Experiencing life with a Sociopath. I'm just starting to realize the magnitude of that. I knew there was something wrong with that man but I took it as a challenge to try and help him come out of the shadow I noticed he was under from his actions, but I had NO idea I was dealing with a Sociopath, though I'd heard the term, never felt the need to research what it was since I don't go through life expecting to encounter mental illness, the common ones, there are tons of family members/friends who have suffered one or another, even I did 30+ yrs. ago, it's not something you forget even if you never feel it again the memories remain, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, obsessions, paranoia, narcissism, even have friends from childhood with adult schizophrenia, but never Sociopathy, what was that? I wouldn't have recognized it because I didn't know its characteristics.
So with my open and inquisitive personality I asked this man from the very beginning if he would allow me to tell him what I saw in him, how I viewed his actions, to be his mirror in a way since I believe there has to be someone in your life who does that for you otherwise you might be looking at yourself and not noticing something if nobody tells you its there, it's like having a bugger on your cheek, or a piece of cilantro caught on your front tooth, or even having your skirt stuck up your underwear after you went to the bathroom before entering the movie and you come out where your handsome date is waiting for you and you have your skirt up your underwear and nobody told you about it, well is it any different if say you are being evil in the way you speak to the waitresses if they don't do things exactly as you asked them, should I just sit there and witness this, see the waitress walk away with the skirt up her underwear or should I defend her since she doesn't have it in her to do it for whatever reason, or should I just tell this man why do you talk to people in a condescending way? Why can't we take responsibility to try and make others see what they are doing wrong, not to judge them, just to awaken them to the fact that they are doing something that disrespects others and we are all one, so if you disrespect others you disrespect yourself at the same time. It's common sense, as simple as that. That IS your Karma!
What gave it away was the fact that I was investing time and emotion into helping someone who was actually reacting the opposite way that you would expect someone who is trying to awaken as he claimed he was, and like Eckardt Tolle tries to explain, that to those that chose to stay in the dark, the light can be very painful, I just went in and out once I saw that my efforts were going to waste, I don't waste time on anything anymore. I gifted him with my absence since he was unable to appreciate my presence.
The point here is that I went in without fear because I didn't know I was dealing with mental instability, with something that I could have stood on my head and sing the National Anthem and wouldn't have made one bit of a difference, I just couldn't understand why he was acting the way he did, it was like something I had never experienced, something very uncomfortable if you will, but because I had no fear I pushed all of his buttons and beat him at his own game, even I couldn't believe it after I found out what he was, where otherwise perhaps if I'd known I would have never been exposed to this amazing learning experience. Believe me parts of it were amazing, I would never want to miss them.
I'm not sorry about the experience, but I do wish I'd known about it, I think it would have taken the edge off, I might have enjoyed it better, less pain is always good when you're having a life adventure, someone could have said something to me, everyone knew what he was like I told all my friends and family members, and even have Drs. in the family, I found out by Serendipity, I don't care how many illnesses there are, I don't think sick. Now that I know I'd recognize one just by the look in their eyes, their words, it wouldn't happen to me again for sure, but if it did once it can happen to anyone, so lookout, a lot of people have mental problems in this day and age, it's the way we choose to live, I don't subscribe to that anymore, I'd rather live in an island, with my soulmate of course ;)
Here's hoping it never happens to you, although the truth is that I wouldn't have wanted to miss this experience, but just so you know, their aim is to drain your self esteem and control you, you should read about it, I bet that you'll recognize someone from your past or even your present. Good luck with that. All I can say is YOU BETTER START RUNNING!
If you want to know what they are like I'll leave you this link, you will find every answer to every question you might have regarding Borderline Personality Disorder or Sociopathy. Borderline Personality Disorder
Here is one sample of the MANY things I experienced, would you have wanted to miss that? I LOVE this picture, I have to enter it into some competition =)
So many wonderful quotes, this is from one of my favorite spirituality authors/speakers/teachers
"With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose!"~ Wayne W. Dyer