFUL MODEL!!!!!

He is a father of teenagers and a good husband to his wife, so no danger there for ya, just a little infatuation with a beauty like you perhaps, hey I myself would LOVE an autographed picture or George Clooney wouldn't I? not like I think he'd ever want to have one of me the fool!!!! jajajaja  His name is Luis..... and his e mail address is .............................

So anyhow my love if you have a minute help me make a good friend smile!!! Thanks much in advance xoxoxo

Luvs ya like nothin else xoxox

The Mother of the Beautiful Model ♥´´¯`•.¸¸.☆ ★´¯`☆

Showing up, Being Yourself and Taking Action!...

And it JUST came to me as I was about to go back to sleep, I had these sleepless couple of hours we sometimes have when we have to get up for some reason and then can't fall back to sleep, so I stood outside on the patio, leaned on the old concrete wall, stared at the beauty of it all, thought of the decisions I'm about to make and decided to ask my Angels for a sign, I want to listen to my intuition this time instead of to my emotions so much, they stir me wrong sometimes what can I say, I'm definitely having a full blown human experience.

So I finally get into bed, now I can close my eyes, and in my slumber try to listen to that intuition and maybe there'll be a sign somewhere, I open my blog to write an idea for an article so I won't forget by tomorrow, but first comes the horoscope I receive every day, I must confess I know very little or almost nothing about Astrology, but my daughter and some friends do and it stirs my curiosity, well this one I receive is spot on to what my life goes through on a day to day basis, I usually read it at night so I won't be influenced by it in any way, in essence reading what already transpired so I started to read what it said for today and there was the sign I asked for, it was so clear I had to smile at my 'Angels' and be in gratitude that the answer was right in front of my eyes, or wasn't I paying attention to my own words of advice I give others? shouldn't they also apply to me? ...

My Horoscope AstroSync

Aquarius By Rick Levine There's no need to show off your cleverness today, for those close to you already know that you're very smart. Instead of overstating your case or rambling on too long about your latest great idea, just show up and be yourself. Your intelligence shines through your actions as well as your words, so walk your talk instead of trying to convince others that your plan is the best one. So show up, be yourself and take action. I think I better go do the same! Hugs xoxo @nit@

Parallel Parked in a Perpendicular World....The Sequel

Now and again I go back to my old posts just to check how my life has progressed and changed since I wrote it, and I have to proudly report that I'm no longer two legs short of a 5 legged stool :) however outside of that part, my original thoughts still stand, and I'm pretty sure always will.

Hope you enjoy reading it either for the first time or again, and that you are all 'Making Life Happen on Purpose'.

Hugs always xoxo

@nit@

Here goes again....

I often wonder if I read that phrase somewhere, or made it up in a moment of solace and despair. I just remember thinking one day that I felt as if I was 'Parallel Parked, in a Perpendicular World' because I can't see life the way most people do.

I have spent the past 5 yrs. of my life getting to know my inner Source, and came to the conclusion that I was right all along, I'm definitely Parallel Parked in a Perpendicular World.

In these past 5 yrs. I discovered that I had no idea how life worked for the first 52 yrs. so can you imagine all of a sudden waking up at 52 and saying OMG you gotta be kidding me, I was just doing it the way I was taught.

OK so I say well I'm a bit beaten up and exhausted, I put a LOT into my life and it failed me in many ways, but I ain't quitting now that I figured out how it works. 'Lets Make Life Happen on Purpose.' this time.

So I get all excited, put on my rugged boots, some comfortable jeans, I know I have a long haul here because the more I read, the more I realize how much I need to learn.

I get bombarded with information, it comes from so many different sources, and every one of them claims to be the best one. And of course I want to learn all of it so I can mold my destiny the right way this time, but it gets overwhelming when you keep on reading that so many people claim to know just the right secret. And the one thing that they all have in common is that if you don't learn their secret, you'll never be able to mold your destiny the way you want to.

So I rise up to the occasion and I go to the seminars and take on the courses, read the books and listen to the tapes and that's not easy because you have to earn a living and you have responsibilities to fulfill, and I'm still sitting here behind my desk thinking "I know all of this but what's the secret to getting it faster, I'm missing an element here. From what you tell me I should have gotten everything I dream of and then-some and I'm still two legs short a five legged stool.

There wouldn't be enough hours in a month to do the things I'm supposed to do in a day if I followed everyone's advice.

