Saturday, September 3, 2016

The Day I Became Happy!!!...

For sure you don't think I'm going to be a spoiler and give you the punch line right from the start, first you have to come with me to find out why I had to become happy or why I wasn't till that day came.

I used to know this sociopath who curiously taught me two important things, a wise person said it to him years back and like all he did he would repeat things other's said, he had no personality of his own. "Siempre Hay un Día Cierto" he would say ALL the time. If we translate that literally it doesn't make much sense... but what it's saying is "The Day You've been Waiting for Always Comes". The other thing he would repeat was "No Pasa Nada!" and what that means is "Don't Worry about Anything, Nothing Will Happen" and the funny thing is that although he would say it all the time if anything that he perceived to be bad happened to him he would fall apart, he would say it so much around me that I started saying it too but what started happening to me was that I started realizing that the words took on a huge role in how I started to perceive my life. 

I don't really remember well how my mind worked before I could perceive my life the way I do now. I do remember however always living in a cloud of doubt, or sometimes it changed into one of fear with little rays of sun seeping through the clouds, then there was rain and thunder and back to sunshine for a while.

I don't know when the change started to occur within me, I think it started the day I perceived that I had lost everything that was important to me and I came to the realization that I could never get it back the way it was. I remember the internal turmoil I had but at the same time I also remember feeling a sense of relief.

I felt relief because there I was still standing and even though my life seemed to be crumbling down right before my eyes, I was still standing. I woke up one day and started to check all the parts in me. I made a mental list of all my parts and wrote a checklist in my mind. 

The first part was my body, is it still there? Yup, checkmark, still there intact. Same little pain here and there that I had before but otherwise still intact.

Then I went to the mind and checked there, what types of thoughts did I have, was I depressed? suicidal? on the contrary, I had this sense of sadness but relief at the same time, why? what did I need relief from I thought? oh yeah, my fears that's what. I remember living my whole life with fearful thoughts about something, it didn't much matter what the "Fear du Jour" was, but it was always something. And so imagine how it feels when you check your mind at the moment when you realize that all that I was always afraid of happening happened all at once and there I was still standing. I didn't have anything to be afraid of anymore, it all happened, now what, was I going to invent another reason to be afraid or get up and start living without fear and see what happens then?

And while I was in there checking my mind I also realized that all those dreams that I had once put on hold to create the life I thought I wanted only to lose it and never get it back, those dreams had not gone away after all those years, they were still alive and waiting on the sidelines for me to realize that my purpose in life was to fulfill them. If not why were they still there waiting and why did they show up right now when my abilities to make them happen are at an all time low. Why didn't they show up when I was rich and had my own house and grew my own food, why didn't they appear then or why did I shove them to the side rather, cause apparently they never left me. 

So my mind not only was there, now it was excited and making a lot more sense than it did when I had it all covered with fear clouds.

So once I checked the body and the mind I had to go to the most important part, the heart and that's when I felt a sense of what my purpose was and seeing that didn't have anything else to lose I went out to find out who I was and what I was capable of doing to fulfill all those dreams that had been patiently waiting on the sidelines while I thought I was "Making Life Happen On Purpose" when in reality it was the total opposite.

In the final equation my life scores were as follows:

A-   Body - A little out of shape but tending to that with the right tools this time
A+  Mind - "Parallel Parked in a Perpendicular World!"
A+  Heart - Yup, still there, beating hard and filled with dreams and gratitude!!!
A+  Goals and Dreams - Checking things off my "Bucket List" all the time!
A+  Fear - Dead and Cremated

Of course my life isn't as perfect as the scores claim that it is, what's perfect is that "The Days I've Been Waiting For Always Come" and I don't worry about anything anymore, now I love the clouds as much as I love the sun and I learned to be Grateful about my "Life Adventure". 

I wake up every day excited wondering what it will bring to me. 

It's a process taking full responsibility for all your thoughts, feelings and actions, acceptance of what life brings your way and a change of perception and attitude towards life. That's "The Day I Became Happy!"

Hugs xoxo
@nit@

No comments: