"Honesty!!! It's such a Lonely Word"...

I think that the main challenge with relationship to honesty is that we all tend to give it a different meaning or view it from a slightly different angle. Perhaps we all do that as a mechanism of defense in a way or to justify something that we may think, do or say that is not 100% truthful and therefore dishonest. I've said this before and I'll repeat it many times, now that I understand it I realize that "Honesty is like Pregnancy, you either are, or you aren't."

Now if what we want is to lie on purpose to cover up something that needs to stay covered or even to be kind to others that's not what I am talking about. I believe we can always justify a little white lie when we know that can ease someone's anxiety or help someone's self esteem.  As with every rule there are valid exceptions.

Let's start with ourselves. I've always been very good at lying to myself or at the very least justifying my thoughts, feelings, actions or lack of them and now that it has become very clear that it was like a habit to do that I am very conscious of never doing it again. It is such a waste of time to be dishonest with oneself, it makes your job at finding harmony and something to be grateful for in your life an uphill battle. When you're open with yourself to the truth of who you have become, that's when you can tweak your thoughts, when you can guide them to stay positive, focused on your goals and dreams and stop using excuses of why your life is not going in the direction you want.

I'll use the example of my childhood, I won't go into details, they will come out some other time, lets just say that I had so many dreams and like everyone else the ability to fulfill them, now I can see that but then I used every excuse in the book to blame everyone else for my failure to pursue those dreams, whatever was happening in my life was the culprit, I must have wanted the perfect conditions to make decisions or moves and since my conditions were never perfect, there were always strong difficult challenges in my family I decided the challenges were at fault not I.

I obviously lied to myself and justified my lies because I was told that's how it was, that's all I saw growing up in a family with major challenges. It wasn't until I was in my 50s and left completely alone to stir my own ship and see what I was capable of doing that I realized if I had not blamed anything or anyone 50 yrs. ago when I had strength, youth, stamina, concentration, talents, by now I would be unstoppable, but I didn't do that I lied to myself so I didn't have to put in the effort perhaps? because I didn't feel capable? so why do I feel capable now? I'm the same me now I was then only now I'm almost 65 and just noticed that nobody and no situation I experienced were guilty of me not fulfilling my dreams then, it was that I wasn't being Honest with Myself. Now I am!

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Stepping on the Cook...

It's only 5:20 am and we already had mates and espresso, caught up with one of the Argentinian Soap Operas I'm trying to get hooked on, there is so little on TV I like to watch that when I'm in the mood to watch anything on TV there's nothing I like, so I like to find a few things here and there, mostly talent shows of some type because it never seizes to amaze me how much talent there is out there in this vast world, I love to watch people succeed at their talents and love every minute of what they are doing. Some have these amazing stories of triumph against all odds. I tear up with every one of them.

Then we showered, made the bed, dried the clothes, put them away, organized the house, I took my husband to work and on the way back while driving in the dark with hardly anyone around me at this early hour, driving along familiar roads surrounding Lake Washington to come back to our gorgeous apartment I get to Meditate. I set up the tape that I want to Meditate with and I take it along with me on my ride home.

Once I get home and get everything squared away and I'm done making and drinking my Detoxifying Shake I start doing the things that bring me the most joy like writing, setting intentions, watering my plants, taking pictures, my coloring books or any craft I may be involved in at the time. Never missing my Music, I listen to Music that matches the mood I want to be in and it works like Magic!

Whenever I write I can never think what to write about because if I do I can never think of anything, the inspiration gets sparked by something I hear or something I see or experience. So my inspiration for this article was this step-stool.

I was taking pictures of the different things around the house because I like to remember emotions and pictures help me do that. So I took the stool because I loved it when we bought it and I love it even more now that it's been with us over a year and has helped us in the kitchen with me being so short or in the closets or even holding our plants on its steps and allowing them to showcase their beauty.

So I'm taking a picture of it and it wasn't coming out well so I put my foot to focus and the article came. It reminded me that my wish when I was alone for 10 yrs. was not to be in the company of a man because of loneliness or need, but because I know that when you are with the right person you can't help but grow at a faster pace and become a better version of yourself when you feel loved, needed, cared for and when you are allowed to care and love someone else again other than yourself.

Together hand in hand we've been able to become more true to our nature, he was always a salesman outside the house and a cook inside, now he became a cook outside and inside and that salesman part has obviously helped him sell himself, because from not knowing the language and only a few dishes here and there to becoming a great cook and butcher at prestigious very busy restaurants in such a short period of time he had to have been very in tune with his true nature to see the signs that took him there and put in the energy and the hard work to accomplish it. I always tell him that we are so lucky to be getting a formal education within our jobs and they are paying us to learn more of what we love to do.

So my Metaphor to all of this is that step-stool I love and take with me from room to room it's us finding each other at a crucial time in our lives and making it easier for each other to climb life's steps to success.

I Love Stepping on the Cook, and he lets me...

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

Dirty Dancing...

I don't know about all of you, but I go on stages. Sometimes I like certain foods and I can eat them every day for months and not get tired of them, same as reading, or walking, or listening to music, or watching movies, etc. etc. I focus on one thing from each category in my life, and I try to keep some sort of continuity. I think I do it more as an escape, an illusion of having some sense of control when my life seems too chaotic. Lately it's been movies.

At the end of my long day, once I finally rest my head on the pillow, I just like to transport myself into a fantasy world, so depending on the type of adventure I feel like experiencing, that's the type of movie I will play on my little portable DVD player. I've been going through A LOT!!!!! of big time challenges, that made me wonder how to better control my thinking, so as not to continue to attract what I seem to be attracting lately, and it was only after I watched Dirty Dancing last night, for the umpteenth time, that I decided to see the 'Special Features' and read the huge challenges they had to go through to make that movie. It reminded me that when we are going through rough waters, we just have to let go of the resistance, trust, believe, stay focused, and the the storm is sure to pass.

I paused the 'Special Features' to write down all the facts of the Making of the movie, so that you can see what I'm talking about. What is most important is to realize that challenges will continue to happen, it's how you handle yourself while going through them that matters. Some people just quit, some others begrudge going through the challenges, some fall apart, some thrive and are passionate enough to keep on going until they succeed. Which of these are you? I hope you enjoy these facts.

Hugs, xoxo @nit@

The Making of Dirty Dancing

• Movie Budget $5,000,000
• New York was too expensive for the shooting, so Kellerman's was filmed at the Mountain Lake Hotel in Giler County Virginia, but the cast and crew had to lodge there in order to make it viable.
• Record rainfall had the crew wearing hip boots.
• The clouds parted for 4 days, just long enough to shoot all exterior scenes.
• The scene where Johnny teacher Baby how to do the lifts in the warm summer lake, was done on an icy 30 degree lake.
• Throughout the production the set was plagued with bad luck.
• The rehearsal place was burglarized, heavy flooding blocked the roads, an art department station wagon destroyed the prop department van, and a set decorator fell off a ladder, injuring his face.
• The wardrobe assistant broke her toe, the second assistant director fractured her wrist, and three crew members were stricken with food poisoning.
• To add to the bad luck, the production crew was experiencing, it was soon discovered that much of the green foliage surrounding the resort was turning red, left with only one solution, they spray painted the leaves green.
• When the cast and crew moved on to Lake Lure, NC to film the staff quarter scenes, they faced overwhelming heat.
• During the filming of the final dance scene, many of the cast were overcome with heat exhaustion.
• Miraculously on October 27, 1986 production of Dirty Dancing wrapped with all involved surviving bringing the film under budget.
• Ten months later on August 26, 1987 it premiered.
• It was greeted with highly favorable reviews and a brisk opening weekend business.
• It went over to gross over $65 million in the US and propelled both Jennifer Gray and Patrick Swayze into stardom.
• As a result of the film's success, two chart topping soundtrack albums were released, a nationwide dance tour was launched, and the subsequent home video broke many records...

An Age for Celebration

An Age for Celebration
written by my daughter at age 17
Brighton Gardens was a beautiful peach building with an enormous green landscape centered in one of the wealthiest communities of Southern California. The retirement home not only attended to Senior Citizens but to High School teens that sought volunteer hours. It wasn’t long before I joined in and added “Bingo Caller” to my resume. B32 I would call out dully, just to hear quiet murmurs and shuffles of old and discolored bingo chips. I would hear snickers from the Queen Bees, talking about how naïve Olga was to put mustard on her sandwich. Didn’t she know how bad mustard was for her cholesterol? Not only was gossiping a commonality, but complaining was quite routine as well. It was always too hot or too cold, there was just no winning with them.

First, there was Doris who’d sit at the living room’s plastic fluorescent couch everyday at the very same time. If someone had “her chair” occupied, there would be a beheading. Then there was Richard, the bachelor, who strolled around in his walker nodding to the attractive women who still had a head full of hair and a mouth full of teeth, dentures that is. Howard played checkers every Wednesday, and every Wednesday he’d forget he was to play checkers. Then there was Mae. She was the most vibrant, hilarious, and childish out of all of them. Oh, she was also the oldest, 103. I never heard a complete sentence from her without a pun to it or a chuckle that anyone who knew her could identify. It was loud and obnoxious, as was she. While I would watch the majority of the inhabitants sitting lifelessly and waiting to die, I would turn and see Mae swinging on by, cackling with her groupies. Her smile could light up any dark alley way, any night in absence of a full moon, any person in need of a bit of happiness. Here I was subjected to all these elderly people who were bitter and angry at life, and there she was making a joke about it. Along with what I used to call a burden, volunteering bestowed insight, appreciation, and clarity upon me, the clouds had finally made room for the sun. Despite the age, a certain maturity is never met and a certain immaturity is never left.

While I used to drag my feet to make it inside Brighton Gardens, I was now walking, fast that is, to get there. I’d stumble through the door first thing after school in search for Mae. I didn’t want to turn out like the rest of them, holding grudges, spewing anger, detaining regrets. I didn’t want to drag my feet anymore, anywhere. For the last 17 years I had been rushing my life; now I wanted to pull the reigns tight. I didn’t want to get old and sit in a chair and stare at the wall! I wanted to go play on the swings, scrape my knees, and get into childish trouble. I was young, I was healthy, and I hadn’t been satisfied with my being. I had been too preoccupied with the latest Hollywood trends and the gorgeous boys with the baby blues, that I hadn’t even appreciated my existence, my youth. I had always been worried about something, but I didn’t want to be worried anymore, I wanted to be Mae.

That was my turning point in life. My perspective and my attitude, changed. I discovered a difference in me, a positive one. I had a bounce to my step and an optimistic touch in my soul. I had never been so passionate about being who I was! I let go of my regrets, forgave the guilty, and just smiled. I had been at Brighton Gardens for seven months, and every hour I spent there was a blessing, for it opened my eyes to more than anyone could ever imagine. I walked in one day, with that little bounce, and searched for Mae’s presence. She wasn’t at bingo, she wasn’t in the living room or the dining hall, Mae was no where. As I learned, she passed away the night before. The receptionist told me stories about how she had difficulty breathing. While she was being reeled out with an oxygen mask attached to her face, she was laughing and hitting on the firemen, calling them “Cuties” and “Sugar Muffins.” I was told she proclaimed that if it was her time to go, at least she was going out with a set of good looking men. I will never mourn her death, but celebrate her life, as I now do with my own. Thank you, Mae!