I mean don't take me wrong, I owe A LOT to all of the people out there who give so freely of yourselves and you are so dedicated to your cause, my admiration and outmost gratitude, I'd be even further behind without you, but in the very humble opinion of a simple, caring, middle-aged Mexican/Jewish/American and soon to be Israeli woman, I actually believe life is very simple, a lot of people resist change and everyone goes their own way, there is way too much negative energy out in the world for it to work in harmony. You can try to make a dent and you guys are doing an awesome job at that, but the negative energy still permeates the air and it gets tiring to be constantly pushing against it. Seems that most people rather suffer than change.

I've said this many times, we all have a talent, a gift, something we are passionate about, we ought to give freely of our gift to others who need it, since we love doing it anyways, and then others can share their gift and we can all have everything. Do you see that ever happening?

If everyone did that we wouldn't need meditation and there wouldn't be wars because we would be in a constant state of serenity and zest for life instead of so much turmoil and chaos, nobody would lack for anything. All of mankind's advances are amazing, but sometimes I think that the more we create the more we destroy.What we need to do is go back to basics and start teaching all of the new generations how it works so we can stop the chaos instead of perpetuating it or contribute to making it worse.

I never want to stop learning and teaching, to me that's what keeps life challenging and interesting, never complacent or boring.

I'm on my own mission, while enjoying learning to live in the moment, no matter what, just for right now I have everything I need, and since now is all there is, I have everything all the time. I guess I'm just happy "Making my Life Happen on Purpose"

Hugs everyone xoxo
@nit@

Breaktime...

So yesterday started a little bit different, I went off to run some errands I'd been postponing for lack of time and they needed to get done, I planned my day the night before, I'm getting a little better at that than just waving it and trusting it'll unfold well, of course a day NEVER turns out as planned, it sometimes turns out better sometimes worse, but never as planned.

My morning went great, I'd say better than planned, I was done with everything and thensome a little after 11, almost as planned, and then the day started to go wrong. After a few frustrating hours waiting for an important call that never came, I decided to go home and do something positive with my free time, but the hours before and the uncertainty left me uncomfortable all afternoon. Then came night time, now that was what turned my whole day around. I agreed to go out when I really didn't feel like it, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be around people, I'm usually pretty talkative and didn't feel like making conversation or meeting strangers, and I still was feeling uncomfortable about the afternoon because I hadn't had a chance to talk it out in order to be able to let it go, but once I got out of the house the whole perception of the day began to change.

I have to confess that I had a sensational time, so much so that a few of these people wound up at our house where we lit a great fire, had some snacks, drank some tequila, listened to music, watched videos and shared photos, sang, danced, told stories and enjoyed getting to know each one of these lovely people who I now consider to be friends, and we stayed up till 7 am. when nobody could keep their eyes open any longer and we all decided to go get some sleep.

Now today of course I paid for it cause most of the day I spent it just lying down doing nothing, but that was good too, I certainly wouldn't have given up last night for a day's rest.

My days are all like that, some more exciting or interesting or accomplished, etc. than others, but each one of them an adventure. Today I read my Horoscope and this is what it said:

Aquarius

By Rick Levine

Everything seemed so straightforward before you actually began to execute your rather simplistic plan. You realize that you have to stabilize your recent explosive growth or you could risk losing what you've already gained. Sticking to your agenda makes sense, but only up to a certain point. Following a hunch and reconsidering your direction may be the smartest thing you can do now. Just remember that taking lots of small steps is more reliable than just a few giant ones.

And when I got to the part that said 'you have to stabilize your recent explosive growth or you could risk losing what you've already gained'. it made me think that maybe I'm going too fast and should slightly put on the breaks, just so that I don't let the ride get out of control, somehow my instincts are telling me to do that.

Last night one of my new friends said to keep on doing whatever it is I've been doing if I want to get to where I see myself, and believe me nothing is going to stop me now, I just need to "Slightly put on the breaks"....

Here's to your great ride.

Hugs xoxo

@nit@

For the last time... LET MY PEOPLE GO!!! NOW!!!

Jag Sameach everyone, everywhere!!!.....

Happy Pesach/Passover

Hugs xoxo

@nit@

The Complete Circle

by Ilana

It's absolutely fascinating how you can spend your whole life in opposition with something about yourself. It takes a whole process of hating it, picking at it, trying to change it, ignoring it, making excuses for it, finding justice within it, blaming others, causing destruction. And then one day, you see. You see why its part of who you are, you see how it serves you, you see that it can only be that way. But it took the process of suffering and aberration to get to that point.

Where are we heading? We don't know. None of us really know. Yet the small cycles we witness that go full circle within our lives are teachers of what we are in now. Along the cycle there may be moments of ups, and downs, but you're still going round. No matter what, you are still going round. And eventually, no matter what, you will reach the end of your cycle, only to begin a new one.

What about when you're dreading something with all your being, feeling like you will die if this particular thing happens. And then it happens. And at first, you feel like you are going to die, anguish possesses your being. And then...comes this soft, spirited air that envelops your body and lets you see clearly- as if a grace from God. You are free. Freer than you could ever feel in your whole being or imagine with all your mind and heart.

Is there good? Is there bad? Can we have one without the other? I don't think so. They create each other. They are one and the same. The good is bound to bring the bad for we cannot stay in that state for eternity. And the bad brings the good. So is there such thing, really, as duality? In this world it primarily appears so. But with close observation and an open mind you might see the complete circle.

When Lanny comes marching home again hurrah, hurrah!!!

So about a month ago I’m talking to my daughter on the phone and she was asking me what my life was like in San Miguel, when I realize that what I’m describing to her is ‘Magical’; I must have sounded very convincing because 24 hrs. later she had made arrangements to put together some free time to come visit me, had found herself an inexpensive flight from Boston to Mexico City, and right now I’m on the bus on my way to DF to pick her up and begin a new adventure with one of the two most important people in my life.

It’s been almost a year since we last hugged each other, the phone is great and we stay in touch daily, but there is no substitute for wrapping your arms around your children.

Yesterday I was shockingly reminded of the frailty of our lives with the untimely and tragic death by a freak accident of a woman still full of life and dreams of the future. She left behind a loving family, and amongst them two daughters, who like my Lanny and I, also happened to be best friends. So how do you cope with the loss of your mother, mostly when it was so totally unexpected?

I recently lost my mother, she was only 77 yrs. old, and just before she died, what she wanted more than anything was to see me happy, Although we had been preparing for that dreadful day for sometime because her body was too ill and she was in constant pain, when that day came. what I grieved about the most was that I couldn’t give her what she wanted, because my load in life at the time was rather heavy.

It’s been almost 3 yrs. since the day I lost her, but she will live in me forever, so I needed to make sure and give her what she wanted, and now that I am in a happy place in my life, and make every moment count, I can celebrate her life instead of mourning her death.

So Lanny and I have fantastic plans for the next two weeks. We will tour DF and various cities nearby, visit ruins, museums, go to the hot springs, get a spa treatment, take long walks with Diego, go horsebackriding, etc. but most of all we will create a stronger bond and lifetime memories. I’ll have to get back into scrapbooking because this trip promises to give us enough material to create a great album.

I can’t wait to hug you my child!

To the whole Barbieri family, my most heartfelt sympathy, that comes from a place of understanding and love. May you all find peace in the wonderful memories of a life well lived, and may you continue to find happiness in your own lives, the best way to honor hers.

I want to take a moment to thank all of you who take time to read my words. I write mostly for myself because its through my writings that I manage to view my life from a distance, but like a friend of mine once told me,

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it does it make a sound? " and nothing makes me happier than to know that I made a difference in someone's life, even those of you I don't know and most likely will never get to meet, you all matter to me, so I cherish your comments.

Thank y'all!

Hugs everyone

@nit@

Coming home after 33 years....

It would take me a long time to tell you about all of the experiences that I had in the past 33 yrs. of my life since I decided to pack up and leave to find something "better" than what I was leaving behind. I wouldn't have missed one single experience I had, the good and the bad for anything, but the real winner is that all of that just made me realize that I didn't really need to go anywhere looking for it, and I only found that out after I had been gone for so long and once I got back home.

A couple of months ago I started heading down slow first from Israel to New York on my way back to San Diego. I can't explain what it felt like to land in New York, even though I'd only been to that city a few times in my life, just landing there made me feel I was back where it started to feel like home from a very far away land =) simply because I was. The first thing I noticed is that I felt that everything was back to easy for me, I understood the language perfectly, amongst other things...

OK so Diego (a rescued dog off the streets of Tel Aviv) and I arrived to San Diego and there is my ex-husband's girlfriend to pick me up at the airport. That's the part where everyone always keeps telling me that I'm crazy, but I actually believe that I'm the sane one, just think about it, what are the end results of getting along so well with my ex-husband and his girlfriend as well? the result is first what values we're teaching to our kids, no matter what I love and respect my husband and always will, and as for his girlfriend, she treats me like a sister, makes me feel at home in what now is her home and has been more helpful to me than any friend or family member. So I say if the end result of our efforts and appreciation for maintaining a close and loving relationship is getting love and care and good wishes, to me that seems very sane don't you think?

Back to the Story where were we? oh yeah we are at the Airport in San Diego, me and Diego, he is finally out from his confinement ordeal, poor little one, good thing I managed to take him out at the Airport in NY just to pee :)

That first day in San Diego was INTENSE, my senses and thoughts were on overload. I was making a few stops along the way, but this time I was going to go back home, home was calling me, I was now stronger after that Water River Rafting period of my life, living a much more normal and exciting existence, but I started to miss home I believe for the first time since I left 33 yrs. ago.

The rest of my visit in San Diego was just like a dream, and a very intense one at that. First I was invited to my girlfriend Jackie's house for the second time, she opened her doors to me before I left for Israel and then again once I got back. I'll forever be grateful to her and her son Jack and lets not forget Dixie, sorry girl for Diego invading your space, and thank you for gracefully sharing it with him ;)

The end of my stay I spent with my ex and his girlfriend, they have a lovely apartment right downtown with views that never end. Well deserved you guys!!

But the real reason why I was back in San Diego on my way home was my son. I had been visited by my daughter while in Israel but my son wasn't able to take time off and I missed him TERRIBLY!!!!! The first time I got together with him after not seeing each other for almost two years was a feeling of complete joy, warmth, trust and comfortable familiarity, in a way as if you never left except that because you did you appreciate it that much more. We talked for hours, we had so many things to share. We saw each other several times again and each time I felt better knowing he was content with his life and always moving in the right direction.

Paty was at the Airport in Mexico City waiting for me, then took me to eat "Quesadillas del Maria Isabel". Now that to me was the best welcome back home I could have had. Who needs a Parade when you can have "Quesadillas del Maria Isabel." ;) I was excited thinking about the High-school reunion we were having in 3 days and all the friends I was going to see again.

So how was the reunion you ask? where are you now? what have you been doing for the past two months since you got back home? have you gone anywhere, done anything special, it hasn't been that long after all!!!!

Well let me tell you that what I have seen, been to, accomplished, experienced etc. etc. mostly thanks to all the people who have crossed my path in these past two months has been an astonishing realization of longtime dreams. I'll start by saying that no matter where these present realities take me, they just came into my life to show me that no matter how long you dream a dream, if you persevere, if you maintain them alive, if you don't lose the faith or the patience, and just relax in the thought that one day they will happen while always continue to move in their direction, remembering never to listen to anyone who tells you that you are too much of a dreamer.

The reunion was fantastic, there were more people than we expected. I love these reunions because it makes me realize that with a very small and yet enjoyable effort, for a few short hours of our lives, we manage to go back into that place in our hearts where we still hold our childhood, in which we are surrounded by people who were part of our history and after all these years and whatever life has brought to each one of us, we are always happy to share on each other's success as well as being there in times of need.

The rest of my stay in Mexico City was also a dream. Paty was like a sister and we did so many things together in that phenomeal 'City of Mine!!!!' almost nothing looks the same as it did when I grew up there.

We went to Tepoztlan, a very quaint town that reminds me of Sedona, Arizona, spiritual healing, crystals, spas, photos and interpretation of your aura, beautiful crafts, the town was lovely and us three girls had a grand time.

Went to Cuernavaca to visit my dad, that was a very memorable day for me. I spent 8 hrs. making my dad and two of my aunts I didn't know were there very happy to have company, they live in a Jewish retirement facility that I've known since I was a kid, but only this time I was visiting my dad. Right there, in that place I decided I will always do whatever it takes to be independent and live home hopefully with a partner by my side!!!! until the day I'm ready to kick the bucket ;)

In DF we went to many restaurants, to do the Hair Salon thing, got a new look for myself, visited places and ate things I had been craving for years. I went back for New Years and we had a BLAST!!! with other friends from the past.

I could go on for hours telling you all I did in DF and surrounding towns, went downtown to see the decorations for Christmas, of course Sanborns has to be in the equation a few times, so was visiting with my dearest friends from my Jewish organization, and my girlfriends from school and work, I wouldn't want to miss seeing them, and what about my cousins, most of all Jane, she knows how much I love her! my visit to the Cementery to see my little brother, my grandparents and all the friends and family members who left before we did, may they all rest in peace....but my biggest and most rewarding surprise of them all was my visit and subsequent reconcilliation with my brother. We had been at odds with each other for some time now, but that afternoon he invited me to his office and I agreed to go visit him there, everything negative I ever felt before just melted away and he became my big brother again. That alone was worth the trip.

We go through things we move to places, we meet new people, we take new risks, but we NEVER give up on the dream, and literally as everyone who talks about this says "When you LEAST expect it..."

In San Miguel I had rented an apartment on the internet and am lucky enough to have great neighbors, we've adopted each other!!!

One day my neighbor and I, we hang together every day at some point and this time we wanted to see if we could broaden our horizons as far as people were concerned.

We picked a social lunch for people who get together every Wednesday at 2 pm. to eat and experience different restaurants. There can be 5 people who show up or there can be almost 30 people like there were that time, so we walk in at 2 and everyone is already sitting around this gorgeous garden restaurant, they've already ordered drinks, which tells me they've been there for a little while at least, there are two places visibly open for us to sit, I wonder if they knew we were coming ;) but the places happened to be strategically apart from each other. At that moment I thought to myself, what on earth am I doing here, this is not normally my scene, and on top of it I have to make small conversation with these people around me, who live around town, pretty soon I'll be walking down the streets and waving like Evita Peron at everyone I've met, and all I really wanted to do was have a good meal and make comments about it with my friend, and she was way out there at the other end meeting other people as I was.

The woman next to me was very interesting, I wanted to hear more about her life. She had lived on a boat a few years, then came here and became a psychologist, she works through Skype mostly abroad, does laughter therapy and she is 77 yrs. old, like my mom was when she passed away, I'll have to ask her to teach me a few tricks, I bet you I can learn a lot from her, and well, laughter is something I do all the time anyways, so that should make the learning easier.

On my other side were other nice people, one lady had the same name as an aunt of mine my mom used to love a lot, we grew up around a lot of family so it brought good memories from childhood, I know whenever I see her again I'll know her name and that's a good feeling :) I was finding myself enjoying the experience more than I expected I would and then at the other end a woman stood up and introduced herself, she told us her name, who she was, hold long she'd been living here, what type of business she had, and asked if we would introduce ourselves. We went around the table until they got to me, so I told them who I was, where I'd been and ended with what I wanted, which was a job, maybe my own radio talkshow, I wanted to do voiceovers and translations, and just like that the woman who had started the introductions said, come to my office I'll hire you.

My friend and I finished lunch and left, we went to look for an apartment first but it wasn't available so we said lets go see about that job and we did. When we got there we were directed to a small office upstairs. There was a large wooden table, large enough for say 8 people, she was sitting at the head, to her side was a young man who was next to her at lunch and another guy who was there too, so I knew then they worked for her as well. They quickly explained what they did and it seemed to me that I had found a nitch, it was what I knew how to do plus what I wanted to do which was translations and voice work. I was anxious to start and see where this experience would take me, but what I wanted more than that was to find out who the guy sitting on her left was. She had introduced him as her attorney but did he work there? was he single? Who was that handsome Argentinean? Moriah and Laura would be wondering as I'm sure are all my other friends ;)

I started the job the next morning and I got to do things I always wanted to do, however I quickly realized I'm better off doing it as a freelancer, that way I can do many other things and keep a balanced life which is exactly why I came here in the first place.

So as we stand right now I have a lot of things going on all the time, I'm out there in the World trying to "Make My Life Happen on Purpose" I try to visit DF at least once a month, yesterday I celebrated one of THE MOST memorable and enjoyable birthdays of my life, I had a gorgeous bouquet of flowers brought to me by a handsome Argentinean who cooked a delicious meal for me and invited my neighbors to share on the feast. You should have seen the dining room table, it looked like those parties that my mom used to throw now and then, the one thing she would always do was make sure that there was TOO MUCH FOOD!!!!!! I also got cards and calls and messages from a lot of people who always make me feel loved and cared for, ESPECIALLY MY KIDS!!! it's for all my friends and family, to whom I don't often have the opportunity to write and keep you up to date with my adventures, that I write this entry, with an ENORMOUS sense of appreciation to each and every one of you for being a part of my life. I always try to make sure to be in appreciation, and to let those who have in any way impacted my life know that I'm truly grateful.

I owe a lot of you who have asked me for a short recount of my two year life experience in "The Holy Land" I will try to write it soon and will name it "Roaches, Humidity and Bats... OH MY!!!" we'll see how fast I can get to that. In the meantime I take this moment to encourage you to follow your dreams no matter what they are...

And now I'm off to continue to "Make my Life Happen on Purpose", and in pursuit of new dreams. I have places to go, things to do and people to see. I can't wait to see what life has in store for me :) Next time I go to San Diego I have to remember to take a picture at the beach and this time write on the sand the words "BEEN FOUND!!" and change it for the picture at the opening of my blog ;)

Hope to hear from y'all soon, or better yet, come visit!! :)

Hugs,

@nit@